How to behave if a child of 8 years old does not obey. Difficult child: what to do with children who disobey. How to achieve obedience

Difficult children are an eternal headache for parents and teachers. 99% of moms and dads face child disobedience one way or another. And no matter how paradoxical it may seem, in most cases the bad behavior of children can be overcome by first of all fundamentally revising the behavioral reactions of the parents themselves!

Most often, parents begin to complain to doctors and teachers that the child has become disobedient, "got out of hand" and behaves badly, at the moment when this child has "been knocked" for 5-7 years and has already managed with his antics and tantrums " bake "all their relatives - both close and distant. But the methods of upbringing that help to raise an adequate and obedient child need to start practicing much earlier - as soon as the baby is one year old. Moreover, these techniques are, in essence, nothing at all ...

The main law of pedagogy of all times and peoples: a small bird does not control a flock

Perhaps the majority of child psychologists and teachers around the world, no matter what concepts of upbringing they advocate, agree in one opinion: a child in a family should always take the place of a subordinate (follower), and not a subordinate (leader).

The main law of pedagogy says: a small bird cannot control a flock. In other words: a child cannot subordinate to himself (with the help of his cries, hysterics and whims) the will of adults. Otherwise, this obvious and terrible assumption on the part of parents and other household members can harm the whole family in the future, causing significant damage to the psyche of the child himself.

However, parents should understand that "submission to the will of adults" is not violence against the personality of the baby or the constant compulsion of his will to the wishes of adult family members. Not! But a child must understand from a very young age that all decisions in the family are made by the parents, and that any prohibition must be complied with without question - primarily because it ensures the safety of the child himself.

As soon as this family law is turned upside down and the voice of the child becomes dominant in the family (in other words: adults “dance to the tune” of the little one) - at this very moment a naughty child appears in the family ...

Where Do Difficult Children Come From?

Before learning how to deal with children's whims and tantrums, it is worth finding out how and when generally cute crumbs turn into "difficult" naughty children. In fact, the behavior of the child in the family (as well as the behavioral reactions of the cub in the flock) primarily and closely depend on the behavior of adults. There are several typical and most common situations when children-"angels" turn into "monsters", sitting on their parents' necks. Children become moody, disobedient, and hysterical when:

1. There are no pedagogical principles in the family. For example: a parent communicates with a child solely against the background of his own mood - today dad is kind and allowed to watch cartoons until midnight, tomorrow dad is out of sorts and already at 21:00 drove the child to sleep.
2. When the pedagogical principles of adult family members differ dramatically. For example: to a child's request to watch cartoons after 21 pm, dad says "no way," and mom gives the go-ahead. It is important that parents (and preferably all other household members) are united in their positions.
3. When parents or other household members are "led" by children's whims and tantrums. Young children build their behavior on the level of instincts and conditioned reflexes, which they catch instantly. If a baby, with the help of hysteria, yelling and crying, can achieve from adults what he wants, he will use this technique always and as long as it works. And only when the screams and tantrums cease to lead him to the desired result, the child will finally stop yelling.

Please note that children are never capricious, do not shout, do not cry or throw tantrums in front of the TV, furniture, toys or a completely stranger. No matter how small the child is, he always clearly distinguishes - who reacts to his "concert", and whose nerves it is useless to "shake" with the help of a cry and a scandal. If you "give slack" and give in to children's whims - you will live with them side by side all the time while the child shares one space with you.

How to stop childish tantrums: one or two!

Most parents believe that turning a "difficult" naughty and hysterical child into an "angel" is akin to a miracle. But in reality, this pedagogical "maneuver" is not at all complicated, but it requires special moral efforts, endurance and will from the parents. And it's worth it! Moreover, the sooner you start practicing this technique, the more calm and obedient your child will grow up. So:

The old scheme (most parents usually do this): as soon as your baby burst into crying and screaming, stamping his feet and banging his head on the floor - you "flew" to him and were ready to do anything to calm him down. Including - they agreed to fulfill his desire. In a word, you behaved according to the principle "I will do anything, as long as the child does not cry ...".

