Crisis in marital relations. Crisis in relationships. Stages of a crisis in a relationship. How to survive a crisis in a relationship? Ways to solve difficult situations

Every couple has moments when the relationship is approaching its collapse. This is called the crisis of family relations, and if they cannot be overcome, then the union comes to an end. Moreover, not only those who have cooled off towards each other part, but also loving friend friend husband and wife. And this is very sad. After all, all that needed to be done was to have patience, wisdom and prepare in advance for crisis moments in life together. To reduce the number of divorces, psychologists recommend that you familiarize yourself with the causes and manifestations of crises in relationships over the years.

The main types of family crises

It is important to understand that there are various problem situations that also need to be dealt with.

• Economic - there is a problem with the budget in the family. The husband does not earn well, there are a lot of expenses, there is no way to carry a normal household, buy clothes, food.

In this case, it should not be confused with the desire of one of the halves or both to waste money on extra clothes and too expensive food. As they say - "The legs stretches out on clothes!". Of course, one cannot also say that the family should survive for a penny.

• Moral, spiritual. Here, too, a lack of funds, as well as psychological problems, can have an impact. Husband and wife have cooled off towards each other, or one of them no longer feels the same love and attraction to the second half as before.

But what type of accumulated family troubles would not belong to, in each case it is necessary to understand carefully and be prepared for them.

Crises in marriage

The science of psychology studies the relationship between people. Relationship crises in the family are one of the most important sections. If the specialist does not take professional skills and measures, then the number of broken unions will tend to a high mark. Moreover, in recent years, the problem has gained a large-scale character. If in the old days about divorces in our country they wrote on the last page of the newspaper, and this was news out of the ordinary, then today the statistics are simply horrifying. Of the 10 marriages, a third is destroyed in the first months of life, the second third during the first few years. Plus - within 10 years of marriage, the union of a few more percent breaks up. And what is the result?

Expert opinion

Anna Zvyagintseva

Doctor psychologist

The attitude towards the family has become superficial, some do not even hide the fact that, having married or married, they will continue to look closely at each other. That is, people already understand that separation is possible and are not set up for a long happy life together.

According to psychologists, there are two main types of problems - developmental crisis and situational.

• The first can be observed throughout the life together. After all, marriage is the birth of children, their marriage, marriage, physiological changes in the body, aging, etc. Translated into simple language - people cease to understand each other, faced with changes, lose harmony and interconnection. There comes a time when strength and patience run out, and you don’t want to work on relationships. And here it should be noted that such moments occur in all families without exception.
• The second is a situational crisis. He accompanies from the moment of marriage, then comes the period of finding a common language, establishing communication with counterparts. The process is influenced by factors such as the birth of children, their growing up, parting with loved ones.

Stages of family life

The family is a living organism. There is a cycle in it, there are such stages as birth, development, maturation and wilting. The transition from state to state without fail leads to some failures, disorders. It's like with human body. When turning points come, there is a misunderstanding, a desire to break off relations, not to listen to anyone, to deny criticism, to go against the grain. And what adult wise people do is treat everything with understanding. It's the same in marriage - to prepare and look at situations from the point of view of a wise person. Yes, there will be fears, panic, a sense of confusion. It doesn't matter, on the contrary, it's normal! The main thing is to pull yourself together and resist the trials of fate.

Did you have a relationship crisis in your family?

Yes unfortunatelyNo, and I hope not

Main problem points

You should immediately make a reservation - problem situations can arise both often and occasionally. It all depends on the temperament and character of the spouses. Therefore, it is necessary to study in the crisis of relations the periods noted by almost all family psychologists.

Relationship crisis - 1 year

They celebrated a loud and rich wedding. It would seem to live and live. But no, the newlyweds, after several weeks of selfless rest in bed and honeymoon, begin to quarrel. And for nothing. The reasons are banal and well-known to everyone - “Your mother advises too much, and yours climbs into everything!”. The young husband now and then reaches out to his friends, wants to visit a nightclub out of habit, she continues to chat on her mobile for hours, etc. In short - everything is as old as the world!

What to do

Sit down and talk about what a family crisis is, how to build relationships. You don't have to fight about everything. If you want to go relax in a bar - go together. But visits to entertainment establishments should be gradually reduced to a minimum. Believe me, frequent entertainment will not lead to good. After all, marriage is not only pleasure, but an obligation given to the second half to be always and everywhere together, in any situation. And hanging out with friends is more than just the two of you, isn't it?

