Husband and wife at the same job. Why you can't work with your husband. If your spouse is also your colleague, the main thing is not to let the labor squabbles split your strong family.

A joint business for two with her husband, a common cause or just work in the same company is a frequent situation in which spouses are together almost around the clock, first at work, then at home. How does this affect the relationship? Can you work with your spouse without harming your family?

Working with your husband - benefits

For some, working together with a loved one is a dream. No worries on the topic - where he lingers, you can admire him from your table all day, lunch breaks - together, home - together. The other shudders in horror - “With your husband? Work? Never!". Are there really positive aspects to working with your spouse?

• Mutual assistance. Having problems at work? Have a fight with your boss? Not having time to finish your order? Confused in the report? So here he is, the savior is near. Always help and support.
• Self confidence. When there is a person behind your back, not theoretically (somewhere out there, at home), but in fact, it allows you to feel more confident.
• Husband and wife at work are perceived as a single whole. Therefore, hardly anyone would dare to seriously "encroach" on their beloved half - that is, intrigues are practically out of the question. As, in fact, on the female side: flirting with colleagues, being under the gunpoint of the spouse's gaze, will not work.
• Understanding. When working together, the wife is always up to date. And the husband does not have to squeeze out of himself - "We have a rush, the boss is angry, there is no mood", because the wife already knows about it.
• Saving the family budget on transportation costs.
• More serious attitude to work. For the bosses, a married couple "with experience" at work is a huge plus.
• You can come to corporate parties with your spouse , calmly rest, dance and drink champagne - the husband will insure if there is too much drunk, make sure that he does not blur out too much, and will take him home safe and sound.
• It is normal for spouses to be late after work. ... No one will be painfully waiting for anyone at home, heating up dinner for the second time - the spouses can return from work even after midnight, and they will have no reason for suspicion.

What problems can arise when a husband and wife work together?

Unfortunately, there are many more disadvantages in working with a spouse. Although much depends on the form of work. For example, joint business carries more advantages, but joint activities in one company "On the uncle" - more minuses. There is no need to talk about the form “husband (wife) = boss”.

So, the cons of working together:

• The higher the authority of the spouse, the higher (on a subconscious level) the attraction to him. The successes and failures of each other at work are clearly visible to both, and any crisis or just an unfortunate period lowers the husband's authority in the eyes of his wife. Consequently - decreased sexual desire for him .
• If both spouses work for the company, rivalry on the career ladder is also possible ... They are unlikely to push each other down the "steps" and shove with their elbows, but the feeling of annoyance, dissatisfaction and resentment will be provided.
• It's almost impossible to hide your emotions at work. If the spouses are in a quarrel, it will be visible to everyone. But this is not the main problem. After a domestic quarrel, spouses who work separately usually calm down for a working day if the quarrel was minor. When working together, the spouses who quarreled are forced to be together. As a result, irritation grows, performance decreases, a showdown begins - the quarrel develops into a serious conflict.
• We usually try not to talk about personal relationships at work. But in this case, both the spouse himself and your relationship - at a glance ... That often becomes the reason for gossip and stinging jokes.
• Given that the team perceives the spouses as one whole, there is a risk that the mistakes of the husband will be transferred to the wife (and vice versa).
• If the team is dominated by women, jealousy ... It is one thing when a husband leaves for work, and the wife does not see - with whom and how he communicates, and quite another - when the wife is forced to watch how his wife is "fooled" by unmarried colleagues.
• Being together all the time is a challenge. even for the strongest couples. Working “separately” is an opportunity to take a break from each other and have time to get bored. When working together, the thought often arises of changing jobs or temporarily living separately.
• Newlyweds working together are the hardest. It is quite difficult to restrain yourself when your loved one is so close, and the candy-bouquet period with his passions is in full swing. And bosses and colleagues are unlikely to like it.
• If the spouse's job is to communicate closely with clients , with whom you need to be the very charm, the husband will not stand such stress for a long time. She didn’t smile at that, she shook hands for too long - not far from the quarrel.
• Husband-boss or spouse-boss is the hardest option ... Indeed, from his second half, the manager should ask, as well as from other employees. Of course, a public "flogging" for an untimely delivered order will doubly humiliate your beloved half. Yes, and indulgences from the boss spouse will not be beneficial - colleagues will begin to grind their teeth and will perceive you as the “eyes and ears” of a leader.
• The joint work of that a couple who have broken up or are on their way to divorce ... Not falling face down in the dirt in front of colleagues who are almost looking after your relationship with popcorn in their hands is a talent. As a rule, someone has to give up work.
• All communication after work, one way or another, comes down to problems at work ... Few couples manage to leave working moments outside the doorstep of their apartment.
• In a situation where one spouse is the boss of the other, there is a problem in promotion ... If there is no promotion even according to merit, this will lead to serious offenses that will come back to haunt family life... If the increase occurs, then colleagues will perceive it biased - that is, as a result of close relationships.

