Unequal marriage a woman is 20 older than a marriage of different ages. When a wife is older than her husband. Why young girls choose mature men

Pipes 02.10.2020

Pipes

A family union in which a woman is older than a man (especially if much) is still perceived in society as an unequal (read: wrong) marriage. Contemporaries who do not believe in the sincerity of such feelings are looking for a catch, hidden meaning and flaws in such an alliance.

family photo of Anna Kudryavskaya-Panina

10 years. To my advantage

When I was going to get married for the second time more than 10 years ago, I knew exactly which fact would cause a million questions, about what reason the “well-wishers” would gossip and slander. It was my husband's age. Or, more precisely, our age difference with him: 10 years. To my advantage. Or vice versa ... He was 24, I was 34. He had his first marriage. I was divorced for several years. He had no children, and I had two.

Then I came up with a universal phrase that explains a lot (and for myself), including the reason why my husband and I are together: “You can be a man at 20, but you can be a boy at 50”. It's really hard to argue with this, so after this phrase no one bothered me with questions. But what about others?

Is he impotent or a pervert?

The first thought of a man in the street thinking with stereotypes is: "My God, what the hell does he need this for ?!" And then the second, the third and the subsequent ones climb: “He is infantile and is looking for a mother in his wife; or a pervert who doesn't like young ones; Or is he generally impotent ?! "

The narrow-minded consciousness cannot and does not want to imagine that people do not notice the difference in age, it does not bother them at all, and they are interested in each other in communication. And also that sexual attraction does not ask to show the first spread of the passport. Stereotypical thinking is stereotypical, which assumes only one possible pattern: the wife should be younger than her husband or the same age, well, in extreme cases, the chu-oo-oo-duck is older, but only a little bit!

Sometimes a banana is just a banana

It is even strange that this stereotype is so tenacious in modern world, in which, it would seem, you will not surprise anyone with anything. A marriage in which a woman is much older is no longer considered the lot of an exclusively bohemian public. Why have such alliances become so common? Why do young men enter into an alliance with a lady who is, if not a mother, then an older sister, for sure? And what pushes an accomplished and mature woman to marry youths? And is there really any wormhole in such a marriage?

In all honesty, to be honest, there must be some. Yes, it so happens that spoiled mama's little sons are looking for a wife-mother, and their life partners realize a little maternal instinct that leads them away. Yes, the Oedipus complex and the laws of psychology have not been canceled, but ... Sometimes a banana is just a banana. And in general, if everyone in such a marriage is happy, what is our business?

And Macron there too

French President Emmanuel Macron with his wife

Who else is looking for an alliance with mature women? Oddly enough, but psychologists say that they are very ambitious men. They are looking for a wife not only for a friend and mistress, and not so much for a mistress and mother, but for a comrade and mentor. With her, they will more confidently go along the road of realizing their grandiose life plans. Take French President Macron, whose wife is 24 years older. Yes, I know that gossipers all over the world claim that he is gay, and that marriage is just a cover. But first, I don't like conspiracy theories of any kind. Secondly, nobody was holding a candle, right? So, rumors are not an argument.

Women over 35 have something to show

There is also this type of men - they mature psychologically early. They are not interested in peers or girls even younger. In their 20s and 25s, they do not share the ideas and ideals of their generation. They are alien to the hobbies of their peers, and even more so to troubles and reflections, to put it simply, cockroaches that densely inhabit beautiful young heads.

You can sarcastically call them gerontophiles, make flat jokes about wrinkles, flabby priests and the floating forms of their companions. Here, just modern women over 35 have something to answer and present. Many of them will give odds to twenty-year-olds in terms of overall fitness and grooming. And because they know that youth is not eternal and they keep what they want to see in the mirror every morning, sweating in gyms and spending money on beautician services. And because today's 40 is the new 30. And this fact can no longer be dismissed. And even if they look their age, what is it? A psychologically mature man is able to fall in love with a woman not only and not so much for her outward youth.

They don't feel the age difference.

And why should women who know their worth, who have been repeatedly burned in relationships (and how can it be otherwise by the age of 40?) Create additional difficulties for themselves by entering into an alliance with very young men? There is no trick answer: they just feel young. Or do not feel the difference in age.

