How to distinguish a tyrant from a normal one. The main signs of despotism in the behavior of a man. "I don't like your friends and family"

Very often, women who are unhappy in marriage report that, first of all, the tyranny of the husband became the cause of the discord in the family union: he forbids communicating with friends, does not allow wearing too short dresses, mercilessly forces the spouse to do household chores day and night under his strict guidance, in the most serious cases allows himself to be beaten. Everything in the house must be subject to the rules that the tyrant himself came up with.

How to recognize a male tyrant at an early stage, when communication and further relationships are still in their infancy?

The only tyrant I recognize is the inner voice.
Mahatma Gandhi

First date analysis

A tyrant man considers himself the master of the house, he perceives any disagreement with his own position with hostility, he is even ready to raise his hand against his own wife, just to prove his power.

Already at the beginning of the acquaintance, this can be seen: if the gentleman decides on his first dates where to go, what movie to watch, what ice cream to eat and is not even interested in whether his partner is happy with this turn of events, you should be careful, perhaps this is the one the most despot.

Of course, if a girl clearly does not want to go to the movie “Blood Massacre with a Chainsaw” and protests, at the beginning of the relationship he may give in, but the face of such a tyrant will be very dissatisfied, and he will hold a grudge against the recalcitrant.

• The best way: the man is sincerely interested in how his girlfriend would like to spend time.
  When disagreements arise, the couple seeks a compromise.
• Worst option: a man decides everything himself and deliberately ignores any objections.
  He argues "I pay money for a cafe, therefore, I decide what we eat."

How to recognize a domestic tyrant: The family will show everything about him

It should be remembered that no character is formed by itself.

In preparation for a serious relationship with a person, take a close look at him: tyrant sons are often brought up in single-parent families, without a father, where the mother shifted all the male work onto their shoulders from early childhood.

Also, selfish tyrants can be the only child in the family, surrounded by attention and care: such children are used to having all their whims fulfilled and cannot imagine what could be otherwise.

An analysis of the marital status of the chosen one will help to understand a lot. Take a closer look at how he behaves with his relatives: is he not rude to his mother, maybe she is completely afraid to say a word in the presence of her son. Or, on the contrary, he morally suppresses him, orders, commands - in this case, it is likely that, having escaped from under the mother's wing, such a man will decide to fulfill himself at the expense of his partner.

• The best way: friendly relations in the family, an atmosphere of mutual respect, respect for elders, but without fawning.
• Worst option: a despot mother or a tyrant son is immediately visible: other members of the family are afraid of them, they suppress the will of others. As long as the feeling is not strong, and the situation is ruled not by the heart, but by reason, one should stay away from such people.

Take a look at his friends

Friends of a lover can involuntarily tell a lot about those features that are still hidden from the girl: look at how he communicates with friends, perhaps it is your chosen one who is the leader, decides what to do and indicates to friends, without even being interested in their opinion. And they usually agree.

Or, on the contrary, if a man in the company is not respected, then there is a possibility that he will compensate for this at the expense of his girlfriend.

• The best way: either equality in the company, where everyone's opinion is taken into account, or your partner is a leader, but listens to the opinion of friends and is ready to make adjustments to plans.
• Worst option: friends in everything obey a man, it has become a habit, his own opinion is not expressed.

Video: How to recognize a tyrant husband and an energy vampire

Outcome

It is not difficult to recognize a tyrant man at the first stages of acquaintance: you should carefully look at his attitude towards you (whether he is interested in your needs, whether he is ready to give in), to family and friends.

Be sure to remember that it is impossible to change an adult, it is unlikely that the future husband-tyrant, because of great love, will be able to give up the habit of commanding. Communicating with this person, you need to be aware that you are dooming yourself to the role of an eternal subordinate.

Although the times of unconditional male dominance in society are long gone, within the family one can often meet with real tyranny from the “strong half”. Outwardly, such a marriage may even look like an equal union of partners, in which everyone has their own rights and opportunities for self-realization. But in reality, everything is much more complicated: a tyrant husband is able to completely suppress a woman and turn her life into existence. Therefore, it is desirable for every girl to know how to recognize the future domestic despot and protect herself from him.