Psychological advice - how to work with your husband without complications for work and family

Together until the end of their days ... both at home and at work. And, it seems, a common cause should bring them closer together, but it often happens quite the opposite. Appears tiredness from each other, irritation builds up ... And in the evenings, he spends less time with you, running away to the garage to fix the car.

How can you maintain your relationship while working with your spouse?

• Try to return home separately from time to time if possible. For example, you can drop by a friend's house or go shopping after work. You should rest from each other at least a couple of hours a day.
• Avoid talking about work outside of her walls. - there should be no discussion of working moments either at home or on the way home. Of course, there is nothing fatal about discussing work at dinner. But one day it may turn out that apart from work, you do not have common topics of conversation.
• On weekends, be sure to go somewhere to relax and escape from work. , plan purchases and trips for the future, please children with family trips to the world.
• Be clear about your roles at home and at work. It is in your apartment that he is a beloved man who kisses, passing by, makes coffee, regrets and hugs. At work, he is your colleague (or boss). Trying to remind him that you are also a wife, you risk ruining your relationship with your husband and putting him in an unattractive light in front of colleagues. Try to contain your emotions, even if you feel like slamming the door.
• Shouldn't wait for him at the door if he said that the meeting will be until the evening. Pack up and leave alone. And then you don't need to ask your colleagues what time he left the meeting and who else remained at work. If you are unable to cope with your jealousy, look for another job. So that you don't have to change your husband later.
• Do not isolate yourself from the team trying to keep only her husband. Be equal with everyone, at work you are all colleagues.
• Your husband was promoted, but you weren't? Rejoice in his success .
• Don't interfere if your half is called to the carpet and reprimand for poorly performed work. After the reprimand, you can come up and support, but it is absurd to conflict with your general leader as “his wife”. In the end, both of you will be fired.

And remember that teamwork can only cause a family boat to crash if if this boat was already bursting at the seams.

Our expert - practicing psychologist, personal growth coach, head of the "Residence of Happiness" club Elena Shinkova.

Problem

Started for health, ended for peace

When a business is just starting to build, family relationships at work can do a good job. Who, if not a close person, is capable of long time to work with full dedication, with an understanding of the need to spend evenings, and sometimes weekends at work and not demand a wage increase?

However, once success is achieved, disagreements at work often escalate into family quarrels. There may be several reasons. Perhaps one of the spouses ceases to appreciate the partner's contribution, or, conversely, the husband or wife begins to demand too much.

However, couples who come to work in an already established team are not immune from such quarrels. At first, at the stage of adaptation to the new environment, the spouses act as a well-coordinated team - they are, as it were, “their own among strangers”. But, after the positions on new job are firmly conquered, the couple may start "internecine wars" and conflict will arise within the family. However, in families where relationships are harmonious and time-tested, this problem, as a rule, can be avoided.

You should not start a common business or get a job for one company for couples in which the relationship has not yet been established. If you have family problems, you don't need to add workers to them.

Don't get personal. Close people know better than others the strengths and weaknesses of each other. You don't need to use your knowledge to solve work issues.

Problem

We are together all the time ...

Being close to your spouse twenty-four hours a day - some are afraid of such a prospect. But this fear is far from always justified. In many families, this model of relationship suits both spouses, moreover, it even strengthens their marriage.

If you feel like you need a break from your significant other, feel free to give yourself a break sometimes. This does not mean that you need to part ways. Just from time to time spend your leisure time separately from your husband or wife. If the spouses trust each other, this will not cause discontent.

Problem

Borders erased

There are situations when grudges inflicted during the working day or criticism on production issues cause family quarrels. If you are reprimanded by your boss, you will try to distract yourself at home. If your spouse criticized you because of an unsubmitted report, this may become a reason for revenge on the family front. "He scolded me at work - you cook dinner yourself!" - this format of relationships should be avoided

Try to be more mindful about family conflicts... Ask yourself, what is really the cause of your discontent? Maybe your resentment has nothing to do with family life? Then why conflict at home? Wouldn't it be better to discuss this during a workshop?

