The guy offers to be friends. Friendship after love and relationship with a man: is it possible. What to do if you still take a chance and agree to friendship

In fact, the phrase “let's be friends” that sounds at the end of a relationship is usually pronounced only with the goal of not offending a person. And only in rare cases does she really express the true intention to be friends. However, in order for such a friendship to appear and not fade away, several conditions must be met.

And the first condition is that there should be no resentment, at least so strong as to try not to even communicate with each other. Often, even after a breakup, a girl realizes that her former lover and “new friend” has many positive qualities.

It happens that it’s just difficult to live with him, but he doesn’t have those character traits that a girl wants to see in her boyfriend. However, he may have some negative traits. So it turns out that as a friend he is quite satisfied, but the girl does not want to build a serious relationship with him.

A guy and a girl can be friends if they have something in common: for example, the same or at least similar hobbies, the same outlook on life; maybe they work together or just live close to each other. It is enough to observe only one of this series of conditions for friendship to develop. And then the phrase "let's remain friends" will not have some unpleasant subtext.

What are the benefits of this friendship

But such a friendship has its pros and cons. Let's first name the positive aspects, which, by the way, are not so few. In the following, only the three most important ones will be discussed.

1. During the time that a man and a woman were in a serious relationship, a certain emotional closeness arose between them, they learned to understand each other well. And these skills, of course, will not disappear anywhere even after the relationship ends. But isn't this the main condition for friendship between people (and regardless of what gender they are)? After all, to communicate and find mutual language with each other such people will be much easier.
2. The second advantage of friendship after a relationship is that everyone knows about the strengths and weaknesses of their former lover. And, therefore, you do not have to think long about how to behave when communicating with him. And if a situation arises in which you need to get advice, then you can just turn to your ex boyfriend. He will help as a friend.
3. And another plus of friendship with an ex-boyfriend is openness. Such friends have practically nothing to hide from each other. Many even in this case continue to occasionally engage in sexual relations.

Disadvantages of Friendship

But still, friendship after love has many drawbacks. Let's name three of the most important.

• First disadvantage- if one of this couple is still experiencing feelings, then friendship will become a real torment for him. After all, he will most likely rely on the fact that everything can be returned, while his partner will already be building relationships with another. It will be difficult to constantly meet with him, talk, but at the same time understand that a serious relationship has long ended. The person will begin to be jealous, commit inappropriate actions, etc.
• And the second disadvantage of friendship with the former is an obstacle to the creation of new relationships. It often happens that a man, having already found a new girl for himself, still cannot decide who is better: the former or the new. And then, in front of both, he begins to feel guilty, while the girls are jealous of him for each other.
• And the third disadvantage of such friendship is the difficulty of discussing your personal life with a friend. If there had never been a relationship, it would be much easier to talk about personal life. But since there was still an affair, it’s hard to brag about the fact that a new relationship has already begun with someone.

As you can see, there are many advantages and disadvantages of friendship after love. But what to do when it becomes necessary to choose any one of these options? Suppose a few days have passed after the breakup, and then suddenly the ex-boyfriend offers to just be friends. And before making any decision, you need to carefully weigh everything. Here are some tips from professional psychologists.

1. There is no need to rush to accept the offer of friendship if there are still at least some feelings for him, especially if at the same time he no longer has any such feelings. What “friendship” can lead to under such circumstances has already been discussed above when describing the shortcomings.
2. If the situation is the opposite - that is, the guy’s love has not yet died out, but he does not receive reciprocity in return, then you should also try to abandon friendship. Indeed, because of his jealousy, which will certainly manifest itself, you can find yourself in an awkward situation.
3. If the friendship nevertheless began, then there is no need to abuse your "rights of a friend", especially when the guy has a new passion. She certainly will not be happy if the ex-girlfriend of her newly-made boyfriend constantly makes various requests: for example, to drive somewhere in a car or help to repair something.
4. And in general, you should not devote much time to your ex-boyfriend if you already have a new one.
5. If you want to invite your former lover to your home for any reason (for example, for a birthday), then the invitation must be made not only to him, but also to his new chosen one. Otherwise, serious problems cannot be avoided.
6. When communicating with your friend, who was still a lover some time ago, it is better to try not to touch on the topic of your new, as well as earlier relationships at all. Also, you shouldn't talk about it with him. new girl.
7. Before agreeing to friendship or, conversely, refusing it, you need to try to understand why the guy decided to offer it. Professional psychologists recommend using logic for this. The most common reasons: regret about what you did earlier; the realization that he is still in love; hope to return to the family; unwillingness to spoil relationships and even the pursuit of selfish goals.

