The symptoms of HIV patients stories. How I got HIV (AIDS) real stories. It happens that a difficult patient asks “can I submit a note for my mother? She is ill"

The story I want to tell is not Saturday, not easy, and not simple. But today I have to tell it. Because today, December 1, is the day when AIDS Day is celebrated all over the world.

This is the story of a young woman who lives in Togliatti. Her name is Natalia Mitusova and she has HIV. We met her several years ago, when Natasha was still hiding her status. Today she lives with an open face. Very few people decide on this. There are very few such people throughout the country. In our city, I do not know of such cases.
Natasha is a very brave person. And very strong. At the same time, she is a charming young woman, sensitive, gentle. Her story is, unfortunately, a typical "female" story of HIV infection in Togliatti.

Natalia did not use drugs (through the injection of which, as you know, the first cases of infection appeared). She received HIV from a loved one whom she believed and who did not even have the thought to demand a certificate from an infectious disease specialist. By the time she found out about his HIV-positive status, they had been living together for a year and a half.

" I found out about it by chance, - says Natasha. - We celebrated my birthday outdoors. I turned 25. A group of friends has gathered. I remember cutting a watermelon and getting hurt. But she continued to cut. Seeing this, my close friend later in a one-on-one conversation asked how I could be so careless. It turned out that she knew about the status of my boyfriend, assumed that I was also infected. So everything was revealed.
We did not part with Misha right away. Of course, I had a strong grudge against him. For a long time I could not forgive him for not telling me about his status. Every time we had a fight, I blamed him for it. She said: "I would have sued you, if it were not for the shame, through which I would have to go through." Now I understand that it would be wrong. He was scared himself. I was afraid to confess. Afraid that I will leave him. Besides, this situation is also my fault. I shouldn't have had sexual relations with him without a certificate. After all, at that time I already knew that there is HIV in our city. I knew that Misha used drugs in the past. So I could assume he has HIV. We had to go to the AIDS center together, get tested. This is probably where a serious relationship should begin.
You know, then, some time later, i saw a sign in the hospital. I remember it forever: "Love passes, but HIV remains." This is just about me. "

Having learned about the HIV-positive status of her beloved man, Natasha nevertheless did not go to the hospital. I decided that it was better not to know, it would be easier. For some time she lived, running away from reality, until it so happened that she was forced to undergo a simple, in general, operation. At the hospital, without her knowledge, they took her blood for HIV. And after a while she received a call from the AIDS center and was invited to come to them, at 25 Zdorovya Boulevard. A second analysis confirmed the presence of the virus.

" The first thing I did was go to the bookstore and found there an AIDS dissident book (AIDS dissidents are people who deny the existence of the immunodeficiency virus - Auth.). I remember that it was fat, it contained a lot and beautifully written about all kinds of scientific works and scientists who argued that HIV was an invention of pharmaceutical companies.
I read this book, but I did not stop crying. From time to time I went out to the balcony - we lived on the 15th floor - looked down and thought about how nice it would be to fly away. There was a complete mess in my head. On the one hand, there are the "facts" from the AIDS dissident book. On the other hand, an HIV-positive test and a conversation with an infectious disease specialist. He told me then: "Don't worry, you will live at least 15 years." I calculated that my son Ilya will be slightly over 20 by that time. I was sad at the thought. But I thought I should raise him. "

It took about 3 years before Natasha was able to accept her diagnosis. When asked how this happened, she gives a sadly funny answer:
" The company where I worked had the Internet. The first thing I asked the network was, "Can you get HIV through oral sex?" I read all the information I found voraciously. After all, before that, not a single book, except for the AIDS-dissident, had come across to me. I began to go to various forums using different links. I saw that in many cities there are self-help groups for people living with HIV. Around the same time, I found a stack of business cards from a Togliatti support group at the AIDS center. I even took one. This card was in my bag for probably a year. I took it out, put it back - did not dare to call. But somehow on the weekend I did it, came to the group. And I was delighted. I saw beautiful, intelligent, smiling people who are not going to die at all, who talk about what all "normal" people talk about. So I started going there all the time. "

At some point, it so happened that there was no one to lead the support group. Natasha became one of those who picked up this baton. Simply because I understood how important it was, because I remembered myself the old, scared, lost. At that time, she had not yet imagined that helping other HIV-infected people would become the most important occupation in her life.
The further, the more she participated in various actions. Along with a support group, she began to run a helpline for HIV-infected people. And I was already ready to live with an open face. Only the son was not yet ready for this.

