The guy offers to be friends. Friendship after love and relationship with a man: is it possible. What to do if you still take a chance and agree to friendship

In fact, the phrase “stay friends”, which sounds at the end of a relationship, is usually pronounced only with the goal of not offending the person. And only in rare cases does she really express a true intention to be friends. However, in order for such a friendship to appear and not fade away, several conditions must be met.

And the first condition - there should be no offense, at least so strong as to try not to even communicate with each other. Often, even after a breakup, a girl realizes that her former lover and “new friend” has many positive qualities.

It happens that it is just difficult to live with him, but he does not have those character traits that a girl wants to see in her boyfriend. However, he may have some negative traits. So it turns out that as a friend he is quite satisfied, but the girl does not want to build a serious relationship with him.

A guy and a girl can be friends if they have something in common: for example, the same or at least similar hobbies, the same outlook on life; maybe they work together or just live not far from each other. It is enough to observe only one of these conditions for a friendship to develop. And then the phrase “we will remain friends” will not have any unpleasant connotation.

What are the benefits of this friendship

But this kind of friendship has its pros and cons. Let us first name the positive aspects, which, by the way, are not so few. Only three of the most important ones will be considered below.

1. During the time that a man and a woman were in a serious relationship, a kind of emotional closeness arose between them, they learned to understand each other well. And these skills, of course, will not go away even after the relationship ends. Isn't this the main condition for friendship between people (and regardless of what gender they are)? After all, it will be much easier for such people to communicate and find a common language with each other.
2. The second benefit of friendship after a relationship is that everyone is aware of the merits and demerits of their former lover. And, consequently, you don't have to think long about how to behave when communicating with him. And if a situation arises in which you need to get advice, then you can turn to just your ex-boyfriend. He, as a friend, will help.
3. And another plus of friendship with an ex-boyfriend is openness. Such friends have practically nothing to hide from each other. Many, even in this case, sometimes continue to engage in sexual relations.

Disadvantages of friendship

Yet friendship after love has many disadvantages. Let's name three of the most significant.

• First drawback- if someone from this couple still has feelings, then friendly relations will become a real torment for him. After all, he will most likely count on the fact that everything can be returned, while his partner will already be building relationships with another. It will be difficult to constantly meet with him, to talk, but at the same time to understand that a serious relationship has long since ended. The person will begin to be jealous, commit inappropriate actions, etc.
• And the second disadvantage of friendship with an ex is an obstacle to creating new relationships.It often happens that a man, having already found a new girl for himself, still cannot decide who is better: the former or the new. And then in front of both, he begins to feel guilty, while the girls are jealous of him for each other.
• And the third disadvantage of such a friendship is the difficulty of discussing your personal life with a friend.If the relationship never existed, it would be much easier to talk about your personal life. But since there was still a romance, it's hard to boast that a new relationship has already begun with someone.

As you can see, there are many advantages and disadvantages of friendship after love. But what to do when it becomes necessary to choose one of these options? Let's say a few days have passed after the breakup, and then suddenly the ex-boyfriend offers to just be friends. And before you make any decision, you need to carefully weigh everything. Here are some tips from professional psychologists.

1. There is no need to rush to accept the offer of friendship if there are still at least some feelings for him, especially if at the same time he no longer has any such feelings. What "friendship" can lead to under such circumstances has already been discussed above when describing the shortcomings.
2. If the situation is the opposite - that is, the guy's love has not yet died out, but he does not receive reciprocity in return, then you also need to try to give up friendship. Indeed, because of his jealousy, which will most likely manifest itself, you can find yourself in an awkward situation.
3. If the friendship has nevertheless begun, then there is no need to abuse your "friend's rights", especially in the case when the guy has a new passion. She certainly will not be happy if the ex-girlfriend of her newly-made boyfriend constantly makes various requests: for example, to bring her somewhere by car or help to repair something.
4. And in general, you should not devote a lot of time to your ex-boyfriend if you already have a new one.
5. If you want to invite your former lover to your home for any reason (for example, for a birthday), then the invitation should be made not only to him, but also to his new chosen one. Otherwise, serious problems will not be avoided.
6. When communicating with your friend, who was still a lover some time ago, it is better to try not to touch on the topic of your new, as well as earlier relationships. You also shouldn't talk about it with his new girlfriend.
7. Before agreeing to friendship or, conversely, abandoning it, you need to try to understand why the guy decided to offer it at all. Professional psychologists recommend using logic for this. The most common reasons: regret about what you have done earlier; the realization that he is still in love; hope to return to the family; unwillingness to spoil relationships and even pursuit of selfish goals.

