The problem of men, who in their youth did not have the process of psychological separation from their own mother, consistently holds first places in all women's forums. After all, life with such a person turns into a nightmare: not only do you constantly face unreasonable criticism of everything that you do, from a completely dependent person, but also the very infantilism of "mama's son" sometimes simply drives you out of yourself.

So who are they, these sissy and where did so many of them come from recently? Well, peacetime leads to an increase in the number of dependent and unadapted people, whose mothers once took the opportunity to keep their son-in-law from under the mother's skirt, from under the mother's warm wing as long as possible. If, at the same time, the child himself did not have a sufficiently pronounced rebellious period in adolescence, when there is a separation from his mother at the psychological level and awareness of his individuality, independence, then the young man in this regard does not grow out of childhood and continues to live with his mother under a warm barrel.

Then such lifestyle enters into a strong habit, and the person continues to live this way, until the very day, as he understands - his 30-year-old (and sometimes 40-year-old) son, who has lived with his mother all his life, is time to get married. And this infant, a grown man with the psychology of ten years old, is thrown right into life. His nature revolts, and he wants to restore the former order, subconsciously strives for life as it was before.

He needs everything to be as it was in parental home, Mom. He most likely did not want to get married at all, but "mom said." Or public opinion, traditionally important for this type of people, influenced his decision. "It is necessary", "because everyone does it", a typical reason for a mama's son to start looking for a spouse.

But in reality he wants to go back to his mother's nest. The style of home decoration should be the same as that of mom. All the food prepared by the wife should be like that of the mother, everything that the wife does not do will be studied in the mirror of comparative analysis, and disappointing conclusions will be made by the verdict of the unhappy wife, tired of trying to please this capricious child.

But this is not the most terrible... The main character traits can be hidden for several months of communication, and only then the woman begins to notice that sometimes this adult, seemingly man, behaves quite typically for a ten-year-old. It requires constant attention, so that you follow it in a short guide, wherever it goes. He absolutely does not want to listen to what you say, but at the same time he wants to be carefully listened to himself. He is capricious, sometimes he arranges natural tantrums with screams and swearing because of mere trifles.

He is very boastfulloves flattery and loves to be admired, even if it is done fake. He is a tyrant, always formidable for his subordinates, but shrinks into a ball at the sight of his superiors. He can behave cheekily and rudely, but as soon as his wife gets angry at such behavior, he retreats and comes with an apology. In general, over time, before a woman in all her terrible glory, an obvious fact appears: she lives with a ten-year-old.

Being the wife of a mama's son is an unenviable fate. It's good if a woman, even before the wedding, understood with whom she connects her life, and her choice was made consciously and out of love. But it often happens that the husband manifests himself in the role of a mother's son under the influence of stressful situations - the birth of a child, a personal or professional crisis. And now, instead of your husband, you get another capricious child, and in the load - his mother (or her bright image). As a result, family life turns into an endless competition in which you will never win.

Unfortunately, too many women are familiar with this problem. And in today's article I will tell you what to do if the husband is a mama's son.

Why doesn't a man grow up?

The formation of personality is influenced by two energies - maternal and paternal. Both of these energies are equally important. But for a number of historical reasons, fathers often do not take part in the upbringing, or even are completely absent from the child's life.

About under 7 years old the boy is very attached to his mother and is under her strong influence. But the older the boy becomes, the more active male energy awakens in him - aggression, pressure, stubbornness, hot temper, with which he still does not know how to handle it carefully and for good. Only an older man can be the best teacher in this matter.

A wise man can teach a boy how to cope with his fears and be strong, how to defend himself, achieve goals, but at the same time not hurt loved ones. How to handle your aggression so you don't hurt. A man will show that he is not ashamed to experience weakness, fear and powerlessness if he knows how to deal with it and move on. He will teach the boy to take responsibility, protect and protect loved ones.

If there is no such man nearby - it is difficult for a boy to escape from female influence, his “mother complex” can become overwhelming. And then the question of how to handle your masculine energy is unconsciously resolved in one of two ways.

