How to raise your self-esteem. Improving self-esteem: tips and tricks. Give up their own desires

Many articles, magazines, books on psychology have been written on how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence. Still, many aspiring entrepreneurs (and not only) are concerned about these issues. Therefore, at the request of our site readers, we decided to write this detailed article about self-assessment without water and in fact. So let's go!

Long gone are the old misconceptions that in order to be happy you need:

• to believe, and obey the parents;
• dance around the fire and worship the gods;
• build communism;
• and so on and in the same spirit (underline the necessary).

With the development of psychological science, only one thing becomes obvious - only man himself can make himself happy , not counting, of course, force majeure circumstances.

So, from this article you will learn:

1. What is self-esteem and what functions does it have, etc .;
2. How to love yourself and increase your self-esteem - advice from psychologists and experts;
3. How to become self-confident and content with your life;
4. Reasons for low self-esteem, tests, videos, etc.

The article describes how to increase self-esteem, what ways to raise it exist, why people have low self-esteem, etc.

The correctness of self-assessment is a difficult thing. This is the same ship waterline on the high seas, which should not nor rise higher, nor go below... Before embarking on a long voyage, you must understand that without adequate self-esteem nothing will come of it. How does this happen?

The human subconscious builds itself based on many factors from the first minutes of life.

In order to understand the mechanism of self-esteem formation, it is necessary to understand that:

• a person is never alone - he is a herd animal and must be in society (sociopaths are a deviation, a disease);
• every word and deed of others in relation to the person automatically influences it, forcing to evaluate itself in one way or another;
• mostly people and builds an opinion about himself, perceiving himself "through someone else's eyes"without the ability and desire to analyze their actions on their own and give them a final assessment.

As a result, it turns out that self-esteem – this is combined information about all assessments of your personality, made independently or on the basis of another opinion, which forms your idea of \u200b\u200byour qualities and shortcomings.

It can be formulated in another way: self-esteem – it is the definition of one's place in the ranking of all people in the world, which is based on one's own and imposed priorities... It looks different for each person.

For example, a blonde who has not finished reading the primer in her life may have high self-esteem, since her society only gives her positive information about her personality, her virtues coincide with those that are in use among her environment and she looks like her society demands it. That is, it surrounds her on all sides positiveand a small share negativeshe just doesn't notice / ignore.

On the other hand maybe yesterday's student engineer, who graduated from university with a secondary education, got a job and, out of fright, already made a couple of minor mistakes, to which they were quite loyal.

It will seem to him that in comparison with more experienced colleagues, he is a nonentity, he will never succeed. Here, too, mom says that he is a talentless son, because he forgot to take out the trash in the morning, dad assures that instead of higher education it was necessary to go simply to the mine, because there "they pay normal money, and there is no need to think with a stupid head." Added to all this is the standard appearance and the dream of the girls from the TV.

All this a typical example of low self-esteem that is shaped by others. The young man himself has nothing to do with her - rather, he simply moves with the flow that forms his environment.

Without changing anything in his life, he is unlikely to achieve anything in it.

If you do not pull yourself together, such problems await him:

• failure at work due to persistent nervous tension and self-flagellation from the series “I won't succeed, others will do it better”;
• lack of growth in the career ladder due to fear of responsibility, thoughts similar to “I cannot cope, this is not for me, I am not capable of this”;
• constant fear of losing a job, a feeling of fatigue, depression, possibly alcoholism, the desire to escape reality into an illusory comfortable world;
• the impossibility of adequate relations with girls, as tightness and complexes will manifest here too, there will be thoughts from the series "she is too beautiful, I do not earn so much, I am ugly, I am not worthy of her."

This is far from full list those troubles and life problems that are born from poor self-esteem, the inability to work with it.

At an older age, these may be problems with raising children, communicating with them. There can also be significant troubles with self-realization, the desire to start your own business, and everything in the same spirit.

The mentioned young man is just an example, everyone has a reason to think badly of themselves - no one is perfect. It is important to adequately assess your personality as a whole and from this already build connections with the outside world.

It is also necessary to understand that it is not only about money and career.

A person with low self-esteem initially cannot be happy for the following reasons:

• constant fear;
• enduring nervous tension;
• periodic depression;
• aggravated stress when exposed to adverse factors;
• impossibility of self-realization;
• constant stiffness, up to physical movements;
• lack of self-confidence;
• pliability to the outside world, weak character;
• inability to start something new;
• closed, constrained speech;
• constant self-digging.

These are all signs that you don't have happy future, because no one will come and change your life by magic.

In order to confidently look into the future, you need to work on yourself and not be afraid to change. Without this, everything will remain in place, and dreams will turn into collapse.

Basic Self-Assessment Features

Exist three main functionsthat make adequate self-esteem so necessary:

• Protective - solid self-esteem will allow you to be confident in what you think and do, it provides a stable opinion about yourself, and therefore an even emotional background, less exposure to stress;
• Regulatory - helps to make the most correct and timely choice concerning your personality;
• Developing - the correct assessment of your personality gives a strong impetus to its development.

A situation is considered ideal in which a person absolutely independently evaluates his qualities and capabilities and adequately understands what he is good at and what is bad. From this he plans his life - what he will do, what to learn, and so on. Of course it is impossible .

From early childhood to late old age, everything around is trying to influence us, our assessment of ourselves. At the very beginning we are characterized by parents, after peers and friends, then add teachers and professors, colleagues, bosses etc.

As a result, we do not even evaluate ourselves, but compare the opinion of others about ourselves with the ideals imposed by society. Where is there to adequate self-esteem, some of the information received does not apply to reality at all!

But only by correctly assessing your abilities, you can understand in which direction you need to develop and what you are in general.

It's bad in this situation any deviation... An overestimated self-image will lead to many painful mistakes in life, although it is more rare. Much more common low self-esteem , which destroys people's lives, does not allow to open up, to show the maximum of its capabilities. The neglected form of this problem leads to an inferiority complex, and hence the destruction of the personality.

Essentially, it is one of the main reasons that a person cannot make money. Not confident in himself, he rushes from corner to corner, is afraid to take a risky step in his opinion or the thoughts of others, in the end he despairs and continues to live from one meager salary to another.

Moreover, in such cases, you cannot start your own business, because the qualities necessary for this: activity, readiness to risk and take decisions are taken from faithful, adequate self-esteem.

Lack of self-confidence takes away the energy of the personality, fetters his actions, which leads to a terrible state when a person is only able to think or dream about action, and not decisively take up the implementation of his desires.

2. How to love yourself and what will happen if you don't сделать

Love yourself does not mean become narcissistic... In fact, it has to do with self-esteem. Only the person who is able to assess himself and highlight all his advantages and disadvantages can really honestly and fairly treat his personality.

How to learn to love yourself and increase self-esteem for women and men

So how to love yourself and increase your self-esteem?

Having low self-esteem, you will only see everything negative in yourself, which of course will not lead to anything good.

Justified self-love based on your merits and constant work above the shortcomings there is a guarantee that others will treat you well.

It's really hard to love a person who do not appreciate and does not respect yourself. This is more of a pity than anything more. To be competitive in business or in choosing a spouse, or in many other things, you can only have high self-esteem and correct attitude to yourself . Suppressedand hammered personality cannot be realized in the modern world.

It's a big mistake to constantly look for flaws in yourself. The more you do this, the more difficult it will be for you to make any, even the smallest decision.

Self-criticism - this is great, but it must be harmoniously balanced with praise, forgiveness and self-respect.

In our psyche, there are enough specific defense mechanisms against pain, unpleasant sensations and various threats... Our consciousness is only the visible part of a huge iceberg that hides the subconsciousness behind it. It is also not homogeneous and consists of different personalities "getting along in one body." Each of them affects consciousness, constantly expressing their desires and needs on the body.

Suppressing the natural desire to be happy, developing an inferiority complex, you give the opportunity to crawl out the most dark corners of your psyche.

This can lead to various psychological deviations of varying severity. A calm person will be doomed to eternal depression (read the article - ""), and a sensitive nature may reveal and signs of schizophrenia, various manias and other extremely serious diseases. Of course, these are very rare cases, but there is a risk.

3. How can you tell if you have low self-esteem?

Here is a list of signs by which you can determine whether a person has low self-esteem:

• a large amount of criticism addressed to you, both in the case and out of the blue;
• dissatisfaction with any of their actions and results;
• too strong a reaction to outside criticism;
• painful reaction to the opinion expressed about yourself, even positive;
• fear of doing something wrong;
• indecision required for a long time to think before doing anything;
• unhealthy jealousy;
• strong envy, especially when others have achieved something;
• an obsessive desire to please, literally creep in front of others;
• hatred of one's surroundings, causeless anger at others;
• constant excuses;
• desire to defend against everything in the world;
• enduring pessimism;
• a lot of negativity in everything.