Feel free to share your feelings. After all, it happens that the spouse sincerely does not understand the reasons for the quarrel. You are offended by an incorrect remark at work, and your husband wonders why at home he is accused of callousness.

Problem

Jealousy for success

As a rule, this is typical for couples whose activities are related to publicity - journalists, artists, artists. Then the fame and glory that fell to the lot of one of the spouses can become the reason for the jealousy of the other.

If success at work is more important than family values, marriage is doomed. So decide on your priorities. If family is the main thing for you, it will not be difficult to find a compromise. As a rule, in this situation a woman makes concessions. It is easier for her to give up her career in order to "provide the rear" for a successful spouse.

- There is nothing wrong with getting a job from an acquaintance. The more terrible thing is that in the 90s they dealt a strong blow to our education. Suddenly it became possible not to study, but to buy diplomas. I paid the money and passed the exam. All for the money. And so in all areas.

Problem

Who is the boss at work is the commander at home

It is believed that if one of the spouses managed to win a commanding chair, then at home he will command those who are in the role of subordinate at work. Fortunately, this is not always the case. Often at home, the "ordinary employee" is perfectly able to put in the place of the "boss". But it happens that bosses really begin to abuse their position, making excessive demands on a loved one at work. Who will stay on overtime duty? It's easier to ask a wife than someone else. Yes, and extra praise addressed to loved one many bosses try to avoid, fearing sidelong glances from other subordinates.

If fate gave you a leadership position, try to objectively assess the efforts your spouse spent and adequately evaluate them. Even if the business situation requires additional labor costs, you do not need to think that all of them should fall on the shoulders of your significant other.

If you are in the role of a subordinate, do not hesitate to ask for a raise. This should be done as if the boss is not your loved one. That is, do not just whine that you do not have enough money, but enlist a list of your production successes. You should ask for a raise only after you have established a relationship with the team. After all, if it did not work out with colleagues, gossip that you received an increase undeservedly cannot be avoided.

1. Good

Husband and wife work together in the same enterprise. Common affairs, common problems unite. And you can dine together. And the husband is always under supervision. Rarely does anyone dare to have an affair with a man when his wife is around. For example, our famous figure skating athletes - Irina Rodnina and Alexander Zaitsev, Lyudmila Pakhomova and Alexander Gorshkov, Lyudmila Belousova and Oleg Protopopov. By the way, the last couple still lives together. The head of the theater on ice Igor Bobrin and his wife Natalya Bestemyanova work together in one team.
Creative unions - Alexandra Pakhmutova and Nikolai Dobronravov, Lydia Kozlova and Mikhail Tanich. All life together, both at home and at work.

Now with the development of private business, many couples are successfully engaged in it. For example, he is a director, she is an accountant. At work and at home together, they help each other, support, inspire, setting an excellent example for their children. And slowly but surely, this family business ship is moving towards success and prosperity.

You can also work when the enterprise is large, in different departments, workshops or structural subdivisions, or, for example, in the same collective farm. In Soviet times, people with the whole family worked at the same plant, and even for several generations, replacing each other. This was called the "labor dynasty". Remember, there was a wonderful feature film Big Family. There, the large Zhurbin family worked at a shipyard, built ships.

2. Bad

The charm of the "honeymoon" passes - all the time together, without parting for a minute. But we must return to workdays. And - to work together. But, if both at work and at home are constantly together, there is an addiction to each other. Especially when the company is small, they sit practically in the same office, all day in front of each other. The husband no longer perceives his wife the way he does on his “honeymoon”. The brightness of feelings begins to fade.

I want something new - sensations, feelings. And, as you know, men are polygamous creatures, although sometimes they can look at the side. And men also pay attention to a woman. No matter how you hide it, sooner or later, the secret becomes apparent. It is good if both husband and wife trust each other, otherwise, there is no time to work, it is necessary to "watch" the spouse. A showdown begins, quarrels, there is no time for work. Conflicts can arise in the situation of wife-boss, husband-subordinate. And the wife's salary is higher, and even commands. Male pride is wounded.

Of course, everything depends on people, on their maturity, good breeding, ability to yield and smooth out conflicts. Some even in the family cannot coexist together, let alone work. We must trust each other. A decent person will not allow himself anything superfluous either in the presence of a spouse, or when he is not around.

In my opinion, now, in the conditions of the crisis and the unstable ruble exchange rate and oil prices, it is simply economically unsafe to work at one enterprise. It is possible for both spouses to lose their jobs at one point. Here again, there were reports on the Internet about the upcoming cuts. And so, if one spouse is cut, the other will continue to work and support the family. After all, not everyone has savings for a rainy day.