Active aggression

Such a man is irritated by everything emotional and sentimental, he tries to suppress all manifestations of female energy, intensely manifesting masculine energy: through pressure, submission and criticism. This is his way of resisting the overwhelming influence of his mother and maintaining a sense of his own integrity.

When a boy becomes a man, he maintains a habitual pattern of behavior. Only now he is fighting not with his mother, but with his wife. Such a man is physically unable to endure children's whims and the manifestation of emotions - he does not know how to cope with them, therefore he severely suppresses these manifestations. If you criticize such behavior, the husband does not listen, does not draw conclusions, but begins to criticize in return. When the situation gets out of his control, he loses control of himself: he shouts, swears and in every possible way demonstrates who is in charge.

The truth is, behind a man's aggressiveness is incredible vulnerability. A man “collapses” at the thought that there may be at least some doubts about his leadership and power. Attack, submission and power become his defense - a way to preserve the integrity of the fragile inner "I".

Passive aggression

The second way a man copes with the maternal complex is passive aggression. Everything looks good: in words, your husband supports you, is ready to help and take an active part in family affairs. But when the time comes for real action, he ignores requests, merges, does not turn on, does not understand what you want from him and distances himself. He does not know and does not understand what is happening with the child, because he spends too little time with him. He does not know how to cope with children's whims and emotions, so he simply withdraws and avoids responsibility. The same mechanism underlies addictions - psychological (from mom, for example), alcoholic, gambling or drug addiction. These are all ways to suppress anger and detach from the reality that provokes it.

How does dependence on mother affect family life?

When a boy grows up and gets married, he hopes that everything will be different with his wife, not like with his mother. But in stressful situations, he continues to fight the female energy in a familiar way. Our subconscious is so arranged: reactions are automatically issued when the body thinks that we are in danger. For a man who has not psychologically separated from his mother, doubts about his masculinity are already a reason for self-defense. Therefore, even the most innocent remark can be perceived as criticism, and now the husband criticizes in response (often completely out of place), and a moment later you find yourself in the epicenter of a scandal, and do not understand why he wound up again.

It is difficult for a mother's son to realize himself as a father. He does not know what it is like to take care, protect, love and protect his own children. He did not have an example of normal family relationships, and only a wife can stimulate the development of the husband's desire to be a different father for his children. But for this, a woman must understand how her behavior affects her husband.

The influence of women on the masculinity of mama's son

Your husband's behavior and reactions are certainly influenced by your usual behavior. After all, the family is a system in which each element affects the other. Therefore, if your behavior changes, then the man's reaction to him becomes different. This means that a more conscious participant in the family system can rebuild it, simply by changing his role in it.

There are several models of female behavior that are extremely destructive to relationships and activate the worst qualities in a man. I will list them.

Amazon. This is the embodiment of women's independence. When a woman in a family feels injustice towards herself and her children, it deeply hurts her and breeds resentment. In order not to experience pain, she is alienated and begins to rely only on herself, seeking to get rid of any manifestations of her own dependence and vulnerability.
The Amazon does not negotiate and does not forgive, she simply steps back, relying on her strength and independence. It can leave physically, forever deleting the husband from life, or it can keep the marriage “for the sake of children” for years, remaining emotionally inaccessible to the husband.

Witch. This is a woman's rage, an image of a bitch who can afford everything in the manifestation of negative emotions. This is the state when it "carries", and until all the steam is released, it is impossible to stop. The witch does not choose expressions, says what she thinks, and does what she wants. This is a hurricane of the most powerful force, which must be overcome if you have enough strength and experience.

Mommy. The negative shadow side through which the woman exercises authoritarian power over men. In this model, there is no respect for the husband, he is perceived as under-grown, not a man.
Mom mentally castrates, devalues, nags, “saves” her husband from his failure. A man, on the other hand, cannot be near such a woman - he either begins to resist or withdraws. This is the most traumatic behavior for men in relationships.

