If they were most meal and divorced. Church divorce. What is church divorce

According to statistics, about half of the wedded marriages decays. Causes - treason, alcoholism, manual attribution ... Does the family saves the patriarchal system? Why often the birth of children shares spouses? How can the absolute obedience can lead to catastrophes? Valeria Mikhailova told Archpriest Alexander Dyagilev, Chairman of the Family Commission, the Protection of Motherhood and Children's Childhood of the St. Petersburg Diocese, Head of the St. Petersburg Diocesan Center for the Orthodox Association "Married Meetings".

"I will make you fear me, on the apostle Paul!"

Father Alexander, you somehow mentioned the divorce statistics among crowded couples. Remind, please, what statistics?

I have been leading this statistics for two years. All parishes are submitted to the diocesant management of the data on how many attitudes they had, funeys and, including weddings. And on the first floor of the diocesan government there is a reception room, where the father sits, Father's father, forced to take petitions addressed to the Metropolitan on the termination of church marriage - he also leads his statistics: how many things are taken as satisfied. Here is this data compared. In 2014, in St. Petersburg there were 1738 wednesses and approximately 620 divorces. In 2015 - 1638 wednesses and 901 divorce. That is, the trend is not the best. For 2016, it is clear, I still have no data.

- Church divorce is that in a secular language, people call "debunking"?

Yes, this particular word people tend to use, although it is incorrect. For example, in practice they come not to the most bishop itself, but to his secretary, or to the priest's specially set to solve such questions - to the same Father Fome. Moreover, Foma's father has its own very wise requirement: if a couple is less than a year in civil divorce, then its petition is not considered. And from the recently, those who want to give a divorce, first began to send to me, and only after talking to me - to the Fome Fome.

- What are you talking about with them?

First, I ask them the question: "What happened to you? What makes you serve for divorce? " Some of this question surprises and even outraged, because people are accustomed to that this is their personal matter: I wanted - I got married, I wanted - we were divorced. Why ask?

I explain that, entering into a wedded marriage, they publicly promised God and the Church to keep love and loyalty to each other all their lives, and here - "Zdrank". Therefore, I think the question is appropriate: "What happened to you?" If only because they will receive a church divorce with the right to enter into the second wedded marriage, and where is the guarantee that sad story will not happen? But most often, the people then even thank for this conversation - at least someone really turned out to be their family history, their family tragedy, and at least someone listened to them.

- What is usually the cause of termination of the church marriage, do you think?

Mainly alcohol and drugs. Very often - violence, most often a man hits a woman, although it happens on the contrary. Well, accordingly, one thing is combined with another. Very common thing - married treason.

But at the same time, probably there are those who do not submit any of the past: divorced, and okay. Once come, it means that they are supposed to be married again in a new marriage, probably, this is not an empty sound for people?

Hard to say. I somehow told about one woman who was in three wedded marriages, and none of them were officially terminated in the diocese before joining the subsequent, although now she lives alone. As she claims - never when he joined the new marriage, she was not asked about the previous life - they simply recorded on a wedding and crowned.

It is clear that in the 90s and in the early 2000s it was fashionable to be married, some of the people are so "in fashion" and were responsible. I remember, in the large urban cathedrals, the wedding was delivered "to the conveyor", several couples per day, I myself saw it. Wedding was superstitially considered as a guarantee of a happy family life. Now, it seems to me, the attitude towards the church in society, not without the participation of the media, has changed somewhat, and unfortunately, not for the better. There is no such fashion for wedding.

I can call another digit. Every year, 56-57 thousand marriages are registered in St. Petersburg and somewhere 24-25 thousand divorces.

It turns out, in 2015, 43% of marriages enclosed in the regions broke up. I compared these figures with the numbers in weddings, and it turned out that in 2015, at 56926 marriages, only 1638 pairs decided to get married, that is less than 3%. This approximately corresponds to the number of deeply churched people, in my opinion.

Even so? Deeply churched people - and can raise his hand to his wife, have problems with alcohol?

Oddly enough, yes! Who said that in the church all healthy? Search in the church absolutely healthy people is the same mistake as to look for them in the hospital. People come with their dumb, they are trying to get rid of them, but they have breakdowns.

In addition, we must understand that family problems are often even provoked by the excessive religiousness of some people who, for example, refer to Domostroy, on the Holy Fathers, for some kind of understanding of the phrase from the 5th chapter of Messages to Ephesians: "A The wife is afraid of her husband "and demand from wives absolutely unquestioned obedience. This is a shape of blackmail: "If you do not obey me in everything, then I will make myself afraid, I have the right to do with the apostle!" There are threats and a game of guilt, a sense of duty and so on.

Behind husband and not before husband

"Very popular words, by the way," the wife can be worried about her husband. " And how to really interpret them?

Husbands must love their wives "like their bodies: Loving his wife loves himself" (EF.5: 28) - about this, the Apostle Paul speaks in the same chapter. And the wife is afraid of her husband, that is, the wife must restrain himself in trying to be the main one in the family. Initially, a man and a woman are created as equivalent creatures, and in relations between her husband and his wife there were no subordination - it will arise, according to the word of St. John of Zlatoust, as a result of the sin. And so - they are different, but equivalent halves of the uniform image of God.