Signs of a despot in a man

It is very difficult to distinguish a tyrant, usually his worst features begin to appear after the wedding. Usually, girls marry a “thorough and economic, reliable and able to protect”, and find themselves in captivity of a despot. But there are signs that will allow you to suspect the worst in advance:

• Frequent and unfounded criticism that can concern literally everything: manners of dressing, speaking and moving, appearance, abilities and achievements. At first, she is unobtrusive, a man can call a girl stupid, inexperienced, or laugh at her hobbies, work. She can even disguise herself as a desire to help the “poor little fool.” Gradually, the tyrant forms in the victim a sense of his own inadequacy and literally "kills" her self-esteem.
• Restriction of external contacts. The man begins to control the social circle of the chosen one and decides with whom and when to communicate. At first, he can motivate this by the fact that friends “pull her down”, and she is better than them, etc. Gradually, the woman remains alone and is forced to communicate only with her husband, which makes her even more dependent.

At first, the tyrant may seem suave and pleasant.

At the stage of courtship, future despots seem very caring, they surround with attention, make surprises, swear love, often call and write SMS with confessions. Unfortunately, these are not signs of true affection, but a desire to control all the girl's free time. In addition, many tyrants are morbidly jealous. They can find out of the blue, or come up with them themselves, and then throw a scandal.

How does a husband become a tyrant?

If a girl does not react in any way to the first signs of tyranny on the part of the gentleman, she gradually falls into bondage, where more and more humiliations await her. But their intensity usually increases gradually, the victim herself may not feel how she loses her will in the hands of the manipulator.

After a while, a woman usually notices that:

• It is impossible to please her husband, he criticizes literally everything - food, the atmosphere in the house and her behavior in bed.
• He no longer asks, but demands and orders, ignoring timid attempts to disagree. At first it looks like a manifestation of a strong male character, but over time, a woman simply loses the right to vote.
• The husband restricts material spending, movement and development, even if the woman has her own money. By the way, many tyrants themselves persuade their wife to quit her job, promising to provide for her family, and then reproach her for her inability to earn money for herself and dependence.
• She herself already feels weak, worthless and unable to live without her husband.

At this stage, we can say that the tyrant has already achieved his goal - the victim's self-esteem is broken, she is not capable of active actions and will endure everything.

Fear and impotence of the victim is the main goal of the tyrant

Further violence can continue in a psychological form or turn into a physical impact. The woman puts up with such behavior and only tries to calm him down. At the same time, the husband does not feel any remorse, believing that he does not beat his wife, but punishes and educates, and does this solely for her good. Often the tyrant justifies himself, saying that "it was she herself who brought this to this." Worst of all, the victims usually feel that they really deserve this treatment. But you need to take off your rose-colored glasses and accept the fact that this man is a tyrant and despot, and this must be fought.

What can be done to protect yourself

If you are trapped by a despot, and have already realized this, it is time to make a decision - to leave or stay. Most women find it very difficult to decide on a divorce, as their self-esteem and ability to make decisions are completely broken by an abusive husband. But you need to understand that it is almost impossible to remake a tyrant. He will fight back to the very end.

It is not easy to leave a despot - he will try to keep a woman, he can become too aggressive, and then even the life of his victim will be in danger. In any case, you need to plan everything and prepare well. It will be very difficult to get rid of the yoke that has been formed over the years.

How to leave?

Getting away from a tyrant is not easy. Therefore, it is better to prepare everything in advance. It is recommended to run away into the unknown only when a man is not limited to moral violence and uses physical force.

If nothing threatens your life and health yet, you can spend a little time preparing your care. But you can't let your husband suspect that you want to leave him. He will try to take any steps to prevent this.

It's better to leave when the husband is not at home

Most tyrants limit their victim financially, so you'll have to work hard to raise the money. We'll have to find additional income, but so that he does not know about it. If you are not working, then you will need to find a job. You can tell your husband that you are doing this for him so that he can have more rest.

Start talking to other people. Tyrants usually limit the contacts of their wives, so they do not have girlfriends, and relatives are not aware of their family problems. Don't be afraid to sound intrusive, find someone you can trust, talk about your situation, and ask for help. Both psychological support and, possibly, material support will do.

If you are still in doubt about whether to leave the tyrant, talk to those who have already decided on this. Almost all women regret that they did not do this much earlier.

Find accommodation early. It is very good if you can move in with someone from your family or friends who can support and protect you if necessary. Plan everything so that when you leave, your husband will not be at home. The power of tyrants over their wives is very strong. He can easily convince you that you don’t need to go anywhere, or even use physical violence to keep you.

Quite often, attempts to leave provoke bursts of violence.

