EASTER ISLAND DISCOVERS ITS SECRETS. Moai (statue, idol, idol) - stone ...
Strange instructions appear for various reasons. Sometimes a company prints obvious recommendations on its products to prevent legal action from arising. A well-known case was when a woman burned herself with hot coffee bought at a McDonald’s cafe and was awarded a million dollars in damages. After that, the inscription appeared on the coffee cups: "Caution: the coffee is hot."
Sometimes the true meaning of the instructions is lost as a result of translation, but sometimes ridiculous labels on the packaging are the result of ordinary stupidity. There are dozens of websites in the United States where collectors collect the weirdest instructions.
On the sleeping pill box: “Caution! May cause drowsiness. "
In the instructions for the Funai microwave oven "Do not use as a lamp."
Sears Hair Dryer Instructions: Do Not Sleep.
On a bag of Fritos chips: “You can win! You don't have to buy chips to participate in the lottery. The lottery rules are inside the package. "
On the Dial soap box: "Instructions: use like regular soap."
On the box of frozen Schwann's convenience foods "Instructions: defrost".
On the shower cap packaging: "Size: one head."
At the bottom of the cake box: "Do not turn over."
On the frozen pizza box: "Food will be hot after reheating."
On the Rowenta iron: "Do not iron your clothes on your body."
On the packaging of baby cough syrup: "Do not drive or operate complex technological equipment while under the influence of this medication."
On the box of the Christmas tree electric garland: "Use only inside or outside."
On the tap: "Do not use for any other use."
On the package of nuts: “Caution! Contains nuts. "
On the bag of nuts served to passengers on American Airlines: "Instructions: Open the bag, eat the nuts."
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Please do not try to stop the chain with your hands or genitals."
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing the costume does not impart the ability to fly."
On the blanket: "Don't use to ward off a hurricane."
On your bicycle rearview mirror: "Remember: the objects in the mirror are actually behind you."
On the packaging of the cycling suit: "Does not protect body parts not covered by the suit from injury."
In the instructions for the microwave oven: "It is forbidden to dry pets" (the inscription appeared after an American housewife tried to dry a newly ransomed cat in the microwave).
On a tip for toilet users: “We do not recommend throwing stones or heavy objects into the toilet as this could damage the toilet.”
On the packaging of pine nuts: "These nuts really grow on pines."
Memo from the greeting card company: "Christmas greeting cards should be given on Christmas Eve."
On the packaging of your hair curling iron. Two options offered by different companies: “Do not use to curl your eyelashes, it can cause serious eye injuries” and “For external use only”.
On the condom packaging: "Do not drive when using our product."
On the bottle of bath cleaner: "For best results, wash your bath when it's clean."
On a folding chair: "Before you unfold the chair, remove the child from it."
On a shampoo bottle (made in Taiwan): "Use constantly to get serious hair damage."
On the packaging of table salt: “Attention! Contains a lot of sodium. "
In the instructions for the camera: "The camera can work only when there is a film inside."
On the packaging for the car steering lock: “Attention! Remove the bollard before driving. "
On a Korean carcass knife: Keep out of the reach of children.
On a Japanese food processor: “Attention! Can't be used any other way. "
On the packaging of the dog shampoo: "Do not feed the fish with the contents of the bottle."
On the packaging of Palmolive hand wash: "Do not use as food."
On the bottle of water: “Unscrew the cap and set it aside. Do not put the cap in your mouth. "
The unsurpassed peak of creativity for compilers of instructions can be a poster installed at a small railway station: “Attention! Touching these high voltage wires will cause instant death. Violators will be fined. "
America leads in number of absurd warnings
The leader in the number of absurd warnings is the Americans. This is the conclusion reached by the German edition Spiegel, who asked its readers to send them samples of various meaningless inscriptions that manufacturers accompany their products, trying to defend themselves against possible lawsuits.
Most of the tips below have either been found in the US or are about US products. For example, the owners of the hair dryer are warned: "Do not use in a dream." Spiegel also mentions the fact that on Apple's US website, next to two boxes of chewing gum illustrating the small size of the new iPod Shuffle, just in case, it says “Don't eat your iPod” (or, with some modifications on Apple's UK website: “Don't chew iPod "). However, having visited the relevant sites, Lenta.Ru correspondents did not find such inscriptions there. They may have been removed from the site.