Ilya was 13 years old when Natasha told him about her status.
" By this time, I was faced with the question of what I need to talk to my son about sex, - says Natasha. - I interviewed all the men I knew, each asked when he began to have a sex life. They answered me: at 12, 13, 14 years old. And I realized that it was time to tell about myself. Before that, I told him about HIV, but he didn't really listen to me. Like most people who believe they will not be affected. As I did in my time ...
I told Ilya about HIV using my example. Surprisingly, he took it calmly, without hysteria. Ilya ... he was very courageous. Strong. The only thing when I handed him the condoms, he asked: “Why is this? I'm still a virgin. " To which I replied: "Let them always be in the portfolio." Then periodically she put them in. And now, when his friends come to visit, I also always give them condoms with me. "

Ilya quite easily accepted the status of a mother, but he was not ready to agree to her disclosing it to everyone. He understood that this would complicate his life, especially at school. Therefore, Natasha decided to postpone this.
" And a year and a half ago the opportunity came up to take him with me to Bryansk, to a training course for HIV-infected activists. I thought that when he sees how many of us there are, what wonderful people we are, he might change his mind. At that time, I believed that we were going with him so that he would allow me to open my status. As a result, it happened ... "

On the way to Bryansk, a car with Natasha, Ilya and another person had an accident. Only Natasha survived. She found out about Ilya's death 40 days after he left. All this time, his death was hidden from her. The doctors were afraid that otherwise she would not get out. After the accident Natasha was in a coma, then in intensive care. Her condition remained very grave, so that she could be transported to Togliatti when more than a month had passed since the accident.
" Only recently I began to accept it - that it no longer exists. And talk about him without tears. For a long time I had the feeling that I was under some kind of glass cover. I walk down the street, but I don't see anyone, I don't hear anything. Everything was indifferent to me. The car will run over me - let it. I was not afraid of death. And she didn't want to live. Only recently has the desire to live returned to me. "

After Ilya's death, Natasha's beloved person, with whom they were going to sign, did not stop repeating: "You see what your activism has led to!" Natasha left him.
" When Ilya died in a car accident, people from all over the world helped my mother. They raised money for the funeral, to bring us both to Togliatti, to rehabilitate me. 300 thousand rubles were sent from different parts of the world. I realized that I could not and did not want to give up what I was doing. When Ilya was alive, when asked why I was doing this, I answered: "For the sake of HIV not touching my son." Now I am doing this so that HIV does not touch its friends, girls and boys, who think that bad things happen to anyone but them. "

“I am grateful to life that I have HIV,” Natasha says at the same time. This is shocking. It seems that this is impossible to understand. She explains:
" After I learned about my diagnosis and accepted it, I had a different attitude towards life. I began to live every day like the last. I began to think: I had a little more to live, and I had not yet been to the sea, had not seen Moscow. I stopped saving money for a kitchen set or for repairs in an apartment. Instead, we went somewhere with our son every vacation. I am glad that he managed to see a lot.
Now I already know that thanks to antiretroviral therapy I will live for a long time. As long as people live without HIV. But during the time when I thought that I was going to die soon, I learned to value every day. "

***
Natasha says that she is ready to tell her story as often as necessary. She gladly responds to invitations to television and radio broadcasts, to round tables devoted to the topic of HIV, to conversations with adolescents. “I want people to know as much as possible about HIV,” she explains. “Today, many people still think:“ I’m not a drug addict, so I cannot have HIV. ”Everything has changed a long time ago. HIV can affect anyone.”

Unfortunately it's true. In Togliatti, the sexual transmission of infection came out on top. In 2011, 53% were infected. At the dawn of the spread of HIV in our city, there were only 3% of them. The remaining 97% were drug addicts.
At the same time, the sexual transmission of infection is most common among women: 70% are infected from their sexual partners. And these are not prostitutes at all, as some might think. Very often these are good, wonderful girls who go to bed for love and for love do not use a condom. Doctors also talk about cases when women contracted HIV from their legal husbands.

I am not writing all this to scare you. Although no, perhaps just to scare, alert. Every month 70-110 new HIV-infected are detected in Togliatti. 11% of all men in Togliatti aged 30-34 have HIV infection.
You need to remember this when engaging in sexual relations. Remember, no matter how much passion overwhelmed you. So that the story: "Love passes, but HIV remains" - was not about you.

By calling the helpline, you can ask Natalya Mitusova any questions about HIV: 8-902339-01-59 , (or city) 49-01-59 .

You can donate blood for HIV free of charge and anonymously every day from 8.00 to 14.00 at the AIDS Center (Medgorodok, health Boulevard, 25, oncological building (building 11).

P.S. The post uses photographs from the personal archive of Natalia Mitusova.

How do you feel when you are diagnosed with HIV and where to find the strength to start new life? How do doctors treat HIV-positive people and how do the infected themselves help each other? Three Kyrgyz women living with this diagnosis tell their stories.

It is not so easy to find heroes for material about people with human immunodeficiency virus in Kyrgyzstan - many simply refuse to meet at the last moment. Even if the interview is anonymous. There is only one reason - scary. It is scary not only to open your face, but also to be recognized by the details of your history, which means - by a condemned society. In Kyrgyzstan, HIV is still strongly associated with drug addiction. And the HIV-positive person, according to many, is waiting for only one thing - death.

In Kyrgyzstan, there are groups of Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous, open meetings of people with hearing and vision impairments, communities of people with disabilities who are forced to move in wheelchairs. But no city in the country has ever had an open meeting for people with HIV.

the site tells the stories of three of them - three women living in three different cities of Kyrgyzstan.

"Drive the infected into the barn and set it on fire"

Anna is from Talas. She grew up in a family of doctors and she is a doctor by training. She has been infected with HIV for almost 12 years - she says she got the infection from her husband and has never taken drugs.