These patterns appear unconsciously and uncontrollably, but when a woman is influenced by them, she unwittingly undermines the fragile male ego. The man is forced to defend himself, and such a conflict destroys the intimacy between spouses. If a woman does not control the manifestations of these behavioral patterns, they will only exacerbate the manifestations of her husband's alienation and irresponsibility.

How to raise the level of the husband's responsibility and involve him in upbringing?

A woman can help a man to become a good husband and father, but exclusively from her female role - when she does not play the role of a mother for her husband and does not make him constantly defend himself. But if she is a wife - fragile, tender, conscious and wise, then in her arsenal there are ways to awaken in her husband the desire to take responsibility for herself.

To influence the disclosure of male potential, you need to unite with your husband against the problem, and not fight the problem in the person of your husband. To be a good father means to accept the emotionality of the child, your powerlessness, your stah. To be a good husband means to be responsible, make decisions, protect, protect and help. A man can do this when there is someone who respects him nearby.

And here you need to give a man a credit of trust. This means treating him as if he already has the qualities that you expect from him. This very perception, deliberate respect and trust can move many people off the ground and cause a desire to justify this trust.

However, this may not be enough. What then? In this case, my system of awakening the paternal instinct and sharing responsibility with the husband, which I teach step by step in the course, will be useful to you.

This system has four stages.

Adopting a husband. Acceptance is impossible without understanding, so work always starts with research. You are studying the history of your husband - what was the relationship of his parents, what was his childhood. So you will understand the motives of the spouse's actions, his typical defense mechanisms, recognize his pain points and stop stepping on his “sore calluses”, provoking conflicts.

Accepting yourself... It was no coincidence that you got into a relationship with such a husband, and if the reasons remain unexplored for you, it will be difficult for you to get out of the state of victim and resentment. You have to understand what attracted you to this man, what tasks you psychologically need to solve. After all, attracting this or that partner, we are looking for a person who will help us heal and become more harmonious. This is a chance and impetus for development that should not be ignored. By developing yourself, you are developing both your husband and your relationship.

Strengthen the bonds in your couple. There are very simple, but very effective ways to maintain an emotional connection in a couple so that the husband was always on your side, and you fought together against the problem, and not with each other. Thanks to these methods, you will make your husband want to help you and actively participate in solving family problems. In the course of training on the course, you will see the result in 2 weeks. Follow the link if you want quality results.

Daily work strategy. Train yourself to do something every day to improve the rapport in your couple. The art of taking small steps is about learning how and what to say, how to react, how to behave. And after a while, the husband no longer disappoints, but offers help himself.

Of course, not always and not everything depends on the woman. But, when at stake is the opportunity to make your child, yourself and the whole family happier, then this motivates at least to try. Either way, working on a relationship is a win-win investment. After all, you are changing yourself, which means you automatically influence the whole world that lives around you. Use the guidelines in this article to start making changes!

Do you think a mama's boy can change with the help and support of his beloved woman?

When looking for a chosen one, every woman dreams of a strong, self-confident and self-sufficient man who can give a feeling of security and safety. But, unfortunately, finding the real ideal of a man is quite difficult.

And it seems that here he is - handsome, neat, strong. But when communicating, you begin to understand that all this is just an appearance, but in fact it is far from perfect. In conversation, he constantly refers to the experience of his mother and her advice, is not particularly proactive, with visible relief he is ready to transfer you the right to solve problems that arise. And then a doubt creeps into you, and not whether your mama's son is your friend.

How to understand that your man is a "mama's boy"

A man capable of building strong relationships and subsequently creating a family is distinguished by maturity of judgment and firmness of character. Men - "mama's sons" do not possess such character traits. If you suspect your chosen one of "immaturity", then it is recommended to take a closer look at him first.