New scheme (this should be done by those who want to "re-educate" a naughty child): as soon as the baby began to scream and "make trouble", you calmly smile at him and leave the room. But the child needs to know that you continue to hear him. And while he shouts, you do not return to his field of vision. But as soon as (at least for a second!) The child stopped yelling and crying, you again return to him with a smile, demonstrating all your parental tenderness and love. Seeing you, the baby will start yelling again - you just calmly leave the room again. And again return to him with hugs, a smile and all your parental adoration exactly at the moment when he stops yelling again.

However, feel the difference: it’s one thing if a baby bumped, something hurts him, he was offended by other children, or he was frightened by a neighbor's dog ... In this case, his crying and screaming is completely normal and understandable - the baby needs your support and protection. But rushing to console, hug and kiss a child who just threw a tantrum, who is capricious and tries to achieve his goal with tears and screams is a completely different matter. In this case, parents should be adamant and not give in to "provocations."

Thus, sooner or a little later, the child will "figure out" (at the level of reflexes): when he is hysterical, he is left alone, he is not listened to or obeyed. But as soon as he stops shouting and "scandalizing" - they return to him again, they love him and are ready to listen.

A well-known popular children's doctor, Dr. EO Komarovsky: “As a rule, it takes 2-3 days for a child to develop a persistent reflex“ When I yell, nobody needs me, and when I am silent, everyone loves me ”. If the parents hold out for this time, they will get an obedient baby, if not, they will continue to face childish tantrums, whims and disobedience. "

The magic word "No": who needs bans and why

No parenting is possible without prohibitions. And the behavior of the child depends to a greater extent on how correctly you use prohibitive words (like "no", "no", etc.). The so-called “difficult” children are most often found in families in which adults pronounce the prohibitions “no, you mustn't” either too often (with or without reason), or do not pronounce them at all - that is, the child grows up in a regime of complete permissiveness.

Meanwhile, parents should correctly and as carefully as possible use prohibitions when raising children. First of all, because the safety of the child himself and his environment often depends on this.

The child's safety depends first of all on how adequately (and therefore - quickly and systemically) the child reacts to the ban. If the baby is rolling on a scooter, carried away by the process, and immediately stops in front of a stream of cars, clearly and obediently responding to his mother's cry "Stop, no further!" - it will save his life. And if a child is not accustomed to react "ironically" to prohibitions, you will not be able to save him from an accident: without reacting to "no", he will climb into the fire with his hands, jump out onto the roadway, overturn a pot of boiling water on himself, etc.

In a sense, the forbidden word "No" has a protective property for the baby. Your parental task is to teach your child to instantly respond to a signal and obediently follow it.

Precisely because prohibitions play such an important role in the upbringing of obedient children, parents should be able to use them correctly. There are several rules that will help them with this:

1. It is necessary to use the very word “not” rarely and only on business (most often - either if the prohibition concerns the safety of the child and other people, or in order to comply with the generally accepted social norm - you cannot throw garbage anywhere, you cannot call names and fight, etc.). P.)
2. The child must clearly understand that if something is forbidden to him, this prohibition always applies. For example: if a child is severely allergic to milk protein and is not allowed ice cream, then even if he brings 15 "fives" from school at once, ice cream will still not be allowed.
3. Prohibitions like "no" or "no" are never discussed. Of course, parents should explain to the child in the most detailed and intelligible way why they forbid him this or that, but the very fact of the ban should never become a subject of discussion.
4. It is unacceptable that parents' positions on the subject of any prohibition diverge. For example, dad said "no", and mom - "okay, you can just once";
5. Any "no" must be observed everywhere: in Africa after 5 years - it will also be "no". To a greater extent, this rule applies not even to children and parents, but to more distant relatives - grandparents, aunts and uncles, and so on. Often, after all, such a situation happens: for example, you cannot eat sweets at home after 17 in the evening (it spoils your teeth), but at your grandmother's vacation you can as much and whenever you want ... There is nothing good in the fact that in different places the child lives in different ways rules.

If all else fails

In 99% of cases of bad behavior in children, this problem is purely pedagogical. As soon as the parents begin to correctly build their relationship with the baby (learn to adequately use the prohibitions and stop responding to children's cries and tears) - the child's whims and tantrums will come to naught ...