For the first time after Anna learned about her diagnosis, she could not believe in it. She happened breakdown - she just didn't know what to do next. For two years she lived without treatment at all - Anna understood that she was almost killing herself with this, but she was very afraid of how society might react to her diagnosis.

“I thought - how will I go to the AIDS center? I myself have worked in medicine for a long time, many doctors know me. I was afraid that someone would see me, that they would tell everything to my mother. This is what I didn’t want most. ”

Pregnancy changed everything - when she found out about her situation, Anna became the first HIV-positive woman in Talas region to officially register for medical treatment. After that, she passed her first full HIV test - at the eighth week of pregnancy.

“I have heard hundreds of stories about how people living with HIV faced discrimination mostly in hospitals. I was convinced of this myself when I got sick. Stigma is felt on the part of doctors, because they themselves are afraid of getting infected. They put on four gloves before each examination, and you stand and look at it. "

For five years, Anna has been collaborating with organizations that help people with HIV. During this time, she learned even more about the negative attitude of society towards such people. In the regions, she says, quite often doctors themselves violate medical secrecy and disclose the status of patients to others without their consent.

“In the polyclinic, you have to dodge so that the doctors do not know your status. Because they cannot keep their mouths “among their own” - at first the whole polyclinic will know about you, and then half of the city ”.

Anna recalls how one of the doctors working with HIV-positive people said that if it were his will, "he would have driven all the infected into a barn and set it on fire." But discrimination is not limited to hospitals. It also affects infected children in schools and kindergartens.

Several years ago, Anna, together with a Talas organization that helps HIV-positive people, conducted a survey among parents of healthy children in schools. They were asked one question: “You learned that your child's classmate is HIV positive. What will you do?" The most frequent answer was: "I will transfer my child to another school."

"Grateful to the disease"

Nonna has been infected with HIV for six years. She learned about her diagnosis when she was in a rehabilitation center for drug addicts - she for a long time was injecting drugs. When she learned this terrible news, she had to think a lot and, perhaps, too early to think about death - she was less than 40 years old. She says that accepting death is one of the stages of accepting the disease.

“It was a shock for me, there were repeated attempts at suicide. For a long time my relatives did not know that I was sick, and I wanted to give my daughter to my aunt. I was afraid that I would not be able to cope with the addiction. I had no job and I wanted to die. "

But then Nonna found out that she was pregnant - this could come out of her prolonged depression. And soon she met by chance with activists who invited her to a self-help group for people with HIV. Life is back on track.

“There they helped me with the acceptance of the diagnosis, explained that life goes on, told about therapy. It was a great and serious support for me. It may sound trite, but I am grateful to the disease that I began to appreciate life. I was able to completely defeat my drug addiction. "

Nonna lied to her mother for a long time and said that everything was fine with her. She never found the strength to tell everything herself - in this she was helped by her attending physician. Now four children and her mother support her in the fight against the disease. Earlier, says Nonna, she believed that her life would end in seven years. Now she doesn't think so.

“Now treatment is prescribed immediately after the diagnosis is made, and it is always free of charge. Therapy is usually prescribed when a person realizes the responsibility for their health. It is necessary to take pills every day, without missing a day - by the hour, for life. "

If you skip taking antiretroviral drugs several times, the virus can develop resistance to the drug. Then the therapy will cease to act on the infected person and those to whom he can transmit the virus.

After starting treatment, Nonna realized that HIV is not as bad as people say.

“I am glad that I have a choice: to burn out in two months or to try to fight. You can live with HIV for 15 years, taking drugs, and live without any restrictions. "

The illness gave Nonna a chance to rethink her life. But her problems don't end with HIV. Nonna is a citizen of Russia. Due to the death of her father, she did not have time to renew her passport in time - because of this, she can neither get a job, nor apply for a benefit as a single mother. And soon she could be deported from Kyrgyzstan altogether.

"There was no more strength to be silent"

Baktygul was expecting her second child when she found out that she was sick with HIV. The disease was transmitted to her from her husband.

“The first weeks were denial, then depression, aggression. There was everything. I checked three times in the hope that the doctors were wrong. But all three times the diagnosis was confirmed. "

After that, she began to undergo therapy - antiretroviral drugs block the virus so much that it can no longer be detected in the blood and transmitted from mother to child. She wanted to give birth to a healthy baby.

“I've been taking pills every day for 7 years. I'm not a drug addict. I'm not contagious. My children are healthy. But because people don't know that HIV is not a sentence, I was scared to reveal my status. What if nobody wants to be friends with my children because of me? "

Baktygul became the first woman in Kyrgyzstan to disclose her HIV status. She did this so that others would understand that people with HIV have every right to live, and the rest of the infected knew that they are not alone, and they will always be helped.

“The time has come when you really need to talk about it. I no longer had the strength to remain silent and listen to the stigma of discrimination against us. Then I realized that I needed to say something: "I am HIV positive."

Baktygul says that more than two months have passed since her coming-out - during this time nothing terrible happened, and she did not regret her decision for a minute. She believes that she was lucky with her family and friends - they empathize with her, but so that it was imperceptible.