With proper supervision, you will be able to notice a number of characteristics of "mama's sons":

• Distance from any difficulty. “Mama's Sons” do not seek to provide “male” help if necessary. For example: your house faucet is leaking, and you turned to him for help, and in response he tries to excuse himself by being busy or, in extreme cases, recommends contacting the master. An immature or infantile man will always distance himself from any everyday difficulties.
• If your relationship has already entered the stage of living together, and you began to notice that in case of disagreement he complains to his mother or other relatives, then such behavior should alert you. No, this is not about the fact that he should not seek advice from his family and friends, but everything should be in moderation. If a man asks for advice in any need to make a decision, then this is one of the "symptoms of a mama's son."
• In conversations with you, a man constantly cites his mother as an example. A terrible habit, openly saying that you cannot cook porridge with this representative of the stronger sex. Mom is the standard of a woman for many men, no doubt. Often they themselves are looking for a wife in her image and likeness. But when, in a conversation with you, he constantly compares you or mentions her ways of resolving a particular situation, then think hard about the advisability of building a relationship with such a "specimen."

Why does a man become a "mama's boy"

The answer to the natural question "Why is he like this?" extremely simple - that's how he was brought up. So what exactly are the reasons that led to this "result"? A number of points should be noted that have such a detrimental effect on character formation:

It is possible, if desired, to supplement a number of the above reasons, but this will work out with personal observation and communication with a man.

What to do if a man is a "mama's boy"

If your feelings are so strong that you are ready to fight for your happiness and re-educate your "mama's boy", then pay attention to the recommendations of psychologists. In fairness, it should be noted that these tips are not a guarantee that your venture will be crowned with success, but their usefulness should not be denied.

• Find the "root of the problem"... Above have already been given the main reasons that led to such an "unpleasant" result. Take them into service and try to find out more about his childhood: in what conditions he grew up, did he have friends, to whom he turned for help if necessary. Self-esteem problems are the easiest to spot. Try to give him more attention, surround him with affection and care, stimulate him to various actions, ask for help with advice. Perhaps in this way he will feel more confident and gradually begin to change for the better.
• Try to maintain the warmest relationship with your man's relatives and do not challenge their authority... If you see that the authority of the parents is unshakable for a man, you should not go into confrontation with them, despite your dissatisfaction with their methods of upbringing. If you start rejecting your potential mother-in-law's recommendations too explicitly, your relationship will end in failure. But at the same time, try to gradually increase the distance between your chosen one and his relatives, attract him to your own worries, organize joint leisure. Let him get used to the fact that outsiders, even mom, have a clear role in your personal relationships that has certain boundaries.
• Find the most suitable option for communicating with a man... Even at the very beginning of a relationship, with proper observation, you can notice which format of communication with a man will be most successful. The desire to be on an equal footing with a partner may not always bring the expected results. If your man is not particularly proactive on his own, then you can be tougher. This does not mean that your position should be replete with orders and requirements, but sometimes they are necessary. A separate problem is the spoiledness and obvious egoism of a man, here you already need to look at the situation purely individually, since no one will offer you universal advice for fighting egoists. Although, you can try to act in the role of a woman who wants to be weak and protected. Perhaps this form of communication will make him feel like a master of the situation and encourage him to be more caring. But, hardly. Most likely, you will fall under total control on his part and the kitchen and children will eventually become your lot.

Despite all the shortcomings, the most obvious plus is worth noting - the ability and desire to express your love. “Mama's Sons” do not consider excessive romance to be an indicator of their own weakness and are ready to bathe their chosen one in an ocean of romantic feelings. Well, and the fact that he is a "mama's son", if you wish, you can put up with it.

Hello dear readers! It just so happens that in the pursuit of family happiness, we do not always manage to understand the person whom we choose as the other half. First, we are blinded by love, then we revel in the upcoming wedding, and only after some time we understand which person is next to us, there are more than enough shortcomings.

Mama's husband's son, what to do in this difficult situation. It is this question that we will try to analyze in today's article. I will tell you who to blame for your husband's problems, how to treat him, fight it, communicate in order to correct some of the character traits of your beloved, and also whether it is necessary to live together or is it better to run away as soon as possible and not fool yourself.

Who's guilty

Perhaps I'll start with advice. Regardless of what you decide in the end - whether to stay with your husband or listen to the advice of your friends and refuse him, try to be a little kinder.

