And stay confident. How to gain self-confidence: useful tips. Training to learn how to behave and speak confidently

Low self-esteem is not the best assistant on the path to success and self-realization. Even realizing why insecurity has arisen, it is not always possible to gain self-confidence. What is it connected with? Most likely with the degree of neglect of such a state. Like a disease that is quite easy to treat in the early stages and much more difficult if not done in time.

So the uncertainty that has been sitting in a person for years, eventually becomes a part of his life. Is there a way out of this situation? How to gain self-confidence after many years of being "below the floor"? First of all, raise your head, open your eyes and start reading this article.

We will not analyze the reasons that underestimate self-esteem. After all, recommendations on how to acquire work equally effectively, regardless of why a person has become less self-confident. The reasons are not so important, because they are already in the past. Much more important are the ways to help fix everything, because the future depends on them. The only thing we can advise is to go through in order to understand exactly how hard you have to work.

1. Diary of success.

Sometimes, "trying to reach for the stars", people do not notice life itself, ceasing to enjoy it. For example, just because someone had one failure at a new job doesn't mean they haven't made dozens of victories at something else. Why dwell on failure when there are achievements? A good tip on how to gain self-confidence is to start a Success Diary, where you write down all your daily victories. It is not necessary to wait for new achievements, you can remember what has already been done and start writing it down, regularly adding new achievements. In those moments when conceit begins to suffer, and hands fall, it is enough to reread this diary, reminding yourself of your victories.

2. Active lifestyle.

In order for the Success Diary to turn into a real library, it is advisable to accustom yourself to an active lifestyle. Every day gives many opportunities for self-realization. If you do not miss them, then it will become obvious how to gain confidence. For example, you can enroll in graphic design courses, successfully complete them, get a certificate and, thereby, increase your self-esteem. Or, go to dances, becoming more confident in discos.

If there is no desire or opportunity to spend money, then there are dozens of free activities: all kinds of flash mobs, exhibitions, literary evenings, volunteer projects, social initiatives, etc. It is enough just to google posters or announcements of your city. The search engine will instantly issue dozens of offers for the near future.

3. Friends and relationships.

The more active a person is, the wider his social circle is, the more likely he is to find a company and meet his love. True friends will always support and come to the rescue, and a life partner will not let you doubt your personal significance. But for them to appear, you need to get up from the couch and leave the house. Social networks or mobile applications, for all their potential, will never replace relationships and friendships. But some joint project or a real hobby will definitely tell you how to gain confidence and find like-minded people.

A person's hobby is an occupation that is to their liking, and, accordingly, the desire to engage in it is much stronger than studying or working. If a person does something with interest, then success in this type of activity is much more real. Accordingly, a hobby is a great option for gaining self-confidence. For example, some office worker, with no particular career prospects, may be a top-notch martial arts instructor. In addition to the purely psychological aspect associated with an increase in self-esteem, a hobby very often becomes a matter of a person’s whole life, gradually providing him with income and recognition.

5. Daily affirmations.

How to gain confidence in yourself if you have doubts about your abilities? In addition to working on ourselves, it is advisable to practice self-hypnosis - regular repetition of how wonderful and successful we are. This practice is called affirmations - a clear setting that attracts the expected changes in a person's life. For example, it is difficult for someone to get a job because they are not sure of their potential. If such a person begins to repeat to himself every morning, looking in the mirror, one simple phrase: “I am very promising, all employers are interested in me, the best job is mine,” then gradually he himself will believe in it. And self-confidence ensures the achievement of goals.

6. Attention to your appearance.

An equally important item for men and women. Of course, there are specifics, but being well-groomed, clean and fit is important for everyone. It is not necessary to spend significant money for this. Clothing can be simple, but neat and tastefully chosen. Expensive gyms can be replaced with a free sports ground or a treadmill in a nearby park. You will see for yourself how much easier it will be to gain self-confidence, if you are confident about your appearance.

7. Motivating videos or books.

The Internet is full of all kinds of motivators or success stories that are freely available. They literally explain everything. How to gain self-confidence, how to meet a girl, how to get a job, how to build a fusion reactor in the kitchen. Anything. There is even a book "How to control the Universe without attracting the attention of orderlies." So, instead of just another soap opera or a highly intellectual show, you can, for a change, read or watch something inspiring. Who knows, maybe one of these motivators will drastically change someone's life, showing the way to success and recognition.

Asking the question “How to gain self-confidence?” - this is very good and right. A person, at least, realizes that something is wrong in his life and it should be corrected. There is no need to be ashamed of this. Worse, when someone does not even realize that his self-esteem is low. If he is regularly told that he deserves more than he takes for himself, this is an occasion to think about it and make every possible effort to gain self-confidence. After all, adequate self-esteem makes life much easier and allows you to fully realize yourself.