In the 3rd chapter of the Book of Genesis describes the fall. I will not stop in detail now, I only focus on the fact that the sentence of God encourages a snake separately, separate Eva and separate Adam. So a man and a woman are equal before God, but are in different bodies and carry different consequences of the sin. And that God said Eve: "The wife said: Multiplying your grief in your pregnancy; In the disease you will give birth to children; And your husband is your attraction, and he will dominate you "(Gen. 3:16). But the most interesting thing is that in Hebrew it sounds differently: "אֶל הָאִשָּׁה אָמַר הַרְבָּה אַרְבֶּה בוֹנֵךְ וְהֵרֹנֵךְ בְּעֶצֶב וְלְדִי בָנִים וְְל אִישֵׁךְ תְּשׁוּקָתֵךְ וְהוּא יִמְשָׁל בָּךְ». This can be translated as: "It will repeat the pain in your pregnancy, you will give birth to children through pain, and you will experience a strong and passionate desire to be over your husband, but it will make decisions regarding you."

God like that says: "Woman - You can jump forward, you have all the abilities plus there is a strong desire to manage her husband. Once it happened once, now you both lose the Eden Garden.

You will get it in the future, but for nothing good for you will not lead or husband. Happy, you definitely won't be. And now, after the fall, when you become mortals - just even for survival, as well as for normal relations between you and to save your souls, you must keep yourself for your husband, and not before your husband. And Adam will now be responsible for you. "

Adam God said: "For the fact that you listened to your wife's voices and ate from the tree, about which I commanded you, saying: Do not eat from him, cursed the earth for you; With sorrow you will eat from her in all the days of your life ... "(Gen. 3:17). God set the question of responsibility before Adam, as if by saying: "Even if your wife sinned, first of all, I will ask you. I give you power over your wife, but this is the power with responsibility. You must protect her if something happened to her - you answer. That is why you should always be guided by the will of your wife - weigh the situation, and the last word is always yours. Moreover, you answer not only for my wife, but also for the entire material world, which was once dan in possession. Because of your fall, the curse fell on the whole land, now you will eat from her sorrow. "

However, it is important, in the Bible there is no commandment about the need for powerful forcing his wife to fear and submissal to her husband. It should be the choice of the woman itself, seeking the opportunity to save the soul and please God. If you take the text of EF. 5: 20-33, which is read in the mystery of the wedding - there is a relationship of a husband and wives take the apostle Pavlom for the sample to illustrate the relations of Christ and the Church. Therefore, "both the church will obey Christ and his wives with their husbands in everything" (Eph. 5:24).

Before that, at the beginning of the 4th chapter, he argues about the church as a body of Christ, consisting of people. Let's think about how you are with you - the Church of Christ - are afraid of Jesus Christ? We do - we climb under the table at the sight of his icon, and want to be from it as far as possible? Of course not! And he - Will it be hurting and forces me to be afraid? No! On the contrary - we love Jesus Christ: His icons are in your honorable place, we light the lamps in front of them, candles and pray to him, trust him, we are confessed, I love him. And he "loved the church and betrayed himself" (Eph. 5:25).

Our fear of the Lord is a fear of disappointing, to do something nasty to him, but not because we hate him; And he, such as the villain - is looking for an occasion to punish us. We are afraid to upset him - of whom we sincerely love, because it is said: "There is no fear in love, but perfect love is expelled fear, because there is torment in fear. Fearing imperfect in love. We will love him, because he first loved us "(1 John 4: 18-19).

Consequently, the words "and the wife is afraid of her husband" (Eph. 5:33) It should definitely be understood as "And the wife does herself in reverence and respect with love towards her husband, fearing him to upset," and her husband is told in This verse: "So each of you loves my wife, like yourself." I will give another place from the Holy Scriptures on this topic: "Wives, obey their husbands, as decent in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be a harsh. " (Col. 3: 18-19).

The confessor blessed ...

And why, in your opinion, in general it becomes necessary for the pressure of one spouse to another? After all, people who admire each other are married, coming voluntarily. Moreover, these are people familiar with Christianity who know that it is necessary to give up, love, tolerate, to humble each other. Why put pressure then?

One of the reasons with which I faced not so long ago - on the exit under the program "Family Dialogue" of the Orthodox Association "Married Meetings", which was in November of this year in Alma-Ata - this marriage is not in their will, but for the blessing Delician. Moreover, as I understood, it is often practiced there, or practiced before ... I was shocked, but I am afraid that this phenomenon can be found not only there.

- That is, marriage itself is not a voluntary decision of the spouses?!

Yes. The confessor says: "You - come out of time, and you are marrying this, bless it!" - And that's it. For example, we had a couple among the participants, where the girl opened openly that she loved another person all his life and wanted to marry him, and the confessor ordered her to go beyond some kind of guy. But the miracle did not happen, the relationship was not lined up.

Again, as we can meet in many books and brochures: "Dead the confessor is a terrible sin. Live in hell burn, if the confessor is disappointing! If the confessor blesses, it means that it is necessary! The word of the confessor (or the elder) is the word of God - it cannot be questioned, for obediences above the post and prayer ... "Here, under this sauce, it happens, people are married and marry, without thinking at all. And if we ask the spouses on the exit of "married meetings": "Remember the time when you were good when you walked together under the pen when you watched each other when you dreamed all my life to spend together when just that you You are near, you were good, "it turns out that these people didn't even have such people in their lives.

This is one of the specific problems of Orthodox people. Thank God, not so mass, but it is.

But the holy fathers write that they need their own will cut off, it is true that "obedience to the above post and prayer." It would seem logical: why then people make their own solutions if they can show holy obedience?