This is not easy, but it will make it easier for you to get through the moment of difficult mental anguish. We are all adults and we seem to be obliged to work on our shortcomings. Doesn't the husband himself see that his behavior is not befitting a grown man? How can you ignore your own weaknesses? These questions terribly torment women who, by chance, tied their fate with their mother's children.

You must understand that in the arsenal of parents there is an incredible number of psychological techniques that cultivate various complexes in children. Excessive turns the most persistent and strong man into a mama's son. He constantly feels that he owes his mother, must listen to her and give some debt.

From infancy, parents begin to talk about sleepless nights, the difficulties of parenting and how much effort was put into raising a child. This debt is trying to "return" your man, although it is impossible. All this is quite difficult and without a psychologist it is difficult to get rid of such influence, which was absorbed from birth.

A woman, in this case the wife of a mama's son, rarely thinks about how her husband came to such a life, but only recalls cases that prove the discrepancy between her beloved man and a certain standard that she deserves.

Considering all of the above, it is also difficult not to blame the spouse's parent, but this decision must also be abandoned. Accusations and claims will only exacerbate difficult relationships in the family. A real war will unfold, in which it will be difficult to win, because all the participants are native people. It will not work to get rid of a family member forever, and even if you manage to exile your mother-in-law to a dacha, your man will suffer for a long time, and then accuse you of inappropriate behavior.

Constantly scroll in your head the idea that your husband's mother did the best she could, and no one is safe from mistakes. After all, there are some good things about him that make you love him.

What to do

So, what is not worth doing - we already understood, but what should a wife do if she got a mama's son as her husband? To begin with, I must say that no one except you can answer the question - stay with your spouse or not. Much depends on the individual characteristics of the situation.

If you are a romantic person - listen to your feelings, if you are more pragmatic, try to weigh all the advantages and disadvantages of a man, moving away from the problem of "mama's son".

I think that many of you, when making a decision, will first of all be concerned about the question - will it change. This question is not entirely correct. In order not to regret the time spent later, it is better to be puzzled by whether you can come to terms with your spouse's shortcomings and accept him as he is?

By the way, perhaps, by highlighting this character trait of your husband, you do not notice his other shortcomings. I highly recommend reading the book Tanya Tank "Fear, I'm with you", which tells about the different types of men that women are better off not messing with.

Do not forget that in a marriage every day, waking up in the morning, a person decides to stay or leave. Do not think that you are not influencing the situation in any way. Even if now you want to try your luck again, the decision can always be changed if you get tired, the main thing is to gain courage and determination.

But how to live with your husband, in whom you found all the signs of a mama's son? To begin with, try to cultivate masculinity in him, but for this. Be softer, do not try to guide him and teach - the maximum you can achieve this way - he will change one "mom" to another.

Give him the opportunity and praise him for every right step. Over time, he will start to like to be responsible for himself and his wife, he will enjoy the approval from you, and thus he will break away from his mother. Of course, it will take time to implement this "insidious" plan, but the result will surely please you.

That's all for me. Don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter. Until next time.

Among men, there are such characters whom women affectionately call "mama's son". Recognizing it is not so easy at first. When we are in love, we tend to close our eyes to certain characteristics of a man. Meanwhile, already at the beginning of the relationship, looking closely at him, you can recognize him as a "mama's boy." In our article we will talk about the situation if the husband is a mama's son. What to do in this case - more on that below.

Who is mama's boy?

There is no clear definition of this term in psychology. However, in a nutshell, mama's son is a person who is very much attached to his mother. At a fairly mature age, serious psychological dependence on the mother can become a problem. It is quite difficult to build a normal family life with this type of men.

Who is a mama's boy and what are his signs?

Mother is an example in everything

Mom's sons very often listen to their mother. And it's not that they ask her for advice. Here the situation is different: its solution is the only correct and indisputable. The husband imitates her in everything, not having his own voice.

Constant phone calls to mom

This can be a serious problem if your husband has frequent and frequent contact with his mom throughout the day. You sorely lack his attention, he first of all discusses all his problems with his mother.