We present a new column in which columnist Yulia Demina answers your questions together with the best psychologists. Write about everything that worries you in the comments, and our experts will try to help you.

columnist

Russian women are the most beautiful in the world. It is a fact. Ask any foreigner. Confirm. But, despite the "beautiful cover", we do not know how to love ourselves. Of course, there are happy exceptions among us, but I'm talking about the trend in general. We diet, starve, inject Botox, pump our lips, cheekbones, ass, drink liters of hyaluronic acid, set limits and taboos for ourselves, we don’t accept ourselves, we always want to be better than we really are. We fixate on our imperfections. Despite all our pluses, we are not sure of ourselves. My friend is 30. With a height of 168, she does not weigh even 50 kg. But at the same time she considers herself disgustingly fat. Apart from the head, eyes and nose, nothing remained. Has melted. But it is useless to say something... Unfortunately, there are a lot of such deranged persons. Even when she is 40 kg, she will find something to “not love” herself for.

Look at French women. In appearance, ordinary, unremarkable women. A la naturel. They don't steam. But this imperfect styling, a minimum of makeup, a casual simple style of clothing and such a strong inner core. And how he carries himself! How original! How much calm confidence in her! Precisely calm confidence, not expensive window dressing. She seems to be above the situation ... And she is not interested in all sorts of glamorous things there. But at the same time, she is absolutely incredible. Or Italians... "no to restrictions, yes to comfort." She is in her 50s, but the headband and short skirt somehow don't look out of place. And at 75 - sneakers with a hat and natural makeup - that's it. Although on a Russian woman all this will look ridiculous and comical. Because at 75 we are deeply elderly people. First of all, in their heads. Such mentality.

We are afraid of age. We are afraid of wrinkles. And we do not believe that even at 75 years old you can be a beauty. But it is possible. Even if you're overweight, you can. It all depends on how much we love and respect ourselves. How interesting and comfortable we are alone with ourselves. I know women who, after the betrayals of their husbands, absolutely broke down, completely lost faith in themselves and in everything good. But they could survive all this if, in addition to their husband and children, they had their own personal life, their own world, for which they could cling to in case of something and not lose ground under their feet.

There are a lot of techniques for increasing self-esteem and gaining confidence ... They all boil down to the same thing:

• You need to accept yourself for who you are. Thick, thin, crooked, whatever. A person who loves himself, necessarily takes care of his health, leads an active lifestyle, develops, studies, works, does not whine, does not cry, but is responsible for his life, steadfastly accepts defeats. And don't be afraid of failure. Any failure is a chance to show your talent and rise again. Turn defeats into opportunities.
• Stop whining and complaining. Happiness cannot be found with the mask of a victim! You are the master of your life. And only you are responsible for it. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. Only those who do nothing do not make mistakes. Forgive others. Don't hold grudges. And you will have peace of mind.
• To engage in self-discipline and self-digging is a disastrous business. And in general, you don’t need to take yourself too seriously, you don’t need to demand and expect too much from yourself. It is important to remember that if we are gone, the world will not change from this. The next morning, the metro will also open, and people will go to work. Everything will be as before.
• Choose your environment. If your friends make you feel guilty or inferior, say goodbye to them. Friends should be comfortable.
• Learn to say NO. And stop justifying yourself to someone all the time.
• You don't owe anything to anyone. And no one owes you.
• Watch your thoughts, do not let negativity enter your head. If you wish, say affirmations.
• Keep a diary of personal achievements for the day (greatly presented a new project, cooked a delicious dinner, etc., etc.).
• Please yourself with something. At least once a day.
• Rest. Develop. Enjoy. And remember: only a fool does not doubt himself. The main thing is that your doubts do not interfere with your life.
• Don't get hooked on social media. Life on Instagram is beautiful, but far from reality.
• Everyone wants to be beautiful these days. Only beauty has become the same. Cherish your individuality.
• And remember, it won't always be the way it is today.

Now let's move on to the questions of our readers:

Kate, 20 years old, Penza

I have been very shy since childhood. Well, I don't know what it's called. For me, the problem is to ask in public transport: “Are you getting off?” I must muster the strength to speak to a stranger. Once I passed my stop, because, sitting by the window in a trolley bus, I could not ask the man sitting next to me to let me out. I communicate well with friends and family. What should I do about it? Maybe it's a disease? It seems strange to me myself ... I am very unsure of myself

- This is how the wrong “I-concept” manifests itself, that is, the wrong, negative opinion about oneself. Under the influence of this, a person so enhances the importance and significance of some of his shortcomings in the eyes of other people that he is afraid to be noticeable so as not to cause ridicule or condemnation of others. Moreover, the power of imagination of this person is so great that it is able to develop complexes that have absolutely no foundation.