Elena Malakhova

Sexologist, psychotherapist

As a rule, relationships with a large age difference have a parent-child model. Mom-son - when it comes to relationships where the woman is older than the man, and dad-daughter - where the husband is much older than his wife. That is, this is an attempt to find a parent in a partner, to receive love, care, attention - something that was not given in childhood. And if you dig deeper, it turns out that the girl had a tense relationship with her dad, and the boy was not easy with his mother. And as adults (by passport, but not by emotional intelligence), they want to recreate the relationship between a child and a caring parent. In fact, we are all looking for a partner of the opposite sex in one way or another. The question is how pronounced it is.

Role Difficulties

Man is multifaceted. And in a relationship he cannot constantly be in only one role - a friend, parent, child or lover. If you've been hurt at work or just tired, you want parenting and concern. If you are in the mood to "play naughty", then you are waiting for a sexual response. And if you need good advice, the role of a friend would be quite appropriate. These and many other roles are constantly changing in family relationships. Partly because of this change, interest in each other and the balance of the family system are maintained. In a relationship with the child-parent model, the roles are usually constant. And it is this that leads to boredom and routine and partly explains the strange paradox: it happens that an elderly husband leaves his young wife for the same age.

However, if such relationships follow the path of development, then they become a growth zone for a younger and inexperienced partner. He, like a student (s), absorbs the experience of the elder. And as long as one has something to give, and the other is interested in taking it, the relationship can continue. Quite often, having reached the level of his teacher, the young partner breaks off the relationship.

In exchange for experience, the senior partner receives admiration, adoration, a “bottom-up look” - an opportunity to assert himself. In addition, they say, touching youth, you yourself become younger. It happens that the younger of the spouses is a muse for the older one - and then such a creative tandem can turn out to be unusually stable and fruitful.

There are also unfavorable variants of such relations. If the junior partner "hangs" on his senior satellite and fully exploits it. Or, on the contrary, the elder manipulates the young and the weak, deliberately creating unequal relationships in order to dominate and subjugate.

Typical difficulties

If you ventured into a marriage of different ages, you need to be prepared for this:

Death of an older spouse. You may be ready to accept death itself and come to terms with it in advance ... But when you talk about it theoretically, then it is seen in the format “fell asleep and did not wake up”. The reality is usually darker. I saw a patient whose husband, being 20 years older than her, fell ill at the age of 60. Alzheimer's disease developed rapidly. For several years he stopped recognizing relatives, relieved himself and was completely helpless. His wife at that time was slightly over forty ... When she turned to me, she was severely depressed.

Sexual disharmony. With sex in couples of different ages, everything is problem-free only at first. A 20-year-old girl and a 40-year-old man have approximately the same needs. But then her sexuality increases, and his declines. When she is 40 and he is 60, the situation becomes critical. If the spouses are patient with each other, then sharp corners can be smoothed out. A woman needs to learn to excite her man a little longer, and use any suitable moments to realize her desire (for example, morning erections). An active lifestyle, quitting smoking and alcohol, proper nutrition help to prolong men's health. In the end, you can find a drug that allows you to maintain an erection ...

If we are talking about relationships where a woman is older than a man, then the most important thing for harmonious sex is the outer side, then how a man perceives his girlfriend and how she herself feels in sex: does she like her own body, does she feel constrained because of the age difference or does it make her more relaxed? After all, age is not a hindrance for female sexuality. The experience of his partner can turn a man on even more. The main problem of such a relationship is the impossibility of having children together. But modern medicine has learned to cope with this too.

Under the cerebral cortex, we have it written that only peers of the same age can marry. Therefore, when we see a couple of different ages, it seems unnatural and surprising. There are families where a man is 10, 20, or even 30 years older than a woman, and there are not so few of them.

Let's try to understand where these exceptions come from. Let's start with female psychology.

Women are divided into three groups according to their behavior in marriage:

The "wife" is the most common type of woman in marriage. Such women tend to marry their peers. In marriage, they behave like equal partners.
"Mother". Such a woman in marriage often has a leading position. The spouse in such a marriage plays a less significant role. A woman-mother often takes care of, decides, controls. In such families, it is not uncommon for a man to be younger than a woman.
"Daughter". A woman-daughter chooses a person who is much more experienced and, accordingly, older than herself as her companion in life. The reason is the need for custody, protection and patronage.

A man is 10 years older

A woman develops faster by nature. And it turns out that peers do not meet either the psychological or intellectual needs of girls.

Therefore, they like men much older. Girls in their twenties are interested in young men in their thirties. They are drawn to them for experience, intelligence, maturity.

Such a couple can hardly be called peers, but they are both representatives of the same generation. They share music, movies and heroes. In this pair, the man is a more experienced partner, he knows a lot and much better.