• To mature! The fun is over, now everything needs to be taken seriously. Joint life is a joint economy.
• Work! No family can survive even a couple of years if both halves do not work on their character and strengthening bonds.

Crisis 3 years in a relationship

As a rule, after the wedding celebration, young people see each other only positive traits. “She is my beauty, he is my hero,” etc. But with the passage of time, the veil falls from the eyes, and the first moments of misunderstanding arise. Young people begin to conflict, because problems and disagreements have accumulated. In addition, in most families the first-born is born. And these are worries, diapers, night feeding, lack of sleep. In short - the nerves are inflated. In addition, there are fewer and fewer holidays, more and more fuss, routine of monotony. This is the very dangerous crisis in relationships over the years in marriage, in which most of the divorces occur!

What to do

The main thing is to understand that family ties are two people and there should be no talk of any egoism, egocentrism! It is necessary to strictly follow the recommendations of psychologists and couples who have celebrated a silver, gold, or even diamond wedding.

1. Clearly distribute and fulfill their obligations - the husband is the breadwinner, the wife is comfortable in the house.
2. Care for the child should come from both parents, the spouse needs to help the young mother take care of the baby.
3. Plan a vacation together, solve family problems, design a budget.
4. Do not listen to strangers, especially friends. It is important to learn to listen to each other.

Expert opinion

Anna Zvyagintseva

Doctor psychologist

The spouses should also have joint interests, which will also have to be realized together, which will only strengthen the union.

Relationship crisis - 5 years

Romantic impulses are over, everyday life and the pursuit of providing for the family, routine has eclipsed everything. The wife no longer needs to be near the baby all the time, she no longer has the desire to constantly please her husband, everything is done automatically. Food is being prepared on duty, the house is being cleaned, the spouse, upon arrival home, does not seek to kiss his beloved on the cheek faster. In addition, she decided to go to work and it revolts.

What to do

Stop and think - is it worth it to break off relations just because a person wants to realize himself in the labor field. And why coldness has come in relationships, where romance is - look for the reason in your laziness and "boringness". Remember your youth and bring bright colors to your relationship, change the monotonous course of time and prepare a surprise. If it doesn’t help, listen to the advice of experts and expand your social circle, make new friends, get involved in new hobbies.

Important: do not start talking about family problems if they lead to even more aggression. Let go of the situation, let the idea run its course. All of the above applies to both Him and Her!

Crisis 7 years of relationship

It seems that everything is already there - an apartment, children are growing up, everyone has their own sphere of work, intimacy is like clockwork. What else is needed, why troubles arise? Mostly because of the claims of the beautiful half. There are no longer past caresses, the spouse pays little attention to family issues. Yes, if a man tries, then women do not particularly respond to their impulses, which becomes a reason for betrayal, the spouse begins to look at extraneous beauties. During this period, most often there are novels on the "side" and with the threat of exposure, men easily break them.

What to do

Remember that we are people, not creatures acting on instinct. Perhaps the woman is rightly unhappy with the situation. A man needs to show not the same type of signs, but turn on his imagination. Ladies should not stop taking care of themselves, take off their dressing gown, do their hair, and if necessary, lose weight. That is, continue to attract a spouse, because men love with their eyes!

A strong union is also a rest from each other. If your spouse wants to spend time with friends, let him go. He must communicate, change the atmosphere. The same applies to wives - gatherings with friends, visiting a beauty salon, clubs will only embellish the monotony. And at the moments of connection, it is necessary to show maximum feelings and make it clear to the second half - love has not faded away, you just need to add a little logs.

Relationship crisis - 10 years

A considerable age for family relationships. Husband wife, it would seem, have experienced a lot together. And then such annoyance - strife, conflicts began, and a divorce is about to come. This period is also very dangerous. The reason may be various factors:

• middle age crisis;
• pubertal period of the child (children), etc.

That is, a lot of problems of a psychological, and even physiological nature, pile up on the family. Children have their own interests, they do not want to listen to their parents. Those, in turn, are in conflict because of this.

Important! In addition, men begin to think about the meaning of life, they worry that half has passed, and they still have not had time to do anything. Everything is seen in dark colors, it seems that there will be no end to the black period.