Let's start with the fact that at some stage of the history of the Church of the Orthodox - about a century in the fifth - monasticism, which appeared predominantly in the deserts as a shelf, begins to spread in cities. City monasteries are being built. Monks cease to be something inquiry, far, living in the desert - they are here, near, and the laity can see them. Often it is the people of the Holy Life, which were renounced from the whole earthly, which holy obstacles are praying, pray, like no one, will try, like no one, very modest, humble, filled with virtues ...

The idea that monasticism was the path of perfect Christian life that the laity should imitate the laity in all monks that genuine Christians are monks, and the laity are like the "unfinished" monks, those who "weak" to take a victor.

So in the Mijan environment, the complex began to cultivate the fact that they did not go to the monks that they were from this, as if second-rate Christians.

As soon as this point of view appeared and became cultivated, another thing arose: that the laity should at least strive to liken to monks in everything as possible.

In the monastic life there is indeed such an important concept as spiritual obedience. But today this word is called very different things: and administrative submission to the bike or igumen of the monastery, and just a kind of labor service in the spiritual seminary or the monastery (they are sent to the field on the field, to the barn, still somewhere).

And "obedience" in his original sense is a kind of spiritual leadership of an old man's confessor, which is important - voluntary when the novice entrusts his will into the hands of his spiritual mentor, who, indeed, revealed the holiness of life. Man, seeing this holiness of life, he wants to learn from him, so he trusts him, he lives next to him, it follows his example and regularly, which is important, opens his thoughts. Every evening, the novice came to his old man and told - moreover, what is important, without evaluation, it's good or bad - what events occurred, what kind of thoughts and feelings have arose at the same time, and the elder himself gave an evaluation of what is happening, advised, How to lead yourself to the novice. Moreover, such an elder had one or two or three novices maximum.

The practice of revelation of thoughts, by the way, many confuse with confession.

- And in reality?

In reality, it was possible only in the monasteries, for the laity, the confession to turn into a revelation of thoughts is madness! Most of the parish priests are not foolish elders at all, and their parishioners are not two or three people.

Nevertheless, the very idea of \u200b\u200bspiritual leadership from monasses has moved to the laity. True, what it is, they did not fully understand, but they realized that it would be necessary to have a confessor, who decides everything for you, and you - you fulfill obedience. Unfortunately, some priests such a type of relationship almost impose: "I, and not to anyone else, you must obey, only I have to confess, only my advice to do ..."

Who said it is so? After all, the same Rev. John the Distrownik advises: the sophose of an elder, before entrusting his will to him - he is one or not that this is a person to listen. Again, with time, this word began to be called even administrative subordination to the church in church or in the monastery, which contributes even more confusion.

Often advise her husband and wife to have one confessor, and this advice is reasonable and helpful. In your opinion, what then the role of the confessor in the life of the family? How much should it interfere in family questions?

The task of the confessor as a priest is to confess a couple and, if any difficulties and misunderstandings arise between them, help them overcome them. And that if they agree to his intervention, and better if they ask him about it. It happens, the request for interference is, but only on the one hand. It is not very correct, in my opinion, will give advice, mandatory for the performance of both spouses.

Even if both sides are ready to ask some kind of priest intervention in a situation, he is not entitled to come to their house and start living their lives. He can help them understand the causes of the conflict that occurred, for example, and give some recommendations to exit this situation. And in general, to interfere in the personal life of people, especially in the intimate sphere, it is not correct.

Nowadays, all sorts of "Lists of sins" from all secret nuns or the "Afono-Caucasian" elders go to the hands of Orthodox: And there is written that intimate relationships should be only in such a posture and once again it is impossible to touch anything that intimate relationships are possible only For the sake of Chadorodia, and every sexual act, not ended with the conception of the child - Sinoven. It is approximately so approved in these strange letters, and for some reason they turn out to be more authoritative for people than what is written in officially published church books than St. John Zlatoust or the Apostle Paul, who wrote: "To avoid a fucking, every His wife , and every one have your husband "(1 Cor. 7: 2). That is, not only for the sake of Chadorodia, but also to avoid a forbooth.

First, nowhere in the Holy Scripture is not said, in which posture pose to enter into intimate relations that they are torn at the same time, and what - no. It is said: "The bed is incredigious" (Heb. 13: 4). Secondly, in general, the details of the intimate life, as well as the prodigal sin, it is not possible to confess, because the memory of the details, instead of repentance, gives rise to the flesh, the desire to repeat again, and why the confessant hear about such things, especially if he is a monk? Rev. John the same writes about the same, saying that the details of the commitment of prodigal sins are not helpful to remember or confess, nor listen to the confessor. Every prodigal sin has its own name, it must be said to confession, and you don't need to climb into details. Thirdly, the confessor is not entitled to climb into the limits of a married bed. This sphere, in my opinion, should be closed even from him, if, of course, it is not about any other things - about violence, for example.

Salary gave - liability shot

- What would you have named "diseases" of marriage, especially characteristic of Orthodox?

Here we can talk about a kind of general illness, which is especially concerned with Russian men, but in part and women: it is called the word "infantilism". She is laid when a person since childhood says that a good child is an obedient child. The child naturally tries to sincerely do what adults are waiting for him, trying to be a good, obedient boy or obedient, good girl.

For parents, the obedient child is comfortable, but the obedient child is a misappimination of a child, an obedient child is an irresponsible child, he is just a good performer that requires Dad or Mom. Then, at some stage, a teenage riot begins - a person is trying to get out of this total control. But, in general, it turns out that the idea of \u200b\u200b"a good child is an obedient child" remains at such a person in the subconscious and in his future life.

- How does this affect family life?