Fortunately, this can be corrected and your imagination directed in the right direction. You need to change your mind about yourself, create a new image of yourself in your mind, and this is training. My recommendation to you: choose an example of a woman you want to be like - it can be a famous, successful actress, businesswoman or someone else. Study her biography, look at her walk, manners, character, how she dresses, communicates with people, etc. Then copy her behavior and image, change her hairstyle, makeup, clothes, visualize, imagine that she is you. Feel her inner state - self-confidence. Play her role both externally and in feelings and emotions. Behave as this woman would behave, try to “live” in her image every day, every minute, until this image grows into you and becomes yours. Over time, you will feel like a “queen”, you will develop your own personality, stiffness and shyness will disappear. There will be no trace of the previous behavior!

But in order to train the necessary image, it is important to do this daily for a long time - according to my observations, not less than three months, although you will feel changes in your behavior and self-awareness in two weeks. In the beginning it will be difficult and your mind will sabotage and disbelieve. The main thing here is not to give up. Trust me, it works! Good luck to you!

Anna, 27 years old, Balashikha

I met with a young man. And I thought he was in love with me. But at some point strange conversations began. He told me such phrases: “All men are animals”, “I have a sexual attraction to other women”, “I need a girl with the appearance of Claudia Schiffer and the soul of Zemfira”, “I don’t love you”. All this hit me hard. Nobody told me such things. Since that time, I no longer feel beautiful and successful, as I once did. I no longer believe in myself. And I don't trust men. At all. What do i do?

– Dear Anna, you got a manipulator. Such insignificant men can raise their own significance only at the cost of nullifying someone else's. They use manipulations from the category “I deserve Miss World, but for now there is no such thing, and you will get away”, “all men are like that ... be glad that I am with you”, “you, of course, are nothing, but these are your ears”, etc. e. And the girls listen to this noodles, and their self-esteem lift slowly descends into the basement. There are thoughts that they are unworthy of the best and that everything must be done so that he does not leave. But if we discard all this nonsense, what can you say about this man? Who is he to claim world-class beauties? Is he a Nobel laureate, a multi-million dollar business owner, a Hollywood actor? Who is he? The answer is no one, just a pathetic loser, not even worth your fingernail. I think you yourself understand this.

I have a diploma in family medicine, so I will speak as a physician. Your relationship can be compared to a serious illness, as a result of which you have lost your memory. You have simply forgotten who you are and what you really are. Do you know how to get memory back? We need to re-experience vivid emotions. Remember what gave you pleasure before, what made you feel beautiful, happy, what got you out of bed and charged you for the whole day. Dancing? Go dancing. Music? Yes, at least beat the drum until you feel the flight. Trips? Get on the next bus - and forward to new experiences. With each vivid experience, the old you will break out and very soon feel confident again. And so that you remember everything, do not miss even the smallest details - write a letter on paper to your future children and describe their mother in detail, what are her advantages (forget about modesty) and what she has achieved (five in the 3rd grade and the ability to cook borscht considered). This story will be about you, so beautiful and worthy of the best.

You will succeed. I believe in you. And you believe that you can return your former self and a real man will appreciate it. Be happy.

Kate, 30 years old, Moscow

"I'm a journalist. Behind him are two higher educations (journalism at Moscow State University and Moscow State Pedagogical University), work on federal television channels. She mainly dealt with social, political topics and economics. Career was going well. At the age of 25, she led a large serious author's program. When the company went bankrupt, everything had to start from scratch. Looking for a job in our field on the resume is useless. Only personal contacts. And the competition on TV is incredible. There was a time when it took months to find a job. And on the shoulders of a mortgage. And there were not so many who wanted to help, there were people everywhere. All in all, it was a tough time. It used to be that I try out for some program, but they don’t take me, but a gay boy. Because the boss is gay. Or I get rejected, and then I find out that the new presenter is the boss's mistress. No work experience, no professional education. Anything happened. But somehow there was work. I shot documentaries, stories, hosted a program about business. Now on maternity leave. In the near future I have to look for a new job. I don't want to go back to where I was. But during the decree, I completely lost my confidence. The child is almost a year old. I feel like I've dropped out of life. And I'm scared. Where to get strength and how to believe in yourself again?

- Apparently, you have pre-configured for difficulties that may not happen. So the first thing to do is to calm down. As far as I understand, the former place of work is waiting for you, so you will definitely not be left without a job. Moreover, you have the opportunity to compare and choose. The child is not yet a year old, which means that you have at least six months to look for a new, better place - quite a sufficient period. And most importantly: you have excellent data to find a good job. Your education and variety of experience is truly impressive. Moreover, you yourself write that there have been difficult times in your life, but there is a successful experience of overcoming difficulties. Why should it be different now?

I can assume that self-doubt and the feeling that life is passing by are associated with such troubles in the life of a young mother as constant lack of sleep, fatigue and lack of time for oneself. All women on maternity leave face this to one degree or another. Think about who might occasionally stay with the baby to give you the opportunity to go out in public or just sleep. Believe me, having at least one day off a week can greatly change your psychological state.