Low self-esteem makes a person suffer much more from failure. Any problem is temporary, especially if you start solving it in time.

If the person is insecure, then she will aggravate the trouble until she becomes insoluble, in the end he will give up and leave everything on driftthat will bring problems in all areas of life.

This approach on an ongoing basis will aggravate self-esteem, make you feel insignificant, in the end hate yourself.

Society is very sensitive to this and as soon as your negative attitude towards yourself becomes noticeable, others will begin to treat you worse. The further, the more, which will eventually end in alienation and hermitage, a deeply unhappy existence, lack of money and personal life, psycho-emotional disorders.

There is an absolute pattern: you start to respect yourself and others will respect you .

Success factors - self-confidence and high self-esteem

4. High self-esteem and self-confidence are the most important factors for achieving success

Self love - this is not a flaw, not arrogance, and so on. It is worth distinguishing between narcissism and healthy respect for one's personality.

The most important thing - to correlate your opinion with reality. If you are really good at carving wood, love yourself for it, be proud of it, even brag about it.

If you just started doing this - appreciate yourself for striving for new things, desire to do something with your hands... In every action you can find and positiveparties and negative ... Love yourself for the first and relate adequately to the second.

Only in this case, the people around you will see your positive sides, start you appreciate and respect... If everything is the other way around, and you look for more and more flaws in your work, those around you will do it. And believe, they will find them.

The more you will confident, the more people will reach out to you. Moreover, both those whose level of self-esteem is higher than yours, and those who have it lower. They will want to communicate more closely, start cooperation, just talk with an interesting, confident person who is not afraid and does not hesitate to tell what he thinks is necessary or to act as he thinks is right.

The strength of the spirit attracts everyone - from young to old, which will make you not only popular, but also more satisfied with your life.

Signs of good, high self-esteem:

• the physical body is not a painful ugly shell, but a given by nature;
• confidence in yourself, your actions and words;
• mistakes are not obstacles on the way, but a way to learn more;
• criticism is useful information that does not affect self-esteem;
• compliments are pleasant and do not cause strong emotions;
• speak calmly with all people, do not feel awkward when communicating with strangers;
• every opinion expressed is valuable, but does not fundamentally affect the opinion of the person himself;
• take care of the state of the body;
• worry about their emotional balance, if necessary, correct it;
• constantly harmonious development, without leaps and unrealistic tasks;
• finish what they started, achieve success in this and are not afraid of it.

Believe in yourself, respect your own self - this is the basis for achieving any goal, including the fundamental one - be happy... This will help you grow above yourself today, forget about the troubles and disgusting feelings that you experienced at the bottom of your own self-esteem.

In the former Soviet Union, many of the older generation have big problems with self-esteem. At that time, she was extremely unpopular, since the leader was the common good, and not everyone's happiness. Next generation 90s she also did not receive a sufficient amount of adequate positive information about herself from the world because of the difficult situation in the country, lack of money, and a dangerous criminal situation.

At this time, it's time to forget about it and think about own well-being... In order to change your self-esteem, you need to work on your personality.

This will be the very qualitative change in life that you have dreamed of so much.

The main reasons for low self-esteem

5. Low self-esteem - 5 main reasons for self-doubt 📑

Mouse races, in which a person participates from birth, forces him to form a certain opinion about himself. As a result, by the beginning of a conscious life, we often get unhappy and sad a young man who perfectly understands that a lot of troubles and the need to work await him and his complexes. Why does this happen?

Reason # 1. A family

If you ask yourself where a person's opinion of themselves comes from, the first correct answer is family. We get most of our psychological attitudes at a very young age. This is due to the fact that emotional formation also occurs during physiological development.

In a different way, as we grow up, our parents and environment lays the foundation of our future personality brick by brick.

It is logical to assume that the opinion about oneself created in childhood will remain with us for many years, and maybe for a lifetime. It is good if parents understand this and take responsibility for what they say to their child and how they do it. However, this is not always the case.

For example, according to parents, a child from kindergarten constantly makes mistakes. The progress of parental humiliation looks like this:

• Have you built a beautiful house out of a constructor? And who will clean it up?
• Defeated the guys from the neighboring yard in the game with snowballs? You’re all wet, you’ll get sick, but we don’t have any money anyway!
• Got a 5 in Physical Education? And where is the math, absolutely stupid?
• What do you mean you liked this girl? Her dad is a gardener, and this is not prestigious!

So, day after day, parents impose on the child that he cannot do anything right. The kid stops believing that he is able to do something with his hands, have fun, choose a partner, company, and so on.

Against this background, self-love cannot arise in any way, who can respect and appreciate such an absurd creature? Then, about twenty years later, parents are surprised to discover that their child is a loser, has not achieved anything in life, is lonely and sad and blame it on ... himself, because they put so much effort into him, and he, ungrateful... and everything in the same spirit.

What should a person do in this situation? Of course, work on yourself, improve self-esteem and strive for happiness. Everything is possible, the main thing is to want.

Parents, however, should remember that criticism is a dangerous tool of upbringing that can lead to painful consequences. It is worth knowing that you are growing a separate person who must be confident in his decisions and actions, has his own opinion, be able to make decisions, and not limply follow you as an extension of your body and mind.

The best situation for a kid is good and affectionate mom who always calm and happy... The father, on the other hand, must be demanding, have serious authority and, most importantly, treat the child fairly at any age.

It is also worthwhile to be attentive to each child in the family, even if there are a lot of them. So-called " little brother syndrome"When the younger is reproached for the success of the elder - worsewhat you can think of to build healthy self-esteem.

As family for a child - the center of the universe, you should pay attention to his ego. If you feel your self-esteem is dropping, raise it.

It doesn't take much - just praise him fairly several times a day and he'll go to bed happier. Encourage him to do what he does best, and gently point out flaws rather than criticize. In this way, the child's self-esteem will inevitably rise and ensure his stability for life and a happy future.

Reason # 2. Early failure

From early childhood, there are failures on our path. This is inevitable for every person, because we live in a far from ideal world. An adult with a stable psyche is usually quite calm about failures, can overcome them and learn from them useful informationhowever, this is not always the case with children.

At a very early age, even if you don't remember the failure, it is possible that it is in the depths of your subconscious and whispers all the time: “ don't do anything, it won't work anyway, i'm always behind you". It is imperative to fight this.

Over time, if you work on your personality, these memories will emerge, they will be very painful and unpleasant, however, after analyzing them in detail and realizing that your mistake is completely insignificant and should not in any way affect you later, you will get rid of a significant burden on your heart.

Since the time when you remember perfectly all its troubles, it is much easier to work with this. Digging through the mind, you will definitely find a pair dozens moments that have oppressed you since school. Schoolmate refusal, unflattering expression of the teacher, father's rude comment, failure in competition, two in physics - these are all examples of a heavy load that lowers your self-esteem and takes positive energy for eternal torment over long-lived problems.

All this from a youth forms the consciousness of a loser who simply cannot achieve something in life, and this is a lie - after all, everyone is capable of it.

Reason number 3. Life passivity

The formation of personality begins from childhood and at the first stages does not require any effort from us. However, the older we get, the more this situation changes.

TO 15 years our personality will not move forward a centimeter if we do not try to do it. That is, over time, more and more willpower will be required from each person in order to at least remain at the original level, for development it will be necessary to do more and more.

If a child is depressed since childhood, is not used to working on himself and developing, in adulthood he will belong to the so-called gray mass.

This substance in society is characterized by the fact that its unit:

• does not want to develop;
• constantly postpones important things for later (procrastinates). Read about that in one of our articles;
• does not dream of more;
• does not take personal responsibility either for himself or for his family;
• accustomed to poverty / low income;
• does not take care of himself, his appearance;
• believes that everything new is terrible and unnecessary in his life;
• does not know how to be satisfied or dissatisfied - emotions are absolutely inert.

There is a statement by the famous physicist that a person without willpower is just a vertical puddle. The gray mass consists of such individuals. This is not an example of bad self-esteem, but of its complete absence.

No aspirations, no wishes, eternal lack of money and lack of any vivid impressionsthat are able to dispel the gray reality.

This is a rather sad sight that ruins thousands of lives, including those children who grow up in such families. Boost self-esteem in such a case it is vital for women and men.

If this is not done, a happy, bright, full of emotions life will pass by, leaving fragments of poverty and an ever depressive mood.