The child grows, he becomes already a young uncle, but ... all the time it is waiting for someone for him to decide, someone will say how to do it. He is looking for this! The most interesting thing is that sometimes he is looking for this in his spouse, that is, the spouse him in some sense replaces mom. "Mom was poured, fed, for me, all the decisions took me, and here" New Mom "appeared, simply, it is possible to enter into intimate relationships, and she will move me, feed and all the decisions will adopt, and I will be salary give "- something like that. This is such a form of male infantilism.

Father Alexander and his wife. Photo: Andrey Petrov

- Are there any historical, social reasons that have led it?

This can be told about this, but I can say that the Second World War influenced this. In our country, Stalin's repression, the Great Patriotic War twisted the best male gene pool, and women learned to the idea "I should be strong." This is a form of psychological injury in many women: "What to do, life is", "I have to be strong", "the men they went, nothing can be done!"

It turns out that, on the one hand, Mom Children says: "Our dad is the most important in the family," because somewhere inside it also has an understanding that a man must be the main thing. But, on the other hand, it actually takes all the decisions, it does not trust him, the brazuds of the board, the decision of financial issues does not give up to her husband, forces him to give her all the salary. Even if it is not an alcoholic, the salary does not supply. So there is no trust. Especially if dad salary gave mom, for his son it is the norm of life since childhood, he comes in his own family.

It is really accepted in almost all families. But it seems to be logical: the woman leads the economy, knows what and how much you need to buy, therefore disposed of money. This is not true? Why, in your opinion, should finance a man?

Who said that the farm lead a woman? Just in a normal family, the farm lead everything, including children. And then the psychological trap is obtained, her mechanism is: a man paid a salary - she took responsibility. A woman took money from her husband, now she is responsible for the farm and survival of the family. After all, the one who has money, who controls their flow, he knows how and what the family lives, but he is responsible for her. If the money has a dad, and he highlights them on the products, on the notebook for children, on clothes, on shoes, he also lives the life of the family.

And so - the money gave the money, let her spend them, as he wants, if only I did not leave me hungry (again - like mom in childhood). And I - went to drink, walk, fishing, in the garage ...

By the way, at the same time, in the post-war years, when the tradition arose that the husband gives a salary to his wife, the idea appeared that the upbringing of children was a female business, men should work at the factory, in the garage, anywhere, and to engage in the house and educate children should women . This was the reason that the girls went to pedagogical universities, and now in schools we have almost everywhere teachers, and teachers almost do not. Before the revolution, it was different, even before the war.

- But the salary of teachers relevant is quite feminine.

Here the salary has nothing to do with the attitude itself: children to educate is not a male matter.

- What picture - the opposite is that you have now described how it should be and why?

That's a very difficult question. Because the patriarchal society, where the man was the main thing, no longer return in the form in which it was. There, indeed, the family completely depended on the man, from his will. The task of a woman was to give birth as many children as possible: many children, it means, a lot of workers, and it means, in old age they will take care of you - the pensions were not. "The children will be thrown into old age," this was the "pension system" one hundred years ago.

Now everything is different: the educational, the social level of women has grown significantly, many women earn more than their husbands. Previously, without a man, it was unthinkable to keep the economy: how to build a house, how to dig up the well, how to bring wood, how to make a stove in the house? And the duties were clearly distributed between a man and a woman. And today it is not at all. Who should wash the dishes in the house?

If both are working and come about at one time from work, tired, then it is not a fact that it is a female responsibility ...

Yes, not the fact that only female. You have to negotiate. Again, we live in those days when you can simply download dishes in the dishwasher, press the button - and that's it. The type of life has changed. Nowadays, a woman can easily earn money and hire the brigade of Uzbek Tajiks so that they build her home or well to her ...

There is another important point: an important condition for the existence of a patriarchal family is not only the canonical dependence of a woman from a man, but also traditions. Say, the girl sees on the example of his mother, how she behave when she grows up, will become his wife and mother. A man sees the example of his father, how to behave himself when he becomes husband and father. Because, like Dad, Mom lived in the hut and children, when marrying, live in the hut; As parents plow the earth, so they will steal the Earth; The son of the Blacksmith becomes a blacksmith, the son of the priest - a priest.

That is, there was some continuity - both in terms of profession, and in terms of life. And much in such families was clear just by default. And nowadays, when the profession of parents does not at all define the profession of children, when traditions are lost for a long time, and we will find out about them, at best, only in museums, it is nowhere to learn how to build relationships with each other. By default, this is no longer working!

Artist Ivan Kulikov. "Forester Family"

But look: Many believers are trying to the patriarchal system. And not only Orthodox: for example, there are Protestant authors who insist that the woman is desirable not to work, but to do only by the house, children ...

We must understand that since the situation in society has changed, in order to return to the original patriarchal defendant, which was many thousands of years in Russia and in other countries, it is necessary that the social and educational level of a woman sharply fell. The women themselves will not agree to this and, in principle, it is already unthinkable in our days. So you need to understand that the time comes to some other type of relationship, which was not analogues in history.

In the Soviet years, there was also a special type of relationship - a children's pedcentric family, when all for the sake of a child, all in the name of the child, and most often in the family the child is one, maximum - two. The goal is to raise it and "hurt him" happiness! Just from such families, infantile children then grow, in fact. I grew up in such a family, as I think, and most of the Soviet people. Here you, cute, the best kindergarten, the best school, here you are in Blatu - arrival at the institute, here's something to you ... And what did it achieve in life, what has reached himself?

