The child's negligent attitude towards toys. Dear friend - favorite toy

At this age, most children throw their toys around. They, so to speak, have a character formation, and in this way they express their emotions.

But, in no case should such a careless attitude to the toy be allowed, even by accident. It is necessary to strive for the child to value toys, never agree to exchange them for others, new and beautiful.

Seeing once again how the child throws the toy, do not shout, do not hit him, but in a calm tone ask to pick up the toy and explain to the child that this cannot be done.

We advise you to emphasize in the conversation that toys are living friends, and they should be treated as if they were alive. For example, you cannot lift a toy hare from the floor by the ears - "because it hurts." If the child abandoned the doll and forgot, pay attention to it - pick it up, let the baby see how it should be done: "The doll Lyalya has fallen ... Now I will help you, I will shake off my dress, I will regret it ... Don't cry, get into the stroller." Then you should contact the child: "Now take a walk with her."

Don't forget that you are serious about the toy. You should also treat her as a living friend of your children. After all, every little thing in the behavior of such authoritative people for a child as a mother and father will not go unnoticed by them.

Of course, the condemnation of the baby's behavior is weighty and significant, but the condemnation of the toy is doubly significant, because the child establishes a positive emotional relationship with it.

Perception from this point of view is the key to success in developing the ability to make friends, the formation of qualities such as kindness and compassion. A toy can become a real helper in regulating a child's behavior if you manage to form an attitude towards her as a friend.

And in order to conduct educational work with the help of toys, it is necessary to allocate a place in the house for a play corner. It will help to form such qualities in the baby as accuracy, independence, responsibility. The first and important responsibility of the kid around the house should be to maintain order in the toy household.
I would like to note that it is not at all necessary that the baby has too many toys at his disposal. This is not what determines the mood of the child in the activity. On the contrary, an excessive abundance of toys dispels interest in them.

Teaching a child to take care of toys is important not in order to keep them in good condition, but in order to form moral qualities in this way. Therefore, do not leave this moment in your child's life without proper attention!

Players can pretend to have feelings quickly. They'll text you tons of messages every day and call you every night, maybe even the night before bed. As soon as you feel that it flatters you - you know, this is a trap! Its purpose is to accustom you to such signs of attention. With these actions listed above, he lays a kind of monotony in your head, so that on next week when he suddenly stops keeping in touch with you, you will start to lose your head from him. You will need time to keep the player near you. Not Allow phone conversations before bed. One way is not to let the phone call last more than an hour.

• How it works? For you, the conversation was commonplace - you are so used to talking to him all night, but suddenly he stops ringing. As a result, you start to miss him. Then you will call him, and he will understand that he has circled you.

Players like to give nicknames. Most of the time, he'll call you affectionately to make the situation seem nice and stuff like that. However, he gives you a nickname to make you feel connected to him. Some guys very quickly start calling you "crumb," "sweet," or "cute." If you notice this in your boyfriend, be careful and keep in mind: players can be sweet talkers and gentle in words.

Players love to ask about your sex life. While guys may have a healthy interest in the subject, knowing the number of your partners is not essential to building good, sincere relationships.

Players love to indulge in compliments. The phrase "Baby, you are so beautiful" may be one of them. Even if you felt ugly that day, there is always a guy who will say for no reason, "Wow, you look beautiful" or "You look great." While you will be very flattered, remember, they compliment you to give you more confidence. When a girl feels beautiful, their confidence level rises, and she will do anything to further increase that confidence. Guys know girls love compliments.

Players begin to talk about their lives. They might say something like, "I had my heart broken in the past." They open up and make you feel like you have a close bond with him. This is all for the sake of even more sympathy! They flare up with emotion and talk about how they have been used in the past, how they have been badly hurt in the past, and how they understand your feelings. Most likely, they actually had their heart broken before, but this heartache led him to become a “gambler”. Enough long time the players bend the line: “I'm a different person, I've already played enough. Those days have already passed; I just want to meet someone who can guide me in the right direction. " Girls begin to feel sympathy for them. Usually, when a girl sees a guy with a broken heart, she tries to comfort him and lend a shoulder to lean on. The more they want to be as "players", the more desires girls have to get to know them. But the more they become attached, the more difficult it is to leave later.