It seems to me that one of the most common desires of people is the desire to feel more confident in various life situations.

But how can this be done?

Confident people may say: How? Just be confident!". However, for an insecure person, such advice will not be useful. He will not be accepted by the council at all.

But still there are time-tested, timeless tips. In this article, I will tell you about some of them. And in order to become really self-confident and fully feel your inner strength, of course, it is better to find psychological trainings dedicated to this problem.

But I hope that in this article you will find something useful for yourself and in this way you will be able to correct and maintain your self-confidence at the proper level.

1. Take action. Do your job diligently.

The most important step to gaining self-confidence is taking action. Work on the problem and see it through to the end. If you sit at home and think about what you want to do, it will only make things worse for you. This is the simple truth. But it is not always easy to implement. To make it a little easier to implement, here are three of my favorite ways to push yourself into action:

• be present. This will help you put aside unnecessary thoughts and just do what you decide to do. This is probably the best advice I've come across on how to get started in a while. Being in the right place will force you to act, and very often it will even seem to you that you are going with the flow and doing nothing, but, in fact, you will act without making any extra effort. It's about the same as with breathing - your lungs work, and you don't even think about it.
• Take it easy. If you want to dissuade yourself from doing something, you must take the task at hand too seriously. This way you will feel how huge, complex and creepy it is. But if you calm down and relax a little, you will most likely see that the problems related to your task were largely created by your imagination. If you calmly approach the matter, then the problems no longer seem so serious, and if there are no serious problems, then it is always easier to start doing business. You can read more about this in the article Lighten Up!
• Crave. If you really want something, then it will not be difficult for you to start acting. Action in such a situation is quite natural. They arise because you don't want to wait any longer.

Of course, I could advise you to practice in front of a mirror for several months. This may give good results. Simply because if you prepare yourself, you will act more confidently.

But in truth, if you use the quotes above and face what you fear, you will gain deeper and stronger self-confidence. Experience in the area that caused fear really gives real self-confidence. You can't get away from this.

However, you can face your fear and still not feel trembling in your knees. There are ways to help yourself do this:

• Be Curious. When you are busy with your fear, you are closed. You are trying to create barriers in your world and in your brain. You are shielding yourself from other people/things. And if you show curiosity, then your perception of the outside world will come to life and the world will open for you. Curiosity is filled with anticipation and zeal. It makes you open. And when you are open and passionate, then you do not have enough time for your fear. But how do you learn to be genuinely curious? You just have to always remember that joyous feeling that you once had when you first showed curiosity, and also remember all the good things that happened to you when you had some new experience.
• Realize that fear is often based on a misunderstanding of the problem.. Like all people, we tend to look for examples. But the thing is that we very often find bad or useless examples of events that happened to us due to lack of experience. Or because of an incorrectly assessed situation. Or because of someone's stupid misunderstanding. When you identify with your thoughts, you believe everything that comes into your mind. It will be better for you not to take your thoughts too seriously. In many cases, your thoughts, as well as your memory, are wrong.

Image *Zara (license).

3. Understand the procedure.

One of my favorite bits of movie dialogue is the dialogue from Three Kings (1999).

In this dialogue, Major Archie Gates (played by George Clooney) orders a small group of soldiers to rescue their comrade and extract Saddam's gold, which was left over from the first Gulf War.

Young soldier Conrad Vig (played by Spike Jonze) expresses his doubts about the plan of action:

Archie Gates: You are afraid, aren't you?
Conrad Vig: Maybe.
Archie Gates: Everything happens as follows: what you are afraid of, you make very scary, and courage comes after you were not afraid and did it, and not before you do it.
Conrad Vig: Idiot approach. There must be a different approach.
Archie Gates: I know, but this approach works.

Great movie! Great dialogue! Even if it's not at all what people want to hear.

The point is that when you act, you don't just gain confidence that you can handle situations, you also lose your senses. In our cases, you can talk, for example, about a speech in front of an audience or about publishing a new blog post - about what first makes you nervous and perhaps shaking with fear, and then becomes an increasingly common event in your life. It will take quite a bit of time, and you will perceive the worked out situation as something completely normal. As normal as trying on shoes, chatting with friends, or taking a shower.

Now it may seem terrible. But after you've dealt with the thing that caused you fear ten times, you might think: "What's so scary here?" You may even be disappointed if the thing that caused your fear becomes a routine for you. You may even be angry with yourself and not understand why you could not take up this matter for so long.

4. Get ready.

If you do not know anything about what you are going to do, it will be difficult for you not to get lost in a vague and foggy fear. This fear will give rise to terrible images of what can happen if you try to take on the desired business.

Education and preparation can help you a lot. For example, by listening to and rewriting your speech over and over again, you can easily memorize it. By researching something, you can find answers to related questions that you may need in the future. Or even just by imagining how you will perform, you will become more confident in yourself.