Moreover, when such a child is trying to marry or marry leave, mommy does not actively allow. If it started, then actively in the life of a new family interferes. Especially if they live together, in the same apartment, because of this, for a long time they cannot become a separate, independent family. And classical manipulation: "You can have a lot of husbands, and you have one!"

Patriarchal structure, multi-centerness from childocentrism accurately saves. Is not it so?

Patriarchal estate - not at all panacea from problems, that's for sure. In a modern situation, when women are formed not worse than men, they can earn no less, and even more of them, when there are social support and a pension system, when traditions are lost, it turns out, rather, a game in a patriarchal family. As far as I know, often in such patriarchal families, if there are many children, marriages disintegrate, especially when the children grow up. Mom's addiction from the breast child is maximum, and when the child is already more or less independent, it turns out that "I never loved you." And families break down.

More often, of course, the spouses loved, but over the years they have already forgotten, "how it is," because the wife devoted his whole life to children, her husband - work, career, because this family had to earn money. As a result, the relations themselves between them did not arise. The children grew up and left, and they do not understand why stay together ...

Break in relationships with a child size

And where do relationships disappear? After all, after all, it is for the sake of relationships that they marry and get married - love each other, stretch to each other. Children appear, the family is growing, the wife brings up, "saves chador-free", the husband works, all this is a natural course of events - and most importantly, love, goes away. Why?

As for the expression, "Woman is saved by Chador Cador" is not so unequivocal. Let's say, at one time, because of this, the scandalous situation was formed when the father of Januriary (Ivliyev) - one of the specialists in the field of New Testament texts, a teacher of the St. Petersburg Spiritual Academy, which owns ancient Greek language - disassembled this text, showed that it says there A little bit about the other.

According to his version, it is necessary to understand the text: the woman is saved, despite the Chadorius. Not in the sense that Chadorody harms salvation, of course. If you see the text itself, it says: "For Adam was previously created, and then Eve; and not adam is pretty; But the wife, caught, fell into a crime; However, it will be saved through Chadorody, if he is in faith and love and in holiness with the chastity "(1 Tim. 2: 13-15).

In the generally accepted interpretation, it turns out that the fact of Chadorodia itself saves: Give and save. And the father of Janaria suggested the other: the text it turns out that a woman, burning children, can no longer make such active participation in the mission, to pray much, to support the poor, as it could if there were no children. It is forced to invest a lot of strength in children, in everyday worries and less - in spiritual life, but despite this, it saves. God exhibits special mercy to her, given the fact that she has many children, but if it is manifested by her faith, love and holiness with chastity.

Saves the same vera, love, holiness and chastity, despite Chadori and the associated everyday worries.

By the way, the Greek particle Διά has many values, so the text can be translated as "for Chadorody", "through Chadorodie", "in Chadorodia", "for Chadorodia", as well as "for Chadorodia" and "despite Chadorodie". The phrase can still be translated as "for the sake of born" or "through the born Chojo", that is, if a pious Christian grows out of the child, then thanks to this and the mother will be saved. In this case, it is not about the physiological process of childbirth, but about the birth of a human personality, about raising a child in faith and piety.

Photo: Olga Papina / Disfo.ru

- Still, it seems that children often become an obstacle in building and maintaining relations between spouses, that these are two different poles ...

Just many have such an idea that when children appear, then the relationship with the machine must become better. I even know that some consider the appearance of children as a way to improve the situation in the family. That is, if something went wrong with us - we need to give birth to us, the Lord through the baby will somehow get closer, and we will all become good. But, in fact, if there is a kind of breach between her husband and wife, then the child will only increase it soon.

Recently, it has become fashionable - it is beautiful and looks serious and significantly. However, divorce statistics are growing every year. In our forum, disputes do not fade on the topic " Why wander ? ". We decided to try to understand a little in matters of marriage, wedding and divorce.

What is needed for wedding

First you need to establish which types of marriages exist. The Union of Men and Women can be secular (marriage registered in the registry office), church (wedding) or actual (so-called cohabitation). In order for the wedding to be valid, the spouses must comply with several conditions:

1. Church marriage is impossible without civilian. Only legitimate spouses are crowned: before the rite you need to present a state certificate of marriage.
2. Spouses should be equal and baptized. The same religion is a prerequisite. In other words, only the Christian couple can be applied to the ROC.

Divorce: Church and Legal

Love is not only great happiness, but also serious work. Unfortunately, not all copes with it. When the marginal spouses decide to divorce, the natural question arises and about the divorce of the church.

There are couples, which, issued a legal divorce, forget about the church. From the point of view of the state and law, the secular divorce is enough: after him, a person officially recognizes free, even if the church marriage is not terminated. However, truly believers people (whether it makes sense to marry those who are not from their number?) This problem can not worry.

Church attitude to divorce

Of course, the ROCs stands for the eternal loyalty of the spouses and the unprofitability of both church and secular marriage. The church officially does not recognize the divorce and does not provide for "debunk". Spouses are given to each other for mutual correction and therefore a partner's change is not expected.

Historical reference

For centuries, men had more rights and opportunities to terminate church marriage. For example, the church treated the church and belongs rather loyally, while grades of his wife is the basis for termination of marriage.

Thus, there are certain reasons thanks to which the church divorce is still possible. In the history of our state there were rulers who were announced for divorce and a new marriage, referred to the monastery or executed for adultery.

In England, King Heinrich VIII became famous for separated the church from the Vatican and himself became the head of the Anglican Church to be able to marry again. And many times.