Players love to bend a line:"I would treat you better than that - you would not be mistaken with me." Girls are often vulnerable. When girls see understanding on the part of a guy, they begin to think of him as exactly the man who will not break her heart. Just because a guy claims he'll treat her better doesn't mean he'll keep his word in the future.

Players do not want to be seen in public or do not want to have public relations. One such example is Facebook. The players do not want to be seen with you in public - not because they are shy or afraid, or because of possible jokes from friends about this, but because he can run to communicate with one of his girls, if you just turn away. The player will not want to change their Facebook status or talk about you with someone on Facebook. Often they may argue that they are not ready yet or simply do not want to be seen with you. The truth is, you don't want to show anything in common with you, as it can get in the way of getting a new girl. There is a 50 percent chance that he is not really ready for a relationship, but there is also a 50 percent chance that it is simply not a desire to be attached to someone. If a guy really likes you, he will want to be connected to you like no one else.

Children's ability to believe in miracles and the ability to communicate with any inanimate object is probably familiar to each of us.

Almost everyone had a toy that meant more than a toy. This bear, bunny or lion cub has become a real friend for several years. The one who is there for funny and sad moments. For those without whom sleep is impossible or full reception food.

Now we are already adults, but the hand does not rise to throw this friend away, and sometimes glancing at him, we feel our heart pinched. In addition, we perfectly understand our children when they drag their favorite toy into the crib.

Psychologists will help us to understand why this is happening and what prompts children to such dependence on toys.

Toy for children it is not an inanimate object at all. The toy has a soul and feelings, endowed with children's imagination and faith. Especially the child's attachment to toys presented by people dear to him is strong. And the desire to sleep with a toy confirms that it is so dear that even in a dream the baby does not want to part with it. Many parents use this attachment when laying the child down, they emphasize that, they say, look at Kesha's eyes are already sticking together, carry his bainki.

It is of great importance that what kind of toy the child takes with him to bed. If this is a weapon: a pistol, a bow, a sword, then, most likely, he is afraid of something, and thus tries to defend himself. Usually, you can get rid of such fears by talking to your child about what worries him. Explaining to the kid that about he can always count on your protection, you will see how he will go to bed more calmly, and will soon change the machine to a teddy bear. But, a dream with a gun does not always mean fears, maybe he just hasn’t played enough yet.

Sometimes children take a lot of toys with them to bed. As a rule, this is done by children who have difficulty falling asleep. They try to make this process as painful as possible. Covering themselves from head to toe with toys, they create a kind of microcosm in which they feel more comfortable and calmer. And it is in such a world that they calmly fall asleep. Another reason to bring an extra toy with you is become unwilling to share with a brother or sister... Explaining that being greedy is not good, of course, it does not hurt, but you should also understand that in this way he protects what belongs to him by right.

With toys, children try on new roles. They see how their parents treat them and try to do the same with the toy. By the way, it is very useful for parents to observe how your child behaves with his plush friend. This will allow you not only to look at yourself from the outside, but also to draw certain conclusions.

A favorite toy is something light that is dear to our hearts throughout our lives. Even having reached a venerable age, we cherish the memories in which our favorite toys live. It is they who help to understand their children and their desires.

A long-standing wisdom of English origin says: "Do not rush to take away their teddy bears from children, who can know what demons they protect them from".

As a child, I had a small, dirty Bobik of domestic production, which, perhaps, itself needed protection. When I went to bed, he was lying next to the pillow, and he should have been kissed on the remnants of his nose so that he would not be upset by the lack of attention. We took care of each other for a long time, until he got lost somewhere in time and space.