Reason number 4. Environment

We are all surrounded by a large number of people. Some of them are successful, others are not very successful, and still others do not want to be so. If you decide to take everything from life, to make yourself a happy, self-confident person, you should acquire an appropriate environment.

Signs of an unhealthy society:

• constant groundless philosophizing, verbiage;
• criticism of everything in the world, from government to neighbors, is especially groundless or meaningless;
• inertia and lack of initiative, for example, if you cannot persuade your friends to go to a concert or a movie;
• constant gossip, condemnation of others behind their back;
• planning to “get rich quick” without any action or effort;
• a large amount of alcohol, cigarettes and other bad habits.

Lack of desire to develop, work and generally try in life is quite contagious. In such a company you feel no worse than everyone else, but it relaxes, requires a lot of time and emotions, pulls you to the bottom. it energy vampirismwhich is difficult, even impossible to fight. If you can - leave such a company or environment altogether, if not - just minimize communication.

The best society for aspiring to develop is people have already achieved something... Not sure how to get to know them? Try going to places you haven't been to before. Usually this libraries, book the shops, theaters, thematic establishments, seminars, trainings etc.

Reason number 5. Appearance problems

Appearance is a strong factor, especially during adolescence. If she has any defects, then even with the correct approach of relatives to upbringing, low self-esteem can be formed based on the opinions of peers, teachers, and so on.

The most common example in this case is excess weight... Offensive nicknames, lack of attention of girls / boys, contemptuous attitude of some adults - all this naturally affects the personality of the child.

If this manifested itself in adulthood, then the person will not demonstrate his resentment so clearly, but the pain will not decrease from this.

In order to change this, you can try to fix the defect. For example, if this is a diet, then the whole family should sit on it so that the child does not feel disadvantaged. If change is not possible, the child needs help to come to terms with this situation and develop in a different direction.

There are many charismatic and attractive fat men in the world and thin people that are absolutely not interesting to anyone.

7 ways to boost your self-esteem and become self-confident

6. How to increase self-esteem and confidence - 7 ways 📚

Having figured out what self-esteem is, why it is needed and what influences its formation, you can start how to work with it, namely, how to raise it.

It is not enough just to realize that you are not assessing yourself correctly, you also need to be able to change the situation. Below are some interesting and effective ways to build self-esteem and confidence.

Method number 1. Environment

The society in which you move determines who you are. It is important for everyone not to be the last. In a company in which no one has achieved anything, you feel comfortable, because everyone is just like you.

Now imagine that you find yourself in a social circle where one yesterday bought a new car, the second opened a new branch of his store, the third recently graduated from university. At the same time, you barely graduated from college, and can't get a job.

How will you feel? Unpleasant, of course. In addition, you will receive a powerful, significant impetus to development, the desire to do something significant for your life and career. You will feel uncomfortable at first, but over time, you will realize that you are changing for the better with this company.

In addition, you will get rid of the eternally depressing social circle that pulls you to the bottom and makes fun of all your timid undertakings.

A strong and successful person will never become, laughs at someone who is just trying his hand. On the contrary, he will help and prompt, even support, if necessary.

Look for the right social circle that will make you work on yourself.

Method number 2. Literature, trainings, films

Having dealt with the environment, start taking decisive steps, namely, take up reading books on working on yourself, increasing self-esteem. This list will come in handy:

• Brian Tracy "Self-Assessment";
• Sharon Vegshida-Cruz “How much are you worth? How to learn to love and respect yourself ”;
• The Charm of Femininity by Helen Andelin;
• Louise Hay "Heal Your Life".

Next stage - attending seminars and practices ... People who want to change and coaches who are able to give it to them gather here. Thus, you change the environment and get the information you want. This is an effective method that allows you to kill two birds with one stone.

Method number 3. The comfort zone is actually the enemy

As strange as it may sound, for now you comfortable and calmly in the world you exist in is very bad for your personality. The established rules of life will make you ossify and freeze at one place. Only by doing something new can you develop.

In fact, it only seems to you that you already have all the best. There, outside of your invisible cell, lives and rages wonderful and captivating a world that is not filled with difficulties and troubles, but incredible adventures, new stories and acquaintances.

As soon as you throw your fears into the furnace, it will open up in front of you, instill a sense of self-confidence and show many of the brightest events that you could not even think of.

What should be done to leave the "comfort zone"? Analyze where your time is going. How many hours a week do you watch TV, how much do you drink, play games, and so on. Cut that time by three hours in seven days and devote it to something new. What we always wanted: sculpt from clay, make a new dress, plant a flower, go to the circus / cinema / theater... The more active the better. Over time, a bright life will suck you in, and you will forget about the mediocre talkative box and other garbage items.

Method number 4. Down with self-criticism!

If you stop eating too much yourself alive self-criticism , you can immediately complete three extremely important tasks, which in other ways will take you a lot of time and effort.

Firstly, you will get a lot of free energy. All the forces that you spent on self-criticism and the search for reasons for it can be directed to actions that are more pleasant and useful. For example, reading fascinating books with a relaxing plot or writing poetry, knitting, planting flowers, and so on.

Secondly, you will begin to perceive yourself as an integral personality, which has its own personality. Yes, you are not like that Vasya, Einstein or Alain Delon. And it is not necessary! Be yourself, and do not participate in an eternal, someone else's competition in which someone has already taken first places.

Thirdly , you will begin to notice in yourself not only the negative, but also the positive moments. Each has something good, something that he knows how to do. Discover it, highlight and educate, improve, nurture, without wasting time and effort. This will be the best investment in yourself!

Whatever painful mistakes you might encounter, do not allow yourself to be sad over them for more than an hour. After suffering a little, force yourself to be happy again, and take failure as an experience.

Method number 5. Physical exercise

So unloved by many physical activity greatly affects our emotional state. Buying a gym membership can do more to boost your self-esteem than a lot of training.

This is because:

• during sports, a person releases a wonderful hormone dopamine, which excites our brain and gives pleasant encouragement, in common parlance it is also called the hormone of joy;
• you bring your body, and therefore your appearance, in complete order, so that over time you can be proud of it and respect yourself for the work done;
• even the exercises themselves are important without results, because in the process of performing each exercise you overbear laziness, complexes and other troubles;
• improving your well-being gives and develops confidence in yourself and your actions, in every step - it is easier for you to move and feel, it is easier to persuade yourself to start doing something.

This is a great way to improve the quality of life for people with sedentary lifestyles and similar jobs. After spending the whole day in a stuffy office, you should unwind, but without going to drink beer in a bar. It will rather have a detrimental effect on you, and sporton the contrary, it will renew and make you more cheerful.

A heavy lifting person with a heavy and unattractive body cannot feel good in the company of slim and healthy people... This is fertile ground for the development of complexes, lowering self-esteem and other troubles.

Among other things, sports will help to start new acquaintances with motivated people who can you teach and show by his own example, that any changes are possible, which also has a beneficial effect on your psyche.

Method number 6. Subconscious programming

You can also influence your consciousness with the help of another, no less interesting and effective tool - programming... In psychology, this is called affirmations. Think of your computer. You give him a command, he processes it and takes the requested action. It's the same with our subconscious, only a little more complicated. You can't just say, "Make me happy and confident."

The code, the command is learned or recorded on a dictaphone. It should sound like a solid, realized fact. For example, "I'm confident in myself", " girls like me», « i can have what I want without much effort"And everything in the same spirit. There should not be many such phrases, they should be repeated in a playlist or just silently for about two minutes.

These affirmations and will be the very installation in the subconscious, the command for the computer, which will convince your subconscious of what you need. Want to be confident - please convince the hidden sides of your brain of this and it will independently remake the entire conscious part so that you become completely independent and can easily make decisions.

There is one rule here - you need to do it regularly, even after you feel the changes. Continue until you are surprised to find that the affirmations you hear are already a fact.

Rememberthat these words should have an extremely positive effect on your personality, not form ambiguities and not raise doubts. What you convince yourself of should only be beneficial, without negative effects, because it will not be easy to "persuade" the subconscious mind back.

Method number 7. Remember your victories

You should never neglect what has already been done. This is important for your consciousness, subconsciousness and good mood. There is always something to praise yourself for, and if this is not enough, you will begin to subconsciously strive to do something good for this. Even if you praise yourself.

To operate this mechanism, start a notebook of victories. In it, you need to write down everything that you consider a good deed, useful action, and so on. Any little things or minor victories are all very important for your self-esteem, a sense of need in the world.

It might look like this:

• had breakfast on time;
• took the laundry from the laundry;
• i bought a few roses for my beloved wife;
• pleased his daughter with the play of the tag;
• earned an award for a well-written presentation;
• went to the gym three times a week;
• lost 300 grams.