What to do

This is where you need to stop and look back. Are all those moments of happiness and joy not worth it to be bolder, stronger and endure troubles together. Is it worth it to let problems take over your desires, hopes and even ambitions. Doesn't it seem that this is too expensive a payment for cowardice? All that is required is to remember that life is one and not everyone is led to appear in this world. It is necessary every day, step by step, to approach complete harmony, taking the hands of a loved one.

Expert opinion

Anna Zvyagintseva

Doctor psychologist

As for children, parents must be of the same opinion about upbringing. And before scolding your child - consult what to do, what to do in this situation. It is necessary to become a friend for the child, and not continue to act as strict critics.

If you want to think about life, make time for it. It would be nice to talk with a wise mentor, with the same confessor. A spouse should not create conflicts and swear, a crisis in relations with a husband who is going through a difficult period must be experienced together. Only a wise wife will understand that a man needs a solution psychological problems accumulated over the past years.

How to become wiser

The union between a man and a woman requires patience, compliance and even freedom. And there will be many moments from which a direct threat to family ties will come. And only weaklings, who do not value their happiness, love will give up and refuse to fight. And those who want to know how to survive a crisis in relations with a husband, wife and resolve the issue will be able to go through life hand in hand with the dearest person on Earth! The main thing is to be an optimist and not for a second forget that the one or the one sent by Fate is nearby!

Even the most harmonious relationship at a certain stage they come to a "dead end". Then you start asking yourself, "Is there still a point?" It is not right. Do not let temporary difficulties cause irreparable damage to your family relationships.

Family conflicts are a natural phenomenon.
Conflicts, quarrels and misunderstandings are quite natural and normal phenomena in any married couple. The differences are only in the timing of the crisis and its details. Long-term coexistence between two people inevitably creates friction. Conflicts mainly arise on domestic grounds. A crisis in a relationship can be seen as the next stage of life together. As long as you have problems - there are solutions - that's fine. Of course, until fights become the dominant component in your relationship. After the crisis, the relationship gets, as it were, a second wind, a new round in the relationship. It is, as it were, an emotional shake-up for people who are tired of everyday life, routine, boredom and the like, a sharp sensation. Many couples endure the crisis quite easily, and for many, the relationship ends there. How to prevent a relationship breakdown?

Don't lock yourself in.
Do not take all the blame only on yourself, even if it will make it easier for your partner. Crying is also not an option. This is not a reason to think - why did you annoy him with your reproaches and the like. If you have problems, try not to speak loudly about them, not to break dishes, not to yell at each other, but simply state them calmly. Patience and willingness on both sides are essential in this situation.

Silence.
Often the crisis of family relations is caused by problems that the spouses were silent about. Some relational stereotypes can cause couples to stop talking to each other, have no topics in common, or find it hard to find mutual language. If something interferes with you, something does not suit you, bring it to your partner, explain it without insults and reproaches. Unresolved little things accumulate and at one moment can fall on your head like a snowball. Then the consequences will be severe.

Enjoy your marriage.
Marriage is like a flower - it needs to be fed all the time, regularly watered. With a lack of care, the flower dies. Don't let this happen in your relationship. Adjust to the interests of your partner, show interest in his work, friends, make joint plans for the future. Keep alive in relationships, do not show selfish traits of your character. Of course, it is always necessary to take into account the mood of the partner, the moments of solitude that each of us has.

Overcome indifference.
For women, the indifference of a husband is the worst thing that can be. If you have problems and you feel that your partner is indifferent to you, try to think why. If you don't have a good reason why he lost interest, he may be experiencing some issues himself that don't apply to you. Take care of yourself. The calmer you are, the easier it will be for you to communicate with your spouse. Try not to react sharply to the conflict, by doing this you will give rest and relaxation to your partner. It is very important to maintain positive energy in a relationship. Try to fight for his attention - at least you will try to overcome the current situation.

Divorce is the last resort.
If your marriage is calm and happy except during times of crisis, fight for it. Difficult moments happen in every family. Divorce is the easiest solution, but not always the right one. All options must be explored before resorting to such a solution to the crisis. Remind yourself of the wonderful moments of your life together. If spouses love each other, respect, appreciate, listen to the opinion of the other, then any conflict is just part of their joint desire for mutual understanding.

Happiness rarely falls on us like manna from heaven. Such a fragile substance loves care and constant work of the soul. This can and should be learned!

It is possible to survive the crisis, while remaining joyful and calm, psychologists say. How to improve your life in difficult times, save your family and work, says Oleg Chaban, professor of psychiatry, psychotherapist.