“They dropped the bear on the floor, tore off the bear's paw. I won’t leave him anyway, because he is good! ” What can be wrong with fidelity, with the constancy of affection? And the tendency to these personal qualities is just formed at such an early age when the constancy of these same plush animals often replaces the stability, predictability, and sometimes tenderness of their adult relatives for children.

At the same time, a tendency, say, to sacrifice, sweet suffering, light sadness, or gloomy isolation is also laid. Perhaps, due to the peculiarities of the once vending plush friend, someone from infancy tends to have only the brightest and best, and someone loves extremely small Bobby or abandoned bears with torn off paws?

Observing children's play, one can draw conclusions about the level of children's well-being or inner comfort.... For example, if a girl, while playing, first gently rocks the doll, then yells at it and pounds, and then, bursting into tears, comforts her, it can be assumed that she herself had to experience a rather uneven attitude towards herself. Or if the baby has a habit, not paying attention to the prohibitions, grabbing in a businesslike way any thing he likes (his own, someone else's, dangerous or fragile) and immediately forgets about it, when something brighter appears in the field of view, something again grabs and yells indignantly, if someone tries to take something, it can be assumed that this is a small domestic king, accustomed to general worship and humble service. Or maybe such a tyrant is still not very comfortable in his kingdom? Because the desire to snatch, formally take possession of an object, to demonstrate apparent power, as a rule, leads to a spoiled relationship with living people, children and adults. And what is seized in possession does not bring satisfaction, because it simply replaces the inner need of the soul for creativity, fantasies, communication, friendly, trusting relationships.

By the way a child handles his toys, one can judge how his relationships with people will develop. If only the most expensive and brightest toy is valuable, if all means are good for its extraction - from whining to extortion, but in general there are a lot of toys and they can be broken, scattered, lost, forgotten, then, having got used to such relationships with objects of affection, a grown-up child according to a similar scheme, it will treat people: use, injure, throw and forget, being carried away for a short while by a new bright acquisition.

I had a sweet Bobik, and I tend to be consistent in my affections. Both to people and to objects. To the extent that I can hardly force myself to bring old and long-unnecessary junk to the trash heap. After all, any object is still a memory of something or someone ... Poor Plyushkin! Wondering what his favorite toy was?

And my children somehow did not have a deep relationship with the toy world. Under their pillows you can find now a cube, now a pebble, now a chess horse. Sometimes some soft animal will take half a bed for three days, but then, like its predecessors, it moves to the sofa.

I was worried, and then I thought that maybe they somehow grab each other and me and my dad to build a habit of constant attachments. Or is it just that our demons have not yet crept such a dangerous distance to us to call teddy bears for help?

My daughter is 3.5 years old. She went to kindergarten after 3 years, from the first day she began to take a toy there, to which she became so attached that she began to walk with her everywhere - at home, and walking, and visiting. He always does not let go of her. If he loses her somewhere, hysteria begins. Educators are no longer happy with this addiction, they say - take away the toy, but the daughter cannot live without it. She is very fearful by nature, does not play with toys in the kindergarten, does not play with children there either, walks with her cat, but draws. What can we do with this toy? I don’t want additional stress for the child, but I’m already tired of hysterics because of it.

Received 4 advice - consultations from psychologists, to the question: Worried about the child's strong attachment to the toy

Hello Marina! You should consult a psychologist in person - to investigate the emotional sphere of the child - now her behavior speaks of elevated level anxiety that she does not feel comfortable among her peers, seeks to protect herself, to avoid contacts. With her, you need to work out her feelings, help to realize her fears, work with fears, help to adapt in communication. The psychologist will also help you to master the techniques that you can use in playing with your daughter - for example, to draw situations of communication, to show her in pictures different options for building relationships; you can work with her fears - also draw them. You can look at the book "What to do if ..." with your daughter - there is a section about fears and about what you can do with them. How to draw, make them safe for the child. It is also important that you, for your part, encourage her independence, motivate her to work, so that she gains confidence in herself and her abilities. If you start working with her, then the symptoms in the behavior will go away.

If you dare - you can contact (I work with children and I will be able to explain to you specific techniques that will help you to work out her feelings with her as well) - by Skype or by mail - I will be glad to help you!

Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, psychologist Moscow

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Marina, hello.

If your daughter is "fearful" by nature, no doubt, the emphasis in her upbringing should be on developing her courage, the only question is how to do it.

1. Start by unconditionally recognizing the child's right to be afraid. Do not shame, do not reproach, do not mock her feelings. Treat them with respect. Do not be annoyed by the manifestation of her feelings.

Your attitude is the main support for your daughter. And this support must be reliable, and reliability is a complete acceptance of the child's feelings. If she is afraid, then there is a reason for that.

2. On this basis, you can undertake to teach the child courage.

2.1. For this very good remedy is the telling of fairy tales about little creatures (bunnies, mice, etc.), or children who were afraid of everything (something), and then plucked up courage and made some meaningful brave act. You need to specially select fairy tales, books, cartoons that are suitable.

2.3. If you feel that some cartoon, book, hero touched her. I especially liked it, show them more often, tell them. You can use him as an example in a difficult situation for her. Say: "Do you remember how that little mouse was afraid, and then stopped? Come on, and you and I will now be as brave as a mouse. That is, you encourage her to act brave."

At the same time, it is important to set the child feasible tasks! Because success will add strength and courage to her. Be sure to praise her. Tell me how great she is, how boldly she behaved.

If she was scared again. Do not emphasize this. Just note for yourself that this task of courage is not yet up to her shoulder. Save it for later.

3. In light of the above, try to assess the situation with the toy.

Obviously, this cat is now performing a very important function of support for her, and therefore she can also be "removed" very carefully, gently, and with small steps. The adaptation of such a child in a kindergarten group requires special attention of the educator.

And if the listener simply tells you to "remove this" toy, reacting with irritation on his part, and does not help either you or the child to cope with the situation, you need not to succumb to the irritation of the teacher, and understand that he does not have to wait for his help.

You can also try

1) Agree with the educators that you will remove the toy gradually. To say that you have consulted with psychologists and you were told what to do abruptly will be traumatic for the child.

2) Now about how to "clean up" the toy. First, you need to understand what place it occupies in the child's life. What story connects her with the cat. You need to join this story (fairy tale) so that “cleaning the cat is not violence for the child. You need to communicate with the cat as well as she communicates with her. Greet, talk to the cat. Encourage your daughter to talk to you on behalf of the cat.

In the next step, you can switch roles and speak on behalf of the cat yourself. Take your time and give time for your daughter and yourself to get used to this game.

From this place, you can begin on behalf of the cat to ask to let her go for a walk (or to a cat meeting ... or ...). It is important that the "cat's care", even for a while, is understandable to the daughter and is accepted by her as a good reason why she will be ready to part with the cat for a while, and you have to come up with it. Do this at home first. And then talk with your daughter about that when she is in kindergarten, the cat will be waiting for her in the locker. Because a cat, for example, gets tired of the noisy society of children. She prefers to sleep in a warm, dark locker. If you say in a feline voice, it will sound more convincing for your daughter on behalf of the cat than if you on your own behalf convince her not to take a toy with you to the group.

Marina, I just sketched you a general idea. It consists in the fact that instead of taking away the toy, in game form get her out of the situation, using the situation to the maximum to strengthen your own understanding with your daughter and teach her courage.

All the best. If you have any questions, please, you can contact us for Skype consultation.

All the best,

Sincerely,

Alekhina Elena Vasilievna, psychologist Moscow

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You don't need to put away the toy, you don't need to scold the child. You need to help the child and explain to the educators that the toy saves her from the anxiety that is caused by separation from you. The toy is of great importance to her, since it personifies the connection with you, she (the cat) should be with her all the time - the daughter is afraid of losing and controls it all the time. Be patient, because no one can help the child and protect the child more than mom and dad too). Contact a child psychologist in person for more information on how to behave with your child during this period.

Respectfully yours, Galushkina Marina Kubaevna, psychotherapist. St. Petersburg

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