Doctor E. O. Komarovsky: “If parents behave correctly and unbendingly, consistently and in principle, if they keep the spirit in front of children's whims and tantrums and their willpower is enough not to give up, then any, even the most powerful and noisy , the child's tantrums will pass one hundred percent and literally in a few days. Mom and Dad, remember: if a child does not achieve his goal with the help of tantrums, he just stops yelling.

But if you do everything right, do not react to whims and tantrums, strictly follow the aforementioned rules, and have not achieved the effect - and the baby still screams loudly, demanding his own, and continues to hysteria - with a high degree of probability you need to show such a child specialists (neurologist, psychologist, etc.), because the reason in this case may not be pedagogical, but medical.

The most important principles of education

The topic of child education is immense, multifaceted, multi-layered and generally difficult for ordinary people to perceive. Tons of clever parenting books are published annually, but just like a hundred years ago, most parents now and then face the challenges of disobeying their children. And these parents, when solving problems, need some support, some basic principles, which they should be guided by. These principles include:

1. Always praise your child generously when they are doing the right thing. Alas, most parents “sin” by taking the baby's good deeds for granted, and the bad ones as out of the ordinary. In fact, the child is still only building his behavioral reactions and models, for him often there are no assessments of “good” and “bad”, and he is guided by the assessment of people close to him. Praise and encourage his obedience and good behavior, and he will happily try to do as you approve as often as possible.
2. If the baby is capricious and does not behave correctly, do not judge the child as a person! And judge only his behavior at a particular moment. For example: let's say the boy Petya behaves badly on the playground - he pushes, offends other children and takes scoops and buckets from them. Adults are tempted to scold Petya: "You are a bad boy, you are a mean and greedy!" This is an example of condemning Petya as a person. If such messages become systemic, at some point Petya will really turn into a bad boy. Scold Petya correctly: “Why are you behaving so badly? Why do you push and hurt others? Only bad guys hurt others, but you're a good boy! And if you behave like a bad person today, I will have to punish you ... ”. So the child will understand that he himself is good, he is loved and respected, but his behavior today is wrong ...
3. Always take your child's age and development into account.
4. The demands you make on your child must be reasonable.
5. Punishments for misconduct should be consistent in time (you cannot deprive a three-year-old kid of evening cartoons for spitting porridge in the morning - a small child will not be able to understand the misdemeanor-punishment connection).
6. When punishing a child, you yourself should be calm.

Any psychologist will confirm to you: every interlocutor, including a child (no matter how small he is), hears you much better when you do not shout, but speak calmly.

1. When talking with a child (especially in situations when he does not obey, is capricious, hysterical, and you are irritated and angry), always focus on your tone and manner of speaking - would you yourself be able to talk to you in this way?
2. You should always be sure that your child understands you.
3. Personal example always works much better than telling you how to do the right thing or not. In other words, the principle: "Doing as I do" brings up a child many times more effectively than the principle "Do as I say." Be an example for your kids, remember that consciously or not, but in many ways they are your copy.
4. As a parent, as an adult, you must always be ready to rethink your decisions. This is especially true for parents of children 10 and older, when the child is already able to enter into discussions, give arguments and arguments, etc. He must understand that the decision is always yours, but that you are ready to listen to him and under certain circumstances you can change your decisions in favor of the child.
5. Strive to convey to the child what the result of his actions will be (especially if he does the wrong thing). If the baby throws toys out of the crib, do not pick them up, and the baby will quickly learn that as a result of this behavior, he loses his toys. With older children and in more serious situations, you can simply say what will happen if the baby does this and that ...

Raising an obedient and adequate child is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance. Parents only need to analyze and control their own behavioral reactions - to be a worthy example for the child, not to "follow the lead" of children's tantrums and whims, willingly talk to the child, calmly explaining to him one or another of their decisions.

Ekaterina turned to me, she has a son Denis, 8 years old, the child does not obey, and my mother asks for help.

What to do if children do not obey their parents is, alas, a popular problem. According to his mother, the boy does not fulfill what is asked of him, shouts, insists on his own, does his homework from under a stick, at school he is inattentive, argues with teachers.