As you can see, achievements can be anything, if they brought joy to someone or you moral satisfaction. In a few months, you can put together an impressive collection that will warm your soul on cold evenings.

Write it down in your personal notebook and in difficult moments when you cannot find the strength in yourself complete some difficult task or go up to an after-hour meeting at work, reread a few pages of your diary.

Your mood is guaranteed to rise, you will remember how many positive emotions your efforts brought to you and your loved ones, and this is a powerful impetus to defeat all the troubles in the world.

Using these self-esteem practices requires regularity and attentiveness... Carefully monitor your condition and thoughts, try to highlight the most successful ones, watch how you change.

This will help you better know yourself, learn to communicate with your inner self, control your life.

Training to develop and increase self-confidence - by overcoming public opinion

7. Self-confidence training - overcoming public opinion 📝

The society that surrounds us, as we have already understood, seriously affects our self-esteem. If you attach too much importance to it, then this is quite capable of destroying the personality.

Of course, criticism is important. Our loved ones point out to us our mistakes, demonstrate the moments in which, in their opinion, we did the wrong thing and this is good. It is called healthy relationships .

However, letting that completely define your personality badly ... Each person must independently decide what is good in his life and what is not, and how he will eventually act in a given situation.

Do not think about what others will say about you in the first place. First, decide what you think about it, and try to take the rest of the information as a background, secondarily.

Try to make the public opinion depend on yours, and not vice versa. There are some interesting exercises for this.

A little circus. This just physical exercise will require serious psychological strength from you. Look in the closet for anything ridiculous - an old long tie, funny pants, anything you find funny. Now put this on, and feel free to go outside. Go shopping, go to the movies, and so on. You shouldn't do this at work. - may misunderstand, otherwise - complete freedom. However, do not overdo it, take less defiant things at first and put on something more fun over time so as not to immediately injure your psyche.

This exercise works this way. Your subconscious mind retains a lot of complexes that are associated with its appearance. The more you leave your comfort zone, that is, dress in the wrong way, the more your subconscious mind will independently destroy the established complexes and make your consciousness, and therefore life freer.

More public. This exercise is simple. The more you perform in public, the more refined this skill will be. Performing in front of a large number of people requires concentration, high-quality preparation, and effort of will.

This will help you learn to concentrate and get things done quickly, while being responsible for the outcome. In addition, it will lift you up in the eyes of your superiors, and will recommend you well among a large audience.

Do these two exercises and be firm in your opinion.

8. How to find yourself and learn to manage your self-esteem 📋

Much has been said about self-esteem. It may be difficult for you to immediately perceive and implement the entire situation.

For this there is 5 golden rulesthat should be printed and hung on the refrigerator. Keeping reminders and reading them will do the job for you. On a subconscious level, your brain will perceive them as attitudes for action and facilitate the period of transformation into a successful personality.

• No need to compare yourself and others!
• No need to scold yourself for mistakes!
• Surround yourself with positivity!
• Learn to love what you do!
• Prefer action over any passivity!

Everyone unique and worthy happiness. It is imperative to unleash your unlimited potential in order to get everything out of life.

This requires constant work on yourself and a mandatory increase in self-esteem. But the results will not be long in coming, which will benefit both you and your environment.

9. Self-assessment test - determine the level of attitude towards yourself today 📄

The first practical task on the way to improve self-esteem is to determine its level. For this there is a very simple self-assessment test of a dozen questions.

It is very easy to pass it - read each point and answer " yes" or " not". Every time you answer." yes"- remember.

1. Do you criticize yourself sharply when you are wrong?
2. Is gossip one of your favorite things to do?
3. Do you have no clear guidelines?
4. Are you not exercising physically?
5. Do you often worry about little things?
6. In an unfamiliar society, do you like it better not to be noticed?
7. Does criticism make you stressed?
8. Do jealousy and criticism of others happen often?
9. Does the opposite sex remain a mystery, scares you?
10. Can an accidentally thrown word offend you?

Now you need to remember how many "Yes" you said. If less three - your self-esteem is at a normal level. If more three- you need work on it.

10. Conclusion + related video

With a sincere desire to change and change your life, you can achieve a lot. Raising, normalizing self-esteem, this is one of the first, fairly simple steps, which ultimately allows you to achieve success, happiness and of money.

Do not spare your strength, do not take care of yourself until better times. Develop yourself now, gain invaluable experience and build your future at a new level!

The level of self-esteem affects all of a person's actions. Most often, a person's self-esteem is underestimated, that is, a person's real capabilities are higher than a person's ideas about their capabilities. This is usually due to the fact that the formation of self-esteem occurs mainly in childhood, when a person's capabilities are poorly developed. In addition, the negative environment has a serious impact. Of course, there are cases when a person has an overestimated self-esteem, but, in my opinion, this is typical only for very young people.

And for adults, the opposite situation is typical - low self-esteem, which is understandable. Personality is formed in childhood and early youth, when a person's capabilities are, for obvious reasons, seriously limited.

It is quite possible to increase self-esteem, although it is often a rather slow process. However, conscious attempts at building self-esteem can be useful to almost everyone.

How to improve self-esteem and self-confidence? Here are 12 tips to help you do this:

1. Stop comparing yourself to other people. There will always be people who have more of something than you, and there are people who have less of that than you. If you make comparisons, you will always have too many opponents or opponents in front of you that you cannot beat.

2. Stop berating and blaming yourself. You won't be able to develop high levels of self-esteem if you repeat negative statements about yourself and your abilities. Whether you're talking about your appearance, your career, your relationship, your financial situation, or any other aspect of your life, avoid self-deprecating comments. Self-esteem correction is directly related to your statements about yourself.

3. Accept all compliments and congratulations in return “thank you”. When you respond to a compliment with something like, “Nothing special,” you reject the compliment and simultaneously send yourself a message that you are not praiseworthy, creating low self-esteem. Therefore, take the praise without belittling yourself.

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How to raise self-esteem - the solution to this issue is of interest to millions. Life success depends on self-esteem. Self-esteem is the attitude of an individual to his own personality, an assessment of his potential, existing abilities, his social status, representation and vision of the personality of himself. Those. self-esteem is not a personality trait. Interaction with the surrounding society, exactingness, criticality to oneself and to other people, attitude to success and failure depend on the correct assessment of oneself. Self-esteem is more often underestimated than overestimated. An essential role in the formation of correct self-esteem is played by the achievements of the individual and its assessment by others.

How to raise your self-esteem

How to improve your self-esteem? Psychology says it's pretty easy if the person wants it. What is low self-esteem? Where does it come from? Many psychologists believe that inadequate self-esteem comes from childhood. Very often, parents, without realizing it themselves, form low self-esteem in children, calling them "muddies", "unarmed", "inept", etc. For babies from birth, parents are the most significant people in life, these are people from whom you need to take an example and therefore they believe every phrase they say. So if you constantly tell children that they are bad, they will become that way. The child will treat himself the way his parents treat him. Therefore, if your child does something wrong, then you should not call him clumsy, it is better to just show how to do it right.

However, low self-esteem does not always come from childhood. Sometimes, in an adult personality, self-esteem can fall very strongly under the influence of external circumstances, for example, due to dismissal from work or divorce.

How to improve self-esteem? Self-esteem can and should be improved. If she has not moved into, then there are many ways to improve it. In the event of a depression, it is necessary to seek professional help.

How to raise self-esteem yourself? Psychology advises several tried and true simple methods... However, one should not think that the result will come instantly. Also, an excessive desire to achieve a goal can become a kind of obstacle on the way to increasing self-esteem. Regular repetition of exercises and unchanging belief in your own strength will lead to one hundred percent success. If you decide to do something, then you need to start as soon as possible, not procrastinating. The longer you tune in, the more your head will be attacked by a stream of obsessive thoughts of a negative nature ("you still can't handle it, why start?").

You need to try to learn something new every day. Self-education is the most important step towards increasing self-esteem, and therefore, to success. If you do not understand something in a conversation, then do not be afraid to ask again or ask a question. After all, it is better to clarify several times than to do it wrong once. Your questions will show the other person that you are listening to him and take seriously what he says.

Often we all hear the phrase "A healthy mind in a healthy body!" And it is true. A healthy spirit determines an adequate assessment by a person of himself. A beautiful, stately figure, in addition to gaining lightness and smoothness of movements, will also give confidence to its owner. Therefore, you should allocate time for daily sports training, you can sign up for the pool. Women are well influenced by a change of image, a visit to a beauty salon or hairdresser.

To increase self-esteem, a good mood is necessary, and a smile promotes a good mood, so smile as often as possible and praise yourself for all sorts of successes, even the tiniest ones. You can keep a so-called diary where you will record your successes and achievements.