Such couples are not uncommon in society and are not surprising. In the traditions of the past, the age difference of 10 years was considered the reference.

A man is 20 years or more older

Such a man will be chosen as her husband by a woman who largely needs protection, support, patronage.

Definitely, this is a woman daughter who in adulthood still feels like a child, weak and defenseless. Perhaps the feeling of insecurity was born in childhood, especially if there was no father in the family. Latently, the "little girl" is looking for this strong image in a man - the image of a father. Therefore, a man 15, 20, or even 30 years older will attract her.

Common factors in choosing a relationship with an older man

Personal and financial solvency.

A man of forty or more years already possesses financial well-being, a successful career and material well-being. With such a man, it is initially comfortable to start a family life. A woman realizes that a well-off, serious adult man can fully guarantee a stable, serious marriage in which children can be safely planned.

Marriage readiness, maturity.

A man 15 years or more older is attracted by his serious attitude to life and marriage. He appreciates more family comfort and all the preferences of the family as such. Such men are wiser, they have previous experience of personal relationships. They are capable of compromises.

Ability to look after beautifully.

If a man is much older, he is more experienced in dealing with women. Knows how to make something pleasant, what gifts and flowers to give.

High social status.

There are also cases when women choose a husband much older than themselves, focusing on his professional and life success. For example, young actresses marry older, venerable directors. Nurses are for famous surgeons, and so on.

Here the image of a spouse is idealized due to his high objective assessment. A man as a luminary of science or art is attractive precisely for this. A person who has earned the honor and respect of a huge number of people evokes respect and interest. The authority of such a husband for a wife is enormous. As well as admiration for his professional skills.

Relationships with an older man promise help for a young woman in her own career or work.

Feeling secure

By marrying an older man, a woman feels herself under the tutelage and patronage. Almost 100% of the leader in such a union will be a man. It will be responsible for decision-making and leadership. This is very appealing to the pronounced "daughter" type women who are afraid to be decisive and adults.

There are significant disadvantages to marriages where the husband is older than the wife.

Difference of interests

The obvious gap in interests is becoming one of the main problems. This is due to the fact that if a man is 13 years older, the husband and wife are people of different generations. Each of them grew up on different music, different fairy tales, read different literature. In adulthood, they form a different social circle according to their age.

Initially family relations it is imperceptible. The couple are passionate about their passion. A few years later, when the first flair of love passes, these problems appear in almost every family of different ages. They find it difficult and bored with each other.

Physiological (sexual) problems

If at 20 years old a wife quite normally perceives the difference with her husband at 20 or more years, then after 10 years this difference can turn into a problem.

A 30-year-old woman at her peak and a 50-year-old man in the process of sexual decline: how can they be fully together? The sexual appetites of a young woman and the desire for peace in a 50-year-old husband create conflicts in the family.

Different energetics

This is directly related to age. A young partner longs for development, growth, movement, while the other is already tired of the race in life and, on the contrary, is looking for a safe haven and peace.

It turns out that a young wife, by her forty, has built a successful career, is full of energy and positive, and her elderly husband is already a pensioner, who prefers a sofa and a book. The different rhythm of two people is a threat to such a marriage.

It is good if the adult spouse turns out to be an active and active match for the young spouse. In this case, the marriage will be lasting.

Premature aging

It is noticed that a young wife next to her older husband is getting older purely visually and internally. They seem to be changing with energy. She gives him youth, and he gives her maturity. A young wife with an adult husband becomes calmer, slower, more sedate.

Jealousy

In such a relationship, there is almost always a place for jealousy. Unequal positions of both lead to the emergence of distrust, neurosis. An elderly spouse may be jealous of a young spouse, realistically assessing his and her sexual needs.

Unequal marriage. Rejection of relationships by relatives, friends and society at large.

The family of a young girl will dissuade from such a marriage, emphasizing the increasing age difference over time. Friends of an adult man will suspect the young spouse of self-interest.

The past of a man

Another disadvantage in a relationship with an adult man is his past. As a rule, behind the shoulders of a man is an unsuccessful marriage and, possibly, children. This relationship will not disappear without a trace from his life. The young wife will have to come to terms with the fact that in their family life the ex-spouse and children from a previous marriage will constantly pop up. And this is a difficult burden.

To create normal intrafamily relations from a young spouse, a great deal of wisdom, tact and patience will be required.

Why do men marry young women?

Improving self-esteem in one's own eyes and in the eyes of society.