To my question: "How are you trying to cope with it?" - the answer: "We punish and beat." About the beatings, my mother answered calmly, as about a familiar event. And she added: “My parents beat me too. This is how I bring up. "

Upon further questioning, it turned out that a month ago the boy had enuresis for the first time, and then repeated several times. That is, psychosomatics on the part of the genitourinary sphere has already begun (if nothing is done, then in practice, stool incontinence usually begins soon, in young children and adolescents with the same probability). The consequences of blows to the head are childish distraction, inattention, learning impairment, visual and sleep disturbances ... here the list is long. It may seem that I am describing morally degraded adult fiends - by no means! Parents are quite normal people, in good standing among friends and colleagues.

Why don't the children obey?

Parents see the reason in the fact that several years ago they were on the verge of divorce, did not live together for about a year, and these difficult circumstances influenced their son. Maybe. But any consequence always has several reasons! The main ones are often deeply hidden, and are not immediately announced! Which was confirmed at the end of our conversation with my mother.

Here is an excerpt from the conversation:
Mom: - The child is rude and does not obey anyone. How to be?
Psychologist: - And how is this expressed?
- He argues, shouts, insists on his own, to the point of hoarseness defends his point of view! Well, he gets for it.
- Who else does that?
Mom hesitated, and then answered in a whisper guiltily: "I ..."

What's happening? In a family that creates a dangerous environment for children, they subconsciously assume the role of a stronger, morally or physically, parent and play it, like on stage, at first occasionally, when they are in danger, and then sit in this “image” all the time.

In our case, it turns out - the son adopted the behavior of the dominant mother, but not on purpose, but intuitively, in order to survive!

(continued conversation):
- Does your husband beat you too every time you stand your ground?
- Of course not…
- Why such selectivity? ..
- there was no answer from her.

How to make a child obey?

I hear this stupid question quite often. Dear parents, when will you finally understand that your role is key in the psychology of relationships with children!

Take care of yourself, and soon the long-awaited peace will come in the family.

And by the way, what happens to an adult if forced? Sooner or later he will revolt! He will resist, shout, defend himself - why in the case of children it is called “the child does not obey at all”, and with adults - “I do not intend to do what others need! Who am I mistaken for! " Double standards, not otherwise.

Here's another part of our conversation with Ekaterina:
- Who is Denis for you?
- Son, who else ?!
- And yet - who is he to you?
- I would like to see him as a friend and helper.
- Do they beat friends? Shout at them and shut your mouth?
“… No… I didn’t think about it,” my mother was clearly upset by the answer.

What if children don't obey their parents? - ask yourself the question "who are your children for you?" Subordinates, enemies, rivals, or relatives and loved ones?

The child does not obey. What to do?

So where we come to:

• at the insistence of the psychologist, the parents stopped regularly beating the boy,
• agreed that he would be the full owner of his private room: he cleans when he wants, puts things where he pleases, his parents do not insist on cleaning. Why such a step? Any living soul should have its own personal space, giving a feeling of comfort, safety and, most importantly, responsibility! By constantly forcing children to act, they will never begin to take responsibility for themselves,
• managed (which I sincerely hope) to convey to the parents that the child is an adult (!) person, temporarily with a small body. Therefore, it is advisable to behave and talk to him as equals as possible. Show him at least respect if you are not yet capable of love.

Over time, when the environment in the family becomes safe from the category of dangerous, and the threat to survival goes away, children will less unconsciously copy a strong parent ... and will probably try to be themselves.

A week has passed. Denis is a little confused: he doesn't understand why the beatings stopped. I study with him individually, - he thanked for the opportunity to speak.

What if children don't obey their parents? - ask questions to yourself, not to children.

This is what my mother began to do. In addition, she expressed a desire to study with a psychologist. I sincerely wish them to understand and accept each other.

There is no such child who would always obey his parents. Even very docile and calm kids from time to time "rebel" and show character. And some children behave this way very often, which causes chagrin and anxiety among mothers and fathers. The famous doctor Evgeny Komarovsky tells why the child does not obey his parents and what needs to be done in this situation.