“They joked with me, talked about different topics and did not see in me only a sick person. Colleagues also did not focus on the disease - I work as I work, and it saves me a lot. "

Baktygul works as an advocacy specialist at the Public Association "Country Council of Patients", which helps people with HIV. This organization in Kara-Balta has been helping people to receive therapy for a year, explaining to them that it is necessary, and HIV does not mean the end of life. Receiving treatment on time, you can start a family. The main thing is to follow the rule: "If you want to live, take drugs."

“It is very bad that in Kyrgyzstan there are no psychologists at all who would communicate with people after the diagnosis is announced. Doctors themselves do not believe that they should tell a person what happened to him, what he should do now and how he should behave. A man is left completely alone with his fears. "

Baktygul also speaks of discrimination against people with HIV by some doctors. She recalls how the doctor, whom she came to see, took a napkin and wiped the doorknob she was taking - right in front of the patient.

Currently, the Global Fund to Fight AIDS, Tuberculosis and Malaria provides the patients with drugs, but aid may end in 2018 - funding for Kyrgyzstan is already being cut.

Baktygul understands that if she does not take pills, she will die - even from a simple flu, since the body will be powerless to fight.

A little more is now being allocated to fight HIV / AIDS in Kyrgyzstan

US $ 11 million

every year

This amount is constantly

shrinks

HIV +

Burul Isaeva, head of the Unity of People Living with HIV Association, has repeatedly heard stories of people who have faced discrimination in the hospital.

Often, pregnant women with HIV are refused to be put in the same room with other women in labor - they are left in the prenatal hall. While in healthy women, midwives wear one pair of gloves, for HIV-positive women, in three.

After measuring the temperature of infected people, nurses sometimes do not take the thermometer back into their hands - they ask the patient to show it from his hands.

HIV in Kyrgyzstan is considered almost a leprosy. Discrimination against infected people occurs even in crisis centers set up to help them.

Isaeva believes that HIV-infected people should have the courage to declare that they are living a normal life with this diagnosis, with their own goals and aspirations.

For full funding

country lacks

$ 1.8 million

Reduced funding means people living with HIV

stop

receive treatment in full

Women with HIV are confident that the more people talk about this problem, the less conjectures they will have about this diagnosis, about which they now, in fact, know almost nothing.

For 22 years, the hero of this material has been living with a diagnosis that is stereotypically considered hopeless - this is half of his life. The man agreed to tell Binoculars the story of his successful fight against the virus.

I grew up in a prosperous family. I studied diligently and even showed great promise, there were no problems with my parents - a common story. And then the 90s came, bringing with them not only freedom, new culture and music, but also drugs. For a while I limited myself to marijuana during school breaks, but after a year I realized: not enough. At 17, I first tried opiates, intravenously. I’m lying if I say I liked it, but the external conditions dictated the rules: it so happened that all my friends used opiates - I did not want to be branded as a black sheep.

Not without youth complexes, of course. This way I existed for five years. All this time, I constantly changed my place of residence, I did not stay at any work for a long time. He also did not disdain crime: somewhere he stole, somewhere he deceived. As Ostap Bender said: "Honestly he demanded money." I managed to "grab" a criminal record for acquisition and storage without the purpose of sale, got off with a suspended sentence.

Of course, I tried to get rid of the addiction on my own, but it was of little use. The risk of contracting HIV remained quite high throughout my "career" - often we all injected with the same syringe. I clearly remember the day of my hypothetical infection: entrance, company, circumstances. There is an inner understanding that I caught this infection on that very evening ...

At some point (to be precise, at 22) I realized that all my drug addict friends were already infected. My tests were also positive, although I did not feel any symptoms. For many years I did not attach the slightest importance to my diagnosis and continued to take drugs, thinking only about them. Thoughts like “this does not happen”, “this is an American disease” calmed me down. I began to manipulate my parents, use my position: they say, give me money, die anyway. In fact, I did not feel any difference, the result is still the same - I will not die from drugs, so I will die from AIDS.

At 27, I volunteered for a Protestant rehab center because I made a clear decision to quit drugs. I'm tired of spinning like a squirrel in a wheel. He completed a one and a half year rehabilitation program. And only then I realized that I could live without psychotropics - eat, sleep and enjoy life. Some guys, by the way, after the expiration of the program, stay to work in the center. Having such opportunities is really great, because when you are simply pushed out into the street, you again find yourself face to face with your problems and external temptations.

Now I am a peer consultant to the NGO "Positive Movement", I help HIV-infected people learn to live with the diagnosis. 11 years ago I married a girl who was also undergoing a rehabilitation program. I immediately stated my position: “I have a fatal diagnosis. Think carefully before building a serious relationship. " I thought - our son is already two years old. The diagnosis did not become that very cross on my life: I have a job, a loving wife and a wonderful child. Does happiness need more than that?