A man who has married a woman much younger than himself thus proves his worth in many areas of life, for example, in sex, in social status. A young wife nearby is proof of a man's success.

The ability to cheat age, become younger.

With a young wife, a man feels much younger. He begins to monitor his health and appearance in order to match his wife. He has an influx of energy and positiveness.

Raising the perfect wife.

An adult man, as a rule, already has experience of family life and divorce. His attitude to the female sex was formed under the yoke of negative personal experience where a woman acted as an irritant and a source of problems. In this regard, a man is pessimistic about his peers, considering them already formed personalities with whom it is not easy to find a common language and build good relationship.

With a young girl, everything is much easier. The character is not fully formed, the young diva looks at an experienced man with undisguised delight and admiration. In such a pair, a man feels more confident and stronger. He plays a leading role. He takes care of, patronizes, manages, teaches.

Still, many men, marrying a young girl, idealize the upcoming marriage and see in their spouse only a kind, caring hostess who will constantly bother at the family nest.

Sometimes such men hardly see in their wife a mature adult person who needs a career and their own separate life.

Having described all the pros and cons of a relationship with an older man, it should be noted that there are plenty of examples around us where a man is much older than his wife.

Here are some of the famous couples:

Lydia Tsirgvava and singer Alexander Vertinsky. The age difference is 34 years. In marriage, 2 daughters were born and raised: wonderful actresses Marianna and Anastasia Vertinsky.
Director Oleg Tabakov and actress Marina Zudina. The age difference is 30 years. Married for over 20 years, two children: Maria and Pavel.
Director Andrei Konchalovsky and actress, TV presenter Yulia Vysotskaya. The age difference is 36 years. Together for over 20 years. In marriage, two children were born: Mary and Peter.
Hollywood actors Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones. The age difference is 25 years. They are raising two children: 12-year-old Carey and 15-year-old Dylan. Together for over 15 years.
Fashion designer Roberto Cavalli and model Lina Nilson. The age difference is 47 years. Together for over 6 years.
Directed by Woody Allen and Sun-I-Previn. The age difference is 35 years! The couple have been happy together for many years and are raising 2 children.
Singer Alexander Gradsky and Marina Kotashenko. The age difference is 32 years. Together for 12 years, and last year the couple had a son, Alexander.

All of the above couples have proven their love over time.

And how many examples of new unions, where husbands suit their wives as fathers, or even grandfathers. Only time will tell how strong such an amazing relationship turned out to be:

Armen Dzhigarkhanyan and Vitalina Tsymbalyuk-Romanovskaya (age difference - 45 years)
Ivan Krasko and Natalia Shevel (age difference - 60 years)
Bari Alibasov and Victoria Maksimova (age difference - 40 years)

Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin wrote back in the nineteenth century: "All ages are submissive to love ...". Centuries succeed each other, but love remains. Only mutual respect, tact and wisdom will help keep this feeling for years.

And the age difference is just numbers. Let them remain with them, on paper!

When a woman is 20 years older ... Is that bad? “This is awful,” some will say, and will drag the relationship of “mom and son” here. And when a man is 20 years older? “Well, this is acceptable and normal,” you will hear in response, and immediately think: “Why is this normal? Just because it has always been this way? "

Now quite often there are couples with the opposite age difference, that is, when the woman is significantly older than the man. There is nothing surprising in this phenomenon: modern advances in science and medicine have abolished age, and women at forty and even fifty years old can look so attractive that young men willingly direct their eyes in their direction. Young men love the combination of wisdom and preserved beauty. They themselves, quite consciously, make their choice.

There are more and more such couples every year, and this trend will develop, especially taking into account our domestic demography: men barely live to be 60, and women, thanks to cosmetic tricks, are getting younger and prettier.

Sometimes such couples are destroyed due to the fault of the women themselves, who find it difficult to cope with the non-standard age difference, they are "tormented" by their conscience, worried public opinion, sidelong glances and more.

I want to tell you about an extraordinary woman - Anna Petrovna Kern. Yes, yes, about the very Kern who gave Pushkin such wonderful moments!

ANNA PETROVNA KERN was an outstanding woman! Pushkin not in vain singled her out among a dozen of his other compatriots.

At the age of 16 she was married off without asking her wishes. So she became the wife of 52-year-old General Yermolai Fedorovich Kern. She submitted to the circumstances, traveled with her husband to the garrisons, listened to his soldier's jokes, languished away from everything dear and dear. From time to time she once again plunged into her native environment, to the St. Petersburg balls, where her beauty blossomed, and in these "wonderful moments" she managed to captivate men. Pushkin himself fell under her charm.