Pedagogical problems through the eyes of a physician

They turn to Evgeny Komarovsky not only for a cold, flat feet and other ailments. Quite often, parents bring their children to the pediatrician and complain that the little one has become naughty. Usually this problem occurs in families where the children are already 4 years old. It is too late, Komarovsky argues, it is advisable to deal with issues of education and obedience when the child is 1.5-2 years old, and ideally from birth.

The child begins to behave in opposition to the parental opinion in two cases: if he was given too much freedom from birth and if he was too often told the word "no". The task of parents is to find the very "golden" balance between these extremes.

Democracy in the family, which gives the child equal rights with adults, leads to the upbringing of a naughty and capricious child who will be hysterical and scandalous to get his way if something is forbidden to him.

Tantrums

If a child once tried the hysterics method and it was crowned with success (he got what he wanted), then, no doubt, the baby will use this method of manipulating parents and grandmothers often. Therefore, if a disobedient child suddenly began to arrange "concerts", with banging his head on the floor and walls, screaming, in the literal sense of the word, until he turns blue, the best way is not to pay attention, says Yevgeny Komarovsky.

If there is no viewer in the person of mom or dad, then the baby simply has no motivation for hysterics. If he shouts - you need to leave the room where the "drama" unfolds, if he beats - put a pillow to make it softer and leave the room. For parents, this stage is the most difficult.

Komarovsky advises to be patient, valerian and optimistic - everything will definitely work out if mom and dad are consistent in their actions.

Do not be afraid that the child will suffocate during a hysterics, even if he shows with all his appearance that this is about to happen. Children, according to Komarovsky, often exhale from their lungs the entire supply of air, including the reserve air, when crying, this causes a long pause before inhaling. If there are serious concerns, you just need to blow the baby in the face - he will reflexively take a breath.

Physical punishment

Dr. Komarovsky opposes physical punishment, because a child who from a very early age realized that the one who is stronger wins, will use this knowledge all his life. From such people who are used to solving problems with others with the help of force, nothing good will grow.

If mom or dad cannot solve problems with their child without the use of physical force, this is a reason for contacting a specialist - parents need a consultation with a psychologist or psychotherapist. And this is reasonable and correct, says Komarovsky.

There are enough punishment options without a belt: explanations of why something cannot be done, temporary deprivation of certain goods (sweets, new toys). The main thing is that the punishment is adequate and timely: if a child behaved badly in the morning, and he was deprived of the evening watching cartoons, he no longer remembers what exactly he was punished for.

Putting your baby in a corner is a reasonable enough punishment.

A child in a conflict situation needs to be alone with himself, without toys, without cartoons and other entertainment. Komarovsky advises putting the baby in the corner for exactly as many minutes as the child is (3 years - 3 minutes, 5 years - 5 minutes).

In the process of punishment, parents should not deprive the toddler of what he needs for life - walking in the fresh air, drinking and food.

The categorical “no” should be said only when the situation poses a potential danger to the health and life of the child and his family. Wire to the socket is not allowed, but booty on cold tiles is not allowed.

If the child is just throwing toys, then this prohibition is inappropriate here. It is better to explain why this is ugly, inconvenient, and why it is preferable to remove the toys after all. Then the prohibition will be perceived by the baby as something really important. The more often he hears "no", the less he attaches importance to it.

When demanding something and arguing for their demand, parents must stand their ground to the end.

What was impossible yesterday should be impossible today. All family members should support the demand and not change their decisions. This is an excellent prophylaxis for children and children.

If the mother teaches the child to "pronounce" his emotions, to call feelings in words (which is very difficult for all children!), Then this will help the baby to more easily go through all the "age crises" that occur at 2-3 years old, 6-7 years old and even at the age of 14-16, when the crises will be teenage and serious.

The ability to express their emotions frees the child from the need to scream. If he does not know how to do this, then screaming and crying on his part is the only way to show parents that something incomprehensible, bad is happening to him, which he cannot explain.

Dr. Komarovsky will tell you more about the rules for raising a naughty child in his program.