Each person perceives the world differently. And the fact that for one is only an annoying trifle, for another a real disaster. Where do unhappy people come from? Where does the love that seemed eternal go? How to learn to adequately overcome life's difficulties and is it possible to master the art of living with joy? We tried to sort out these and other questions with the help of a professor of psychiatry, psychotherapist Oleg Chaban.

Why are there so few truly happy married couples in the world?

Recently, British and American scientists conducted a study on this topic, interviewing about 3,000 families with different years of living together. And they found an amazing thing. It turns out that they consider themselves truly happy those families where husband and wife fall asleep and wake up in the same bed. Other components are secondary! It's all so simple and banal.

It seems to all newlyweds, without exception, that happiness will never end. But after a period of falling in love, the marital relationship will be tested for strength. The love madness subsided, and people become themselves. She suddenly discovers that he champs while eating, snores, he has uncomfortable friends and hobbies, annoying relatives, and an adored mother. He also sees a completely different woman in front of him: phone conversations with girlfriends about nothing, shopping, a host of other surprises. And mutual claims, misunderstanding and resentment begin.

How to avoid misunderstanding?

This is practically impossible because Men and women are by nature very different. His left hemisphere of the brain dominates, and her right. He thinks rationally, and she thinks emotionally. Sometimes it is difficult for them to understand each other. But when the family becomes a single brain, it will survive any trials. After all, love is not just physical attraction, but also respect, acceptance of another person with all its pluses and minuses, character traits, habits. For example, she is an extrovert and he is an introvert. One likes to talk, and the other to be silent.

And if none of this makes a tragedy and does not try to “remake” the partner for themselves, everything will be fine: then we can talk about mutual understanding. It is important to decide in time which features of your chosen one you categorically do not accept, and only then start a family. After all, you will not be able to remake an adult!

What is the main thing for saving a family?

The family is based on mutual concessions when two people take steps towards each other- starting with the simplest. For example, he cancels gatherings with friends for a walk with his son, and she puts off a bachelorette party so that she and her husband can poison his mother. At this stage - addiction - families either collapse or move to a deeper level of relationships. If the spouses fail to reach compromises, such an alliance is doomed.

By learning to yield and create common values, lovers are able to turn passionate short-term emotions into deep, lasting love, which only gets stronger over the years. And then even the betrayal of one of the partners will not be able to destroy the family.

What is treason? Is she capable of destroying the family?

Cheating is always a test of feelings for strength. Life is multifaceted, it is replete with a mass of unforeseen situations, so cheating can also be very different. For example, adultery as a result of intoxication or a super-strong sudden passion that will burn out in a month or two and the person will be left with nothing. In such a situation, someone should be wiser if he really cares about this relationship.

We must not forget that the world around is quite seductive, and everyday life has been and remains the enemy of love. The husband at home sees his wife as sleepy, no longer as attractive as before, and outside the family space he is intrigued by smiling, beautiful, well-groomed women. They do not burden with their problems, do not complain about ailments, they smell good. It is easy to “buy in” to the prospect of happy changes, but this happiness is illusory: it can very quickly turn into a “communal apartment” with screams, quarrels ...

What dangers lie in wait for a prosperous family?

The third one is very difficult. phase of marriage, when mutual fatigue sets in from each other, novelty is lost. After 10-15 years of marriage, women often become the injured party in relationships. A typical conversation between girlfriends about her husband's infidelity: “Everything was so good with us. I cook well, he enjoys it, we have a cozy house, wonderful children, I always take care of myself. And what did he find in her? She is sure that her husband still carries in his heart her invariably beautiful image. But you need to understand that the image, even the most perfect, is overwritten.

Why does the “tyrant-victim” situation arise?

Each family is a kind of psychotherapeutic "testing ground", and husband and wife are ideal psychotherapists for each other. In the sense that they can be discharged, because at work you need to earn money, play your role, obey hierarchically, not allow yourself to go beyond. But at home, everyone is looking for relaxation - and as a result, they take it out on a partner.

You become a victim when you allow yourself to be treated in this way. But if the tyrant feels resistance, then he will think and will subconsciously look for another object - a friend, a lover, a bottle to merge the negative. When the victim cannot resist and can no longer endure, she is forced to break off the relationship in order to save herself.

How to deal with child abuse?