Perhaps the phrase "Let's remain friends" is one of the most undesirable in a conversation between lovers. Moreover, as practice shows, most often people fail to continue communication in a friendly format. How to behave if one day your man offered to be just friends with him from now on? And is it worth trying to return it?

Will we stay or will we leave?

A couple's breakup is one of the most dramatic moments, and it seems natural for both parties to want to avoid heartache and disappointment. But what if one of the partners is still confident that the relationship can be improved, and the other has already tuned in to new life and new relationships?

Since love always involves reciprocity, parting seems to be one of the most logical options in this case. In an attempt to avoid tears and reproaches from the one who is, in fact, dumped, the initiator of the breakup may offer to "remain friends."

Do not be deceived, because this beautiful phrase, in fact, is a diplomatic formulation, implying a complete finale of relations in their usual format. The offer to remain friends often has one goal - to end the relationship as gently as possible and soften the severity of the partner's feelings.

However, there is also an egoistic component, because, by offering his former passion to remain friends, a man most often tries to avoid tears and attempts to return the relationship on her part. In general, this is one of the attempts to leave beautifully, to end the relationship that has lost its relevance on a positive note.

In truth…

If in response to an ardent declaration of love you heard an offer to remain friends, then admit honestly at least to yourself - your feelings were rejected. No, no, most likely you will be able to communicate with someone who is so dear to your heart, but this man simply does not need your love. Perhaps he has another, or you were not to his taste - if a man is interested in continuing the relationship, he will not offer friendship.

Most likely, your man simply does not have the courage to say that he is not ready for a relationship with you, and the result is a “diplomatic game” in which there can be no winners. Friendship involves sincere and open communication based on complete trust, and such an offer most often involves a lot of understatement. It’s embarrassing for you to break the very line where friendship ends and love begins. The man is also in suspense, because he understands perfectly well that you have not friendly feelings for him. And as a result, instead of sincere and easy communication, fake conversations or a complete avoidance of the one to whom friendship was recently offered are obtained.

If the beloved man offered to remain friends, then the moment has come to face the truth and admit it, no matter how painful it may seem to you. You and the object of your love have completely different expectations from communicating with each other. And if you are not ready to perceive your man only as a friend, then do not be deceived and do not harbor illusions - in such a relationship it is better to put an end to it.

Hope or self-deception?

However, not everything is so simple - it is often very difficult to put an end to a relationship with a beloved man. The hope that the relationship will be restored, and everything will be as before again, is very strong, and many women still accept the offer to "remain friends." In this, they see a reason for further communication with a man, an opportunity to transfer relations from a friendly format to a love one. However, most psychologists are convinced that this, if it happens, is extremely rare.

If you are convinced that the relationship can still be improved, then you should not confuse it even more by mixing love with friendship. It is better to honestly admit to your man that you are not ready to perceive him as a friend, that he means much more to you. You're just taking a break from the relationship. Yes, this path may be more difficult for you, but at least you both get the opportunity to calmly think things over and not hurt yourself with constant falseness in pseudo-friendly communication.

A strained-fake friendship with a beloved man does not bring relief, but stirs up a wounded heart worse than an official parting. If you accept the offer to “remain friends” only because of the hope of restoring relations, then most often this turns into a complete self-deception.

Even in the most extreme case, it is better to take a break for a certain time in order to analyze what led to the break and outline actions to get closer to those who are so dear to you. And if during this time your feelings begin to cool, then everything was for the better, and you will have new acquaintances, dates and unusual twists in love stories ahead.