There are many reasons for child disobedience, and at each age they are different - that is, at 2 years old, 5, 7, 8 or 9 years old, the child behaves badly due to some certain factors. Although, of course, there are general negative prerequisites, for example, permissiveness.

The question of what to do when the child does not obey at all is not uncommon. And you cannot leave the situation to chance, because often bad behavior takes extreme forms, when the baby or practically beats off the hands. Let's figure it out.

There is a lot of situations when a child is behaving inappropriately.

Below are 5 common patterns of child disobedience, each with its own background and age range:

1. ... It often happens that after repeated warning, a two-year-old baby breaks out of his mother's arms while walking, grabs onto sharp objects, etc. Naturally, such actions are exhausting.
2. ... The child responds to any mother's demand or request with resistance, protest,. He doesn't want to get dressed, sit down at the table, come back from a walk. This behavior is often found in children 3 years old and even 4 years old.
3. The child interferes with others... Even at the age of 5, children can behave simply unbearably: screaming and running in public places, pushing and kicking. As a result, the mother is very ashamed of the dissatisfied views and comments of the people around her. Most often, at the age of 7, this problem completely disappears.
4. ... When asked by adults to get dressed, to clean the room, children respond with silence and ignoring the words addressed to them. This behavior is especially common at the age of 10 and older, when a teenage riot begins.
5. ... Such actions are more typical for younger preschool age. At 4 years old, children may loudly demand to insist on the purchase of an expensive toy or some kind of sweets.

To solve such problems, there are educational methods that are designed to make the child more obedient. But before describing them, you should understand why children do not obey.

Reasons for disobedience

Sources of "wrong" behavior are sometimes very easy to identify by simply analyzing the baby's actions and how you react to them. In other situations, provoking factors are hidden, so the analysis should be deeper.

Below are the most common causes of disobedience in children of different ages:

1. The crisis period... Psychology identifies several main crisis stages: 1 year, 3 years, 5, 7 years, 10 - 12 years (the beginning of the transitional age). Naturally, the boundaries are rather arbitrary, something else is more important - during these periods significant changes take place in the child's personality and abilities of the child. Both psyche and behavior are changing.
2. Excessive number of bans... Rebellion is a natural reaction of children of all ages to restrictions. With the constantly sounding word "no", the child sometimes deliberately violates the prohibitions in order to prove his independence and "annoy" the parents.
3. Inconsistent parenting... For various reasons, parents impose sanctions on a child for something that yesterday, if not encouraged, then was not condemned. Naturally, he is confused, disoriented, which is expressed in disobedience.
4. Permissiveness... In such a situation, on the contrary, there are practically no restrictions. A child is allowed literally everything, because parents confuse the concepts of "happy childhood" and "carefree childhood." The result of indulging in any whims is spoiledness;
5. Parenting disagreements... Various requirements for a child are not uncommon. For example, fathers usually demand more from children, while mothers show sympathy and pity. Or a conflict may arise between parents and the older generation. In any case, disobedience is a consequence of the child's disorientation.
6. Disrespect for the child's personality... Often, adults are convinced that a child of 8 or 9 years old is just as “powerless” as a one-year-old. They do not want to listen to his opinion, so it is not surprising that the result is protest behavior.
7. Family conflicts... Adults, sorting out their own relationships, forget about the child. And he tries to attract attention through pranks or even serious misconduct. Subsequently, it becomes a habit.

It is not uncommon for a child's behavior to deteriorate after a change in the composition of the family: a divorce or the birth of a brother / sister. The main motive for disobedience in such situations is the desire to attract attention to oneself.

How to respond to disobedience?

The typical problems and reasons for children's disobedience have already been mentioned. Now you need to understand what to do to parents if the child does not obey.

It should be noted that we will talk about actions that still remain within the normal range. That is, we will consider just disobedience, and not deviant behavior.

A useful and relevant article in which a psychologist talks about how parental screams affect his future life.

Another important article that deals with the topic of physical punishment. The psychologist will explain in an accessible way.

What to do with a child if he behaves so recklessly that it threatens his health or even life? It is necessary to introduce a system of rigid frames, which are prohibited to cross.