Often cruelty is the result of pedagogical neglect. Kindness is a quality that can be nurtured, just like culture. I believe that even forced cult trips to the theater lead to effective results. The atmosphere itself, the ensuing discussion, the clarification, has its influence.
Awaken in your child a sense of kindness. Let him be responsible for the same hamster or parrot - so he learns emotional empathy.

Build a bird feeder with your son and explain to him that, for example, out of five tits, only two survive in winter, the rest die of hunger. And he can save them! Instead of watching TV, games and violent films, invite your child to take a walk in nature together, to do a good deed. Let him help the old woman cross the road, feed the homeless animal.

It happens that parents pay off their child - he has a TV set, a computer in his own room, at the age of 10-12 he uses fast Internet.

While the parents are at work or doing their own thing, the child receives lessons from other sources. This is not normal, and you risk automatically "losing" the child. If children are not brought up by parents, then friends, the street do it. And then you should not be surprised that, for example, your son perceives a girl not as a person who needs to be loved, protected, respected and sought after, but as an object of pornography.

Why do people develop addictions, can they be overcome?

Addiction is always a substitution of something, a search for a non-existent ideal. If it is not possible to satisfy vital needs - both physiological and psychological, then a person seeks to compensate for the lost. Alcohol, drugs, food, gaming, internet, sex, shopping, extreme sports and even work - these are the means that a person uses to escape depression and get the illusion of happiness, or at least temporary satisfaction.

In most cases, such people need the help of specialists. Medicines, psychotherapeutic methods are used for treatment. Cases of self-reliance on addiction are extremely rare. For example, this can happen as a result of a significant personal event: the loss of one of your friends, a tragedy in the family, when there is an instant reassessment of values.

Is there a formula for mental health?

To stay in balance, we must get seven pluses for one minus every day, that is, seven positive emotions one negative.

And it doesn’t matter how global the event is: you ate a delicious breakfast, successfully completed a task at work, someone smiled at you, gave you a compliment, you got a good haircut, you bought your favorite magazine or newspaper, you saw a beautiful frosty picture on the window. This is a positive that gives strength and arouses interest in life.

But subconsciously, a person behaves quite wary, expecting failures and failures more than joyful events("I'd rather be prepared for trouble in advance"). And thus, he constantly programs himself for failure, catastrophe, as if attracting negativity to himself. Moreover, it is not necessary that the situations in which we find ourselves will turn out to be unpleasant - but they will be perceived by us that way.

For example, having received a remark from the boss in the morning, we constantly mentally scroll through what has been said, everything falls out of our hands. Hanging on this episode, we wind ourselves up and lose positive. But even if something bad happened, you should not constantly think about it.

When one door closes before you, a hundred others open. Don't stagnate, move on!

But we don't always realize it... I teach my patients to deal with adversity as it comes. The mentioned conversation with the boss is not even a nuisance, but a working moment. Look at it easier. I want to quote Dale Carnegie: "Don't saw the sawdust." Well, it happened. Do not dramatize the event, find the courage to accept it! You can, of course, cut, but be aware that in the future it is fraught with an ulcer, depression, insomnia. Do you really want it?

But what if the benefits are not enough?

You have to learn to see them. And having collected the pluses, you should inflate them. If you have received a plus, do not hide it “in a box” - develop the positive program incrementally. For example, a short pleasant telephone conversation took place with an old friend - arrange a meeting with him. Attracted a corner of nature - plan to spend the whole day outside the city. Life constantly throws us various options - you just need to learn how to notice them and skillfully use them!

Oleg Sozontovich uses in his practice the method of so-called sand therapy. The person is asked to model life situation, in which he is currently located, with the help of structures made of sand and stones of various sizes and shapes. Conditionally determining the place where he sees himself, the patient, together with the psychotherapist, tries to clearly determine the scale of his problem and find the best ways to solve it.

AT Everyday life it is important to learn to fix attention on positive moments, to get rid of the so-called catastrophic thinking.

An existing or far-fetched problem will turn out to be less significant and threatening when we are able to look at it calmly, without excessive emotions. In a difficult situation, it is best to seek the advice of a specialist, but communication with friends will also help to defuse tension, people who understand you and sincerely wish you well.

A family crisis is a difficult situation in the relationship of spouses. Get out of the crisis more efficiently and quickly with the help of a specialist. Otherwise, disagreements accumulate, and as a result, the family may collapse. When entering into marriage, many newlyweds hope that everything will be quiet and peaceful in their life together. However, dreams are shattered by reality and everyday life, and in every family there inevitably arises, which psychologists call a crisis. If used correctly crisis situation, it can become a new stage in life together, strengthen marriage and feelings.