Cynically inclined people believe that such relationships exist, but only between two women or men. However, there is no friendship between a man and a woman. They believe that a woman is necessary for a man only for certain purposes, for example, in order to maintain order in the house, wash and clean. A woman can act as a lover or wife, but not as a friend. Ladies simply do not understand for what purposes and why a man needs a woman friend at all.

Friendship between a man and a woman

A man who wants to see a friend in a woman pursues another goal. It is very important for him what ladies think about men in general and about specific specimens separately. It is important for the representative of the stronger sex to know what and how a woman will do in some specific cases. It turns out that thanks to such friendly relations, the guy eventually acquires invaluable knowledge, which later helps him build relationships with the opposite sex.

Why does a man offer to remain friends if the relationship ended? Girls often write: “Is it possible to be friends after a breakup, because a person is good, you don’t want to lose him?” Whether you agree or not depends on whether you have feelings for this person. If yes, then nothing will work for you with friendship. If not, it won't work either. Because he doesn't care about you anyway.

A man offers friendship in the following cases:

1. Does not want a tantrum with an analysis of the reasons, but at the same time he is too well brought up to just leave.

2. Out of pity. Here, his proposal should be taken as “I feel very sorry for you, but in fact I don’t care.”

3. I haven’t decided what to do with you - “it’s hard to carry and it’s a pity to throw it away”, stay a “friend” for now.

4. Leaves in reserve, in case of sexual "downtime" or if the new girl does not work out.

5. Just a polite wording that does not oblige you to anything, so you should not take it literally.

There are cases when a man really has a sincere interest in a girl, but this is when he is kept in the friend zone, and he agrees, realizing that there is no other way. Or not understanding, but hoping for something.

Of course, there is friendship between a man and a woman, but it exists on its own, without sexual overtones and does not grow out of old relationship. If it grows, then initially the relationship was more based on friendship, and not on something else.

What do you imagine when ex offers friendship? He will have a new woman and you will silently endure it? It is not yet a fact that she will tolerate this and will not stop it in the bud. But let's say she doesn't care. A man in the euphoria of a new relationship and does not care about male friends, not like the former, which he left as a handle from the missing suitcase. Then the first delight will pass, everything will settle down and again he will not have time for you. There will be children, family, worries, life. Maybe he will find 5 minutes to call / write, pour a bunch of negativity on you or ask for advice. Free psychologist with zero returns - that's your role. You don’t think that you will hang out with him, drink beer and share interests. Unless in the company of friends, where it is inconvenient for him not to call you. And then, if he is all so good, otherwise he will most likely just keep silent about the event. To spend time alone with you without the prospect of non-committal sex for what? Men with most women are simply bored.

And if you are secretly counting on something - that he cares about you and therefore he wants to leave at least some connection with you, or change his mind and return - forget it right away. Many men tend to come back and, with varying degrees of lousyness, restore relationships. But even for such a return due to habit, unsuccessful new relationships, or simply the desire to sleep with a proven woman until there is a new one, there must be an incentive. By agreeing to be friends with the former, you completely deprive him of this incentive. When a person is constantly “at hand”, then you take him for granted. It’s separation and tears for you, but everything is convenient for him. To change something, you need to get out of your comfort zone. This is an ironclad rule. A man is comfortable being friends with an ex (in cases where he does not act out of pity), so he will not do anything to return. In his mind, he hadn't gone too far.

“Since it happened that a woman does not love,
Then with friendship you will only endure shame.
And happy is the one who immediately cuts everything off,
Leave, never to return."

These lines were written by Konstantin Simonov, who personally experienced something and knew a lot about the relationship between a man and a woman. The same can be said about girls. Friendship with someone you loved is a humiliation of you and a depreciation of the good that once was.

Is friendship possible between a man and a woman? This question has not yet been answered unambiguously. But what if a man offered to be friends at a time when he should have offered a closer relationship?

Do you love him?