At one time there was such an anecdote. “What is the most ideal husband? Blind, deaf sea captain. " Of course, this is a joke, but there is some truth in every joke. It is necessary to periodically rest from each other, at least through work. Then, when you meet, feelings flare up brighter, and the relationship is stronger.

To work or not to work together, each couple decides independently. There is no, and there cannot be, an unambiguous answer.

Margo Deshkovic

A why you can't work with your husband or with close relatives, or even with friends? Faced with such a common statement? How then to be with whole family businesses, where it is very difficult to come from outside, if you are not tied by blood ties.

I will tell about myself. I worked with my husband for a long time - about 7 years. And I can't say that I (we) were very uncomfortable. What's the secret? Perhaps it is that I already have a similar experience - it happened back in school. My parents are teachers - and both taught in my class. Dad history, mom psychology. Of course, I, like my classmates, went through everything - calls to the blackboard, answers on the topic, triplets, if any, they did not make concessions to me. Cheat sheets used to be taken away 🙂 Or they made comments. I turned to my parents on "you" and that's all. The rest was quite organic and my classmates reacted so calmly to this that they almost did not ask what my feelings were. So once the following situation happened. In my dad's lesson, my friend and I chatted and lost control, laughed too loudly. Dad was forced to bark at me, he said: "Get up and repeat what I was just talking about!" I could not. He called another girl and she answered. I stood all this time. After her answer, dad said: "Do not forget to bring her a chocolate bar tomorrow, and you will receive the last warning." I was worried that there would be a discussion of what had happened at home, but nothing happened - dad left all the emotions at work. To be honest, I was pretty sure it would be.

Thus, from an early age, I learned to separate work (study) and family relations. It also helped me in my working relationship with my husband. True, there was one more nuance - at first we organized a business, and got married only later. Although our relationship started at our previous job, from which we quit at the same time.

So it is possible or not work with my husband or friends? And, most importantly, is it worth it? It is quite possible if certain conditions are met:

1. Know your place. It sounds rude, but in fact it means that in your business (or work) you are strictly engaged in your direct responsibilities. Problems arise when people start appealing to close relationships - cover me, do for me, come up with something. Many of my girlfriends have faced this, bringing their friends and girlfriends to work. Those immediately began to use their official position. Since then, they promise to arrange someone by acquaintance.

2. Be able to clearly separate the work from the personal. 18.00 and you throw all working misunderstandings out of your head. Likewise, at 9:00 am, you forget about your relationship. Well, or another time, if the working day is not standardized or you work for yourself.

3. Do not be familiar and show close relationships. Maybe there is nothing wrong with that, but in fact this behavior is bad manners. Especially if you have subordinates - do not give them reasons for gossip or inappropriate humor.

4. There should be no different goals. Husband and wife should have one view of the development of their business and its prospects.

As for the second question - is it worth working together with loved ones at all - then why not. If you follow the above rules, there will be no problems. In addition, there are much more advantages - because besides the fact that people are close in themselves, they are also united by a common idea and interests. Such alliances are very strong - remember family business clans, for example, the Rothschilds. The founder of the empire had 5 sons and they all continued his work. Each son became the general manager of a representative office in one of the main European cities- Paris, London, Vienna, Naples and Frankfurt am Main. Then the business was inherited. If someone did not have sons, then a son-in-law or grandson became the head of the board. Moreover, the son-in-law was also not on the sidelines - the descendants of Rothschild tried to marry to the maximum with representatives of their family.

We are all, of course, not Rothschilds, but this little story was to remove the narrowness of thinking in this matter.

By the way, if you do everything competently and according to all the rules, then there will be no problems even if you and your husband are going to get divorced and even if one of you brings a new spouse into the business - the main thing is that everyone knows their place and corresponded to him without unnecessary lyrics.

Nevertheless, there are also enough minuses. For example, there may be problems with household chores. If a wife is a substitute for a husband in business, then this takes a lot of time and energy from her, and little energy is left for everyday life. So you need to agree on everything in advance - either in half, or the housekeeper.

The next disadvantage may be that you may not agree on your decisions. And also just change your mind or just get tired. If a lot depends on you, then serious problems can arise in the case.

It is also not very correct to store all eggs in one basket. When the family has one source of income - your business - there is a risk for both of you to go bankrupt and be left without funds at the same time.

So everywhere there are pluses and minuses - the main thing is not to be categorical.