You need to file for divorce. It is advisable to consult with a lawyer. He will tell you how to properly divide the property and get child support (if any). He will also be able to advise methods of protection from her husband in case of a threat.

How to get rid of violence if you have to stay?

Sometimes the situation develops in such a way that a woman has to stay with a tyrant, most often because of his good financial situation. In such a situation, one must be ready to fight for one's free will and dignity.

It is impossible to leave unpunished any manifestation of disrespect to you. If you have a timid character, you will have to "grow fangs." Many tyrants are actually cowards and assert themselves by humiliating a weaker woman. One has only to fight back, as they immediately retreat.

Always be ready to fight back

In no case should you give in if the husband tries to limit your contacts, especially with relatives. He may call them unlucky, claim that they are taking advantage of you or his position. But these are your close people, and you have the right to see them, whoever they are. It is they who will be able to help if you need to urgently leave the tyrant.

Never forget about children. They are the innocent victims of your conflict. Living daily in a house with a dysfunctional emotional environment, it will be difficult for them to learn how to build the right relationship. Many women endure tyrants "for the sake of the children", not realizing that they might be better off in an incomplete and poor, but happy and calm family.

Always keep on hand the phone number of social services or charities that help women in difficult situations. Do not be afraid to seek help, including psychological.

Always try to develop, take care of yourself and not lose self-esteem. A downtrodden and humiliated victim is what a tyrant needs. In front of a beautiful and self-sufficient woman, he can pass.

If you notice in your husband the characteristic features of a future domestic despot, you should try to prevent tyranny. To do this, psychologists advise:

• Always try to earn your living. A woman who can afford to live without a husband is less likely to have to endure humiliation.
• Don't let yourself be manipulated. You don't have to feel guilty about hanging out with friends or co-workers, and your relatives don't have to like a guy. But he must show respect to them.
• Immediately let your husband know that you will not allow yourself to be humiliated, and cruelty on his part will not go unpunished. His ugly deeds can be made public so that loved ones are ready to protect you if necessary, and he knows that you will not be afraid to hold him accountable.
• Don't hold on to memories. Many women remember how caring their husband used to be and hope that everything will return. But you need to evaluate only what you have at the moment.
• Don't be afraid to lose him. No amount of love will justify a broken life, yours and your children's. If a man does not agree to respect you and perceive you as an equal partner, you should not grieve about him.

In most cases, the only way to protect yourself from a domestic tyrant is a divorce and a complete break in relationships, since it is too difficult to change or re-educate a man. But usually the victims are so debilitated that they cannot offer worthy resistance, and they blame themselves for any problems. Therefore, it is very important at the first attempts of psychological violence to respond correctly and stop them at the very beginning. And if you didn’t succeed in doing this on time, gather your will “into a fist”, remember that life is one, use any help that is possible, and save yourself!

Today, in family psychology, such a concept as a “male tyrant” is being discussed. Some mistakenly consider the main distinguishing feature of the aggressor to be physical abuse of their spouse, but, in fact, these people are masters of psychological violence, literally destroying the personality and will of their partners.

Usually tyrants control all the steps, actions, and sometimes even the thoughts of their soulmate. At the beginning of a relationship, they rarely manifest themselves in this way. On the contrary, on the first dates they behave quite courageously and cause only positive emotions. However, after a while, their true nature begins to emerge.

Such men believe that no one has the right to say “no” to them or leave them. Therefore, it is very important to understand in a timely manner that you are living with an aggressor.

How to recognize a tyrant

There are several clear signals that it is the tyrant in front of you:

1. Pay attention to what he says about other people (his friends, family, and especially former women). If the gentleman constantly accuses them of all "mortal sins" and characterizes them with not the most flattering epithets, then with most likely you will be on the same list. Judge for yourself, because it cannot be that all the people who met on his path were such scoundrels. Basically, people remember at least something good about their previous passions. But, tyrants are so sure of themselves that they never blame themselves for anything.
2. Learn to distinguish between caring for you and demanding a full daily report. Under the guise that he is worried about how your day went or about your well-being, the tyrant will literally interrogate you and demand to describe your day in great detail (where did you go, who did you call, how much time did you spend in the store, etc.) .
3. The same can be said if the gentleman, after several dates, begins to demand that you stop any communication with your friends, regardless of their gender. The thing is that he wants to gain power over you and become, by and large, your only "master".
4. Also, the aggressor can call you every 5 minutes. Some confuse this behavior with being in love, but it's most likely just another attempt at control.
5. Pay attention to his statements about colleagues and superiors. If a gentleman constantly talks about injustice, a small salary, a terrible team, etc., then this once again proves his self-confidence.
6. If your gentleman makes any decisions on his own, without even asking your opinion or elementary advice, then this indicates his desire for an authoritarian policy in family relationships. Accordingly, you will never have the right to vote.