A 3-year-old kid who actively learns the world simply has no idea how dangerous it is. However, due to age-related characteristics, she does not understand lengthy explanations, therefore, the system of restrictions is based on conditioned reflexive behavior.

A child, having heard a certain word, is obliged to stop purely reflexively. This is important because there is not always time to clarify the current situation and the likely consequences.

To make this whole structure work, need to:

• pick up the signal word, which would mean a categorical ban. It is best not to use the word “no” for this purpose, as the child hears it all the time. Signals "stop", "dangerous", "forbid" are suitable;
• demonstrate the relationship between a signal word and a negative consequence... Of course, the situation should not pose a serious danger to the child. For example, if a child pulls a finger towards a needle, you can allow him to feel the pain of a sharp one. In really dangerous situations, it is necessary to repeatedly pronounce the signal expression: "It is dangerous to take a knife.", "It is dangerous to touch the stove.";
• remove emotions... Sometimes a child of 5 years of age deliberately provokes danger, so that the mother is afraid for him, and he is saturated with her emotions. This is why you should not show your strong feelings when the baby behaves this way.

The introduction of categorical prohibitions should also be accompanied by a decrease in other restrictions, since otherwise there is a risk that the child will simply become confused about what can and cannot be done.

As already noted, children go through several crises, which are characterized by protest moods. A growing man strives for autonomy, but rarely a parent is ready to provide it at 5, 8 or 9 years old.

What should parents do in this case? Allow your child to be more independent and make decisions. Agree, you can give him the opportunity to decide what he will have breakfast or what will wear to school.

Such things will seem like little things to parents, but for a growing child this is a kind of pass to the adult world. And he also feels that he can benefit his loved ones.

If the child insists on completing a deliberately "losing" task, allow him to do it (unless, of course, this does not harm the child himself). However, after an unsatisfactory result, there is no need to say, they say, I warned, etc.

If the protest turned into a hysteria, the adult should remain calm, otherwise the emotional outburst will only intensify. It is necessary to rid the child of the audience, to hug him or, on the contrary, to step back a little, not letting him out of sight. It all depends on the circumstances.

The child interferes with others

In this case, it is necessary to make it clear that there are general behavioral principles that must be followed without fail. Naturally, if a child does not obey at 4 years old, then he may simply not understand the importance of fulfilling these requirements.

And yet it is necessary to make comments, explain and, in the end, educate children. Therefore, the mother, both for the second and for the eighth time, should repeat the seemingly obvious things: "Don't kick the chair, because the man in front is uncomfortable to sit in."

If it doesn't work out now, then by the age of 8, the child will learn the rules of behavior that mom or dad so often repeats. And the more accessible it is to explain, the sooner this moment will come.

Children do not want to listen to a parent who lectures him, for two reasons:

• the child is busy, hovering in his thoughts, so he does not even hear what the parent is talking about;
• this is another variant of protest behavior.

In the first case, children who exhibit autistic traits behave this way. However, gifted children may also exhibit similar behavior, since they constantly scroll through many different ideas in their heads.

It is necessary to figure out why the child cannot or does not want to listen in order to correct the situation in time or try to improve relations. A qualified psychologist will tell you what to do in this case.

Protest behavior is typical for children over 9 years old and especially for adolescents. They want more independence, so they get angry with their parents, refuse to listen to them, thus resisting their demands.

It doesn't matter if a rebellious teenager or a three-year-old does not obey the parents, the methods for solving the problem will be similar. We need to give children more independence, if this does not harm their safety, and more love and support.

The child demands to buy him something

No need to wait until demands and moodiness develop into a hysterical attack. It is best to leave the store immediately and pick up the child under a plausible pretext. For example, explain that you forgot your money.

The failed "buyer" must be diverted to another action. Pay attention to the running cat, count the birds on the branch, repeat the learned poem. Usually, babies quickly forget about the imperfect purchase.

If the child is over 6 - 7 years old, then you should already negotiate with him. Let him argue why he needs this particular thing. Find out if he agrees to spend his pocket money (if any) on a toy or phone.

Then you should promise to add the missing amount for your birthday or New Year and buy the thing you like. Naturally, the promise must be kept without fail.