Under no circumstances should you engage in comparisons with other people. Remember, you are an individual unlike others, this is where your strength lies. One can only compare oneself with oneself from the past.

With any accusations against you, you should never justify yourself, you just need to calmly and clearly explain the motives of your behavior.

Learn to forgive yourself. Remember that there are no perfect people. Everyone makes mistakes.

Take the initiative. Even if something doesn't work out, it's still an experience.

How to raise a woman's self-esteem

If you underestimate your own worth and dignity, do not believe in yourself, then you have several ways to return self-esteem to an adequate channel and increase your own value in your eyes. This will take some time, but the result is worth it.

How to raise a woman's self-esteem? The main task of techniques and methods of raising self-esteem is the formation of a strong sense of self-worth and self-esteem.

Children are often teased at school with offensive nicknames. Over the years, children remember the unpleasant emotions that nicknames evoked. This is due to the fact that in childhood it is quite difficult to separate other people's opinions from reality. Adults also often face such problems. Adults attach great importance to the statements of others, allowing them to influence their personality. You need to understand once and for all - it is impossible to please absolutely everyone. The only thing that matters is faith in your strengths and potential.

It is advisable for women suffering from inadequate assessment to avoid an environment that suppresses them, emotionally depletes them, pours negative on them or provokes unnecessary conflicts. It's important to try to spend as much time as possible with people who respect and value you. Communicating with them helps to build self-esteem and helps to believe in your potential.

You should not waste time on the environment that constantly criticizes everyone or everyone is dissatisfied. It will not bring you anything but unpleasant emotions. Such an environment can only destroy the lives of others. After all, such an environment loves to be in conditions of universal grief. The worse you are, the better for them. Therefore, you should conduct a high-quality "revision" of the environment. Make a list of the people with whom you most often communicate. These include colleagues, loved ones, friends and comrades. Ask them to name a few reasons or qualities they value you for. The more positive qualities your friends name, the easier it will be for you to believe in your worth.

Take what is called an inventory of your achievements. Awareness of their successes increases and gives stability to self-esteem. You need to know your positive features, strengths, personal achievements. Everyone has achievements unknown to those around them. You should make a list of personal achievements and indicate in it the problems solved, crises, conflicts experienced, difficult situations that you have withstood with dignity. In the beginning, you probably won't be able to make a long list. Therefore, it is necessary to postpone its compilation for a while and periodically return to it. Try not to lose sight of any difficulty, even the smallest, that you have overcome.

How else to raise a woman's self-esteem? Try to understand that you are the owner of your self-worth. Only you have rights to it. Therefore, don't let anyone control your self-esteem. If you do not become the sole owner of your self-worth, then you run the risk of being satisfied with yourself only if certain conditions are met. In other cases, you will be tormented by dissatisfaction with yourself or your actions. So, for example, you are in a relationship and your loved one began to behave differently, which led you to a loss of self-worth. This means that you are not the owner of your self-esteem, your loved one controls it. You yourself gave him that right.

It is very important to understand who or what influences your sense of self-worth so that you can consciously decide whether or not you will allow someone else to control your sense of self-worth and worth.

How to raise self-esteem in a man

How can a person raise self-esteem? And if this person is a man who, a priori, should not have low self-esteem?

The level of self-esteem affects all areas of a person's life. Studies have shown that men have more adequate self-esteem than women.

It is quite possible to raise a man's self-esteem, but this is a rather slow process. In principle, conscious attempts to form self-esteem are useful to almost every individual.

Ways to raise self-esteem are primarily aimed at giving confidence in your potential. The most important thing on the path to increasing self-esteem is to stop any comparisons of your personality with others. There will always be individuals who are smarter than you, more successful, who have something more. If you constantly engage in comparison with others, then there will always be too many opponents who simply cannot be surpassed.

The surest way for men to raise self-esteem is sports. Exercise promotes adrenaline rush, makes the figure more attractive, which certainly adds confidence to the stronger sex.

You need to stop scolding your persona with or without reason. You will never achieve adequate self-esteem if you repeat negative statements, let go of negative phrases in your address and in relation to your potential. It doesn't matter if you scold yourself for your appearance, figure, social status or financial situation. It is important to learn to avoid self-deprecating comments. An increase in the level of self-esteem is directly proportional to the opinions and statements about one's personality.

Learn to accept all compliments with a simple thank you. When responding to a compliment with a phrase like “I didn't do anything special,” you are rejecting the compliment and at the same time sending information to your brain that you are simply not worthy of praise. This leads to low self-esteem. Therefore, you should accept praise without belittling your own merits.

Use affirmations to correct your self-esteem. Create a card with positive affirmative phrases and place it in a prominent place or frequently used item. Such an item, for example, can be a refrigerator, a wallet. May these statements always be with you. Try to repeat the phrases several times a day, especially before bed and in the morning before going to work. With each repetition of statements, you need to create a positive attitude for yourself. Thus, the effect of the influence of affirmations will be greatly enhanced.

Read more literature or watch self-esteem training sessions. Give preference to communication only with positive and successful people. Do only what you really enjoy. It can be hard to feel positive about yourself if your days go by in boring and annoying work. Conversely, self-esteem will increase when you are engaged in your favorite work or other activity that brings you satisfaction and makes you feel more valuable. If there is no way to change jobs, then you can devote your free time to your hobbies that bring you joy.

Try to live your life. You will not be able to respect yourself if you live by someone else's behest, if you make decisions based on the approval of colleagues, friends, close people.

It is impossible for a man to raise self-esteem by avoiding activity. You need to act and accept the challenges of fate. In cases where you act regardless of the result, your self-esteem and faith in yourself will grow in direct proportion, thereby increasing self-esteem.

Trust that you are a unique person who has a lot of possibilities and huge potential. With the growth of self-esteem, your true abilities will be revealed. Try to take time to educate yourself. After all, knowledge is power.

See how others treat you. After all, the environment is a kind of mirror that reflects your own attitude towards yourself. Therefore, begin to appreciate your "I" from this minute, not postponing until tomorrow.

A man's self-esteem is highly dependent on women. Therefore, if you notice that your loved one became gloomy, if he appeared, and he began to consider himself a loser, then try to support him, praise, give compliments. Remember, women have always been behind great and famous men. Beautiful feminines are capable of giving wings to the strong half with one smile, one kind word, but also cutting off their enthusiasm with one careless phrase.

How to boost a girl's self-esteem

In order to increase self-esteem, you must first understand what exactly can bring it to a new level in girls. What will make a girl valuable in the eyes of others and in her own? Maybe it's money, a change of hairstyle or image in general, a car or an apartment, new knowledge or the acquisition of a profession? Is not a fact. Of course, all of the above is a component, but all this will not matter if the girl herself does not love herself. People around you will always tell whether you love yourself or not. Therefore, they treat you accordingly. How can strangers fall in love with you, who know practically nothing about you, if you yourself cannot love yourself?

Ways to raise girls' self-esteem are primarily aimed at teaching them love and respect for themselves.

All girls, without exception, regardless of age, breast size and leg length, are prone to periodic discontent with themselves and their appearance, relationships with surrounding men or girlfriends. During such a period, external confirmation of its significance and attractiveness is required to return the lost confidence in oneself and one's potential. Girls can convince themselves that no one needs them, that no one loves them. They do not understand how you can love a person if he has small breasts, for example. Then the girls continue to wind themselves up and come to the conclusion that everything is not so with them. And naturally, in such a state, no one can respect them. Consequently, confidence drops and self-esteem decreases. And none of the girls thinks about the fact that they are destroying their "I" by their own efforts. It is necessary to understand that people will see you exactly as you see yourself - dissatisfied with your appearance, always whining, crying, and so on.

How to raise a girl's self-esteem? Learn to love your appearance, try to admire yourself always, at any time of the day. It is important to feel love for your person, no matter what your weight, height, color or shape of your eyes, shape of your nose, etc. Each girl is unique, different from others, unique personality. Uniqueness is something that remains valuable and is considered important at any age. Think: would you like to come to a party and see your opponent wearing the same dress as you? Let the dress be very expensive, but it will no longer be exclusive. So it is with people. You try to be like someone, constantly compare with the standard you have invented, forgetting that if you become like someone, you will lose your exclusivity. Therefore, do not look for flaws in your appearance and appearance. Everyone has disadvantages. Others will not pay attention to the shortcomings if the girl leads independently and confidently. And independence and confidence are conditioned only by the love of the fair sex for her person. In order to learn to love yourself, you need to remember that any girl, girl, woman is beautiful a priori. Because every person is exceptional. Such exclusivity is formed by the combination of all its shortcomings, bad and good qualities.