How the crisis develops in the relationship of spouses

Psychologists associate marriage with a boat run by two -. A family crisis occurs when each of the spouses determines its own course and follows in this direction.

AT modern society relations are developing more dynamically, the attitude towards many moral norms has become more loyal. At the same time, marriages are registered less often, as young people prefer to live in a civil marriage. As a result, incomplete families appear, children do not receive a full-fledged upbringing.

It is important! If achilled familyrelationship, trust disappeared, most likely we are talking about the crisis, which must be dealt with with the help of a psychologist. Do not ignore the difficult period, because it is he who can cause a destroyed family.

Why there are crises

According to psychologists, the crisis of family relations - natural phenomenon regardless of the relationship between spouses. Every person is characterized by mood swings, which are important to learn how to overcome. Experts distinguish several stages of the formation and development of a family, each of which is characterized by certain crises and difficulties. If you learn to overcome unpleasant moments, this will help strengthen the family.

From the point of view of psychology, there are two types of circumstances that negatively affect the relationship of spouses:

• the first - destroy a calm life and lead to the complete collapse of marriage;
• the second - strengthen the marriage, subject to competent permission.

It is important! Most often, the reasonfamily crisisbecome banal household trifles, but there are other factors that can cause a difficult situation.

Causes of problems in marriage

1. Difficulties associated with age. At a certain age, a person undergoes a reassessment of values, at which time there is a desire to change the family.
2. Difficulties associated with a certain stage of family development - the birth of a child, Kindergarten, school.
3. difficulties. Often it is material difficulties that cause scandals and quarrels between spouses.
4. Bad with relatives. The situation becomes more complicated when a young family has to live with their parents. As a result, there is a conflict of generations.
5. Abrupt change in financial situation. Many men lose their sense of superiority if the wife starts earning more. This situation will inevitably lead to conflict.
6. Changing of the living place. Moving is a difficult one that not everyone can handle.
7. Illness of one of the close relatives or a child. The situation in the family is complicated by the constant care of the sick. In such a situation, the most complex family crisis develops.
8. Uneven distribution of responsibilities. If a woman constantly sits at home and raises children, and a man spends a lot of time on, this will inevitably lead to mutual recriminations.
9. Lack of support. When spouses are unable to adequately perceive each other's experiences and support, most likely, this will lead to a crisis.
10. Lack of shared interests. When nothing unites the spouse, the crisis of family relations cannot be avoided.

It is important! Statistically, the most common reason whyfamily relationships are in shambles, is an early marriage.

How to recognize a crisis in a timely manner

The main sign of the development of a difficult situation in the family is the lack of normal communication. As psychologists note, when spouses do not hear each other and cannot communicate normally, this is the first sign of a crisis. In addition, there are other signs by which you can determine that the family is going through a difficult period.

• The most common sign is the monotony and monotony of life.
• The desire for intimacy has disappeared. In this case, the help of a specialist will be required.
• on the smallest issues.
• There is no desire to make concessions, the actions of the spouse cause irritation.
• The desire to trust your spouse, to share your thoughts and feelings disappears.
• Monotony in the family or vice versa - constant scandals.
• When every conversation inevitably ends in a scream.
• When decisions are made solely by one spouse.
• There is no clear division of responsibilities in the family. This reason is more typical for newlyweds.

Crisis periods

Each family is a "living organism" that is in constant transformation. Qualitative changes are accompanied by certain crisis phenomena. It is important to be able to recognize a difficult situation in a timely manner and resolve it.

It is important! The stronger the feelings between the spouses, the more serious and difficult the crises are. If the marriage is registered by calculation, difficult situations are inexpressive and will not require the help of a specialist.

Psychologists identify several periods when family relationships are at an impasse and require professional help.