Of course, if you don't have public speaking experience, you still won't be able to deliver a speech the way an experienced speaker would. But if you take the time to prepare, you will feel much more confident. And, of course, by preparing a speech, you will improve its content.

Therefore, get ready and in the end you will feel calmer and more confident. But make no mistake, do not get hung up on preparation. This is, in fact, an excuse for your inaction due to possible failure.

5. Realize that if you fail or make a mistake, nothing irreparable will happen.

Again, you have to face your fear. Because only in this way can you discover everything that billions of people before you throughout the history of mankind have discovered for themselves. Failure won't kill you. Nobody will judge you. The end of the world will not come. Nothing will happen that people who have not yet faced their fear are set on.

The whole trick is to rethink the failure and not take it as a model, but to take something useful and important out of it. Something that will help increase your self-confidence and your overall spiritual growth. Here are four examples of how your failure is good for you:

• You study. Instead of seeing failure as something terrible, try to look at it as a learning experience. When you experience failure, ask yourself the question: What's so bad about this situation? What can I take away from it?
• You get an experience that is impossible to get in any other way.. Of course, it is desirable to learn from the mistakes and failures of other people. But, in fact, this is not always possible. Sometimes you just need to suffer your own failure and learn your own lesson from it. Your practical experience will be incomparable with anyone's empty words.
• you get stronger. Every time you fail, you get stronger. You are becoming more and more aware that this is not the end of the world. And, again, you begin to take the situation calmly. You can easily cope with what seemed impossible to you a few years ago. Failure can also be energizing, because even though you didn't get your way, at least you took the risk. You just don't have to sit idly by. Inaction cools determination and takes away courage.
• You are more likely to succeed. Every time you fail, you have the opportunity to learn something and thus strengthen your inner strength. Therefore, every failure brings you closer to success.

And remember that the world does not revolve around you. You may think so, but it doesn't change anything. In fact, people don't really care what you do. Each of them has their own life, their own problems and worries. They also think that the world revolves around them. They do not think only about you and do not look for your mistakes and where you went wrong.

It may have upset you. But, on the other hand, in this way you are freed from the anxiety that everyone is looking at you.

Image of Son of Groucho (license).

6. Know yourself and what you want from life.

In order to gain even more confidence in your abilities, you must get to know yourself. Engage in self-knowledge. Find out what you are really afraid of. Fail, so you will understand that they are not so scary. As you gain experience, become stronger and find inner peace. After trying everything available, you will find what you really like.

When you understand who you really are and what you want from life - not what you want according to the people around you - you will believe in yourself and in your strengths.

What people say and think about you will almost cease to excite you, because you will know what you are better than they are. And when you have a rich experience, when you spend a lot of time on self-knowledge and on growing spiritually, you will trust yourself and your strengths more than anyone else. You will become strong and self-sufficient.

Of course, this will happen over time. You may even need a lot of time. Therefore, you must start right now.

Of course, we know that water does not flow under a lying stone; in order to get or change something, something needs to be done. In this article, I just want to suggest that you do something that will help you overcome low self-esteem and begin to form a sense of self-confidence, a positive self-perception.

You need to understand that these steps are not a one-time pill, but a process of working on yourself, which will take time and organize your efforts to significantly improve your life. This new thinking of yours will change for the better communication with close people, colleagues, will facilitate the perception of events, will allow you to stop mentally "getting stuck" in difficult situations and evaluate yourself more favorably.

Fifteen Steps to Self-Confidence

Do not attribute negative traits to yourself: “fool”, “stupid”, “bad”, “unlucky”, “incapable”, “nasty”, etc. To do this, you can make a list of all the abusive words that you say to yourself in order to know “the enemy in the face” :-). And every time such a word or thought wants to come true, you will remember that you no longer scold yourself.

2. Feelings of guilt and shame are bad companions in life.

They significantly impair the quality of our lives, hinder our progress, steal our time and energy. Tell them "stop", save it for later. If this is still difficult to do, try to allocate a specific time of the day for "suffering", for example, 30-60 minutes from 18.00 to 18.30. Or as much as it is not a pity to kill time for it.

3. Identify honestly your strengths and weaknesses.

In this step, it will be good to analyze all your achievements, starting from childhood, and determine those qualities that made these achievements possible. Make a list of these qualities and reflect on how they can help you solve your current problems at the present time.

4. Now you can formulate the real goals of your life.

Those. real, and not invented or imposed on you by someone, then what you want is exactly what you want. Despite the fact that it may not seem too grandiose from the position of significant others. Formulate a minimum and maximum program. To do this, think and write what is valuable to you in life, what you believe in, how you would like to live.

Our values ​​are the main motivators of our achievements and goals. They “indicate” what is really important for us, what we are ready to invest in, in which direction to move. Assess where your goals are and determine how you can tell when progress is being made.