Perhaps the phrase "Let's stay friends" is one of the most undesirable in a conversation between lovers. Moreover, as practice shows, most often the continuation of communication in a friendly format is impossible for people. How to behave if once your man offered to be just friends with him from now on? And is it worth trying to get it back?

Will we stay or will we part?

Parting as a couple is one of the most dramatic moments, and it seems natural for both parties to want to avoid heartache and disappointment. But what if one of the partners is still sure that the relationship can be established, and the other is already tuned in to a new life and new relationship?

Since love always implies reciprocity, parting seems to be one of the most logical options in this case. In an attempt to avoid tears and reproaches from the one who is, in fact, abandoned, the initiator of the breakup may offer to "stay friends."

Do not be fooled, because this beautiful phrase, in fact, is a diplomatic formulation that implies the complete finale of relations in their usual format. The offer to remain friends often has one goal - to end the relationship as gently as possible and to soften the severity of the partner's feelings.

However, there is also an egoistic component, because, offering his former passion to remain friends, a man often tries to avoid tears from her side and attempts to return the relationship. In general, this is one of the attempts to leave beautifully, to complete the relationship that has lost its relevance on a positive note.

In truth…

If, in response to an ardent declaration of love, you heard an offer to remain friends, then admit honestly at least to yourself - your feelings were rejected. No, no, most likely, you will be able to communicate with someone who is so dear to your heart, but this man simply does not need your love. Perhaps he has another, or you were not in his taste - if a man is interested in continuing the relationship, he will not offer friendship.

Most likely, your man simply does not have the courage to say that he is not ready for a relationship with you, and the result is a "diplomatic game" in which there can be no winners. Friendship presupposes sincere and open communication based on complete trust, and such an offer often implies a lot of unspokenness. You are embarrassed to break the very line where friendship ends and love begins. The man is also in tension, because he understands perfectly well that you have not friendly feelings towards him. And as a result, instead of sincere and casual communication, you get fake conversations or complete avoidance of someone who was recently offered friendship.

If the beloved man offered to remain friends, then the time has come to face the truth and admit it, no matter how painful it may seem to you. You and the object of your love have completely different expectations from communication with each other. And if you are not ready to perceive your man only as a friend, then do not be deceived and do not have illusions - it is better to put an end to such a relationship.

Hope or self-deception?

However, not everything is so simple - it is often very difficult to put an end to a relationship with a beloved man. The hope that the relationship will be restored, and everything will be the same again, is very strong, and many women still accept the offer to “stay friends”. In this they see a reason for further communication with a man, an opportunity to transfer relations from a friendly format to a love one. However, most psychologists are convinced that this, if it happens, is extremely rare.

If you are convinced that relationships can still be forged, then you should not confuse any more by mixing love with friendship. It is better to honestly admit to your man that you are not ready to perceive him as a friend, that he means much more to you. You just take a break from the relationship. Yes, perhaps this path will be more difficult for you, but at least both of you will get the opportunity to think things over calmly and not hurt yourself with constant falsehood in pseudo-friendly communication.

A strained, false friendship with a beloved man does not bring relief, but reels a wounded heart worse than an official parting. If you accept the offer to “stay friends” only because of the hope of restoring the relationship, then most often it turns into complete self-deception.

Even in the most extreme case, it is better to take a pause for a certain time to analyze what led to the breakup and outline actions to get closer to someone who is so dear to you. And if during this time your feelings begin to cool down, then everything was for the better, and you will have new acquaintances, dates and unusual twists and turns in love stories.