For more than 15 years now, I have not touched drugs. I will not dissemble - sometimes the desire comes back. But I quickly dismiss it, because now I have no need to prove something in such a dubious way. Now I feel like a full-fledged person, capable of many things. I got rid of my youthful complexes long ago, the inability to overcome which was the reason for my replanting. But the "system" does not care who you are and what goals you pursue: you are a drug addict, and from now on this is your way of life. The buzz recedes into the background, because most of the time you spend on the run - in search of money and a dose.

Unfortunately, HIV-infected people have nowhere to turn for help and support. Not all doctors are competent enough, although I was lucky in this regard - I came across doctors who gave me complete, comprehensive information. But people with whom I communicate at work often talk about the ignorance of doctors.

There was such a case, for example: a girl with hepatitis C came to the doctor for a certificate in the pool. The local therapist didn't even listen to her: they say, you can't, you have a diagnosis! And how is it impossible if hepatitis C is not transmitted in this way? They gathered a whole council, and with joint "intellectual" efforts they still issued required document... But this is wildness - the local therapist does not know elementary things!

What can we say about the problems with employment? There are only 7 or 8 specialties restricting access to HIV-infected people. And that's all. But hardly anyone would deny that people with this diagnosis are discriminated against in any enterprise (regardless of how strong they are professionally). Perhaps I am wrong, and the real reason lies elsewhere - in a banal personal dislike for a person. How do you know?

The sphere in which I work is practically not developed in Brest. There are several public organizations involved in supporting HIV-infected people. But for the most part, these are just programs that neglect the individual approach. There are few “equal” consultants - people who have survived this ailment.

I created a chat in Viber, now there are about twenty participants. We communicate every day. Just gather these people in real life almost impossible, maximum - two or three people at a time. The composition is as varied as possible: from complete marginals to customs officers. Apparently, the latter do not want to "burn out": "What will I have to do with junkies?"

There was a state AIDS center in Brest, before I was often invited to conferences there. I don't know if he still exists, I have not been in contact with them for a long time. But I would not make any claims to the state, because there is an element of support for HIV-infected people and, first of all, it is expressed in free therapy. Try spending $ 100 a month on pills alone? it large sum... And the state in alliance with the UN fund (though I don’t know in what ratio) continues to provide treatment free of charge. This is a significant contribution.

All my life I have lived in a “not like everyone else” regime: at first I was a drug addict, then a Protestant. Neither the first nor the second layer can be called popular. In the 90s I wore trendy boots, ripped jeans and a haired head, because showing off is a natural thing for that age and position. Perhaps thanks to this, I do not feel like an outcast even now - I am used to being different from others.

But the people continue to remain dense, nurture some strange unfounded stereotypes about HIV-infected people - many are afraid to shake hands and try not to touch the dishes, or even shy away like a leper. And if earlier in the institutions there were at least some information posters, now there is not even that - people still live with those old ideas. It's kind of wild, or something ...

Faith in God helps me to cope with the difficulties that arise and gives me some hope for a better future. I know that I can always count on people who will understand and support me - and this is great. I read the Gospel and the Bible every day, and this makes me feel comfortable. God plays an essential role in my present life - probably one of the main ones.

First of all, you need to monitor your health and take therapy. Not a single chance should be neglected. Many HIV-infected people are afraid of being exposed and do not believe in a positive result. But my example can be called indicative: for 8 years now I have not disdained the possibilities of medicine, and now I feel great. In no case should you be isolated, because it is difficult to survive such things alone. The main thing is not to break down, because (no matter how hackneyed this phrase may seem) HIV is not a death sentence, but certain circumstances to which you need to adapt.

Olga Kuzmicheva, 36 years old

I was 20 years old, in the eighth month of pregnancy I came to the antenatal clinic. I passed the tests, I come for the results, and they ask me to retake the blood in the immunological clinic. I handed over and forgot. After 10 days I went for the results. I was told that I had HIV and was offered an artificial birth. I started hysterical, at that moment I did not understand anything at all. I started to stutter, I said: “What kind of artificial birth? You understand, I have a stroller at home, sliders, diapers. " They said to me: “Whom will you give birth to? Either a little animal, or a frog. Sign up! " I refused. It seemed to me that life was over.

How the infection happened, I did not immediately remember. I used to use drugs intravenously. I started because of my husband. Because of her character and some kind of youthful maximalism, she decided to save him - to prove that you can quit. That's how stupidly and got involved. Then there was a rehabilitation center, a year of sobriety. But there was a breakdown: we drank at a friend's birthday party. Her husband offered to inject, and then I didn't really control where whose syringe was. Then I managed to quit, later I found out that I was pregnant.

For childbirth, they took me to the second infectious diseases hospital (the usual maternity hospital did not accept me). There was a department for HIV-positive people, drug addicts were all around. A doctor from the hospital was called for me. He was wearing glasses and a red oilcloth. Blood splattered when he cut the umbilical cord. And he screamed like an abnormal: "If I get infected, I'll get you out of the ground."

Then the child and I were transferred to a solitary ward. Autumn, it is raining, dogs are howling, bars on the windows, drug addicts are injecting through the door. I took the child, put it on my chest and swayed all the way on the netting.

I did not hide the diagnosis from my family. My husband supported him, said: "Well, we will live as we lived." The mother-in-law was shocked and at first even tried to give me a separate washcloth, soap-shampoos. My mother said to the last that this was all nonsense, a deception of the state in order to pump out money. Best friend ignored it.