However, Anna Petrovna was very well aware of the price of her secular victories. She was a very intelligent woman and understood what place the woman of the world occupied, and wrote with bitterness that Pushkin, expressing admiration for the ladies and devoting poetry to them, nevertheless had a low opinion of his muses. He, as Anna Petrovna noted, appreciated their outer gloss more than the depth of their soul. Perhaps that is why she did not strive for a serious romance with the great poet. She was flattered by his attention. She was proud of the honor he had shown her by dedicating his poems, but she bestowed her favor on others.

Nature generously endowed Anna Petrovna with the talent to preserve youth and beauty. At thirty-odd years, she was still fresh and lovely, and in fact, according to the concepts of the 19th century, it was already the age of an old woman. Anna Petrovna Kern at this age captivated the hearts of young people. She turned thirty-six when she met a sixteen-year-old cadet, Alexander Markov-Vinogradsky. At first it was just a game for her. It gave her pleasure to see how the poor young man blushed, turned pale, was speechless, being caught on the hooks of an experienced beauty. But then a real response flashed in her heart.

At that time, she was still considered the wife of Yermolai Fedorovich, but they did not support marriage. The Kern spouses lived separately, but did not file a divorce, because at that time a divorce was a very difficult and expensive procedure. However, formal marriage ties did not prevent Anna Petrovna from connecting with her beloved. She gave birth to a son from him, and this was her first desired child, to whom she gave all her motherly tenderness. After the death of her official husband, forty-two-year-old Anna Kern enters into a second official marriage. She was twenty years older than her husband.

Alexander Vinogradsky was considered a loser in his midst. He was not endowed with the talents of a poet, he did not know how to make a career, although, of course, he served, but his salary was barely enough to update his wife's outfits. But he had a devoted heart and knew how to love with the love that every woman dreams of.

The Vinogradskys did not live well. Anna, accustomed to luxury since childhood, nevertheless easily abandoned her usual life. Her new marriage deprived her of a substantial pension, which she could receive for life as the widow of a hero and a general. But she chose a humble life. Anna Petrovna got used to the new conditions and reduced her needs. She never reproached her husband for his low income, but she helped him as best she could. Sometimes she tried to earn extra money herself by writing, translating Georges Sand. In the most difficult moments of her life, she sold Pushkin's letters at five rubles apiece. Sometimes Anna Petrovna and her husband saved themselves by visiting friends or relatives. But Anna Petrovna never regretted her choice!

“Poverty has its joys,” she wrote to her relative, “and we are always happy, because we have a lot of love. For everything, for everything, I thank the Lord! Maybe under better circumstances we would be less happy.”

And how Alexander loved her! He idolized this woman, who was admired by Pushkin, Delvig, Glinka and even the Russian emperor. Anna Petrovna bore her crown with dignity in relation to her husband. She always gently emphasized that it was she who did honor to the young man by choosing him, and not his eminent rivals. She carefully let him know that it was not he who blessed her by saving her from loneliness, but she, so unique, the only one in the whole world, in fact, glorified him. Indeed, who would have remembered Vinogradsky now, if not for his marriage to Anna Kern?

Her husband completely agreed with her. In his diary, he wrote: "Thank you, Lord, for being married! Without her, my darling, I would be bored. Everything is boring, except for my wife, and I am so used to her alone that she has become my necessity!" What a joy to return home! How warm, good in her arms. There is no one better than my wife. "

With what dignity Anna Petrovna bore her age and never emphasized that she was older.

Anna Petrovna was already seventy ... Many people gathered in the spacious house. Everyone considered it an honor to treat their eminent relative. The home concert began. Glinka's great romance “I remember a wonderful moment” was performed in her honor. “Wonderful moment” burst into tears and said: “Oh, what time does to people! How implacable it is! " But then Vinogradsky knelt down in front of her, began kissing her hands and said: “Calm down, dear! Nothing can compare with my love for you. "

They lived, as the tale says, happily ever after, for more than forty years. Her husband was the first to die, she left this world four months later.

The history of unequal marriage is so deeply rooted that it is difficult to even imagine a time when it was not. By and large, any marriage is unequal, because a man and a woman are of different sizes. Opposites. But when the age gap is added to this natural factor of difference, inequality becomes simply flashy.

We are already accustomed to unequal marriages in which a man is older than a woman. They even became a kind of rule and guarantee of a successful misalliance. However, the trends of recent decades are such that more and more often there are marriages in which a woman acts as a senior partner.