1. First year family life when newlyweds face everyday life.
2. The period between 3-5 years of family life. At this stage, there are associated with the arrangement own apartment. There is coldness and alienation in relationships.
3. The third period between 7-9 years of family life. Psychologists call it the most difficult, because there comes a moment of sobering up and understanding that nothing special will happen in life.
4. The next period begins after 17-20 years of family life and is associated with the growing up of their own children and the understanding that everything has already been achieved. In this regard, the question follows - where to go next?
5. The fifth period begins at the age of 50 years. At this time, children acquire their own families, and parents feel lonely and forgotten.
6. The sixth period is a consequence of the fifth, when children create their own families and stay with their parents. This is a difficult, stressful situation, because you have to break family foundations.
7. The seventh period comes when parents retire, there is a lot of free time that needs to be occupied with something. At this stage, it is important to find something to your liking.
8. The eighth period is associated with the death of one of the spouses, a person is not always able to accept the loss of a loved one and this is reflected in the emotional state.

It is important! It is necessary to understand that each difficult period is a normal situation, the main thing is to know what to do andhow to get out of the crisis.

Ways to solve difficult situations

There is no single answer to the question - how to get out of the crisis in marriage - does not exist. An important condition for successfully overcoming the crisis is that the husband and wife must act together and in the same direction.

To prevent the collapse of family life, it is enough to follow simple recommendations.

• Don't hold grudges on yourself. Allow yourself a little scandal, but always control the degree of heat - do not allow insults.
• Forget about insults, do not get personal. Better talk about your feelings and experiences.
• Enter a rule - do not quarrel and do not sort things out in public. Everything must be decided in private.
• Try to put yourself in the place of your spouse and do not wish him what you would not want for yourself.
• Avoid controversial topics so as not to provoke a quarrel.
• If you are often irritated, write down your feelings and emotions on paper, this will help reduce the intensity of passions.
• Each family member should have their own personal corner where they can retire and be alone.
• Try to trust each other, let your spouse and friends go on vacation.
• Pick a hobby that will bring your family together. A joint hobby brings together and creates a favorable climate between spouses.

It is important! According to psychologists, the answer to the question ishow to get out of the crisismarriage - is the ability to analyze problems and analyze the causes.

How to survive a crisis family relationships, look at the video.

Always remember that the family is the main wealth and only the family is worth your worries.

The music ended, the guests dispersed and Wedding Dress found its place in the closet. Now family life begins. When creating a family, a man and a woman enter into marriage with their own ideas about living together, which were largely formed in childhood, in the parental family. Each spouse has his own habits, his own experience, foundations, customs, traditions of the family. Each of the spouses will strive to bring their part to their new family. Time must pass before the newly-made husband and wife learn to compromise, understand and accept each other, with advantages and disadvantages.

Speaking metaphorically, family life resembles sea waves - crises occur at the peak, and periods of calm and adaptation to new changes occur at the recession. Crises in the relationship of spouses are found everywhere life path. And do not be afraid of them, as they are necessary for the spouses in order for the relationship to be "alive" and develop, helping to build the future and cherish each other. So what is a crisis?

A crisis is an inevitable event in reaching a radically new level of development.

Are there ways out of the crisis?

Yes, definitely. One of which is the transition to a new stage of development and the second is the break in relations. There are also painful exits - in fact, not exits, but Departure from solving real problems or delaying a decision: this is treason, addiction, a serious illness, etc.

Crisis symptoms to sound the alarm:

• One of the partners or both deviate from intimacy. Sexologists believe that discord in sexual life is one of the first signs of a relationship, if not a crisis, then problems.
• The so-called calm before the storm: when the spouses stop swearing at all, but at the same time both communicate and spend time together - each on their own. This is dangerous because the spouses will simply lose interest in each other, and it will be better and more interesting for them to spend time with other people.
• Spouses no longer seek to please each other.
• All issues related to the upbringing of children provoke quarrels and mutual reproaches.
• Spouses do not have the same opinion on most issues that are significant to them (relations with family and friends, plans for the future, distribution of family income, etc.).
• One of the spouses "withdraws into himself", usually it is the husband. He ceases to participate in solving everyday problems and in general in family life. Often he is immersed in work, constantly delayed, behaves aloof.
• The logical consequence of the previous one is that the wife completely forgets about herself and goes headlong into solving family matters, devotes herself completely to the family and becomes like a draft horse. She works, takes care of the whole life, takes care of her husband and children.
• Husband and wife have little or no understanding of each other's feelings.
• Almost all actions and words of a partner cause irritation.
• One of the spouses believes that he is forced to give in to the desires and opinions of the other all the time.
• There is no need to share your problems and joys with your partner.

What is the first crisis?