In one of the American public toilets, the reader found the inscription on the cistern: "Do not drink water." Another Washington-based reader saw the following inscription on the window frame in his apartment: "An open window can be dangerous. Ignoring this warning could result in injury or even death."
In addition to the already familiar advice "do not use a lighter in your trouser pocket", warnings designed for mentally retarded people are especially often found in operating manuals for various equipment and devices. For example: "Take the baby out of the stroller before folding the stroller"; "Do not put chewing gum in the drive"; "Do not use the lawnmower as a pruner."
The warning for microwave oven owners is especially cynical: "Do not use for cooking live animals." Much more humane advice for housewives: "Do not wash your cat in the washing machine."
Regular wax candles were purchased in California, accompanied by the warning: "For decoration only! May cause fire if ignited."
Food products, which pose a special danger to humans, stand apart. The inscription on the bag of nuts: "Warning for allergy sufferers: contains nuts." Or another option: "May contain nuts." Likewise on a bag with milk: "Contains milk"
And perhaps the most serious warning concerns anyone who decides to cook rice pudding in the microwave: "The product can be hot after heating."
1 -1
The manner of Western manufacturers to thoroughly prescribe all the subtleties of using this or that product has already been ridiculed more than once. However, the trouble is that seemingly absurd, at first glance, points in the instructions for use often appear not by themselves, but as a result of litigation won by strange consumers. That there is only one story with a cat, which her kind-hearted mistress thought of drying after bathing in the microwave. There was no one to explain to the American housewife that such a procedure would not work for her pet, and not a word was said about this in the user manual for the microwave. So companies are insured against such consumers. Here is the "golden" collection of the funniest instructions for use.
Instructions for electric lights: "Designed for use in the dark as a source of light."
The label on the box with the sneakers reads “Average number of items per box: 2”.
Instructions for the electric drill: “Caution! Not intended for drilling teeth! "
Instructions for the lawn mower: "Before mowing, make sure that there are no small cattle in the grass, do not point the device at living people in order to avoid winding individual parts of the body on the moving parts of the device!"
Instructions for the stroller: "Remove the baby before folding."
The inscription on the lighter: "Do not use in your pants pocket."
The inscription on the cistern: "Do not drink water."
From the instructions for installing the window frame: "Using insect screens does not prevent children from falling out of the windows."
Washing machine instructions: "Do not wash cats."
Microwave instruction: "Not intended for live animals."
On a bag of chips: “You can win! You don't need to buy chips to participate in the lottery. The lottery rules are inside the package. "
On the shower cap packaging: "Size: one head."
At the bottom of the cake box: "Do not turn over."
On the frozen pizza box: "Food will be hot after reheating."
On the iron: "Do not iron your clothes on your body."
On the packaging of baby cough syrup: "Do not drive or operate complex technological equipment while under the influence of this medication."
On the sleeping pill box: “Caution! May cause drowsiness. "
On the box of the Christmas tree electric garland: "Use only inside or outside."
On the package of nuts: “Caution! Contains nuts. "
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Please do not try to stop the chain with your hands or genitals."
On a tip for toilet users: “We do not recommend throwing stones or heavy objects into the toilet as this could damage the toilet.”
On the packaging of your curling iron. Two options offered by different companies: “Do not use to curl your eyelashes, as it can cause serious eye injuries” and “For external use only”.
On the condom packaging: "Do not drive when using our product."
On the packaging for the car steering lock: “Attention! Remove the bollard before driving. "
On the packaging of the hand wash: "Do not use as food."
On the blanket (made in Taiwan): "Do not use as tornado protection."
On the mirror attached to the helmet used by American cyclists: "Remember, the objects in the mirror are actually behind you."
On the cap of a milk bottle in England: "Do not turn the bottle upside down after opening."
In some countries, on bottles with Coca-Cola: "Open with the other hand" (O_o is that like ?!)
On Marks & Spencer Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating"
On the bathing cap in the hotel: "Only for one head" (The Serpent Gorynych will faint, once deciding to swim in the hotel ...)
Sears Hair Dryer Instructions: Do Not Sleep.
On the bag of Fritos chips: "You can win! You do not need to buy chips to participate in the lottery. Draw rules are inside the bag."
On the Dial soap box: "Instructions: Use as regular soap."
On a box of frozen convenience foods Schwann "s" Instructions: Defrost.