One day it can happen to each of us. “Darling, my heart bleeds when I look at how and for what pennies you work hard. I have a great idea - you will work for me! "

One day it can happen to each of us. “Darling, my heart bleeds when I look at how and for what pennies you work hard. I have a great idea - you will work for me! " And here - attention! You step into a minefield. And it must be prepared according to all the rules of wartime.

So, he offered you to work for him. Here, of course, we mean that he is the owner or at least a co-owner of the business, otherwise all the following tips will not make any sense to you. So, he is the owner ... So, his ownership, which up to this point extended to the business and partially (possibly) to you, will now start working with a vengeance against you two. Who will benefit from this? Well, it depends on how you look at it.

The delicate question is money

The fact that he considered your salary to be "pitiful handouts" of this "idiot usurper" - your former boss, does not mean that he intends to pay you several times more. Firstly, no matter how generous and loving a man he is, in principle, the company has a staffing table and no one, from employees to a tax inspector, will turn a blind eye to the "heavenly" salary of the boss's beloved woman. And who said that he generally has anything to pay for it?

So, get ready that you will not be offered anything outstanding, and maybe even less, good-naturedly promising "your special generosity in an envelope." Here - do not be shy! Be sure to clarify: how much, in what time frame, for what amount of work and can this item be included in the contract? Because ... we are all, and men in particular, of course, honest people, but we always prefer to save on those who are closer. And who, if not a beloved woman, will understand everything - about the delay in payment under the contract, and about the beast-supplier, and about unforeseen entertainment expenses? Moreover, he has nothing to hide, everything is in your sight.

Why does he need you?

In general, if he calls you to his work, it is not out of place to ask the question: why does he need you? There may be several options and each requires its own approach. Let's say you are a really valuable specialist, and he has a shortage of qualified personnel. Everything is fair, but there is a risk that over time he will hold on to your relationship precisely because he needs you in his affairs. Another option: you are a good specialist, and the business in his office is slightly unclean. Low wages, interruptions in interest, or no benefits. There is a choice, to take just anyone from the labor exchange or invite you in the hope that your love and his kind attitude will brighten up the minuses of working days. In principle, if you really understand this situation and are ready to help your beloved man - go ahead (where is the guarantee that this cannot happen to a stranger?), But I advise you to hint about a share in the business or increased premiums at the end of the quarter. The main thing here is to let him know that you are making a concession and you have no illusions about him.

To save or not to save?

And it may also be that the office is really bad and he expects to get in your person more than an employee, but also an assistant, partner, investor. In a word: "if not you, then who?" In this case, everyone should decide your relationship and only them. Do you love him? Do you love him so much that hand in hand build his business and, in essence (as it happens in such cases) - himself! And an important question: who will you enter into his business?

My opinion is that only a full-fledged partner and wife can “save” a man's business. It is as part of the "sorrow and joy" vow. In any other case, on his part, asking you to go to him, into a crashing business - just like that, because you are together - akin to humiliation. In such cases, a man should kneel down and say that he asks you to take him as he is now, promises to make every effort to make you happy and that he leaves all the debts and obligations of the past for himself, and the welfare of the future - completely shared with you!

If he says so - then take it! Is it necessary to consider such an option at all? - I'm absolutely sure that every second of you will ask. By the way: business in general tends to endure both better and worse times. The state of affairs is not equal to the state of a man, although in many respects it is interconnected. I know a lot of cases when it was the love of a woman that forced a man to reconsider his business positions and rise to a previously unattainable height. And I also know that a good-for-nothing man, like a good-for-nothing businessman, can be seen right away, and this is manifested not only in the amount of money in the bank account. I am sure that you, the reader, are wise enough to cut off unlucky men at once.

So let's summarize. If he asked you to enter his business, ask him a few questions:

1) Why? In what capacity? On what terms? What is your future salary?

2) What kind of behavior does he expect from you in the office? Men usually have a very peculiar vision of how a woman should behave, dress and so on at work.

3) What else besides the standard job does he expect from you? No, it's not about sex in the office ... Maybe he wants you to be his "ears and eyes" and the question is, will you like it?

4) How will your personal time be built now? Will not everyone come to the conclusion that the house will turn into a branch of the office and all the conversations will be only about business. Set your own conditions - it's important!

5) What will happen to your workplace if you, God forbid, part? If you enter on the terms of a partner, it is better to solve the same issue with a lawyer.

And, of course, in such an issue as work, interest decides a lot. If you are interested in his work in principle, it will only enrich you in every sense, but if you are not interested, then soon you will hate not only work, but also him. Therefore - think! And maybe it's not bad at all - to work together! published