I could no longer work as a teacher, and I had to go to the store as a salesman. When they asked to make a medical book, I changed jobs. Of course, they had no right to fire me because of my HIV status, but this still needs to be proved. I knew what was what - condemned, appreciated, eaten, undermined.

For five years I lived in isolation with the understanding that I was an outcast. She left for a closed world - my girlfriend, husband and children. I lived with one thought: “I am going to die, I am going to die, I am going to die soon. I will not see my son going to school, I will not see this and that. " And at some point I arrived at the special center and realized that all these people are also HIV-positive. Even then, my mother-in-law really supported me. Despite her first reaction, she is still a wise woman, she realized that she needed to somehow change her attitude. I started reading some books about HIV, and then slipping them to me, saying: "Ol, let's get out of this state."

I began to find out what HIV infection is, and soon I was lucky and I found a job on the helpline for HIV-positive people. Over time, she began to come up with booklets, brochures. Somehow I was asked to write a script for a documentary about an infection. I came home, laid out the sheets, thought for a long time how to approach. Everything turned into a letter to my mother. The result was confession-repentance.

The director invited me to star in a film. I starred and openly stated that I was HIV positive. I don’t regret it a single gram. Of course, my relatives dissuaded me. But for me it was a turning point, I realized that I don't want to be isolated anymore, I want to talk about it. The film received various awards, I was even awarded by Posner. But for me the highest reward was the realization that my story helps someone.

My second husband was also HIV negative. When we met, I had already announced my status, so he accepted it calmly. It was an absolutely happy marriage. I gave birth to my second son. Unfortunately, when he was only one and a half years old, his husband died. And I went to work. It was after his death that she became more actively involved in charity work. By that time, I had already organized my own STEP foundation. I opened a self-help group for HIV-positive people, began to travel to prisons and talk about HIV, conduct trainings, came to rehabilitation centers, then opened my own, started holding campaigns.

Now the attitude towards HIV-positive people is gradually changing. The second time, five years ago, I gave birth in an ordinary maternity hospital, in an ordinary ward, and they treated me awesome. I have heard many kind and warm words addressed to me.

Although I still face some prejudices. Several times they refused to operate on me, I had to recall my rights. Unfortunately, doctors are often even more ignorant in this matter than patients. They get scared, get scared, and send them to a special center.

Of course, they don't give me a separate spoon. Although, maybe I don't notice. They stopped hurting me long ago, I have a specific answer to all questions, I can safely laugh it off. But dating men is still difficult for me. I often don’t know how to speak about my status, sometimes this feeling of awkwardness arises, so either I speak or I leave. I am not very pleasant with questions, but I try to understand that a person is simply responsible for his health.

The eldest son knows about my status. When I was prescribed therapy, I asked why I was taking these pills. I had to say that I swallowed the Tamagotchi and now I have to feed her with pills. The son even ran for some time and shouted: "Mom, did you take the pills?"

Now he is already 15 years old, he understands everything, only once again he asks: "I saw you on TV, what have you got there again for the action?" The youngest son is 5 years old, this year he participated with me in the all-Russian testing campaign.

"I had no thoughts of committing suicide."

Ekaterina L., 28 years old

I have two children, I love reading, I live in a village in the Sverdlovsk region. It has been a year since I learned about my status. A pregnant woman came to the antenatal clinic, and they told me there. Of course, there was a shock, I was no longer afraid for myself, but for the child. Because I understood that people live with it and live a long time. This is discussed both on the Internet and on TV. And there were no thoughts of going to commit suicide.

In the antenatal clinic they reacted normally. True, both the doctor and the obstetrician treated me terribly in the maternity hospital. Like trash. Beyond words. They were even afraid to touch, as if I was a leper or contagious. Didn't help. They were rude and asked how I got infected. She gave birth in a separate room, and then was transferred to a regular ward. Fortunately, my diagnosis was not disclosed, and I myself did not speak to my neighbors.

I don't know how the infection came about. Could not get infected sexually. My partner was healthy, he was checked, I do not take drugs. Then I read a lot of literature, it turns out that you can get infected in a nail salon, and at a dentist, in almost any medical office where there are instruments. I don't go to a manicure, but I have been to a dentist and a gynecologist recently. Now there is an epidemic, in our village six hundred people have become infected in six months.

It was not easy during pregnancy: once every three months I had to go for tests from our village to the city. The therapy was very difficult to endure at first. With the child, it seems so far everything is fine. The pediatrician treated us humanly. The baby also had to be taken to the city for tests, to a special center - a month, three months, and then another year will be needed.

When I found out that I had HIV, no one was around, I shared it with my best friend. Only then did she stop being a friend, although she is my child's godmother, and I hers. At one point, something clicked on her, and I became the most bad man... No one knows why she was so angry with me.

First, she began to write to my relatives that HIV and children should be taken away from me. Then she told everyone in the village about my diagnosis. I wrote in "Vkontakte" in the group of our village, and also in the neighboring one - when I found a job there in a store.