The first, which psychologists called the crisis of the first year, is associated with a period of mutual "grinding" of the newlyweds. The transition from the candy-bouquet period to living together. According to statistics, about half of all marriages break up after the first year of marriage. Newly made spouses do not stand the test of "everyday life". Disagreements may relate to the distribution of responsibilities, the unwillingness of partners to change their habits. Inability or unwillingness to establish contact with the partner's parents.

The crisis at the birth of the first child entails the emergence of new roles: now not only husband and wife, but also dad and mom. This difficult period is also known as the crisis of 3 years in a relationship, since after three years a child often already appears in the family.

The period of 7 years is a "new" round of monotony and routine associated with such a phenomenon as addiction. If the routine of the crisis of 3 years of relationship was dispelled by the rallying of the spouses in front of new long-term strategic tasks, then by the age of 7 all these questions no longer attract with novelty and instead of excitement they cause melancholy and disgust. It is not uncommon for spouses to experience disappointment when comparing reality with what it seemed a few years ago in dreams. It begins to seem to the spouses that now the whole life will be the same, they want something new, unusual, fresh sensations. The children have grown up. By the 7-year term, a family is already a large economy and a complex organism: the more people in the family, the more different interweavings, conflicting needs, clashes of interests. A crisis always makes things worse. Therefore, the better the relationship is built, the stronger the emotional intimacy was built and the better it was to learn to negotiate during periods of past disagreements, the easier it is to overcome the crisis, and vice versa.

15-20 years pass, the spouses, having survived the previous difficulties, live, enjoying family life, going with the flow, and here again a new worldly reef. Which can often be aggravated by the midlife crisis of one of the spouses. There is a frightening feeling that everything has already been achieved, everything has happened, both in personal and in professional field, there is a fear of aging ... The next crisis can be conditionally called the "crisis of an empty nest", this is an important period in the life of a family: when adult children leave it. Spouses are deprived of their main "leading" activity - raising children. They must again learn to live together, pay attention to each other. And women who were exclusively concerned with children and the home need to acquire new life tasks and goals. It is not uncommon during this period for husbands to leave for young mistresses.

How to overcome the crisis of living together?

If a close relationship has developed between the spouses, if they love each other, that is, they respect, appreciate, listen to the opinion of the other, then any conflict is just part of their joint desire for mutual understanding. Do not panic because of the crisis. Many families bypass them without thinking and not suspecting what it is. They simply overcome the difficulties that have arisen. The successful resolution of the crisis is the key to the further development of the family and a necessary factor in the effective living of the subsequent stages.

Each crisis is a leap forward, going beyond the old relationship. A crisis in a relationship helps spouses to see not only the negative, but also the valuable that connects and binds them. Meanwhile, parting is rather a consequence of an incorrectly passed crisis.

In order to overcome this critical moment in family life, the willingness of both spouses, mutual desire and, as usual, patience and support will be required.

If one of the spouses considers divorce as a way out, and the other does not agree with this, it is necessary to take a "time out". Perhaps the spouses should leave for a while, relax and think (3-4 days, a week) in order to understand themselves, their feelings, desires and aspirations. Think about it, is everything really so bad, can it really be that all the good that was between you can be crossed out so easily? Try to refresh feelings, emotions, diversify relationships, get rid of dullness and routine. Think about romance, change your hairstyle, style or interior in the apartment, find a new hobby for both of you and do not forget about joint leisure and relaxation. You will always have time to get a divorce, but it is still worth trying to reunite the family.

Another way to deal with a crisis is to contact a family psychologist. Many believe that a heart-to-heart conversation in the kitchen with girlfriends will help to find a solution, but do not forget that girlfriends will give emotional support, but not a way to solve the problem, as their advice comes from the prism of their own life experiences.

Golden Rules to Help You Get Through Relationship Crises Easier:

• Learn to talk about the difficulties and problems that have arisen. It is very important to start a conversation in time, not to turn away from the troubles that have arisen, not to accumulate them, not to remain silent.
• Do not generalize, even if you speak in anger, do not cross the line, which you will later regret.
• Talk about your feelings, experiences, do not make claims (instead of "you always ...", "you are to blame ...", say "I feel ...", "it upsets me when you ...").
• If at least one person is frightened or in strong emotional arousal, the situation can get out of control, in such cases it is not worth exacerbating the situation, wait it out, or you need to contact specialists (family psychologists).

Do not be afraid of a crisis, because this is an indicator of the normal development of relations. And all this information will be useful to those who have already entered into marriage bonds or are just planning to. Think about it and take care of your loved ones!