A classic example of unequal marriage among celebrities was the prima donna, Alla Borisovna changed her second young husband. Philip Kirkorov, with whom she was married for 10 years, was 18 years younger than his wife. And the current husband of Pugacheva, Maxim Galkin, is twenty-seven years younger. And no one will say with certainty whether this marriage is a successful partnership deal or an alliance of loved ones. The star couple doesn't seem to care. And rightly so, this is their own business.

"She is 20 years Older than Me," the man shares his love achievements. And the future of such a marriage depends on what kind of subtext this phrase has. Actually, if a guy (man) focuses on this, this is already an alarming signal. Since for true love, such trifles as age have absolutely no meaning.

In the event that, nevertheless, the emphasis on age is made and the difference is even emphasized, such a situation can be called symptomatic and it most likely testifies to the following:

* he makes excuses.
* he is proud.
* he insures himself.
* he is kidding.

The unity of souls and selfless love is hardly a question here. And this Freudian slip states the internal psychological problems a man forced to somehow explain his choice to others. Yes, in a certain sense, he needs to have the courage not to make excuses and not explain anything to anyone. And if he loves a woman, he will never do it.

Such a widespread phenomenon today as an unequal marriage with a woman much older, has quite understandable reasons.

* general feminization of society;
* male infantilism;
* advances in cosmetology and plastic surgery prolonging female beauty. Sometimes a 45-year-old woman looks much more attractive than a 25-year-old woman, thanks to her careful grooming;
* coincidence of sexual activity;
* material factors due to a successful career and the well-being of a woman;
* freedom of morals.

The producer of Lyudmila Gurchenko, Sergei Senin, was almost twenty years younger than her. Nevertheless, she lived with him the last years of her life and died practically in the arms of her young husband, believing that between them there was a "Closeness of Interest to Impossibility."

If we discard such a reason as the infantilism of a man and his tendency to be a gigolo (that is, to live at the expense of a woman, which, however, is not directly related to age, gigolos are also peers), then all other factors of difference play only for the benefit of the woman. After all, unequal marriage with a younger man stimulates her to constantly keep herself in shape. As a rule, a mature woman with a young man looks much younger than her peers, she has a more lively disposition, does not whine and does not complain about her illness, thinks not about retirement, but about the prospects for growth and development. Isn't that wonderful! As well as the fact that she gets the opportunity of sexual release with a partner that matches her level of activity.

Why do many young men choose older women?

I like the way Dmitry Nagiyev said about mature women: “A 40-year-old woman will never wake you up in the middle of the night to ask:“ What are you thinking? "She doesn't care what you think about! If a 40-year-old woman is broke to watch sports with you on TV, she won't sit and whine about it. She will go and do what she wants - usually something much more interesting! 40-year-old women are frank and honest. They will tell you head on if you are a brute or behave like a brute. You never have to guess how she treats you. "

Why do women choose a younger man?

* he helps her feel the fullness of life. Youth. Stimulates stimulates to constant search and development. she can sculpt from young man as from a piece of virgin material, its ideal man.
* she gets the opportunity to satisfy her age-old female instinct of motherhood, care and participation, which makes her happy.
* a young man has the necessary sexual appetite and opportunities that distinguish him favorably from a man of the same age.

An unequal marriage, in which the younger man has the same chances of being happy as any other marriage, if it is based on love and human affection. Unfortunately, our society is arranged in such a way that any deviations from the norms invented by someone are perceived almost as a sentence. But each of us has the right to live not as public opinion dictates, but as his heart tells him.

There is nothing surprising in this phenomenon: modern advances in science and medicine have abolished age, and women at forty and even fifty years old can look so attractive that young men willingly direct their eyes in their direction. Young men love the combination of wisdom and preserved beauty. They themselves, quite consciously, make their choice.

Sometimes such couples are destroyed due to the fault of the women themselves, who find it difficult to cope with the non-standard age difference, they are "tormented" by conscience, worried about public opinion, sidelong glances and much more.

I want to tell you about an extraordinary woman - Anna Petrovna Kern. Yes, yes, about the very Kern who gave Pushkin such wonderful moments! ANNA PETROVNA KERN was an outstanding woman! It was not in vain that Pushkin singled her out among a dozen of his other compatriots. At 16 she was married without asking her wishes. So she became the wife of 52-year-old General Yermolai Fedorovich Kern. She submitted to the circumstances, traveled with her husband to the garrisons, listened to his soldier's jokes, languished away from everything dear and dear.