For ordinary citizens to get a divorce was more difficult. It is known that Jupiter is allowed - the bull is not allowed. For the divorce, the bloody could serve or tonsure one of the spouses (frequently permanent). However, if the Witch's wife is not able to serve as a reason for divorce. Such a wife had to be re-educated and punished.

Charter on Church Courts Yaroslav (church judicial judicial age 13-14 centuries.) Personal:

"If the wife is a magician, the recorder, or a wrap, or a zeper, a husband, causing, will punish it, but not divorced."

However, the world does not stand still, modern construction affects even the conservatism of the Church. The Catholic Church in which the divorce (including secular) was considered not possible to be considered no possible. In Italy, the cult of the family is so strong that the harsh law prohibiting divorces gave birth to the right of law with ridiculous marriages with citizens of other states.

Only since 1972, Catholicism went on concessions and allowed a divorce. However, in order to divorce in Italy, there are still certain difficulties and it is necessary for 3 years to live separately (separable), being in marriage - intermediate stage of divorce.

Foundation for church divorce

To breed crowded spouses, churches need to be presented quite a good reason.

Causes for divorce recognized by the ROC:

How to get a church divorce

To obtain the church divorce, it is necessary to submit to the diocesan bishop in the diocesant control. This can be done in its arrival: the appeal will be transferred to the lord. By the way, one of the spouses may apply for divorce if it has the above reasons.

Latest you need to briefly state the history of marriage, specify the place and time of the wedding and specify the causes of the divorce. Copies of civil divorce documents are applied to the letter. Each petition is considered individually. If Vladyka considers the reason for the divorce by weighty and will not see canonical obstacles to a new marriage, the former spouses will be given a blessing.

Can be fed again

In Orthodoxy, it is permissible for a re-wedding from "condescending to the nonsense of human". In the event that one of the spouses is wary for the first time, the rite passes as for the first time. A person who is guilty of termination of the first church marriage, to repeat is not right. And the third marriage in any case is the extreme concession of the church and is allowed only to prevent the sin of adultery. More than three church marriages of the ROC does not allow categorically.

Avoid a painful procedure of church divorce will help a thoughtful attitude towards the very sacrament of church marriage. Alas, not so rarely people are wary only because it is unusual, beautiful and romantic. Is it wondering that such couples do not value not only by blessing over, but also loyalty in relationships?

To at least somehow try to force yourself from the divorce of the church, you should not run to the church immediately after the registry office. Little years old in lawful marriage and make sure of your feelings to consolidate them before God with all responsibility. Also, it is worth at least a little like a church and find out that in addition to the beauty of the wedding rite implies church marriage, what rights, responsibilities and consequences.

Tested by time and life tests of the feelings of young people are so strong that they require their continuation not only in civil marriage, but also in church blessing. But it happens that some are wary, giving tribute to fashion, to give the solemnity of the wedding, for the sake of beautiful photos. And over time, feelings fade, the spouses will dissolve civil marriage and are looking for ways to get a church divorce. But it is not always easy to do, because in church canons, a wedded couple remains husband and wife, even after receiving certificates of marriage in the registry office.

What is church divorce?

In church lexicon there is no concept of "divorce". Marriages are performed in heaven, and the person does not allow you to separate those who combined God. The couple who passed the rite of wedding is considered to the end of the life associated with family bonds. And even after the death of the first spouse, the first spouse will expect his fellow in heaven. Ancient marriage is considered as the only and non-repeated one. But what to do if the spouses officially filed a divorce, the civil union was dissolved, and after someone of them wishes to marry once again or marry, passing again the mystery of the wedding?

No priest will be allowed to be married until the previous church marriage is terminated. If a secular divorce is acceptable for society and evidence of the dissolution of marriage to consider a person free, then this document does not suit the church. It is only the basis for the procedure of the so-called church divorce. The clergy agrees to consider such a question only in some cases. To seek the permission to be obtained by a spouse that is not caused by the collapse of the family.

Each case is considered individually, the factors that led to the divorce are taken into account. You will not receive permissions for some personal whim, the desire to prove something to someone or suffer. The church is estimated only by objective reasons that make life in marriage inexpedient. There is a chance to get pastoral condesception from the spouses, for a long time not living together, but for this they need to prove that the recovery of the family does not make sense.

Causes of church marriage termination

Turning to the priest with a request to debunk a marriage, you should bring a number of reasons proving the inadmissibility of living with a spouse under one roof. The church will take into account your statement if:

• Spouse changed you. In the old days, people rarely appealed to church with such a problem, because the betrayal was considered a big shame. From the point of view of modern youth there is nothing gallopped in recognizing this fact and break the relationship with a unworthy man.

• One of the spouses accepted another faith. There are many religions in the world, they all have the right to life. But marriage between people who believe in different gods, the church is not welcome.
• By unfortunate chance, the marriage was concluded between close relatives.
• Spouse after a civil divorce started a new family. It happens that people, terminating their relationships in the registry office, enter into a new civil marriage, forgetting that they were most persecuted. This is a good reason for obtaining a church divorce permit.
• Diagnosed infertility of the spouse (wife). This is a big trouble, against which it is difficult to do something. Thanks to scientific progress, there are several ways to make children - surrogate motherhood, artificial fertilization. In the extreme case, spouses can take a child from the orphanage. But not everyone goes to it. Therefore, the church will not oppose the natural desire of a person to have another family, where he can have his own children.