Of course, some “symptoms” simply do not appear, and women simply do not pay attention to some things. However, if you find yourself in the networks of a tyrant and realize this after marriage, you need to act with extreme caution. The aggressors can indeed use physical force (up to life threats).

How to get away from a tyrant

First of all, you need to calm down and be patient, as an aggressive man will make every effort so that the woman does not leave him anywhere. It is in your interests to make sure that he does not know until the last moment that you intend to end family relations.

Important! However, if physical abuse has already begun in your relationship, then you need to run away from such a man as soon as possible.

If there is no physical interaction, and the spouse is still limited only to moral humiliation, then it is recommended to act gradually, considering each step.

• in no case do not tell a man about the intention to divorce and leave. In this situation, you will only cause aggression, which can result in more serious complications. Therefore, it is better to behave “as if nothing had happened” (especially if there are children in the family who may also suffer);
• try to think over your financial situation. As a rule, tyrants do not allow their women to work and they keep the entire family budget. Accordingly, in order to get away from such a “comrade”, you need to think about where you will live and what you will exist on (at least at first). For example, you can start earning money, explaining that you just want to invest your share of the family budget. Say that you feel very indebted to him. As a rule, tyrants are very greedy people, so any opportunity to get extra money for them will be very good news and you will not be suspected of trying to "escape".

Not less than important advice– try to communicate with women who find themselves in the same difficult situations. However, you should not address the family (brothers, sisters or friends) of the aggressor. It is possible that they are unaware of the tyranny of their relative.

February 6, 2014, at 13:17

By entering into relationships with men, many women hope for a romantic, wonderful life, but instead become victims of real despots. Unfortunately, male despotism is very common, but not everyone can be identified immediately upon meeting. Nevertheless, this type of nature and character still quickly manifests itself. Therefore, it is useful for every lady to know the main signs of despotism, so that, having noticed them in her man, leave him in time.

How can you define a despot? First, such a man will never admit that he is wrong. His woman is always wrong. Therefore, he has every right to raise his voice to her, and even his hand. Moreover, the despot sincerely believes that this is exactly what it is, that it was the girl who brought him to such a state. Despots never apologize, and even if they ask for forgiveness, they are sure to remind that, nevertheless, if the woman had not behaved in this way, nothing would have happened. By the way, in order to know for sure whether a man is a despot, pay attention to the reaction of the people around him. If they all agree that the girl did wrong, then maybe it really is about her. But if people are clearly perplexed, looking at the situation, then the guy is still a despot and it is better to leave him as soon as possible.

Despots never change until they realize who they are. And this happens very rarely and before that you have to work with a psychologist for a long time. In other cases, they continue to stick to their line, being completely sure that they are right. For example, a despot will never understand or acknowledge the fact that it was he who drove a woman to hysteria. Such a man will be sure that she is playing for the audience or winding herself up. Also, despots love to publicly insult and humiliate their women. If the girl begins to cry, take offense, accuse him of bullying, the man will look at her as if she were a complete fool and say that she simply does not understand jokes and does not know how to treat herself with humor. At the same time, a despot will never tolerate such an attitude towards himself, especially in public. Often, despotism is one of the character traits of very insecure people. They assert themselves at the expense of others, so any criticism in their direction is perceived very painfully.

Despots like to put pressure on their women through their appearance and any complexes. Such a man needs to feel that an insecure lady is next to him, since such a one is much easier to manipulate. When a woman constantly feels like a nonentity, she is more obedient and protests less. That is why despots never say compliments, they always see flaws, and no matter what the girl does, they still remain dissatisfied.

Communication with despots is fraught with complete self-abasement and self-destruction. Therefore, if you see that a man fits the above description, leave him immediately so as not to turn into his unfortunate and weak-willed puppet, which he will simply play with.

The main reason for the emergence of tyranny in the character of a man is his improper upbringing in the family, as well as the appearance of self-doubt.