From time to time she once again plunged into her native environment, to the St. Petersburg balls, where her beauty blossomed, and in these "wonderful moments" she managed to captivate men. Pushkin himself fell under her charm.

Nature generously endowed Anna Petrovna with the talent to preserve youth and beauty. At thirty-odd years, she was still fresh and charming, and in fact, according to the concepts of the 19th century, it was already the age of an old woman. Anna Petrovna Kern at this age captivated the hearts of young people.

She turned thirty-six when she met a sixteen-year-old cadet, Alexander Markov-Vinogradsky. At first it was just a game for her. It gave her pleasure to see how the poor young man blushed, turned pale, was speechless, being caught on the hooks of an experienced beauty. But then a real response flashed in her heart. At that time, she was still considered the wife of Yermolai Fedorovich, but they did not support marriage. The Kern spouses lived separately, but did not file a divorce, because at that time a divorce was a very difficult and expensive procedure. However, formal marriage ties did not prevent Anna Petrovna from connecting with her beloved. She gave birth to a son from him, and this was her first desired child, to whom she gave all her motherly tenderness.

After the death of her official husband, forty-two-year-old Anna Kern enters into a second official marriage. She was twenty years older than her husband. Alexander Vinogradsky was considered a loser in his midst. He was not endowed with the talents of a poet, he did not know how to make a career, although, of course, he served, but his salary was barely enough to update his wife's outfits. But he had a devoted heart and knew how to love with the love that every woman dreams of.

She never reproached her husband for his low income, but she helped him as best she could. Sometimes she tried to earn extra money herself by writing, translating Georges Sand. In the most difficult moments of her life, she sold Pushkin's letters at five rubles apiece. Sometimes Anna Petrovna and her husband saved themselves by visiting friends or relatives. But Anna Petrovna never regretted her choice! “Poverty has its joys,” she wrote to her relative, “and we always feel good, because we have a lot of love.

For everything, for everything I thank the Lord! Maybe under better circumstances we would be less happy. "

And how Alexander loved her! He idolized this woman who was admired by Pushkin, Delvig, Glinka and even the Russian emperor. Anna Petrovna bore her crown with dignity in relation to her husband. She always gently emphasized that it was she who did honor to the young man by choosing him, and not his eminent rivals. She carefully let him know that it was not he who blessed her by saving her from loneliness, but she, so unique, the only one in the whole world, in fact, glorified him.

Indeed, who would have remembered Vinogradsky now, if not for his marriage to Anna Kern?

Her husband completely agreed with her. In his diary, he wrote: “Thank you, Lord, for being married! Without her, my darling, I would be bored. Everything is boring, except for my wife, and I am so used to her alone that she has become my necessity! What a joy it is to be back home! How warm, good in her arms. There is no one better than my wife. "

With what dignity Anna Petrovna bore her age and never emphasized that she was older.

But then Vinogradsky knelt down in front of her, began kissing her hands and said: “Calm down, dear! Nothing can compare with my love for you. "

They lived, as the tale says, happily ever after, for more than forty years. Her husband was the first to die, she left this world four months later.

1. Strength and protection. All girls want to see a man next to them who can lay responsibility on their strong shoulders, protect morally and physically, and also financially support. A mature man is no longer selfish as he was in his youth. He is able to fully and completely devote himself to his family and do everything for the happiness of his beloved. This was laid down by our ancestors: the man was the breadwinner, and the woman was the keeper of the hearth. Therefore, a confident and older man can provide his young wife with the necessary rear

Underwater rock. Do not think that being under the care and protection, you will be able to completely relax. Such a man will demand from you a quiet life, which will consist of washing, cooking, and occasional forays into nature.

2. Indulging in whims. A mature man is a real treasure for capricious girls with character. Today I want one thing, tomorrow another - such husbands will endure all this and will easily forgive their windy girlfriend. Isn't this a cherished dream? They will take you wherever you go and fulfill all your whims, as long as you are happy.

Underwater rock. A woman is a very contradictory nature, and a young girl even more so. Where is the guarantee that she will not stop treating her mature spouse with respect? Ideally, a man indulges a woman, but at the same time knows how to defend his boundaries. Only then will he be so alluring and desirable for her. If a kind uncle, 20 or 25 years older than you, begins to please you 24 hours a day, you will quickly get tired of it and you will leave him again to the young and unbridled.

3. Smart conversations. Mature men can talk about any topic through their life experiences. This allows them to always remain interesting for their partner. Evening gatherings for two and without unnecessary people is something that is appreciated by all couples.