• The spouse / spouse is missing for a long time (more than 5 years), does not make itself felt or in places of imprisonment.
• The spouse (or spouses) revealed an incurable mental disorder, especially if his behavior rushes a threat to the lives of family members.
• A spouse or spouse of leprosy, syphilis, AIDS, chronic alcoholism, drug addiction.
• The spouse systematically applies domestic violence, manual attribution. To obtain a decrease permission to prove this fact documented.
• Wife made an abortion without looking at the desire of her husband to have a child. It takes into account the state of her health and the absence of contraindications for pregnancy and childbirth.

• A spouse has sexual perversions, unnatural vices, especially if they concern their own children.

How to get a church divorce after wedding?

If you seriously decide to get a church divorce, you should contact the diocesal control with the former half and write a petition on the name of the confessor. It must contain a description of the history of your family, the document on the place and time of wedding is attached to it, a description of the causes of divorce, the original and a copy of the certificate of divorce a civil marriage. Writes the petition one culprit of the process, but the written consent of the second is necessarily attached to it.

The Orthodox Church is honored by the Family Institute, any divorce is interpreted as a big sin, in the commission of which there are wines of both spouses, so the resolution of the Lord will be received only when former husband and wife realize this and sincerely repent. Not in vain the last words of petitions will be: "I apologize for a terminated marriage." Only after such a procedure, people will be prepared with all seriousness to create a new family before God.

In the presence of good reasons for the divorce, describe them in detail, indicating the place and time of the accomplished facts (married treason, manual processing, etc.) and confirm with the relevant documents. For example, a mental disorder of a spouse or a female abortion will confirm the medical certificate from the attending physician. Having considered all the paper provided, the bishop will decide and will issue a resolution that the marriage is discontinued. In the case of the recognition of the marriage "Exhaust" person can re-pass the mystery of the wedding.

Video: Church Marriage Development Procedure

Often, people who dissolved civil marriage are not thinking about the fact that there is still a connection between them, nobody has canceled their union before God. Some do not take into account such facts and continue to live free life, tying new relationships. But for people of believers is very important when creating a new family to get married than to examine their serious intentions, sincere love and loyalty. And the wedding becomes impossible until the former church marriage is terminated.

The debtor procedure should be suitable with all seriousness, take into account all the facts and arguments, so as not to look ridiculous or stupid in the eyes of the bishop. It is recommended to consult with a father, to take into account his instructions, and only after contacting the diocesant control. Look at the video in which the tips of the wise priest are set out, they will guide you true and help to arrange their destiny.

Is it possible to divorce after the wedding?

In the process of registration, newlyweds do not simply register their relationship and officially fix them - they also bond love in front of the state. And those who are crowned in the church - fastens and confirms their love before God.

Therefore, entering into both church and ordinary, secular marriage, the newlyweds promise together to share joys and sadness, as well as living together and well, regardless of the financial situation. However, not every union of men and women withstands the test for years and time.

Divorce for those who were married

Approximately about half of the marital couples registered in Russia, as a result, disintegrates after some time after the start of marriage official relations. Couples go to the registry office, bred, and, in most cases, they stop on this. They comply with all current conditions for the divorce, because it is such a divorce-state-state, will be enough to complete the official relations.

However, few people think about what you need not just to divorce: if there was a wedding, you need to remember this and know how to divorce it.

The thing is that for believing citizens who are married, the divorce does not end in the registry office. They will all be married, but before God, and it will be until they are promoted.

How to debunk

It should be noted immediately to take into account that the church relates very negatively to any varieties of divorces, it is officially believed that the rupture of relations between husband and wife harms not only the spouses themselves, but also children of these spouses.

Now qualified lawyers, as well as employees of the church service go to meet, but even those relative to representatives of the monarch of the monarch of the monarch. Today the situation has changed, but it is recommended to refer to a qualified lawyer to confirm the cause of divorce and debunation.

Development: Terms for divorce and basic reasons allowing to debunk

1. Treason;
2. Any vices that are or can be recognized as unnatural;
3. Entry of the spouse in marriage relations with another person;
4. Refusal one of the spouses from his faith;
5. Lack of spouse for more than three years;
6. Failure to comply with one of the legitimate spouses of his marriage due to causing itself various physical damage;
7. Originction or any other varieties of harm to the spouse or children;
8. The presence of any mental diseases in one of the spouses, if these diseases cannot be cured;
9. Venus's disease;
10. Passion of the spouse to drugs, as well as alcohol, or to any other harmful habits affecting the spouse;
11. Contents of a spouse in prison;
12. The use of the defective physical state of the spouse to extract personal / own benefits;
13. Abortion without the consent of her husband.

How to bind when it was wund

Many have a question: how is it right and in general it is possible to divorce a couple in a wedding

In order to officially divorce not just as citizens, but also as citizens who were crowned and testified to their relationship before God, it is necessary to make an official divorce in the registry offices. After that, it is necessary to apply with the appropriate request to the church in order to have a declaration procedure there.

It is recommended to produce this procedure during the arrival, and it will be right if both spouses come for the arrival. It is necessary to write the appropriate dissemination petition, and send this petition to the name of the diocesal bishop. It should be noted that this application may even file one spouse.

It is imperative to properly compile documents, and here it is useful to legal advice on divorce. The question must be specified in detail and truthfully all the reasons according to which the divorce was inevitable.

The marriage will be canceled if the church belief himself considers the reasons for its termination as respectful.