Cynical people believe that such a relationship exists, but only between two women or men. However, there is no friendship between a man and a woman. They believe that a woman is necessary for a man only for certain purposes, for example, in order to maintain order in the house, wash and clean. A woman can act as a lover or wife, but not as a friend. Ladies simply do not understand for what purposes and why a man needs a woman friend at all.

Friendship between man and woman

A man who wants to see a friend in a woman has another goal. It is very important for him what ladies think about men in general and about specific specimens in particular. It is important for a representative of the stronger sex to know about what and how a woman will do in certain cases. It turns out that thanks to such friendly relations, the guy ultimately acquires invaluable knowledge, which in the future helps him to build relationships with representatives of the opposite sex.

Why does a man offer to stay friendsif the relationship is over? Girls often write: "Is it possible to be friends after parting, because the person is good, you don't want to lose him?" Whether or not you agree or not depends on whether you have feelings for this person. If so, then nothing will work out with friendship. If not, it won't work either. Because he is not interested in you anyway.

A man offers friendship in the following cases:

1. Does not want hysterics with an analysis of the reasons, but at the same time he is too well brought up to just leave.

2. Out of pity. Here his proposal should be taken as "I really feel sorry for you, but in fact I don't care."

3. I didn't decide what to do with you - “it's hard to carry and it's a pity to throw it out,” be a “friend” for now.

4. Leaves in reserve, in case of sexual "downtime" or if the new girl does not work out.

5. Just a polite formulation that does not oblige you to anything, so you shouldn't take it literally.

There are cases when a man really has a sincere interest in a girl, but this is when he is kept in the friend zone, and he agrees, realizing that there is no other way. Or not understanding, but hoping for something.

Of course, there is a friendship between a man and a woman, but it exists by itself, without sexual connotation and does not grow out of the previous relationship. If it grows, it means that initially the relationship was more built on friendship, and not on something else.

What do you even imagine when ex offers friendship? He will have a new woman and you will silently endure it? It is not a fact that she will tolerate this and will not nip it in the bud. But let's say she doesn't care. A man in the euphoria of a new relationship does not care about his male friends, not like his ex, whom he left as a handle from a missing suitcase. Then the first delight will pass, everything will settle down and again he will not have time for you. There will be children, family, worries, everyday life. Maybe he will find 5 minutes to call / write, pour a lot of negativity on you or ask for advice. A free zero-impact psychologist is your role. You do not think that you will hang out with him, drink beer and share interests. Is that in the company of friends, where it is inconvenient for him not to invite you. And then, if he is all so good, he will most likely simply keep silent about the event. To spend time alone with you without the prospect of non-binding sex for him for what? Men are simply bored with most women.

And if you are secretly counting on something - that you are not indifferent to him and therefore he wants to leave at least some kind of connection with you, or will change his mind and come back - forget right away. Many men tend to come back and restore relationships with varying degrees of lousy. But even for such a return, due to a habit, unsuccessful new relationships, or just a desire to sleep with a proven woman, while there is no new one, there must be an incentive. By agreeing to befriend your ex, you completely deprive him of this incentive. When a person is constantly "close by", then you take him for granted. This is your separation and tears, but everything is convenient for him. To change something, you need to leave your comfort zone. This is an ironclad rule. The man is comfortable with his ex (in cases where he does not act out of pity), so he will not do anything to return. In his understanding, he was not far away anyway.

"If it happened that a woman does not love,
Then with friendship you will only endure the shame.
And happy is the one who immediately chops off everything,
Leave so as never to return. "

These lines were written by Konstantin Simonov, who personally experienced something and knew a lot about the relationship between a man and a woman. The same can be said about girls. Friendship with someone you loved - humiliation of you and devaluation of the good that once was.

Is friendship between a man and a woman possible? This question has not been answered unequivocally. But what if a man offered to be friends at a time when he had to offer a closer relationship?

Do you love him?