First of all, you must understand yourself and understand whether you love this person. It would seem, what does this have to do with the offer of friendship. In fact, a lot depends on the truthful answer to this question, you can sort out your feelings.
You can long time know a person, but you still can’t decide whether you like him, and if a man wants to be friends, why not agree to this, because there is nothing wrong with that. Even if in the end you never become a couple in love, remaining friends, then it should have been so.

But if you have already fallen in love with this man, then everything can turn out differently. If a friend proposal followed from a guy, then this indicates that, as a girl, he is not interested in you. In such a situation, when a man is friends with a woman, psychology is inclined to the fact that a girl can endure it very hard, it will be difficult for her to see how her beloved guy meets with others, especially if these girls are also friends. Surely she would be better off without this friendship.

Why is a man friends with a woman?

It is very important to find the real reason that pushed a man to offer friendship, instead of a romantic relationship.

This can be caused by a number of factors, the most common being:

• The man already has a girlfriend this moment he still can't part with her.
• Maybe he likes you, but he's not ready for a relationship yet. He is still afraid to be responsible for the family, which can very quickly form after the start of a romantic relationship.
• Communication with you can be interesting for a man, he likes to spend time together, however, as a girl, he does not consider you.
• The guy may also not understand himself in any way, so he offers you friendship for a while.
• He may even be gay. Of course, this can shock a girl, but this happens.

After you understand what are the true reasons for such actions of a man, it will be possible to talk about what should be done and what actions should be avoided:

It is worth putting up with friendship and continuing to search for a real soulmate.

Do not reproach yourself with the fact that a man did not love you, you cannot destroy and oppress yourself with this. After all, you beautiful girl, you have a lot of advantages and disadvantages. You need to forget about what you once wanted to create with this guy. strong family. Look for a person who will truly love you.

The man who offered friendship will definitely return to you, you will have an excellent relationship if he really loves you. Before that, you should not fill your head with unnecessary thoughts, it’s worth the wait, let the guy sort himself out first.

Note that when a woman offers friendship instead of a romantic relationship, this means that she needs time to look at the man, she is already ready to be friends, and, perhaps, she will soon move on to a more serious relationship. But when a man does this, he does not want to continue the relationship, and, most likely, this will not happen.
Does the man love or be friends? How to distinguish friendship from love?

Sometimes we love our friends so much that words can't even express it. But we also love our relatives, but we do not always want to be friends with them. Many have friends who are closer than family. It is not affected by time or distance. However, there are mistakes that cannot be forgiven and best friend. At the same time, a loving person can always understand. Otherwise, we are dealing only with passion, although this is also part of love. Passion can blind, a person may not see the truth, at the same time, it will be enough for a friend to look into the eyes to understand.
Often, we cannot determine whether we love a person, or are just friends. These concepts have many similarities, but there are also significant differences. Therefore, it is worth considering the main similarities and differences so that you can finally sort out your feelings.

similarities between friendship and love

Friends always have something in common. Comfortable with a friend. You can discuss any topic with him, share secrets. In love, everything is exactly the same.

True friends will be together, even if they quarrel. Resentment does not mean that a person will die. Likewise in love. Even if you quarreled, you almost immediately begin to think about how to make peace as soon as possible. Even the slightest parting leads to longing. We cannot live without a loved one.

We can turn to a loved one with any life problem He will always listen and give advice. A true friend will do the same.

A friend will always protect you, just like a loved one.

Loves, then accepts the way you are, despite the shortcomings. A friend won't force you to change either.

The difference between friendship and love

Even after parting with a friend (for example, you left for another city), communication with him will not stop. Friendship between you will always be maintained. loving people trying not to part with the second half. You must always be there. Has your loved one been offered a job in another city? There are two ways out: he will refuse or you will go with him.
If someone shows sympathy for your friend, you will only be happy for him. But, if this happens to a loved one, jealousy arises.

To find a friend means to meet practically a brother, a person who looks like you. To love means to find your soul mate who completes you.

Therefore, in order to understand whether this is love or friendship, try to honestly understand these criteria as honestly as possible. Listen to yourself and you will understand everything.