At the bottom of the cake box: "Do not turn over."
On a frozen pizza box: "Food will be hot after reheating."
On the Rowenta iron: "Do not iron your clothes on your body."
On the packaging of baby cough syrup: "Do not drive or operate complex technological equipment while under the influence of this medication."
On the box of Nytol sleeping pills: "Caution! May cause drowsiness."
On the box of the Christmas tree electric garland: "Use only inside or outside."
On the tap: "Do not use for any other use."
On the package of nuts: "Caution! Contains nuts." (Horrible!)
On the bag of nuts served to passengers on American Airlines: "Instructions: Open the bag, eat the nuts."
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Please do not try to stop the chain with your hands or genitals." (Looks like there were precedents ...)
On the children's Superman costume: "Wearing the costume does not impart the ability to fly."
On the blanket: "Don't use to ward off a hurricane."
On the packaging of the cycling suit: "Does not protect body parts not covered by the suit from injury."
In the instructions for the microwave oven: "It is forbidden to dry pets" (the inscription appeared after an American housewife tried to dry a freshly ransomed cat in the microwave).
On a reminder for toilet users: "We do not recommend throwing stones or heavy objects into the toilet as this could damage the toilet."
On the packaging of pine nuts: "These nuts really grow on pines."
Greeting card company memo: "Christmas greeting cards should be given on Christmas Eve."
On the packaging of your curling iron. Two options offered by different companies: "Do not use to curl your eyelashes, it can cause serious eye injuries" and "For external use only".
On the bath cleaner bottle: "For best results, wash your bath when it's clean."
On a folding chair: "Before you unfold the chair, remove the child from it."
On a shampoo bottle (made in Taiwan): "Use constantly to severely damage hair." (Wow shampoo ...)
On the packaging of table salt: "Attention! Contains a lot of sodium"
In the instructions for the film camera: "The camera can only work when there is a film inside."
On the packaging for the car steering lock: "Caution! Remove the lock before driving."
On a Korean carcass knife: Keep out of the reach of children. (Our children are so severe that they bend Korean knives ...)
On a Japanese food processor: "Caution! Cannot be used any other way."
On the packaging of the dog shampoo: "Do not feed the fish with the contents of the bottle."
On the packaging of Palmolive hand wash: "Do not use as food."
On the water bottle: "Unscrew the cap and set it aside. Do not put the cap in your mouth."
The unsurpassed pinnacle of creativity for the preparation of instructions may be a poster installed at a small railway station: "Attention! Touching these high voltage wires will cause instant death. Violators will be fined."
The funniest instructions
Idiotic instructions appear for a variety of reasons. Sometimes a company prints obvious recommendations on its products to prevent legal action from arising.
A well-known case was when a woman burned herself with hot coffee bought at a McDonald’s cafe and was awarded a million dollars in damages. How many people have gone to McDonald's now to pour themselves over coffee? After that, the inscription appeared on the coffee cups: "Caution: the coffee is hot."
Sometimes the true meaning of the instructions is lost as a result of translation, but sometimes ridiculous labels on the packaging are the result of ordinary stupidity. There are dozens of websites in the United States where collectors collect the most idiotic instructions. I will now write some funny instructions for various subjects.
On the sleeping pill box: “Caution! May cause drowsiness. "
Instructions for the hairdryer: "Do not use while showering"
The sign on the mini tractor: “Caution! Avoid death! "
Panasonic electric flashlights manual: "Designed for use in the dark as a light source."
Instructions for the electric drill: “Caution! Not intended for drilling teeth! "
Instructions for the lawn mower: "Before mowing, make sure that there are no small cattle in the grass, do not point the device at living people as a result of winding individual parts of the body on the moving parts of the device!"
Washing machine instructions: "Do not wash cats."
Microwave instruction: "Not intended for live animals."
In the instructions for the Funai microwave oven "Do not use as a lamp."
Sears Hair Dryer Instructions: Do Not Sleep.
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Please do not try to stop the chain with your hands or genitals."
In the instructions for the microwave oven: "It is forbidden to dry pets" (the inscription appeared after an American housewife tried to dry a freshly ransomed cat in the microwave).
Toilet plunger instructions: "Do not use near power lines"
Instructions for firewood for the fireplace: "May cause a fire"
Instruction for the mattress: "Do not try to swallow!"