5. Stop blaming yourself for everything.

Do not look for the causes of events in your shortcomings. Believe me, you are not so omnipotent and neither are your shortcomings! :-) Please note that there are physical, social, economic, political and natural aspects of situations that affect you and your life. Remember this every time you "pull" to take responsibility, for example, for someone's behavior or ... for the tsunami in Thailand :-).

6. Reflect on the fact that any event can be evaluated from a different point of view!

Objective reality is not at all what each of us individually sees and interprets. What we used to call reality is just the result of an agreement between people. An agreement to call things by certain names. A view from such a position will allow you to be more tolerant and philosophical towards people, to be more generous to yourself. Do not hang labels: "this is unfair", "humiliating", "men / women do not behave like that", etc. because of which we like to worry, get angry and torment ourselves.

7. Don't let others criticize you by getting personal.

You have the right to give feedback to the person, explaining that you do not want to keep the conversation in this format. You will not discuss your personal qualities in a negative context. While your actions may be subject to evaluation. Especially when it's constructive criticism, as it can be used for your own good.

8. Analyze your past, figure out what led you to the current state of affairs.

Often, as adults, we blame our parents, teachers, or someone else for our failures. We hold on to our past, do not let go of it, although the past is no more.

Of course, when we were small and defenseless, many people could offend us and offended us. Of course, parents and other significant people often have too much influence on the child, suppressing his naturalness and forming a negative attitude towards themselves. Dealing with the consequences of these influences is not so easy.

In these cases, there is a reason to turn to a psychologist. But I am writing a self-help technique, so I propose to look at the negative moments of our past from a different angle. Now, when we are adults, we can not look back at our parents and take responsibility for our lives in our own hands.

Now that you are an adult, you can make choices about how to live and what to do. Decide what your adult life will be like. Because now you are strong and big. You can hit back the offender, physically or psychologically. You are no longer the little child who is so dependent on all-powerful parents.

You have a lot of available resources: information (Internet, books, press, trainings, seminars, etc.), physical (autonomy and independence in movement and self-care), human (the ability to get help from any specialists, other people), financial (an adult can earn), temporary (the ability to independently plan your time). And I want you to think about it carefully. And you made your choice of an adult, today you have this opportunity.

9. Pay attention to the fact that some defeats are good luck.

Thanks to other defeats, you can draw conclusions about false goals, reconsider the concept, determine whether you are spending your strength in the right direction. And so to avoid larger disappointments and troubles.

10. Do not put up with circumstances, activities and people that make you feel inferior.

If, despite efforts to change yourself or them enough to feel confident, you do not succeed, it is better to look for other places and roads. Life is too short to waste it on gloom!

11. Start practicing your communication.

Communication is an opportunity to exchange energy, emotions and information with completely different people who are different from each other. Imagine that these and other people, just like you, may experience fear and insecurity, try to help them. Decide what you can give people and what you want to receive from them. Let others know that you are open to such an exchange: smile, compliment, praise, talk.

12. Allow yourself to relax.

Learn to listen to yourself, to your desires, feelings, sensations. Set aside regular time for yourself to be alone with yourself in order to gather your thoughts, hear yourself, and understand yourself better. Take care of yourself in small steps: Every morning, ask yourself what you want today. It can be the smallest thing, for example, take a walk, make yourself a beautiful tasty sandwich, do gymnastics or buy some small change.

13. Try not to constantly use strategies to avoid failure, guarding your "I".

Try to challenge and accept the challenge of growing up and moving forward. Staying idle and isolated is not the best choice.

Learn to give feedback to people, say what you like and what you don't, but do it calmly, specifically and on time. Use "I-statements", without accusations and claims to the other. Do not accumulate resentment, because often their reasons lie in our expectations about the behavior of other people, which are not justified.

Think about how realistic your expectations are. Stop fantasizing that others should guess everything themselves, understand and feel everything. The shortest way to get what you want to ask for it. But what about the fear that they will refuse? :-) Remember how many times you were refused? It’s just that we carefully “collect” refusals in a special basket and do not remember all the other times when we received what we needed. Many simply do not ask, so as not to be refused. When you have bounce statistics, then argue with me!

14. Think about your goals and choose for yourself a few serious distant goals, on the way to which it is necessary to achieve smaller and intermediate goals.

Outline what means, resources you need in order to take these steps and come to these results. Estimate where you can get these resources, get, ask, etc., what needs to be done for this. "Spread the nets" more widely, look for different options. Praise yourself for every step you take, because it leads you to the goal. You have done the work and you can be proud of yourself, even if this is just the beginning of the journey.

15. Imagine yourself as a person who, having matured, already has a lot of experience.

You have gone through and been able to overcome a huge number of difficulties. You grew up and learned to walk, although it was very difficult. You resisted and persevered in difficult situations, defended yourself, fought, achieved. We graduated from high school having overcome an endless whirlpool of difficult events, conflicting requirements, psychological pressure and stress.