A person who is all about merit is a boring person. It is much more interesting and multifaceted, which has both pros and cons. It is the imperfections of the figure and character that give the appearance of the ladies a certain amount of charm, charm, bringing zest and charm to the image. Imperfections make the fair sex mysterious, enchanting and unpredictable. There is nothing more attractive than a girl full of secrets.

Therefore, love yourself, along with flaws, feelings, aspirations and desires. Try to accept your feelings and never suppress them. This contributes to gaining control over them, which leads to confidence in their own potential and actions. In order to love your own personality, you must learn to respect your personality. However, this does not mean that you should justify all your actions. Making excuses for bad deeds is a step towards losing self-respect. It is necessary to accept the fact that you do not always act correctly, beautifully or correctly in relation to others. Try not to excuse yourself, but simply not to allow this behavior anymore. Learn from all your actions. You need to learn to understand in which situations you are right and in which you are not. Don't be afraid to admit your mistakes. The main thing is to try to prevent their recurrence in the future.

So, if you have a lack of confidence in your attractiveness, then do not despair - this is just a reason to take time for yourself, a reason to take care of yourself. Refresh your wardrobe, do a new hairstyle or change your hair color, or try a different makeup. If you are not ready for a radical change in your image, then you can experiment with your hairstyle - make a bang or vice versa, pin it up. There are many tinted shampoos that will give you a different hair color for a while.

After changing your appearance, it's time to do self-hypnosis. Have you ever thought about the fact that you constantly program yourself for negative emotions and your own inferiority, scolding and slandering yourself. Do you really think that it will not affect your self-esteem? For any failures, you should not reproach yourself, but, on the contrary, tune in only to the positive. Any mistakes are not a tragedy, but just an experience. It depends only on you whether you repeat them again or gain a useful experience. Praise yourself for any successes and achievements.

To give yourself confidence, you need to educate yourself. The more knowledge, the calmer you feel with any social contacts, since the possibility of getting into a mess due to ignorance decreases, therefore, the reasons for anxiety disappear. Therefore, do not waste your time, sign up for educational courses or trainings, start reading interesting literature, watch educational programs. All of this together has a positive effect on the level of self-esteem.

Come up with your ideal image and try to translate it into reality. Describe on paper all the character traits you would like to have and stick to them.

How to raise self-esteem for the fair sex? There are several simple rulesthat must always be remembered: no one was born yet, but there are many famous women after years. So remind yourself day after day that you are worthy of much; part once and for all with doubts and fears, forget about complexes; set goals and achieve them. You don't have to start with global achievements. Let the victory be small, but it is yours; keep yourself a success diary; keep an eye on the flow of your thoughts. Don't let them swerve in the negative; try to smile as often as possible. Smiling improves mood, relaxes and soothes.

However, compliance with all of the above rules will be useless without the support of loved ones. It is the influence and faith of our relatives that makes us stronger, more confident and better than we are. Therefore, the easiest way to raise a girl's self-esteem is to praise loved ones. You should always praise the fair sex for, albeit tiny, but achievements. Husbands should praise their wives for a deliciously cooked dinner, and even if it is slightly salty, because the beloved tried hard. Praise the girls for their sense of humor, tell them that they are talented, that you appreciate all their efforts and efforts.

How to boost your teen's self-esteem

Each person has a sense of their own worth. It is from him that the image of one's own "I" is formed and a feeling of confidence in one's potential and oneself develops. The foundations for adequate self-esteem are laid in early childhood and depend on how children perceived and felt the love of their parents.

The child should feel that he is loved just like that, without any conditions, just because he is. Children do not need to do anything, striving for achievements and victories, in order to receive the recognition and love of their parents. Only under such conditions do babies develop an adequate sense of self-worth, supported by internal resources.

It so happens that the baby feels parental love only when he meets the requirements and expectations of adults. So, for example, he should always be obedient, put toys and his things in place, get only good grades at school. This feeling of love leads to the appearance of inner anxiety due to the need to constantly meet certain requirements and expectations of the parents. In such cases, there is a lack of a sense of self-worth and there is a constant need to feed it from the outside.

People with a lack of self-worth are quite vulnerable in circumstances when they are treated unfairly, undeservedly, when they feel hidden or open, hypocrisy, when their hopes are not justified, when they feel disappointed.

It is the pubertal period (adolescence) that is a turning point in the life of a developing and developing personality. And self-esteem in adolescents is their most vulnerable point. The lower its level, the higher the likelihood of the occurrence of various complexes that can significantly worsen the life of an individual, even at an older age. Parents have a huge responsibility in this period. It is they who must help their child in such a difficult and difficult period for him.

How to raise self-esteem in a teenager? First of all, the parents of a teenager need to monitor his appearance and try to correct him if he is not in order (for example, very often adolescents are shy about adolescent acne, the task of parents is to help them get rid of the tormenting problem). You should always listen to what the child wants. You need to let him decide on his own what to wear today, choose things for himself in stores. Parents can only slightly adjust their choices and control them unobtrusively. Try to compliment your teen as often as possible. Do not look for flaws in him, try to pay attention only to his advantages.

Most parents do not even know that you can increase the self-esteem of a teenager by teaching him to just say no. If the child cannot refuse anyone and anything, then this can lead, after a while, to dependence on other people. The teenager will feel guided. Therefore, try to explain in what situations you can refuse. You need to teach him to refuse so that while doing so he does not feel uncomfortable.

It is very important that parents respect their children. Treat your teen with respect, because you need to understand that although he is not yet an adult, he is no longer a child. A person should not be treated like a child. Talk to him more often. In the process of communicating with him, try to behave like an adult.

A few simple tips on how to raise a child's self-esteem. First, you need to learn how to praise your child correctly. One should not praise him for being given to him by nature or for beautiful clothes. Praise your teenager for his achievements, small victories, successes. To make the child feel that you treat him as an equal, ask him for advice more often, ask his opinion. Secondly, you need to encourage adolescent initiative. Any initiative is a step towards adequate self-esteem. Teach your child to analyze his mistakes and failures. Help him understand that a mistake is an experience, it is just another step on the path to success.

To become successful (no matter where) you need to have confidence in your own capabilities. It is extremely difficult for a person with low self-esteem to achieve success and even just become happy: their whole life is built on doubts, disappointments and companies in themselves. And at this time, bright moments fly by, stopping in front of those who are confident in their capabilities. Today we will reflect on how to increase self-esteem and love yourself using simple and effective methods.

This is a person's understanding of the importance of his own personality and individuality in the context of relationships with other people, as well as an assessment of his qualities, pros and cons. Self-esteem plays a huge role in the normal functioning of a person in society and in solving various everyday tasks: implementation, family, finances and spirituality.

This quality performs the following functions:

• protection - ensuring stability and relative autonomy of a person from the opinions of other people;
• regulation - provides people with the opportunity to make personal choices;
• development - providing an incentive for self-improvement.

Ideally, self-esteem is based only on a person's own opinion of himself. However, in real life it is influenced by multiple side factors, for example, the assessment of others: parents, peers, friends, friends and colleagues.

Adequate self-esteem (or ideal), experts call the most accurate assessment of a person's skills and abilities. Low self-esteem often leads to excessive doubt, introspection and rejection of activities. Overestimated is fraught with loss of caution and the commission of multiple mistakes.

It's important to know! In psychological practice, it is more often low self-esteem that occurs when a person is not able to reveal his own potential, and in especially difficult cases, experts talk about an inferiority complex.

What does self-esteem affect?

So, the meaning of an adequate self-perception is to "love" yourself with the real, even with minuses, shortcomings and various "vices". Everyone has flaws, but a confident person is distinguished from others by the fact that, first of all, he notices his successes and is able to profitably present himself to society.

If you hate yourself, or just consider yourself a failure, how can the other person love you? Psychologists point out an interesting fact: most people subconsciously (and, perhaps, with knowledge of the matter) gravitate towards communication with self-sufficient individuals. Usually such people are preferred to be chosen as business partners, friends and spouses.

Symptoms of low self-esteem

People with similar problems most often have such character traits as:

Low self-esteem makes a person perceive temporary setbacks and problems as permanent "life partners", which leads to wrong conclusions and wrong decisions. Do you feel bad about yourself? Prepare for the fact that others will react negatively to you. And this is already fraught with alienation, depressive moods and even emotional disorders.

4 reasons for low self-esteem

It is extremely difficult to point out all the factors that influence the attitude of a person towards himself. Psychologists attribute to them innate characteristics, appearance and position in society. Next, we'll look at four of the most common causes of low self-esteem in humans.