Toilet brush instructions: "Do not use to brush your teeth"
Hammer instruction: "Do not use the hammer to hit hard objects"
Instructions on the package with nails: “Do not swallow nails! May be annoying! "
Instructions for the letter opener: "Caution: it is recommended to work with protective glasses."
Instructions for the stroller: "Remove the baby before folding."
The inscription on the cistern: "Do not drink water."
From the instructions for installing the window frame: "Using insect screens does not prevent children from falling out of the windows."
On the Rowenta iron: "Do not iron your clothes on your body."
On the box of the Christmas tree electric garland: "Use only inside or outside."
On the tap: "Do not use for any other use."
On the blanket: "Don't use to ward off a hurricane."
On a tip for toilet users: “We do not recommend throwing stones or heavy objects into the toilet as this could damage the toilet.”
On the packaging of your hair curling iron. Two options offered by different companies: “Do not use to curl your eyelashes, it can cause serious eye injuries” and “For external use only”.
On the folding chair: "Before you unfold the chair, remove the child from it."
On a Korean carcass knife: Keep out of the reach of children.
Kitchen knife instruction: "Don't try to catch the falling knife!"
Instructions for the 30 cm CD stand: "Do not use as a ladder."
On your bicycle rearview mirror: "Remember: the objects in the mirror are actually behind you."
Memo from the greeting card company: "Christmas greeting cards should be given on Christmas Eve."
On the packaging for the car steering lock: “Attention! Remove the bollard before driving. "
A poster placed at a small train station: “Attention! Touching these high voltage wires will cause instant death. Violators will be fined. "
On the packaging of the tear gas can: "May irritate the eyes."
On the carpet cleaner packaging: "Also safe for carpets."
On the packaging of rat poison: “Caution! Causes cancer in mice! "
On the Dial soap box: "Instructions: Use as normal soap."
On the bath cleaner bottle: "For best results, wash your bath when it's clean."
On a shampoo bottle (made in Taiwan): "Use constantly to get serious hair damage."
On the packaging of the dog shampoo: "Do not feed the fish with the contents of the bottle."
On the packaging of Palmolive hand wash: "Do not use as food."
On the box of frozen Schwann's convenience foods "Instructions: Defrost".
At the bottom of the cake box: "Do not turn over."
On the frozen pizza box: "Food will be hot after reheating."
On the package of nuts: “Caution! Contains nuts. "
On the bag of nuts served to passengers on American Airlines: "Instructions: Open the bag, eat the nuts."
On the packaging of pine nuts: "These nuts really grow on pines."
On the packaging of table salt: “Attention! Contains a lot of sodium. "
On the bottle of water: “Unscrew the cap and set it aside. Do not put the cap in your mouth. "
On a bottle of mineral water: "Suitable for vegetarians."
On a bottle of Volvic mineral water: “The bottle is specially made for Volvic mineral water. Don't fill it in again. "
On a bottle of Moet champagne: "Remove label before placing in microwave."
"How to become a public transport"
Step into the bathroom. Put tights over your head. Tie the "legs" of the pantyhose on the clothesline. Move slowly in the bathroom. YOU-TROLLEYBUS)) If you put on skis, you get a tram. And if you put on skis and pour water into the bathtub, you get a river tram, and if you drop a hairdryer into a bathtub with water, you get an electric train, and if you turn off the light and put on a headlamp, then you are a subway. And if you add kerosene to the water, you get an airplane, if at the same time a hairdryer remains in the water - that's it, you are a rocket!
A few simple but very useful rules:
- Do not spare money for pleasure.
- Always remember that you will not have another life.
- If you are guilty, tell me about it right away and do not look for an excuse for yourself.
- In life, always rely only on yourself.
- Never argue.
- Do you want something - Ask.
- Do you want to meet - Invite.
- Do you want to be understood - Explain.
- I like it - tell me.
- It's not clear - ask.
- Don't talk to fools.
- Do not be a bore.
- A person's problems are only in his head.
- The world around us is not evil and not kind, it doesn't care whether you are or not.
- Try to take pleasure in every event.
- Live today, because yesterday is gone, and tomorrow it may not be.
- The main thing in life is love, everything else is vanity.
- Do not watch TV, otherwise you will become a goat.
- Remember that you owe nothing to anyone.
“Remember that nobody owes you anything.
- Do not engage in politics, politics embitters people.