I don't know how I would explain to everyone, but chance helped me. I wanted to double-check the diagnosis and donated blood in a private clinic. The result came, and it says: "The analysis is delayed, the reaction is negative." I showed this certificate to the owner of the store, she calmed down. She also wrote a statement against her ex-girlfriend to the prosecutor's office for disclosure. A check is underway now.

I am still taking therapy, but on occasion I will ask the special center what this analysis means. When it became known about my status, many crawled into the soul, asked: “Why? But as? Do you know what they write about you? " I said: "I know, I have a certificate that I am healthy." Questions disappeared by themselves. More negativity was directed at mine ex-girlfriend... Now everyone is sure that this is her invention - she just decided to ruin my life.

I feel quite a healthy person... Sometimes the liver aches, the therapy takes its toll. I then take liver pills. Medicines for therapy are given to us free of charge for three months in a special center. There have been no interruptions in drugs yet.

Now I'm scared to communicate with the opposite sex. I can't start any relationship. I'm somehow not at ease. After all, you have to say, but you don't want to speak. This stops. Therefore, psychologically, it's easier for me not to communicate with men. And now I trust people less. True, I didn't really trust it before, but now it's even less.

"I met love and am happy with my man"

Olga Eremeeva, 46 years old

I am a financial advisor for life insurance. I never thought that I could get infected: I led a healthy lifestyle, underwent medical examination, and even with my former common-law husband, at the beginning of our relationship, we passed tests to be confident in each other.

In 2015, my husband is admitted to the hospital with a traumatic brain injury. After the operation, the doctors promised to discharge him soon, but three weeks later they transferred him to the infectious diseases hospital and said that he had one week left to live because he had AIDS. So I understood what was the reason for his strange behavior: for the whole last year we did not live with him, he began to drink, then disappeared, although sometimes he left packages with food and notes at the door of the apartment.

But even then I did not think that I also had HIV. You never know, maybe he got infected while we did not live together. To be on the safe side, I did get tested at the antenatal clinic. And three weeks later the doctor called me and asked me to come in. So I found out about my diagnosis. I thought I was going to die in a month. She stayed at work, and when she was alone, she cried.

There was no panic, but there was a feeling of hopelessness. I even thought, maybe, to sell everything, go somewhere, take a walk at last. But we live in Russia, we do not have such pension savings, not everything is so easy.

I suspect that my man at some point found out about the disease, but he was afraid to tell me. Then he even told me that he had some kind of blood disease, but for some reason I thought it was oncology. It seems to me that he, too, could not imagine that he was ill, and found out too late.

When we met, he was the director of a construction company, a decent business man. I think he could only get infected because of the tattoo - he just did it at the beginning of our relationship. I had no grudge against him, I was annoyed: why didn't you say, it was possible to cope with everything together.

My daughter gave me great support, although she already lived separately with her boyfriend. I never really concealed my HIV status, but I also did not tell everyone about it. I didn't tell my colleagues, I didn't want them to be nervous, worried.

When I neatly asked a colleague if there were definitely no payments for HIV insurance, she told me: "What are you talking about, this is such dirt!" But then, when everyone guessed, she did not change her attitude towards me, she did not even offend me with a hint.

When you share your diagnosis with someone, and they do not turn away from you, this is the best support.

After talking with an excellent epidemiologist, who is more of a psychologist, I realized what my mistake was. It turns out that blood for HIV is not taken at any medical examination without our permission according to the law, and even more so if an operation is not required, if they see that you are a socially prosperous person. Therefore, I did not know about my diagnosis for almost 6 years. Although we were tested for infections with my common-law husband, it turns out that HIV testing was not included in this package.

Yes, I felt bad for a while, but if you can't change the situation, change your attitude towards it. I always have a positive attitude, I come to people with a smile. And this is probably disarming. I bring people good, and they have no opportunity to respond with something else, even if they know about my status. Much also depends on ourselves. Sometimes people misunderstand, but when I open a status, I try to inform them.

The correspondent of the agency "Minsk-Novosti" managed to find HIV-infected people who are ready to tell about themselves. Two people agreed to talk about their illness. One diagnosis, one generation, but the medical history and fate are different.

First story

- If you expect to hear a tearful story, I will disappoint you- Tamara immediately warned by phone when they made an appointment.

And here in front of me is a young attractive woman. Without knowing, you will not guess that she is 38 years old and has an adult son. A wide smile, an outstretched hand to shake, relaxed behavior. Tamara has been living with HIV for 14 years. Her drug use experience is 3 years longer.

Tamara is a Minsker, her only daughter. Mom works as a chief accountant in a joint venture. Father is a former cafe director.

- In our family, there has never been a lack of anything, even in times of total deficit, - the interlocutor shares. - But I would not call my family friendly. Mom was making a career. Dad often came home drunk, had affairs on the side ... I grew up on my own. She studied well. At 17 she fell in love, and at 18 gave birth to a son.

Of course, she was not quite ready for motherhood. Mom helped raise my son. Tamara studied at a technical school, then got a job. An ordinary girl, ordinary interests ...