Reason # 1.

Have you heard the phrase that every problem "grows" from childhood? In our situation, it fits one hundred percent. At an early age, there is a direct dependence of a child's self-esteem on the attitude of parents and other significant adults towards him. If a mother and father constantly scold and compare children with their peers, they will not have faith in their own abilities.

Psychological science claims that it is the family that is the center of the universe for the child. Absolutely all character traits of the future adult are formed in the cell of society. Lack of initiative, insecurity, passivity are the consequences of parental attitudes.

Reason number 2. Childhood failures

We all face failure, the most important thing is our response to it. Trauma during childhood can lead to low self-esteem. For example, a child begins to blame himself for the divorce of his mother from his father or family scandals. A constant feeling of guilt turns into insecurity and unwillingness to make decisions.

In addition, children react sharply to any harmless failure. Ranked second in the competition? An older person will simply redouble efforts to achieve a goal, and a small person may refuse to act altogether, especially if a significant adult traumatized him with a ridicule or a careless remark.

Reason number 3. "Unhealthy" environment

Adequate self-esteem and ambition arise only in an environment where success and achievement of results are valued.

If people from the immediate environment do not strive for initiative, it is difficult to expect confidence from an individual.

We do not claim that it is necessary to refuse to communicate with such people altogether (especially if they are close relatives). However, it is worth, at least, to think about whether such a disregard for self-realization has captured you too.

Reason number 4. Features of appearance and health

Quite often, low self-perception appears in children and adolescents who have a non-standard appearance or congenital diseases. Yes, relatives correctly relate to their “non-standard” child, but he is not immune from the opinion of his peers, who, unfortunately, are ruthless, like all children.

A common example is fat kids who, in preschool and school institutions, become owners of the most unpleasant and offensive nicknames. Low self-esteem will not take long in such situations.

How to increase self-esteem: effective methods

If a person realizes his problems and decides to raise self-esteem, he has already taken the first step towards confidence. We offer some of the most effective and efficient recommendations.

1. Change of environment. Negative people are not the best society for a self-doubting person.
   Psychologists advise to revise your own social circle, including in it successful, self-confident, positive individuals. Gradually, confidence and self-respect will return to the person.
2. Refusal of self-flagellation. It is extremely difficult to increase self-esteem by regularly blaming yourself, speaking out negatively about your own abilities. Experts recommend avoiding negative assessments regarding your appearance, personal life, career, and financial situation.
   The priority is positive judgments.
3. Avoiding comparisons. You are the only such person in the world: unique, unique, combining strengths and weaknesses. In addition, it is quite easy to find people who have achieved much greater success in any field of activity. A possible option is comparing yourself (with new achievements) with the former, unwilling to change.
4. Listening to affirmations. This difficult word in psychological literature means short verbal formulas that create a positive attitude in the human subconscious.
   The affirmation should be formulated in the present tense so that the person perceives it for granted. For example: "I am a beautiful and intelligent woman", "I own my own life." It is better to repeat such phrases in the morning and before bedtime, and you can also record them on a dictaphone.
5. Committing unusual things. The desire of a man or woman to escape into the zone of personal comfort and “hide in a shell” is quite natural.
   It is easier for us in a difficult situation to console ourselves, beloved (beloved) with goodies, alcohol, tears. We do not urge you to go in for extreme sports, just try to face the problem face to face.
6. Attending the training. In large cities, trainings, courses and seminars are regularly held to help build confidence and raise self-esteem. Of course, it is necessary to find a real expert in psychology, and not "konovals", which, unfortunately, are also enough. Another option is to read psychological literature and watch feature and documentary videos on the topic.
7. Sports activities. One of the most affordable opportunities for raising self-esteem is playing sports. Regular exercise makes a person less critical of their appearance and more respect for themselves. During exercise, people release dopamines - the so-called hormones of joy.
8. Achievements diary. Both the girl and the young man are helped by diaries of their own successes, in which you should make notes about each of your small victories, achievements, even small ones. For example, every day 3-5 "little things" are recorded in such a notebook: they transferred the granny across the road, learned 10 new foreign words, and earned 500 rubles this month more than last.

Improving self-esteem is closely related to self-guilt and self-rejection. How to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a man and a woman? Very simple and, at the same time, difficult - be kinder and more tolerant of your own personality. The above techniques will help you with this.

Adequate self-esteem and self-confidence is not a fantasy, but a very likely development of events. The most important thing for a person is to understand the importance of changes and have a desire to go in the right direction: a change in personal life, career, appearance. Remember that self-love in some situations must be earned by going through dissatisfaction and self-deprecation.

Hello, I am Nadezhda Plotnikova. Having successfully completed her studies at SUSU as a special psychologist, she devoted several years to working with children with developmental problems and consulting parents on raising children. I use the experience gained, including in the creation of articles of a psychological orientation. Of course, in no way do I pretend to be the ultimate truth, but I hope that my articles will help dear readers to deal with any difficulties.

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56 comments to the article “ 8 ways to boost your self-esteem and love yourself»

My grandmother constantly told me in childhood that I have ugly ears, nose, eyes, and in general I am so-so, and I don't need to be an upstart, I have to be like everyone else ... I still can't completely eradicate it. But they increased the self-esteem of travel when in different countries you catch on yourself thousands of admiring glances of men, youths, boys. When they want to meet or take a photo with me. THAT is what exactly cured me.

As a person with low self-esteem, it helps me a lot to keep a diary of my achievements. When I start to doubt myself, I reread the useful things I have done and my mood instantly improves!

A person is like a tree, if a little crooked has grown, it cannot be leveled) No matter how much you “bang your head against the wall,” but as we were programmed from childhood by parents, a kindergarten-school and a close social circle ... so all our life we \u200b\u200bwill drag out existence ... The most offensive and paradoxical thing is that it turns out that our parents, without knowing it ... made us so unhappy. Because their parents made them unhappy, etc. and it is unlikely that the psychologist / psychiatrist will greatly change the situation, and the person himself understands himself even less ... therefore, re-read at least a thousand articles, and you will remain the same notorious creature, like that.

• You are not right. Remind me of a little green goblin! Stop blaming your parents for your shortcomings. If you are not a teenager and over 19 you should be responsible for your own life and not look back in time! How can a person be compared to a tree? And even if they did compare, then think about if the trunk of the curve grows, can it be directed in the other direction? Thus, to give not a standard flat shape, but much more beautiful and interesting? (YES IT IS POSSIBLE AND EVEN NEEDED) The brain develops up to 25 - 27 years. You can independently educate in yourself the one you want to see every morning in the mirror!

• I absolutely agree with you.

• Man is not a tree. I do not agree. A person is able to change.

Women with low self-esteem suffer from insecurity, fear of criticism, and do not know how to accept compliments. The usual role of the victim does not allow us to perceive life in all its colors and boldly look into the future. Learning to resist manipulation.

As you know, self-esteem is how a person evaluates himself, his personal qualities and capabilities in comparison with other people, what place he assigns to himself in society. Self-esteem is not inherited - it is formed in preschool age under the influence of the people closest to the child - the parents. It depends on them first of all whether the baby has adequate self-esteem, overestimated or underestimated. And how his future life will turn out, how successful it will be, whether he will be able to set goals and achieve them, or will he constantly doubt his abilities and put up with the stigma of a loser - it all depends on the level of his self-esteem.

It is not easy to live next to people who have high self-esteem, because they are convinced that they are always right, do not see their own shortcomings and do not admit their mistakes. They believe they have the right to rule others, tend to be the center of attention and show aggression if someone disagrees with them. “You are the best,” they were told in childhood. “You are the queen!” - repeated the father to the familiar girl. He believed that, feeling like a queen, she would make everyone around her believe in it. But for some reason, those around her did not want to play the role of her subjects, and those who wanted to be friends with her became less and less.

Life is not easy for those whose. For some reason alone they understand, the parents humiliate the child, showing their power over him, break him, making him obedient, and as a result turn him into an infantile weak-willed creature about which everyone who is lazy wipes their feet.

“The horror that you have done, you cannot be entrusted with anything!”, “You only spoil everything - you better leave”, “Look at Anya, she is a girl like a girl, and you are disheveled and sloppy”, “Now you’ll get me, such an infection ! " - criticism, threats, comparison with other children, unwillingness to reckon with the child's opinion and see him as a person, conversations with him in an orderly tone reduce his self-esteem and self-esteem. His own life attitudes have not yet been formed, and he considers his parental beliefs an immutable truth. Psychologists call this direct suggestion, and young children are highly suggestible.

If mom and dad call the child a fool and insignificance, then this is how he will perceive himself. As the proverb says: "Tell a man a hundred times that he is a pig, and for the hundred and first he grunts." Others will perceive it in the same way.

Another test for a child's self-esteem is adolescence. At this time, he is very vulnerable and painfully perceives criticism. If you repeat to him that nothing good will come of him and that he has only one way - to prison or to the panel, then you should not be surprised that this will happen.

Ultimately, people with low self-esteem justify all the nicknames and epithets that they were awarded in childhood. They really become losers, losers, outsiders. They lose, sometimes without even joining the game, because they are indecisive and do not believe in themselves. “I'm not worthy,” they explain their loss.

Women with low self-esteem - which men choose them?

Women with low self-esteem, just like men with the same character, do not achieve significant success in life, because they "know their place." However, psychologists have noticed that they also attract a certain type of men - powerful, authoritarian and selfish. It is profitable for them to have such a woman at their side, because she is not demanding and she is easy to manage. It is easy to convince her that her main task is to create comfortable conditions for her husband, to raise children, and she has no right to demand more than he can give her.

A woman with low self-esteem is also convenient because she does not need to be jealous - she is grateful to her husband for marrying her, and does not look at anyone else. And even if she looks, she believes that she herself does not deserve the attention of men. The husband can relax, because if he was married to a woman with adequate or high self-esteem, he would have to strain to conform. And so much is forgiven him - and pettiness, and rudeness, and slovenliness, because a woman believes that she does not deserve better.

A woman with low self-esteem is treated as a consumer not only by her husband, but also by those around her. Knowing that she cannot refuse, they sometimes sit on her head, hanging their problems on her and shifting their responsibilities onto her. Moreover, women with low self-esteem are often perfectionists, striving to do everything in the best possible way.

It is especially easy for them, instilling in them a sense of guilt. In an effort to make amends for this not really existing guilt, they try even more to please in order to earn praise.

What are they - women with low self-esteem?

Many women have no idea that all their depression and setbacks are associated with low self-esteem. They think: this is how life turned out, unfavorable circumstances that prevented them from becoming happy, successful and loved are to blame. “You can't get away from fate!” They humble themselves instead of working on personal attitudes, with the help of which you can change your attitude towards yourself - to love yourself. Are we not worthy of this love? "I am alone at home," says the psychologist Ekaterina Mikhailova, who wrote a book under the same title. If we want to be understood, appreciated and loved by others, we must learn to understand, appreciate and love ourselves.

Do these women remind us of anyone? They:

1. Reliable

But not because they are compassionate and feel satisfaction from fulfilling other people's requests. On the contrary, they scold themselves for not being able to refuse, get angry and annoyed. But they cannot say “no”: all of a sudden, the asking person will be offended or think badly about them, and the opinion of others is very important for them, and it must certainly be positive;

2. Painfully tolerate criticism

Women with adequate self-esteem also adequately perceive criticism: they accept it or not, without falling into hysterics. If you say that she is wrong, to a woman with low self-esteem, for her it will become almost a tragedy. Resentment, tears and indignation will follow, because she perceives criticism as an insult and humiliation, hints of her inferiority. After all, as you know, people with low self-esteem want everyone to like it and be good for everyone;

3. Are overly critical of their appearance

They do not tolerate criticism from others, but they themselves are never satisfied with themselves and their appearance, therefore they strive not to stand out, to be in the shadows. They don't like their figure, face, body, hair - nothing. At the same time, they often engage in public self-criticism, obviously, subconsciously expecting that others will begin to dissuade them, assure them of the opposite and make compliments;

4. Can't take compliments

They love them, but they do not know how to accept. It is possible that in response to the praise that she looks great today, a woman with low self-esteem will start fussing and say something like: “Yes, I washed my head today” or “Oh, this is an old dress, so you can't see what I am like in it. the cow became ";

5. Feel like a victim

Their vulnerable psyche reacts painfully to every sidelong glance and crooked word. They exaggerate their importance in the lives of other people, it seems to them that others only think about how to offend them. They often feel sorry for themselves, repeating in case of failure: "Well, not with my happiness";

6. Give up their own desires

They have their own dreams and desires, but they are driven somewhere so deep that they no longer remind of themselves. And all because women with low self-esteem live by other people's desires. Waiting for the weekend to walk with your husband in the park? But he said: "We are going to the dacha to clean the garden, weed the garden." Tired and want to take a break? “What a vacation! Look, my old mom is working, and you're going to sleep ?! " “My friends will be visiting tomorrow. Do not want? Can not be. Run to the kitchen, to the stove! "

They do not know how to refuse, because it means disappointing others, not justifying their hopes, which women with low self-esteem cannot allow;

7. Not able to make choices and take responsibility

Too often they say the words: "I cannot", "I will not succeed", "I have no right to decide this." It is not surprising that making a decision is an incredible burden for them, because you can make a mistake and earn disapproval, get a negative assessment. Therefore, they hesitate for a long time and, if possible, shift this task to others: “What do you advise? I will do as you say ”;

8. Dissatisfied with their surroundings

They often complain to colleagues and girlfriends that their husband is suppressing them, their mother-in-law nags, relatives do not value them. At home, they cry that the boss does not consider their point of view, and the employees offend. Psychologists say that subconsciously women with low self-esteem themselves attract people who do not value them, and thus additionally confirm in the opinion that they are worthless losers.

We increase our self-esteem

Women who are tired of being a puppet and an object of manipulation, who want to live their own lives and not depend on other people's opinions, can correct their character. It is not difficult - you just need to want to change.

1. Minimize or stop communicating with people around whom self-esteem decreases

We doubt, constantly seek advice, show insecurity, show how someone's remark hurts us, make excuses all the time and easily take the blame - and as a result, we become such a whipping boy, an eternal scapegoat that no one takes seriously and which is not accepted to reckon with. People easily figure out who they can treat with condescension, downright, and begin to manipulate him.

To a greater extent, we are to blame for the current situation: they say that they treat us the way we allow ourselves to be treated.

But if we are no longer satisfied with this state of affairs, we must "show our teeth" - of course, not with the help of hysterics. We control our reactions, giving no reason to consider us a spineless mumble.

Changing the attitude of those who are already accustomed to our "toothlessness" towards themselves is more difficult than starting to build relationships from scratch, but possible. However, if those around us stubbornly continue to assert themselves at our expense, then we do not need such communication. We will spend time with those with whom we become better and gain confidence in our abilities.

2. Love yourself

The fact that you need to love yourself is now much talked about and written about. Loving yourself does not mean giving a damn about the others and rushing around with yourself, your beloved, as with a written sack. It means understanding yourself, learning to live in harmony with yourself and with the world, respect yourself and not engage in self-flagellation and self-criticism.

Louise Hay, a renowned American psychologist and author of several books on psychological self-help, suggests going to the mirror in the morning and looking at your reflection, say: “I love you. What can I do for you today to make you joyful and happy? " At first, this phrase will interfere with uttering some inner protest, but soon it will sound natural and free.

As Louise Hay writes, “I'm not trying to fix the problem. I correct my thoughts. And then the problem fixes itself. "

3. We set ourselves positive attitudes

We do this with the help of visualizations. Louise Hay's phrase about self-love above is one possible affirmation. Some people complain that their affirmations don't work. “I repeat the same thing ten times a day, but nothing changes,” they say.

Louise Hay compares affirmations to a seed or seed - it is not enough to plant it, it needs to be watered, it needs to be looked after. Having planted, for example, a tomato, we do not expect that tomorrow we will receive fruits? The same can be said about affirmations and visualizations - they stimulate us and keep us from forgetting about the goal, but for them to work, we must take real steps.

4. Meditate

For example: we relax, close our eyes and mentally transfer ourselves to some wonderful place where we were once and where we felt good. We will feel it very clearly - sounds, smells. Then we imagine a wizard-wanderer who tells us: “My dear, you are beautiful and unique. You have the right to your opinion, you may not know something or be wrong. You can judge for yourself what is good and what is bad, and take responsibility when you wish. You have the right to decide for yourself what and when to do. You have the right to be who you are! You came to this world, to this planet for your own sake! "

The wizard smiles at us and says goodbye to us, and we breathe in, open our eyes and return to reality.

5. We do not save on ourselves

Remarque wrote that "A woman who saves on herself causes a man's only desire - to save on her."

Nothing raises a woman's self-esteem more than the confidence that she is good and desirable. (Obviously, this is why some men are comfortable with an unassuming and undemanding wife, next to whom you can not strain yourself, without fear that she will leave or she will be taken away.)

Gym, swimming pool, beauty salon, SPA-salon, etc. - this is not only external beauty, but also health, and above all mental.