Male tyrants often suffer from an inferiority complex

A despotic attitude towards his wife is an attempt to assert himself at her expense. Next to a confident, interesting and independent woman, they will not be able to exercise their tyranny. Most likely, such a woman will arouse their respect.

The main goal of the tyrant is to suppress the self-esteem of the victim, as well as the formation of fear and helplessness.

Signs of a male tyrant in a relationship

At the very beginning of a relationship, in the future, a tyrant man does not show himself in any way and may even seem courteous and pleasant, seems very caring, he surrounds you with attention, makes surprises, swears love, often calls. Unfortunately, these are not signs of true affection, but a desire to control all the girl's free time.

However, after a certain time, when your relationship moves to a more serious level, a man with signs of tyranny can still manifest himself. It is important here to carefully and “without rose-colored glasses” take a closer look at your companion.

What can alert you in a relationship? First, pay attention to the manifestations of jealousy on the part of your partner, and to the frequency of these manifestations. If this jealousy is really caused by your incorrect behavior with the opposite sex, then jealousy can be justified by this. The jealousy of a male tyrant is fundamental to your environment.

He begins to be jealous of you absolutely for every person to whom you show interest or emotions Moreover, being jealous, a male tyrant can somehow gently hint to you that he does not like your communication with this person. In addition, many tyrants are morbidly jealous. They can find signs of treason out of the blue, or come up with them themselves, and then throw a scandal.

Also, the future tyrant can manifest itself in criticism of you and your environment.

Pay attention to his attempts to criticize your loved ones, or your hairstyle, pay attention even to the jokingly - offensive tone of your companion's statements.

Criticism of a tyrant can be unobtrusive and may even disguise itself as a desire to help you, the “poor fool.” Gradually, the male tyrant forms in the victim a sense of his own inadequacy and literally "kills" her self-esteem.

If a girl does not react in any way to the first signs of tyranny from her boyfriend, she gradually falls into bondage, where more and more humiliations and insults await her. But their intensity usually increases gradually and imperceptibly.

If you are married to a tyrant? Signs of a husband - a tyrant

A tyrant husband can look like an exemplary and caring family man who sincerely loves his wife. However, the concern of a tyrant husband does not make the wife happy. She feels depressed and unhappy. In this case we are talking about moral violence, which destroys the personality of a woman no less than physical.

No matter how successful and attractive girl before marriage, the husband gradually accustoms her to the idea that no one needs her, gradually limits the circle of his wife's friends.

A tyrant husband endlessly loads his wife with household chores so that she does not have enough time even for basic personal care.

All these measures lead to the fact that a woman is exhausted, stops taking care of herself and refuses to go out into the world. And if, nevertheless, you still have the willpower to resist the tyrant, and defend your interests, for example, go to visit a friend or meet classmates, then you come across a wall of reproaches, tantrums and serious criticism in your direction.

It is impossible to please a husband - a tyrant, he criticizes literally everything.
A tyrant husband usually does not ask, but demands and orders, ignoring your attempts to disagree. Husband - a tyrant limits material spending, any of your movement and development.

Many tyrants persuade the wife to quit her job, promising to provide for the family, and then reproach her for her inability to earn money. Year after year of living together with a tyrant, you gradually lose confidence in yourself and your own strengths, you feel weak, indecisive and unable to live without a husband.

We can say that the husband - the tyrant has already achieved his goal - the self-esteem of the victim is broken, she is not capable of active actions and will endure everything.

Another goal of a tyrant is to sow guilt in you.

A tyrant husband reproaches his wife for almost everything: that she does not do everything around the house as he asks, that she devotes a lot of time to her girlfriend, etc., etc.

The tyrant husband begins to splash out his negative emotions on his wife. The once caring and loving husband, feeling permissiveness, loses control over himself. He can morally mock the victim, humiliate her for any reason, and even use violence. Being in this position, even the once strong and positive girl begins to break down.

The destruction of the personality renders it incapable of defending itself. Such a situation cannot be brought up to. One must try to recognize the tyrant at the most early stages relations.

Further violence can continue in a psychological form or turn into a physical impact. At the same time, the husband does not feel any remorse, believing that he does not beat his wife, but punishes and educates, and does this solely for her good.

Often the tyrant justifies himself, saying that "it was she herself who brought this to this." Worst of all, the victims usually feel that they really deserve this treatment. If you live and endure the bullying of your husband - a tyrant, then you need to seriously think about the advisability of maintaining such a marriage.