First of all, you must understand yourself and understand whether you love this person. It would seem, what does this have to do with the offer of friendship. In fact, a lot depends on the truthful answer to this question, you will be able to sort out your feelings.
You can know a person for a long time, but you still can't decide whether you like him, and if a man wants to be friends, why not agree to this, because there is nothing bad about it. Even if in the end you do not become a couple in love, remaining friends, then it should be so.

But, if you have already managed to fall in love with this man, then everything may turn out to be different. If an offer of friendship followed from a guy, then this suggests that, as a girl, he is not interested in you. In such a situation, when a man is friends with a woman, psychology is inclined to believe that a girl can endure it very hard, it will be difficult for her to see how her beloved guy meets others, especially if these girls are also friends. Surely, she would be better off without this friendship.

Why is a man friends with a woman?

It is very important to find the real reason that pushed the man to offer friendship instead of romantic relationship.

A lot of factors can serve this, the most common are:

• The man already has a girlfriend, at the moment he still cannot part with her.
• Maybe he likes you, but he's not ready for a relationship yet. He is still afraid to be responsible for the family, which can form very quickly after the start of a romantic relationship.
• Communication with you can be interesting for a man, he likes to spend time together, however, as a girl, he does not consider you.
• The guy may also not understand himself in any way, so for a while he offers you friendship.
• He may even be gay. This, of course, can shock the girl, but it happens.

After you understand what the true reasons for such a man's actions are, you can talk about what should be done and what actions are best to avoid:

You should put up with friendship and continue looking for a real soul mate.

Do not reproach yourself that the man did not love you, you cannot destroy and oppress yourself with this. After all, you are a beautiful girl, you have a lot of advantages and advantages. You need to forget that you once wanted to create a strong family with this guy. Look for someone who truly loves you.

Having offered friendship, a man will definitely return to you, you will have an excellent relationship if he really loves you. Before that, you should not stuff your head with unnecessary thoughts, you should wait, let the guy figure out himself first.

Note that when a woman offers friendship instead of a romantic relationship, this means that she needs time to look at the man, she is already ready to be friends, and, perhaps, will soon move on to a more serious relationship. But when a man does this, he does not want to continue the relationship, and, most likely, this will not happen.
Is the man in love or friendship? How to distinguish friendship from love?

It happens that we love our friends so much that words cannot even express it. But we also love our relatives, but we do not always want to be friends with them. Many have friends who are closer than family. This is not affected by either time or distance. However, there are mistakes that a best friend cannot forgive. At the same time, a loving person can always understand. Otherwise, we are dealing only with passion, although this is also part of love. Passion can blind, a person may not see the truth, at the same time, it will be enough for a friend to look into the eyes to understand.
Often, we cannot determine whether we love a person, or are simply close friends. These concepts have many similarities, but the difference is also considerable. Therefore, it is worth considering the main similarities and differences so that you can finally understand your feelings.

Similarities of friendship and love

Friends always have something in common. It's comfortable with a friend. You can discuss any topics with him, share secrets. In love, everything is exactly the same.

True friends will be together, even if they quarrel. Resentment does not mean that a person will die. It's the same in love. Even having quarreled, you will almost immediately begin to think about how to make peace as soon as possible. Even the slightest parting leads to melancholy. We cannot live without a loved one.

We can turn to a loved one with any life problem, he will always listen and give advice. A true friend will do the same.

A friend will always protect you, just like a loved one.

Loves, then, accepts the way you are, despite the shortcomings. A friend won't make you change either.

Difference between friendship and love

Even after parting with a friend (for example, you left for another city), communication with him will not stop. The friendship between you will always be maintained. Loving people try not to part with their second half. You need to be there at all times Has your loved one been offered a job in another city? There are two ways out: he will refuse or you will go with him.
If someone shows sympathy for your friend, you will be only happy for him. But, if this happens to a loved one, jealousy arises.

Finding a friend means meeting practically a brother, a person similar to you. To love means to find your soul mate that complements you.

Therefore, in order to understand whether it is love or friendship, try to understand the named criteria as honestly as possible. Listen to yourself and you will understand everything.