In addition to petition, spouses also need to take some documents to church:

1. Certificate of wedding spouses;
2. Documents certifying the identities of the applicants;
3. Documents that will confirm the official, that is, the legal termination of the relations of marriage between spouses;
4. In cases where the main foundation of the divorce is the disease of the spouse or its long-term imprisonment, these documents must be attached as evidence. These may be the documents of a medical examination of illumination, as well as documents from the criminal case materials in relation to one of the spouses.

It should be noted that if the settlement occurs through the fault of one person, the church allows him to be married again, although it makes it very reluctant. Therefore, it is recommended that you cannot bring things before the debate or contact the help of a qualified lawyer for correctly making a brokenure business.

When people in love register their relationship in the registry office, they officially fasten their love before the state. Check out in the church, they become husband and wife before God. When entering into secular and church marriage, the newlyweds promise each other to be together in sorrow and joy, in wealth and poverty to the end of life. But not every family union withstands the test time. Practically half of married couples in Russia, faced with difficulties, prefers to disperse. Having received a certificate of termination of marriage in the registry office, many former spouses stop at this, because the divorce through government agencies is enough to be considered legally free citizens and start building their lives again. But the procedure for termination of marriage from believers does not end this, because until the debt takes place, their marriage will be considered valid before God.

In what cases can you ask the church of the debate?

The Orthodox Church is extremely negative about the divorce, believing that the rupture of family relations harms and spouses, and their children. And if in our rapid time the cholesmithors went to meet parishioners and became in the presence of really good reasons to hold a debunk, then in the past century, the monarch of the monarch could not be divorced after the wedding. The church did not recognize the dissolution of marriage, connecting people in the Union once and forever. For the first time, a list of reasons giving the opportunity to Orthodox parishioners to get a divorce from the church was drawn up in 1918. Over time, this list was somewhat expanded. Today, the foundation may be the following:

Procedure for the divorce of the marginal spouses

Some people have a question about how to divorce the church rite.

For this, the former marital couple must be first in government agencies, and then apply for a declaration of church.

You can do this in the arrival, which is usually visited by a husband with his wife. It is necessary to write a petition for divorce to the name of the diocesan bishop. One spouse can file a petition. To draw up a document, it is necessary to take very responsibly and indicate all the reasons for which the married couple no longer wants and cannot live together. The petition will personally be considered by the Lord. The marriage is canceled if the church will find the grounds for its termination of respectful.

In addition to the ingestion, the married couple will need to take with me to church:

• your passports (if one person is the initiator of the debate, then only his passport);
• certificate of wedding;
• a document confirming the legal termination of marriage;
• if the basis for a divorce is a sickness of a husband (wife) or his (her) stay in prison, it will be necessary to further attach the medical conclusion or the decision of the court under the criminal case.

In fact, the church does not spend any special rite of debunation. The bishop examines documents submitted by spouses and, if the causes of which people want to divorce, weighty, gives them their blessing. A person who was recognized as innocent in the collapse of the family, the Orthodox Church, though reluctantly, but permits to make marriage before God for the second time. The sinner, the fault of which there was a divorce, in order to redeem his guilt and get a blessing for a repeated wedding, it will be necessary to sincerely repent and commit a dope. The Orthodox Church does not allow to enter into an alliance before God for more than three times.

Divorce in other religions

Unlike Orthodoxy, the Catholic Church does not allow to divorce the marginal couple. However, in some cases, church marriage in Catholics can be invalid. The basis for the cancellation of a Catholic marriage can serve the failure to comply with any of the spouses of his promises, data during the rite of wedding (non-compliance with loyalty, lack of support and other). But the Catholic Church, even if there are objective reasons, is in no hurry to cancel marriage. The termination of unions is engaged in the church tribunal, and the procedure itself can stretch for several years. Spouses will advise not to hurry with a divorce and direct all their strength to reconciliation and continuation of family life. In case of recognition of a marriage tribunal, annulled spouses can be resolved repeated or prohibit if there are grounds for it.

Islam does not encourage a married divorce, considering it the most hated act for Allah. But despite this, it relates to it quite condescending. Muslims get a divorce after the wedding easier for a man. To gain freedom, he is enough in the presence of witnesses to pronounce a special divorce formula. At the same time, the man is allowed not to explain the reasons why he left his wife (although it is not approved in Islam). A kind of a Muslim woman will be given a divorce only if it can submit evidence that her husband did not fulfill his duties. With the same wife, Muslim can be divorced and married three times, after which it becomes forbidden for him. Again with her again, a man can only after she marries another man and divorced him or widths.

To the divine after the wedding of Judaism, as well as the rest of religion, relates negatively. However, if the husband and wife are equally striving to dissolve the marriage, they will be able to do it without any problems. Before the rite of weddings, the spouse is obliged to show his wife a special document (KTUB). It will stipulate all the conditions of the future marriage, including the possible divorce and financial support that the spouse will provide his wife after termination of marriage. Divorce after the wedding rite in Jewish families is possible only with the consent of both parties. In this case, the husband and wife will divorce without long wires. Having received a divorce letter in the hands, each of the spouses has the right to conclude a new marriage before God.

Wedding is a very responsible step, in which the newlyweds swear to each other in loyalty before God. Agree on this great church sacrament is only if the lovers are confident in the power of their feelings and want to live together all his life. Today, most people relate to the wedding as a fashion rite and is not aware of his true meaning. Being congenged, they do not stop neither before treasures, nor in front of a rough appeal, nor before drunkenness. In order for spouses to do not worry the question of how to divorce after the rite of church wedding, they do not need to rush to enter into a church union. Having lived some time in ordinary marriage, they will be able to understand whether they should be married or their joint life turned out to be an annoying mistake.