She first tried drugs at the age of 21. A neighbor suggested smoking marijuana, assuring that the herb does not cause any addiction. Then, out of curiosity, she got acquainted with amphetamine and heroin for the company. Full list Tamara did not disclose the "foolishness" she was taking.

In 2000, she was deliberately tested for HIV, realizing that she was at risk. Hearing that she was HIV-positive, she did not faint, it did not occur to her to commit suicide either. She began to be treated, found like-minded people. For over 10 years, Tamara has been actively involved in various projects related to HIV-positive injecting drug users. Tamara believes that the fact that the attitude towards this category of people in our society is changing is also her merit.

- HIV, drug addiction are primarily diseases, - Tamara is convinced. - It's just that not everyone understands this in our country. The stigmatization of HIV-positive and drug addicts remains strong in society. This summer, I was in a hospital in an extremely serious condition, I had an operation. And on the eve of her, I heard a doctor on the phone complaining to someone about his hard lot about the fact that they brought, they say, a drug addict with HIV, and he needs to save her. Another time on my temperature sheet in the hospital they indicated: "AIDS, drug addiction." Of course, I was indignant: "In white coats, and such illiterate people: I have HIV, not AIDS."

When a commercial firm found out that I was HIV positive, they asked me to resign. The director summoned him and explained: "The team is not ready to work with a person like you." Although before that he was quite pleased with me as an employee. I'm used to this attitude. Sometimes I'll cry, but it's like a runny nose - it goes away quickly. I don't whine all the time: how unhappy I am, everyone pity me ... I am sociable, cheerful, I have a large social circle. She has traveled half the world as part of various public organizations. I have a partner, I have a place to live. And the rest is not so important - my requests are small.

According to Tamara, today she is on therapy, she feels rather well, the virus is not active.

But there were times when, due to withdrawal, she could not get out of bed and was forced to leave work. When there was no money at all, she did not hesitate to steal. And despite all this, to the pleas and persuasions of the mother, to the growing up and condemning her son, Tamara stubbornly destroyed herself for many years. By her own admission, she could not break off drugs to this day. Although today it has significantly reduced their consumption and acts extremely carefully.

- And what prevents you from finally overcoming addiction?

- It is my choice. Sometimes I like to forget, relax, get into a state of intoxication.

- And do not stop the consequences?

- I, of course, am afraid to die. But I think my chances of leaving the other world are no higher than those of someone from those people who pass by. Some of them have an ulcer, some have diabetes, some have heart problems or oncology. And I have HIV and drug addiction.

Tamara herself calls herself "a conscientious citizen with deviant behavior"... Perhaps I can agree with this formulation. In Tamara there is a strange mixture of an active life position and infantilism, vitality and carelessness, even negligence towards one's own life. Of course, HIV is a disease. It is inhumane to humiliate and insult people on the basis of their illness. But it is still incorrect to compare a drug addict with an ulcer. Drug addiction much more seriously undermines physical health, psyche, destroys personality, sociality of a person, affects the health and fate of loved ones. Undoubtedly: not only Tamara herself, but also her parents, her son would have been happier and calmer if she had said “no” to herself, if she had been able to admit: you cannot be a little bit of a drug addict. You are either an addict or you are not. And by definition, there can be no complete equality of drug addicts with those in whose life there is no place for "foolishness".

Second story

Anastasia is 37 years old. Tall, athletic, attractive. She is married and has a 15-year-old daughter. Here is her story in the first person, as I heard it.

- I found out about my status when I went to donate blood as a donor. I remember how the earth disappeared from under my feet when the doctors showed me a certificate where my surname was written and the seal was - HIV. To say that it was a shock is to say nothing. Suddenly, I stopped recognizing the letters. I just asked the doctors again: "What is it?" And she repeated: "I can't get sick, I have a child"... I couldn't believe that I and HIV are compatible.

I have never used drugs. I never touched a cigarette. The maximum that I can sometimes afford is 200 g of dry wine. I have been playing volleyball since the age of 7. To this day, 3 times a week - training.

In general, I lead a healthy lifestyle. But, alas, we live in a human world. And no one is insured that you will be framed ... I owe my HIV-positive status to my ex-spouse. From whom he contracted, I do not know, but now it does not matter.

Only my mother knows about my status. When I told her the diagnosis, she gave me a lot of moral support and comfort. I didn't tell my friends about it. What for? What's the point of telling everyone that I am a carrier of the virus. With the right approach, HIV is just a chronic disease, nothing more. I support my condition with ARV therapy. She does not give me discomfort. I always have flawless analyzes. For 10 years of her life with the diagnosis "HIV" I have never been sick. The exception is sports injuries.

I'm not afraid if someone I know finds out about my illness. It doesn't matter how others perceive me. The main thing is how I perceive myself. And I have no reason to be ashamed of myself or not respect.

Today I can call my life happy. She got married a second time. On the first date, she confessed her status to the man. He took it calmly. For several years we met, and then - a white dress, pigeons, a limousine, balloons, and now we are a family.

In addition to work, I devote time to volunteering. Many interesting meetings, acquaintances, the circle of communication has expanded. I still go in for sports. I dream of another child: I already have a beautiful daughter, now I want a son.