- Always remember that everyone has their own truth and it often does not coincide with yours.
- Believe not promises, but your feelings.
- With women, as with children, be patient and a little indulgent.
- Pity all women - it is more difficult for them to live.
- If you are in a bad mood, think that when you die, you will not have that either.
- Know that today is the best day of your life.
Textbook "HOW TO BE HOW TO BE IN SOCIETY"
1. Instead of the usual "fuck", always say only "oops" or "yow!"
2. If you have sweaty hands, before you say hello, politely and cordially pat them on the shoulders of your friend.
3. No need to blow your nose into a tie, it is better to use a window shade for this discreetly.
4. If you are caught in the fact that you hand out the meaty pieces from the saucepan with soup, politely answer that you just dropped the cufflink there.
5. Always pull up a chair for your lady, even if another lady is lounging on it.
6. Always praise the hosts generously for their culinary skills, even if the food has just been brought from a nearby pizzeria or ordered by phone.
7. If you really want to spoil the air, but there is no way to leave the table, then call the master's son to you, then no one will think of you for sure. At worst, a dog or a cat will do.
8. If you dared to smash the master's crystal glass, urgently sneeze loudly and overturn a bottle of expensive wine on the table, preferably two. In the hustle and bustle of collecting the precious drink, your incident may go unnoticed.
9. If neighbors from above disturb you with their noise and stomping, then call the police and tell them that they have a bomb. Soon everything will be quiet there.
11. When the table is already empty, and you still really want to eat, sneak into the kitchen, there is always something in reserve either in the oven or in the refrigerator.
12. When you are caught red-handed in the kitchen, tell them that you yourself volunteered to help the hostess with the dessert.
13. Saying goodbye, do not forget to thank the hosts from the bottom of your heart for their hospitality and imperceptibly leave their silverware in the hallway, anyway it will not match the color of your tablecloth.
SURVIVAL INSTRUCTIONS
HOW TO PROTECT YOUR HOME
1. If, waking up at night, you see that a thief has climbed into the window, help him get out back with a crowbar or ax.
2. A glass eye inserted into the door peephole will scare off any thief from your apartment.
3. Leaving the children alone in the house, teach them to answer all calls: "Dad and Mom are busy. They are cleaning and lubricating the machine gun."
4. When the bandits begin to break down the door, try to break it down at the same time from your side. This will confuse intruders.
HOW TO LEAVE YOURSELF ON THE STREET TO STAY ALIVE
1. If an oncoming passer-by asks you to light a cigarette, the best action would be, without waiting for the attack, to punch him in the forehead with all his might.
2. If you are shot from a gas canister into your face, first of all, hold your breath and close your eyes. Then open the gas mask bag, take out the gas mask and put it on. Remember that your life can depend on the speed of these actions.
3. Before entering the dark entrance, throw a few stones there in order to seize the initiative from possible criminals.
4. If you nevertheless noticed suspicious types in the entrance, be careful not to frighten off, ask them to show their documents.
5. During an attack, never shout: "Help, they are killing!" Better to shout something neutral, such as "Germans!" or: "Hey, on the ferry!"
A FEW TIPS FOR WOMEN ABOUT HOW TO REFLECT THE ATTACK OF THE ABOUT AND STAY BEAUTIFUL AND ATTRACTIVE WITH THIS
1. Girls and women are not recommended to wear short skirts and use makeup. An old quilted jacket, tarpaulin boots and a face smeared with soot will certainly not attract the attention of a potential maniac.
2. Lush hairstyle is often in the hands of criminals (wound). Therefore, a clean-shaven head smeared with petroleum jelly or greasy cream will once again save your life.
3. A woman must use any object in her purse for her protection. This could be a hairbrush, deodorant, or a piece of water pipe.
4. If you follow these simple rules, it will be much more difficult for criminals to rob or beat you, and then someone else will be their victim.
RULES OF SURVIVAL IN THE LABORATORY
1. If you uncorked something, seal it.
2. If you have a liquid in your hands - do not spill it,
powdery - do not sprinkle,
gaseous - do not vent.