Underwater rock. For a man to be interested with you, you need to pull up a little to him. It is not for nothing that the people say that a girl with a mature man is getting older, and a man is getting younger - the law of communicating vessels. Therefore, if your choice fell on an adult man over 20 years old, develop your intellect.

4. Social status. With him, you really will be after your husband. He will not only support and help, but also give your image more status. Such a man already has a stable career or business, so you are not afraid of racing through financial holes.

Underwater rock. If you are chasing material wealth, you will want sincere love someday. And then the misfortunes and betrayals on the part of the young girl will begin.

5. An excellent family man. Best husband and the father of children, than a grown man, you will not find. He will be able to preserve the hearth no worse than any woman, and also never leave children unattended. Change diapers, go with the child to the clinic, agree on a separate ward - this confident man can do anything.

Underwater rock. Perhaps, as an independent girl in our time, you do not want to have children early. And here the difference in age manifests itself: he is afraid that it will be too late, she does not want to, because it is early.

6. Great sex. A mature man has a huge store of knowledge and understands what kind of caresses women like and what they don't. These are amazing lovers who will put the satisfaction of their other half first.

Underwater rock. Such sexual happiness will not last long. When a woman turns 40, she only blossoms in her sexuality. For a man over 60, it becomes difficult to satisfy his insatiable girlfriend.

If the man is 20 years older. Relationship with a man 15-20 years older: pros and cons

A marriage that is 15 or more years apart is called unequal. Among such unions, where the husband is 15-20 years older, there are many happy couples... But some of them feel the difficulties associated with the age difference. The psychology of the development of relationships in each couple is individual and depends on the similarity of stereotypes, common interests, love and respect, and not only on the number of years lived.

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The reasons and prerequisites for choosing a partner many years older than yourself depend on the character and desire to have a mentor and support. Many girls who grew up without a father seek support and protection in such relationships that they did not feel in childhood. For others, an unequal marriage with a large age gap gives a feeling of security and material well-being. After all, a mature man of 35-40 years old already stands firmly on his feet and knows what he wants from life.

In our time, developed means mass media, all the tabloids are screaming about the importance of personal care. Women's magazines are full of appearance rules for women. Heel, tight dress and styling every day! But we have a job, children, family, sports, hobbies. Is it easy to maintain beauty at such a fast pace of life? Not everyone copes with this task.

Meet Belita Edwards, a veteran of the American army, always dreamed of changing her appearance. Lifeless, dry hair of an incomprehensible color made her 20 years older. As Belita herself admitted: “I have low self-esteem, because I do not care about my hair. But I want to look good. "

The woman hoped that with the changes in appearance and changes in life would not be long in coming. These hopes led her to Paul Mitchell and his team of professionals. Paul and his colleagues provide their hairdressing services free of charge to veterans of the US Army, as well as low-income citizens.

Just look at how Belita looks now!

Look how beautiful she is now!

You will get tired of it after a while. Itself in such a situation was, the difference is 13 years, I am older, we have been together for 5 years. I was in love with him very much, he also loved me. I tried to match all the time in order to look and feel younger.
Until the age of 40, it is still normal, but after that it became somehow hard. The health problem got out, it's okay, but it's unpleasant, the fatigue began to roll. And yet the worldview seemed to have changed. I don’t want to nest, build a family and feelings for him have cooled completely, he is chatting about something, and I think, when will you leave me alone, youngster.

I left him and it became so easy. Moreover, you probably will not believe it, he was against our breakup, he tried to fix everything. Another point, by the standards of this forum, was not entirely liquid. He had a child, but that was fine with me, because I didn't want my children. He did not have personal housing, it bothered me, but it also suited me, he was dependent on me and my desires.

What is the optimal age difference?

Such a gap does not feel noticeable, and a union in which the husband is a little older than his wife is considered comfortable.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have been together for many years.

The couple is in an emotionally suitable age band that does not go beyond the boundaries of one generation, they have a similar worldview, they are worried about the same problems.

It is easier for relatives on both sides to communicate. A young man of 28-30 years old in most cases stands well on his feet and can independently support a family.

A girl of 22-24 years old is at a favorable age for the birth of children. The future head of the family consciously assesses the issue of offspring and will be able to help his wife in the difficult period of bearing, giving birth and raising a baby.

A tandem in which the age of the husband and wife differs by a year is considered quite harmonious. Scientists have proven that the greater the age distance between partners, the higher the divorce rate.