We looked at what to do if the child does not obey in typical situations. However, there are general recommendationsthat will be useful to all parents. And it doesn't matter how old the child is - 3, 5, 8 or 9 years old.

1. Reduce the number of inhibitions, leaving them for really serious situations. In this case, the number of punishments will immediately decrease.
2. If a child at 8 years old does not obey, and you are used to solving the problem by shouting, try to calm down and make comments in a calm tone.
3. If your child does not listen because of enthusiasm, try to attract his attention not by screaming, but, on the contrary, by whispering, facial expressions or gestures. The interlocutor willy-nilly will have to listen.
4. Do not voice your demands over and over again. First, just warn the child to stop indulging, then disciplinary action follows. And after the punishment, the reason for such strict measures is explained.
5. Try not to use the "NOT" particle in your speech. This advice is based on the belief that children do not take the negative particle, literally taking the request as a guide to action.
6. If the children are hysterical, there is no need at this moment to appeal to their mind. Calm yourself down, once again confirm your demand without raising your voice. It takes place more at 8, 9 years old, and a distraction will work with young children.
7. Be consistent in your actions, demands, and promises. Also get the support of your spouse and grandmothers. Consistency will not allow the child to be disoriented, who will have no reason to behave defiantly.
8. Try to spend more time interacting with children. Moreover, it is not the number of minutes that is important, but the quality of the interaction.
9. Prepare yourself mentally for the inevitable growing up. The child is growing, he needs more independence to realize his desires and plans. Provide this independence whenever possible.
10. Show genuine interest. Find out how your grown up child lives. Perhaps his favorite films are not so superficial, and the music is melodic enough.

If a child at 10 years old or at 2 years old does not obey after many months of efforts on your part, it is better to consult a psychologist.

In order for the child to obey or at least adequately relate to the requirements of adults, it is necessary to restore the most trusting parent-child relationship and establish an emotional connection.

Ways to establish a relationship of trust:

1. It is important for the child to understand what can be told to the parents about the disturbing situation. Also, the little man needs to know that he can ask questions to adults without fear that they will get angry. At the same time, parents should feel free to ask, clarify, talking about several ways to solve the problem.
2. If you need to communicate some important news or ask for something urgent, it is better not to shout, but to come up, hug - that is, create physical contact. Doing so will show you are highly interested in the situation, and the child will have less reason to refuse you.
3. When communicating, you need to maintain eye contact, but your gaze should be soft. If the parent looks angrily, then the child subconsciously feels a threat, a desire to put pressure on him, so he perceives each appeal as an order.
4. Education implies not only demands, but also gratitude. Praise, words of approval are the best incentive for children, because they hear them from their parents. By the way, material encouragement is not as valuable for a child as a sincere mother's or father's gratitude.
5. Do not forget that you are a parent, that is, older and more experienced than your child. Overly friendly relationships often lead to the fact that the child ceases to perceive you as a protector, the main person in the family. That is, you need to be more flexible.

It is important to learn how to respond correctly to any problem, to consider it from all sides, including from the perspective of a child. In this case, trust will surely return, and, therefore, children will no longer need to resist their parents.

The power of personal example

Children don't always respond appropriately to simple explanations of why they should behave in one way or another. It is better to educate by personal example, because this method works much more efficiently than numerous words and wishes.

If a child at 6 years old does not obey, perhaps you should listen to his arguments, an explanation of the action. It is especially important to demonstrate justice in adolescence, so find the strength to reconsider your decision if it was wrong, and ask for forgiveness for the mistake.

At one not the most beautiful moment, almost every parent can face the problem of disobedience. However, do not despair and resolve the issue by force, it is better to build a relationship with the child so that conflicts do not reach the point of no return.

Also, consider whether an obedient child is so good. After all, some manifestations of insubordination are associated with the normal passage of age crises, and if children never mind, perhaps they lack independence and desire for self-development.

Finally, adults themselves must serve as models of constructive behavior. Agree that it is stupid to require a child to listen and hear if the parents do not always fulfill their promises, change the requirements without due reason and do not want to give in to little things.