3. If enabled - disable.
4. If opened, close.
5. If disassembled - assemble.
6. If you cannot collect - call a craftsman for help.
7. If you didn’t take it apart, don’t try to collect it.
8. If you have borrowed something, return it.
9. IF YOU USE ANYTHING - KEEP IT CLEAN AND ORDER.
10. If you have made something in a mess - restore the STATUS-QUO.
11. If you moved something, put it back in place.
12. If you want to use something that belongs to someone else, ask permission.
13. If you do not know how it works, for God's sake do not touch.
14. If this does not concern you - do not interfere.
15. If you don't know how to do this, ask right away.
16. If you cannot understand something, scratch your head.
17. If you still don't understand, then don't try.
18. If you are on fire at work, try not to ignite anything from you.
19. If you have something exploded, check: ARE YOU ALIVE!
20. IF YOU DO NOT HAVE ACCEPTED THESE RULES, DO NOT ENTER THE LABORATORY!
Instruction "CLOCK COMMANDER"
With a tooth-proof strap and mortal combat.
The watch has 8 hands. Four of them show the time, the rest are spare to confuse a potential enemy.
The arrows are coated with a special compound, thanks to which they glow in the dark and serve to blind the enemy. The radiation dose is sufficient for radiation damage within a radius of 200 meters.
For simplicity, the angle between the hour and minute hands is always right.
All clock gears are made of the most modern transistors and microcircuits.
The best Western technologies are used in the manufacture of watches:
- explosion welding;
- gas riveting;
- Build sober.
The gold plated body is tungsten galvanized.
The commander's watch is wound half a turn; in the northern regions of the country, a special handle is attached to it for winding in the cold.
If sand gets inside the watch, they begin to work like sand.
In a combat situation, a slow-motion mechanism is automatically activated, and the clock begins to tick. At a critical moment, the commander can throw them towards the enemy. At the same time, the built-in speaker beeps in a commanding voice: "Follow me! Attack!"
In the dark, the clock says in a whisper: "Don't be afraid, I'm with you!"
Buy a command watch!
These will be the most pleasant hours in your life!
Instruction "INSTRUCTIONS FOR CONDUCTING AN ACT (VOTING)"
1. Find a place where you can easily perform the act.
2. With the help of a special commission, obtain permission to carry out the act.
3. Obtain from the commission the necessary accessories for the act - consumables, a special reusable device for realizing your relationship with this or that chosen one.
4. Make sure there is a specially designated room for the actual act (usually, it is erotic bright red).
5. Go there, make sure that no one is spying on you, and do with your chosen one what you were going to do. You can do it in any way, the main thing, according to the law, is not to use two or more.
6. When finished, leave the room where you performed the act, go to the trash can and leave there what you want to get rid of at the end of the act. This concludes the act of voting.
Instruction “WOMAN FOR USER. KETTLE SERIES
based on feminine logic: "A woman is very similar to a program - to get access to it, you need to download it" (experienced programmer Sidorov)
1. In order for a woman to be easy to work with, it is necessary that she be well structured and provided with comments by a more experienced programmer.
2. It is better to store different women in different directories.
3. Women, with whom you no longer work, it is best not to keep in memory, so as not to clog the computer with unnecessary information.
4. If a woman has a password, do not try to crack it yourself - contact the services of a specialist.
5. If you want to work with a new woman who may be a virus, then before working with her, you should use antivirus programs.
6. There are women toys - but it is better not to get carried away with them.
7. WARNING: After working with a woman for more than six hours, signs of fatigue appear - lethargy, drowsiness.
8. If a woman is hung up, well, to hell with her.
Supplements: 9. A woman is always warm.
10. A woman sometimes runs a program without a RUN command.
11. Notes! For example, it will wash the dishes, but sometimes it's bad.
12. It is useless to shout at the computer (or grumble - depending on the temperament).
13. A woman never freezes at the most crucial moments.
14. Women's memory is girlish (sometimes it's good).
15. You can do with a woman everything that she allows you without fear of receiving the message: "Generаl Protеctiоn Fаult".
16. The computer will never regret, will not touch or caress.
17. The computer does not allow viewing GIFs and JPGs in three-dimensional mode and with sound, tactile and olfactory accompaniments.
Instruction "INSTRUCTIONS FOR HITACHI ELECTRIC SHAVER"
Favorites (comments in brackets):
Do not use a razor that has fallen into water. Disconnect the plug immediately.
Do not use the razor while taking a bath or shower.
Do not put or store the razor in a place where it can fall or be sucked (just a horror movie!) In a bathtub or sink.