You accepted and challenged, relying on your strengths and capabilities, all the while moving forward. Think about the fact that you are not at all a helpless and weak creature, but an active person who managed to survive and win. And these are not grandiloquent words, because starting from the very beginning of the birth of your life, supported by the powerful forces of nature, you developed and were born, despite the numerous dangers that lie in wait, which means you won!

Starting to do something new, it is difficult to cover everything at once, so I suggest that you move forward progressively, but surely, mastering slowly, step by step, each point. Give yourself plenty of time, be calm and patient. You can choose the items you want to start with, there is no need to move in chronological order. Taking one or more steps will bring about positive change, sooner than you think. Take action by praising yourself for your smallest successes.

It is impossible to develop courage and confidence overnight. If a person asks: how to gain self confidence- it is impossible to give a definite answer.

First you need to understand the root of the problem and only then start working on yourself. There are several effective methods that should be carefully studied. Where to get self-confidence?

How to raise a woman's self-esteem? Learn about it from ours.

What it is?

This complex concept, including various spectrums of behavioral, intellectual and emotional components.

Confidence in psychology is considered the ability to deal with fears and doubts.

The ability to interact with society, without fear to express one's point of view, beliefs, not to be afraid of criticism.

Specialists also understand certainty as the ability of a person to take responsibility for their behavior and actions. This is a property of the personality, its core is a positive assessment of one's own abilities.

What is a self-confident person like?

Confident people always know what they want to achieve set high goals and achieve them. They are open, self-sufficient, successful. Feel comfortable in society.

They do not try to please someone, they do not care what others think of themselves. Such people are guided by internal guidelines. They don't need outside approval to start something new.

According to psychologists, self-confident people make important decisions easier. They do not weigh themselves down and boldly go forward. The world is being explored. Such people strive to develop and improve. They find plenty of room for growth and are not afraid of change.

Gestures of a confident person:

What are the reasons for the uncertainty?

Uncertainty does not arise suddenly. She formed over the years. The following factors contribute to its appearance:

1. Children's settings. In the distant past, man often faced failure. As a child, he lost in games, endured bullying peers. Parents could talk about their child's lack of talent. These attitudes led to the formation of fears, unrest,.
2. The importance of the opinions of others. Some people put too high the opinion of society, believing that their own formulations are always wrong. There is a comparison with more intelligent, talented people. It may seem to an individual that he will never reach such heights.
3. Unsuccessful experience. If at the very beginning of a career the work was not evaluated in the best way, only mistakes were pointed out to a person, he will consider himself not smart enough, he will see only shortcomings. Work in the future they will be evaluated less qualitatively. He will stop believing in himself.
4. Family. The imposed opinion of close people. If parents, spouse, children point only to the shortcomings of a person, he begins to withdraw into himself, ceases to see positive aspects in himself. He undoubtedly trusts close people, therefore he refuses to believe in their wrongness to the end.
5. Lack of meaning in life. Some people have not studied themselves, they don’t fully know what they like and what they don’t. Their meaning of life is not formed. For this reason, the individual cannot openly express his positions and views. He is tormented by doubts. He didn't know what was really important to him.

Low self-esteem can be born even from minor situations to which a person at first did not attach any importance. Repeated failure only reinforces negative attitudes, which are then difficult to get rid of.

Where do complexes come from?

Complexes do not appear from scratch. They are formed from childhood.

In most cases, parents and grandparents are to blame. Without noticing it, they lay complexes in children's heads.

For example, a child asked to buy a toy, but it turned out to be expensive. Mom could answer: "She's not for you, too expensive."

Constantly facing rejection, hearing the phrases “not for you”, “you didn’t deserve it”, “this won’t suit you” lead to the emergence of negative attitudes.

A person begins to perceive himself only from the bad side. When the child grows up, he will think: "This car is for me", "work is not for me." He will feel worse than he really is.

In addition to native people, interaction with society leads to complexes. If one day someone did not like the hairstyle, or physical data, the person was told this directly and in a rude manner, a negative perception of oneself will appear.

In the future, a person will look for confirmation that he has one or another defect. It will seem to him that he is not as handsome as the others, or not as smart.

Evaluation of others especially when a person depends on someone else's opinion, it affects self-esteem in the worst way. A person withdraws into himself, ceases to notice dignity in himself.

The main causes of complexes are mockery from others, insults, rudeness. Evil words in relation to the individual, ridicule of certain qualities - a direct path to the creation of complexes.

Reasons for low self-esteem and self-doubt in this video:

How to increase self-esteem?

How to develop self-confidence? Do not think that self-esteem can not be changed You will have to endure fears and anxieties all your life.

In fact, also like self-esteem is quite possible.

Psychologists have developed effective methods that really lead to amazing results..

How is a Dembo-Rubinstein self-assessment study conducted? find out right now.