In conflict on the mother's side

A mother's son in a family conflict situation will always take the position of a mother, and this, unfortunately, is very unpleasant. Even if you think you are right, it is extremely difficult to argue with your spouse.

Mom is always there

You and your husband can live far from your mother, however, you constantly feel that she is near. The husband calls her, consults with her on all issues, listens only to her. This can be very stressful and frustrating in your relationship.

Can't make a big decision

Think, if the spouse in the case of a sensitive issue postpones the decision, or shifts it to you, then most likely your husband is a mama's son. What to do in such a situation? Try to leave the final answer for your husband, after all, it is he who is the head of the family, and let him be responsible for his choice.

Comparison with mom

Mommy's son loves to compare you with his mother, giving you her as an example. Often times, the choice is not in your favor. It is best to stay away from such a man.

These signs and much more can significantly poison family life. How to deal with the constant monitoring of his mom, and is it worth it, you ask? Definitely worth it if you love your husband and are determined to win.

Women's tricks in dealing with mama's son

Below we will look at a few little feminine tricks that can help you calm down the heat of your relationship with your spouse.

Make friends with mother-in-law

This is the first and most important rule that you must follow. The best way to get to know the enemy better is to be close to him. Love your mother-in-law, because she gave birth to such a wonderful son, you yourself chose him and for something you still fell in love. Praise her, make it clear to your husband's mother that her opinion is very important to you. In no case do not resist their meetings - this will only ruin the relationship with your husband.

Turn on the actress

At first glance, the first advice may seem almost impossible. But we are women, and at the right time we know how to be actresses. If the mother-in-law advises you something - listen to her, or even better - do as she wants. If something does not grow together, show the mother-in-law that you did everything as she asked, be nice at the same time. Every woman has artistic ability, try it.

Be smarter

Create conditions for your husband in which he will have to be independent. For example, separate the solution of household issues - one is responsible for buying groceries, the other for cooking, or paying for utilities. Do not carry everything on yourself.

Praise your spouse more

This is very important because even a little praise can make your husband more independent. Gradually, he will get used to the fact that something can depend on him. Perhaps he will like this new status very much.

Come to terms with your situation

Psychologists advise - to let go of the situation. Fighting your mother-in-law is a useless and futile exercise. The main thing that you must understand is that you are now the head of the family, your husband is simply not capable of this. If you are ready for this, then it makes sense to continue living in marriage.

How to live with her husband - mama's son?

The first thing that comes to mind is a divorce. Not every woman is ready to share her beloved man with his mother, and this is understandable. In a situation when the husband is a mama's son, the main thing is not to forget about your interests.

To prevent your mother-in-law from becoming the reason for your separation from your spouse, try changing the rules of the game, using the advice of psychologists.

Personal life is not discussed

The mother-in-law can also be a role model.

If a husband obeys his mother in everything, and her opinion is an authority for him, this is a reason for you to try to become like her. Try to be like her in something: in words, actions, in manners, so you will only bring your husband closer to you.

The further - the closer

When the mother's influence on her husband is large enough, the most optimal thing is to move away from her. Best of all - to another city. This will help your man grow up much faster.

Unleash your emotions

It is not always possible to keep everything in yourself - this way you will only harm your health. Does something not suit you? Get angry! The husband should know that you are extremely unhappy with his actions. You can discuss the problem on the forum with the same "neighbors in misfortune", it is sometimes much easier for a stranger to speak out. In an argument with your husband, beware of criticizing his mother, talk only about your feelings.

No manipulation

Mama's son often gives out the point of view of his parents for his opinion. If you feel that he really cannot think so - do not be silent about it! Directly ask why he decided so and what arguments there are.

In conclusion, we want to say that if your husband and mother-in-law still do not perceive you, and she is always invisibly present in your family, then maybe it is worth letting go of such a man? Or talk directly and firmly with your mother-in-law - there is definitely nothing to lose, let it not interfere with your personal life. You are an adult and self-confident woman, the mother of her grandchildren, therefore you have the right to self-respect.