Serious supervision is required when the razor is used by or near children or disabled people (ahem ...).
Dexterous shaving: Covering the skin with red hair, they raise their beards. Slowly shave towards.
Shaver Care: If shaved pieces of beard accumulate in the foil holder, it reduces the sharpness of shaving and causes the shaved pieces to fall through the foil.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR TURNING ON THE MONITOR
1. Introduction:
This instruction is intended to improve the efficiency of operations for switching on video control devices, in particular, the monitor of the server of the GKR warehouse in a 2000 hot rolling mill.
2. Preliminary preparation:
Make sure to turn on the monitor. If such a need is really ripe and there is no other way to solve the problem that torments you, proceed to step 3.
3. Directly preparation:
Make sure the quality implementation of the preliminary preparation (see item 2). Make sure you have a monitor close to the server. If it (monitor) is absent, then the solution to the problem described above is postponed until such (monitor) appears.
Identify the discovered device that you think is a monitor to see if it actually matches the appearance of what is normally considered a monitor. If the identification process is completed successfully, proceed to step 4.
4. Turning on the monitor:
Find a chair or stool and sit on it so that the distance from the power button to you does not exceed the length of your right upper limb, commonly referred to as a hand.
Ensure the alignment of the above button and the body part by smooth translational movement of the designated limb, with the index finger in an extended horizontal position.
Apply a slight muscle force towards the back of the monitor.
5. Assessment of the monitor condition:
The successful turning on of the monitor is indicated by a green light (the lower traffic light has the same color). If you think that the monitor has not turned on, then check the reasons for not turning on the monitor (p. 6).
6. Reasons for not turning on the monitor:
Malfunction: The lamp is off.
Causes: You have poor eyesight
The light bulb has burned out.
Malfunction: There is no image.
Causes: You have poor eyesight.
The monitor is not plugged into a 220 V.
The monitor is plugged in, but there is no 220 V.
Items 2,3,4 of the instructions are not executed correctly.
There is no server to which the monitor usually connects.
Malfunction: Electric shock.
Causes: You did not turn on the monitor.
Malfunction: The image does not match your idea of \u200b\u200bit.
Causes:You turned on the wrong monitor.
You still have to study and study.
Tutorial "10 STAGES OF MORNING HANGING PROGRAMMER"
1. Contemplative.
He looks at the monitor with clean transparent eyes, does nothing, does not press anywhere, and occasionally says in amazement, looking at the screen: "Wow, who would have thought!" The computer is unplugged.
2. Active.
He looks at the keyboard with suspicion and squints at the keyboard, swaying with his whole body, then with a sharp movement throws out his hand, trying to press the desired button. In case of a successful hit, he shouts "E-hu !!!", in case of an unsuccessful hit, he blows the monitor to a hair dryer, while good-naturedly grumbles "Well ... Third time today!"
3. Gloomy.
Dejectedly sits in front of the computer, trying not to make any sudden movements. Typing text on the keyboard with his head tongue and holding the mouse with both hands so as not to tip over from the chair ... As it turned out, in vain.
4. Automotive.
Tries to start the computer with car keys, attach the radio tape recorder to the computer panel, and turn on the wipers, because "you can't see shit, but you have to go"
5. Entertaining.
He plays Quake, and of all types of weapons he prefers his own hands and fights with the monitor, threatens the computer to return tomorrow with his karate friends, and otpizdit him so that "mom" does not recognize.
6. Terrorist.
After another attempt to open his eyes, he screams in horror that the computer is mined, because the clock is ticking in the lower right corner, and dives under the table.
7. State.
At the suggestion "Enter your password," he yells into the computer: "Oh, bitch, do you not recognize me?", Shows the monitor language, obscene gestures and the certificate of the assistant to the State Duma deputy.
8. Optimistic.
Cheerful, playful, treats the computer on an equal footing. After reading the SMEHA.net page, he also remembers a couple of funny stories and tells them to the monitor. Then they drink beer together, the computer sips with a disk drive.
9. Unix.
... turns off the computer, drinks beer for two minutes, turns it on again, waits for the screen saver and in anguish says "Again Windows, I hate Gates", turns off the computer, drinks beer for two minutes, turns it on again ...
10. Sedative.
For a long time he reads from the screen "Now the computer's power can be turned off", after which, smiling softly, he says "Thank you" and falls asleep on the keyboard ...