Tablets

How to build self-confidence with medication? There are no pills for gaining confidence. Psychologists say that you can not drink medicine and become confident. This is achieved gradually, by studying oneself.

Although there are no pills to give confidence, there are drugs to relieve anxiety and excessive anxiety:

• valerian extract;
• Motherwort Forte;
• Novo-Passit;
• Afobazole;
• Glycine.

They take drugs only after consulting a specialist, who prescribes the dosage and duration of administration.

Will pills help to feel self-confidence? These drugs help a person become calm, balanced. He is not visited by anxiety and irritability. However, to raise self-esteem, you will have to solve the issue not with the help of pills.

Confidence Building Books

How to believe in yourself? Reading books is one of the best ways to build self-esteem and build self-confidence.

They help a person solve the problem yourself without the help of specialists.

• Tony Buzan "Teach Yourself to Think".
• Anthony Roberts Secrets of Self-Confidence.
• Smith Manuel J.
• Klyuchnikov S.Yu. "The Art of Self-Management".
• Andrew Matthews "Happiness here and now".
• Og Mandino "Choice".
• Vladimir Salamatov "Cure for self-doubt".
• Susan Jeffers "Be afraid, but act!"

It is important not just to read books, but to analyze new information. You should think carefully about everything, write down motivating quotes in a notebook and read them every day. It will also help you become more confident.

Films that raise self-esteem

How to gain self-confidence? Movies will help to cope with internal fears and experiences. It's hard to pick just one. There are a number of films that build self-confidence:

• "Dangerous Minds"
• "Forrest Gump".
• "Good Will Hunting"
• "The Pursuit of Happyness".
• "Peaceful Warrior"
• "The Incredible Life of Walter Mitty".

The main characters of these films anyway encountered difficulties, condemnation of others. They did not stop believing in themselves even in the most difficult moments, thanks to this they came to success.

How to stop being afraid of a fight? you will find on our website.

How to become self-confident? The main component of confidence:

No confidence: what to do in yourself? To overcome complexes, to become self-confident, you need to listen to the advice of a psychologist:

1. You should remember your merits. You need to understand that you can find many positive traits in yourself.
2. Do not listen to pessimists, skeptics who say that nothing will come of it. They cannot know it. A person is capable of much, if he really wants it. No need to depend on someone else's opinion.
3. Stop thinking that others notice only flaws. People around notice a lot of virtues, strive to make friends. Not everyone is critical and negative.
4. We need to get rid of perfectionism. Some people are determined to achieve the ideal, they do everything possible for this, they invest a lot of energy. You should not torture yourself, work excessively to achieve the ideal. He is unattainable. Working on yourself will not hurt for development, but you should not overwork yourself.
5. There is no need to be too humble and reserved. This is sometimes mistaken for pride and arrogance, which makes it difficult to find friends.

If at first it is not possible to achieve the desired result, confidence does not come, it should be portrayed.

When a person will pretend to be confident and bold over time it really will. This is an effective method that has helped many people in practice.

Courage Exercises

It is better to start from this day, set yourself up in a positive way.

Praise yourself for your successes and accomplishments. When looking in the mirror, you should blow a kiss to yourself.

Helps develop courage "Confident Breath". To do this, close your eyes, calm down, sit comfortably.

It should be imagined that the air is saturated with confidence and with each breath a person is filled with it. Breathing can be rhythmic, relaxed, or intense. A person chooses the rhythm of breathing himself. The exercise lasts 3-5 minutes.

An effective exercise in which you need to write down your pluses and achievements on a piece of paper. You need to think carefully, you can write down the answers in the form of a table. This will help you understand yourself better.

Training to learn how to behave and speak confidently

How to remove complexes and love yourself?

For training "Ball" A person will need the help of relatives and friends. You need to stand in a circle, throw the ball to each other, or pass around in a circle, saying compliments. This will help you open up and stop worrying.

Training "Strong-weak". A person is invited to write on a piece of paper the features of a strong and successful person, and then the complete opposite - a weak and unsuccessful one. You can depict these people, their walk, behavior.

Training "Life Attitudes". You should think about your desires, goals. Then, on a piece of paper, write down tips for yourself to achieve them. Every morning a piece of advice is read.

positive attitude

Most successful people optimists.

They smile and are friendly. It is a pleasure to spend time in their company, to communicate with them.

In order to become self-confident and successful, you should accustom yourself to positive perception of reality.

Before going outside in the morning, you should listen to light, cheerful music. You can read jokes. This will help you deal with difficulties more easily. In a gloomy mood, all the problems seem more grandiose than they really are.

It is quite possible to form self-confidence, but this will require the efforts of the person himself. It is necessary to perform special exercises, follow the advice of psychologists, understand yourself. Gradually disappear fears and worries, build confidence in yourself and your abilities.

How to overcome self-doubt? 5 ways to regain your confidence: