Communication that does not require personal emotional involvement. Emotional involvement and splashing. But what prevents people from saying ordinary and understandable things?

Emotional involvement makes it difficult for people to think logically and soberly in assessing situations. We assess the situation not only from specific current facts, but also on the basis of our previous experience of interacting with these acting factors (other people and phenomena). Our attitude to the specific actions of specific people is biased, especially in terms of explaining the motives (he did it to my evil or is trying to harm me). Situations can be very diverse, both business and interpersonal. In clinical cases, "the rain is bad for me."

It is very difficult to abstract from emotions and start operating only with facts (and even in conditions of a lack of facts), therefore, consciously or unconsciously, people turn to other people for help to assess a specific situation. Precisely because our (most often a good friend) consultant does not have emotional involvement in a specific situation in a specific environment, and therefore can soberly interpret and explain what is happening. In 90 percent of cases, the advice of our friend is “don't screw yourself up, calm down”, and it applies equally to women and men. Unless the basic level of a woman's emotional involvement is an order of magnitude higher, they often need such consultations, and this is where the main problem lies, that after a few consultations the consultant himself becomes emotionally involved and begins to give advice on how “we can figure out what crap you are with that bitch” - there is a positive feedback, the woman's friends and relatives do something completely insane and illogical, which men talk about in horror for a long time (more often, alas, in the context of why we broke up).

Men, as I wrote above, are also prone to emotional involvement, although they try to interpret any things directly. Like, in the subway, they stepped on their feet by accident, a black cat crossed the road - it's just a cat crossed the road, a sausage dreamed at night - it's just a sausage, and so on. That is, the facts are interpreted by men in their literal sense and are never thought of. If a girl on the street smiled, it means that she urgently wants to have sex with you, and if she didn’t smile, then she wants you to have sex with her, but she is embarrassed to say so. As you can see, male logic is flawless if it is not interfered with by women.

An interesting fact is that most of the successful businessmen or just high-ranking executives are just people with little emotion (in a work environment) - including women. That is, look at the same Merkel or Margaret Thatcher, or Condoleezza Rice and Hillary Clinton - even the smiles are absolutely artificial, behind which there is strong will and logic. And compare with our women politicians, and so our women in the full sense of the word are emotional, lively and unpredictable (more beautiful by an order of magnitude and this is not even discussed, look at the State Duma deputy - if Snowden would have fled to Russia from the NSA after the first broadcast of the plenary meeting). For the success of the business, I would invite Merkel and Rice to replace them, if I manage to hunt them down (the latter is out of work, by the way, such personnel disappear).

So what am I talking about? Yes, in principle, I just wanted to state my next chauvinistic thought that the lesser basic emotional involvement of men allows them to assess the situation much more soberly and make decisions. There is only one drawback that this male megalogic does not include the understanding of women (because they have completely non-linear logic), so you have to study the female one and try to generalize it. Alas, women are one of the most powerful emotional factors for men (and it is urgent to prohibit women's tears as a weapon of mass destruction) and this prevents men from finding reasonable approaches to generalizing this very female logic.

And then I realized that men need their own independent and not amenable to the emotional involvement of women, a consultant, and these are not other men (especially women). Tarapapam! The best choice in this case is a cat. Yes, genius? Every man is obliged to get himself a cat in order to consult with him on communication with women. So you ask your cat - what do you think she meant by ... and in response he looks at you lazily with one eye and doze again ... and you tell him - yes, you are absolutely right, you shouldn't bother yourself, I'll go I'd rather buy myself a new radio-controlled helicopter shooting water.

PS I rent consultant cats, pay hourly, meals at your expense. In no case should the woman be petted, no matter how she asked and persuaded the cat to give it to her knees, until she herself becomes a purring and obedient cat to you.

PSS Women request not to search for hidden meaning and hints in this post, just wanted to be distracted.

Emotions-feelings-living - this is how our Master designated the dominant manifestations of the emotional-sensory body in each counterparty of experience.
Emotions are the fuel to revive the self-consciousness. Thinking about yourself and about the relationship of someone or something with me would be just a dummy if it did not evoke an emotional response and involvement.
Some traditions simply do not admit to their ranks followers whose main way of reacting is emotional. He was considered the "lowest" of all available to man. In the sense - overlapping the ability to learn. The seriousness of the seeker was sometimes determined by such criteria as the absence of an advantage in him, either in the direction of emotions, or in the direction of excessive intellectualization.
Emotions close the way to understanding, knowledge - wise teachers used to say.
Emotional outbursts lead to waste of energy - excessive losses. I have not a single problem, a life task, it is just that relationships were not solved efficiently and rationally when I was overwhelmed by an emotional response.
The absurdity and uselessness of emotional involvement in the virtual world is especially visible - which was clearly seen by me on my example here on the site. This is the height of madness - to respond emotionally to invisible interlocutors, or rather not to them - but to those intentions that you attributed to them. I am sitting here, at the table, in front of the laptop - in comfort and coziness. And the emotions and the body seem to participate in battles - being involved in imaginary battles with invisible imaginary opponents. In the name of what and in the name of what to make this shake-up for the body, create this artificial stress reaction?
Of course, if emotional discharge does not occur in someone's life, then such an alternative in the form of splashing out the emotional charge here on the site is a very good way to achieve this very discharge. Another thing is that this method only strengthens the world of the imaginary character.
I fully agree with Ngo-Ma, who realized that the maximum that can be achieved on the site is an understanding of the view. Removing from deep clues, living the teaching by experience is possible only in a personal meeting.
Therefore, seeing the constant running of the squirrel in the wheel - namely, the emotional involvement in ghostly battles, which did not help self-exploration in any way - I left the site.
It is my deepest conviction that the movement of understanding, awareness and true self-examination is possible only where there is an atmosphere of acceptance and you allow yourself to feel, take risks, explore and uncover deep clues and fixations, which are sometimes very painful. Here, in an unsafe atmosphere, it is simply impossible - unless, of course, you are a kamikaze. What kind of idiot would open up - risking being punched in a sore spot? Therefore, such "communication", as here, psychologists call communication "defenses", during which, after repeated attacks on the ego-consciousness, these very defenses are even more strengthened.
Moreover, by spending energy on this vicious habit of being on the site with emotion, I was simply wasting valuable time that was usually used more judiciously. Finding here practically did not bring useful results in the form of deepening self-understanding or awareness of clues. Pointing endlessly to my commits did not result in them being re-conditioned.
In this regard, once again noticing my emotional involvement, the renewal of old ways of reacting, I draw a conclusion, exclusively for myself, about the complete uselessness of spending time here. This does not mean that such an experience will not be useful for someone. And this does not mean that I will re-condition myself with this text and suddenly stop reacting, getting involved and writing here on the site. I only note for myself the inefficiency of endless stay in the virtual world in the matter of self-exploration. I am stating the current state of affairs, which may lead to the search for more effective ways of self-study.
And one more observation. In psychology, there is the phenomenon of "splashing". So, after the meeting, it is still desirable to spend the energy received from the Master on self-exploration, and not on supporting the usual functioning of their usual ways of responding. Which is exactly what happened in my case. So, it seems to me that the energy of the Master allowed Clarity to appear a little in me, or rather, I became aware of clarity at some hundredth of a percent. However, out of stupidity, I leaked almost all of it here on the site in some silly, useless skirmishes.
Of course, a lot of time will pass until the student grows wiser. But I realized that I could not afford to both waste the energy brought from satsang and waste it on imaginary skirmishes with thought "enemies."

Sensitivity to adult influences reflects the child's desire and readiness to perceive his influences and respond to suggestions. Sensitivity is manifested in the child's response to an adult's appeals (takes the proposed object, accepts help, tries to imitate or imitate the actions of an adult, responds to praise and censure), as well as in the alternation of proactive and responsive actions, in the coordination of one's own actions with the actions of an adult.

A child's emotional involvement in communication reflects the degree of his interest in interacting with an adult, pleasure in communication, and desire to prolong it. This parameter is manifested in the emotional coloring of the child's communicative acts, the number of distractions from communication.

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Emotional involvement in communication

Sensitivity to adult influences reflects the child's desire and readiness to perceive his influences and respond to suggestions. Sensitivity is manifested in the child's response to an adult's appeals (takes the proposed object, accepts help, tries to imitate or imitate the actions of an adult, responds to praise and censure), as well as in the alternation of proactive and responsive actions, in the coordination of one's own actions with the actions of an adult.

A child's emotional involvement in communication reflects the degree of his interest in interacting with an adult, pleasure in communication, and desire to prolong it. This parameter is manifested in the emotional coloring of the child's communicative acts, the number of distractions from communication.

The preferred form of communication reflects, firstly, the level of development of the communicative need, secondly, the degree of its tension and satisfaction, and thirdly, the nature of the previous communicative experience. An infant whose need for the attention and kindness of an adult is formed, but not sufficiently satisfied, predominantly strives for situational-personal communication in the same way as a child who has not yet formed a need for cooperation with an adult. An infant whose need for attention and benevolence is formed and satisfied sufficiently, who has begun to gain experience of cooperation with an adult, usually strives for situational-business communication. A child who has insufficient communication experience and a weakly expressed communicative need often prefers solitary activity with objects. A child with rich experience of situational-personal and situational-business communication easily agrees to any form of communication, usually initiates situational-business communication, and plays independently with pleasure.

Thus, diagnostic situations should provide for the child's ability to choose a type of activity and communicate with an adult, show initiative in communication, sensitivity to various communicative influences of an adult and attitude towards them, demonstrate mastery of means1. Comprehensive observation of children in natural conditions was carried out according to the scheme proposed by Yu.A. Afonkina and G.A. Uruntaeva in the manual for students of pedagogical institutes, students of pedagogical schools and colleges, kindergarten teachers "Practical work on child psychology." The scheme and tables of observation results were observed by us.

Objective of the observation: Determination and study of communication culture skills in older preschool children in the experimental and control groups

Conducting research. Children are monitored in natural conditions. The data are recorded in the protocols according to the selected parameters. During observation, we determined the following criteria for the levels of development of interpersonal communication in children:

1. High level - the child shows attention to a peer, addresses by name, uses a benevolent tone; on his own initiative (without reminding adults) greets, thanks a peer and says goodbye to him; in conflict situations, does not offend the interlocutor (he tries to resolve the conflict himself or asks for help from an adult); the child knows how to negotiate, listens to the opinions of other children; understands the emotional state of the interlocutor and takes it into account.

2. The average level - the child does not always show attention to peers, does not always address by name, rarely notices the mood of another child, does not always greet and say goodbye, does not use polite words enough; equal relationships prevail; the child does not always listen to the opinions of other children, is not always ready to compromise and negotiate with other children; understands the emotional state of the interlocutor, but rarely takes it into account.

3. Low level - the child very rarely addresses by name, does not take into account the opinion of other children; when communicating with peers, an openly negative, selective relationship prevails; the child does not know how to negotiate, does not listen to the opinion of children; does not understand the emotional state of the interlocutor; the child does not own speech patterns, does not know how to answer questions and ask them, does not know how to listen to the interlocutor, to enter into a dialogue in a timely manner and end the conversation

2. Methodology "Guess the emotion"

The purpose of the method: to study the understanding of the emotional states of the people depicted in the picture (Uruntaeva G.A.). We have made 6 pictures depicting children who have a pronounced emotional state: surprise, joy, anger, fear, sadness, indifference; as well as 5 plot pictures depicting positive and negative actions of children.

Conducting research. The study was carried out in two series. In the first, the child was sequentially shown pictures depicting children, asked: "Who is depicted in the picture? What state does the person in this picture experience? When does a person usually experience this state? What does he do? How does he feel? How did you guess about it? Describe the picture. ".

In the second series, the child was consistently shown plot pictures and asked the questions: "What are the children doing? How do they do it? (Amicably, quarreling ...) How did you guess? Which of them is good? Who is bad? How did you guess?"

The children's understanding of the emotional state of the interlocutor is assessed according to the following criteria: high level, average level, low level.

High level: the child coped with the task: accurately names all the emotions shown in the pictures and correctly characterizes the state of the person experiencing the indicated emotion; the child easily understands the mood of people, differentiates their actions, and evaluates actions.

Intermediate level: the child did not cope with all the tasks: he does not always correctly name the emotions depicted in the pictures and characterizes the state of a person experiencing this emotion; the child does not quite understand the mood of people, differentiates and evaluates their actions is not always correct.

Low level: the child did not complete the task: in most cases, he incorrectly names the emotion shown in the picture and cannot characterize the state of the person experiencing this emotion; the child does not understand the mood of people, does not correctly differentiate and evaluate their actions and actions.

3. Sociometric analysis

The purpose of sociometric analysis: Determination and identification of the mutual electoral relations of children; determination of the status position of each child in the group, determination of the level of well-being of relationships in the group.

In sociometric analysis, we used the following methods:

1. "Two houses",

2. "Captain of the ship",

3. "The method of verbal choices"

We have taken these techniques from the book by B.S. Volkova and N.V. Volkova "Research Methods in Psychology" and GA manuals. Uruntaeva and Yu.A. Afonkina "Workshop on Child Psychology". All the schemes, tables of results, illustrations proposed in these manuals were observed by us.

Study preparation. Prepare a sheet of paper with a picture of two houses (one of them is beautiful, red, and the other - nondescript, black) for method No. 1 and a picture of a ship or a toy boat for method No. 2 (see appendix).

Conducting research. The study is carried out individually with each child in the group

4. Participated observation in the course of problem situations

As a basis, we took a diagram from G.A. Uruntaenoi and Yu.A. Afonkiyoy "Workshop on Child Psychology". We followed the proposed scheme.

Objective of the participant observation: To study the nature of the emotional manifestations of children during the solution of social problems

Study preparation. Prepare a constructor, paper dolls, envelopes with details of doll clothes, mosaics.

Conducting research. The methodology of the game. Games: "Dress up a doll", "Mosaic", "Builder". A detailed description of the games is contained in the appendix.

Data processing. In all the above problem situations, it is important to note the following indicators of children's behavior, which are assessed on the appropriate scales:

I. The degree of emotional involvement of the child in the actions of the peer. Interest in a peer, heightened sensitivity to what he is doing, may indicate an inner involvement with him. Indifference and indifference, on the contrary, indicate that the peer is an external, distant being for the child.

0 - complete lack of interest in the actions of the svsrstnik (does not pay attention, looks around, goes about his business, speaks to the experimenter);

1- runaway interested people in the direction of a peer;

2 - periodic close observation of the actions of the svergnee, individual questions or comments on the actions of the peer;

3 - close observation and active intervention in the actions of a peer.

II. The nature of participation in the actions of a peer, i.e. coloring of emotional involvement in the actions of a peer: positive (approval and support), negative (ridicule, swearing) or demonstrative (comparison with oneself)

0 - no ratings

1 - negative assessments (scolds, scoffs)

2 - demonstrative assessments (compares with himself, speaks about himself)

3 - positive assessments (approves, gives advice, prompts, helps)

III. The nature and severity of empathy with a peer, which are clearly manifested in the child's emotional reaction to the success and failure of another, censure and praise by adults of the peer's actions.

0 - indifferent - consists in indifference to both positive and negative assessments of the partner, which reflects a general indifferent position in relation to the partner and his actions.

1 - inadequate reaction - unconditional support for the adult's censure and protest in response to his encouragement.

2 - partially adequate reaction - agreement with both positive and negative assessments of an adult. Apparently, this variant of the reaction rather reflects the child's attitude to the adult and his authority and an attempt to objectively assess the result of the partner's actions.

3 - adequate reaction - joyful acceptance of a positive assessment and disagreement with a negative assessment. Here, the child seeks to protect his peer from unfair criticism and emphasize his dignity. This type of response reflects the capacity for empathy and compassion.

IV. The nature and degree of manifestation of prosocial forms of behavior in a situation when the child is faced with the choice to act "in favor of the other" or "in his own favor." If a child commits an altruistic act easily, naturally, without the slightest hesitation, we can say that such actions reflect the intrapersonal layer of relationships; hesitations, pauses, and wasting time may indicate moral self-coercion and subordination of altruistic actions to other motives.

0- refusal - the child does not give in to any persuasion and does not yield to the partner of his details. This refusal, apparently, is the child's selfish orientation, his concentration on himself and on the successful completion of the assigned task;

1- provocative help - observed in cases where children are reluctant, under pressure from a peer, to concede their details. At the same time, they give their partner one piece of the puzzle, clearly expecting gratitude and emphasizing their help, knowingly knowing that one element is not enough, and thereby provoking the next request of a peer;

2- pragmatic help - in this case, the children do not refuse to help their peers, but only after they have completed the task themselves. This behavior has an obvious pragmatic orientation: since the situation contains a competitive aspect, they strive first of all to win this competition and only on condition of their own victory to help their peers;

3- unconditional help - does not imply any requirements and conditions: the child provides another opportunity to use all of its elements. In some cases, this happens at the request of a peer, in some - on the child's own initiative. Here the other child acts not so much as a rival and competitor, but as a partner.

5. Methodology "Study of communication skills" G.А. Uruntaeva and Yu.A. Afonkina

Previously, psychologists prepare silhouette pictures of the image of mittens and two sets of six colored pencils. The study is carried out in two series. In the first series, two children were offered one image of mittens and asked to decorate them, but so that they made a pair, they were the same. The psychologist explained that the children must first agree on which pattern to draw, and only then get to work. Preschoolers were given the same set of pencils. The second series is carried out similarly to the first, but the children are offered one set of pencils, and it is stipulated that the pencils must be shared.

When analyzing the methodology, the following parameters are taken into account:

1. Do children know how to negotiate, come to a common decision, how they do it. What means are used: persuade, persuade. Forcing, etc.

2. How mutual control is exercised in the course of the activity: do they notice each other's deviations from the original plan, how do they react to them.

3. How do they relate to the result of the activity, their own and their partner.

4. Whether mutual assistance is provided during the drawing. How is this expressed.

5. Do they know how to rationally use the means of activity (share pencils in the second series).

The level of development of children's speech skills was given taking into account the assessment criteria: high, medium, low.

High level: The child is active in communication, knows how to listen, understands speech; builds communication taking into account the situation, easily enters into contact with other children and the teacher, clearly and consistently expresses his thoughts, knows how to use forms of speech etiquette. The strength of the sound of the voice corresponds to the norm, the speech is smooth, continuous, the use of unnecessary words is absent. Eye contact with the interlocutor is present, constantly relaxed, comfortable posture when communicating, relaxed gestures adequate to the conversation are used; facial expression indicates interest in communication.

Intermediate level: The child knows how to listen and understands speech, participates in communication more often at the initiative of others. The strength of the sound of the voice does not always correspond to the norm, the speech is smooth, continuous, the frequent use of unnecessary words, a relaxed, comfortable posture when communicating, relaxed gestures adequate to the conversation are used; gestures too often replace each other, sometimes making communication difficult

Low level: The child is inactive and not talkative in communicating with children and the teacher, is inattentive, rarely uses forms of speech etiquette, does not know how to consistently express thoughts, accurately convey their content. Too loud or too low voice, intermittent speech, frequent use of unnecessary words. There is no eye contact with the interlocutor; during communication, the posture is tense, uncomfortable; complete absence of hand and head movements; the absence of any changes in facial expression during a conversation

6. Methodology "Revealing the level of development of dialogical communication of children: Conversation on the proposed situation" (according to EI Radina)

The technique allows you to study the features of dialogical communication in specially organized conversations with children.

For this purpose, contact and trusting relationships with children are established. The conversation is conducted with each child individually and is recorded verbatim. Topics for communication are selected in accordance with the age and interests of children: about friends, family, the child himself, objects and toys, natural phenomena, books, interesting games, activities and other activities). Communication is aimed at identifying the following communication skills in children: the ability to enter into a conversation, support it, ask questions themselves, use forms of speech etiquette, and end a conversation.

Indicators of the development of dialogical communication:

1. Benevolent Communication Tone - Unfriendly Communication Tone

2. Calm communication tone - Shouting communication tone

3. Attentive to the interlocutor's speech - Inattentive to the interlocutor's speech

4. Do not interrupt the interlocutor - Interrupt the interlocutor

5. Use speech etiquette - Do not use speech etiquette

The level of development of children's dialogical communication skills was given taking into account the assessment criteria: high, medium, low.

High level: The child is characterized by complete answers, indicating a desire to enter into communication, ask questions himself, use speech etiquette formulas in a conversation, a friendly, calm tone in communication, attention to the interlocutor's speech

Intermediate level: the child is characterized by incomplete answers of children, indicating a desire to enter into communication, ask questions themselves, use speech etiquette formulas in a conversation, not always a friendly tone of communication, often not attentive to the interlocutor's speech

Low level: the child is characterized by monosyllabic answers indicating an unwillingness or inability to build complete speech structures, ask questions, use speech etiquette formulas in speech; an unfriendly, loud tone of communication, the child is inattentive to the speech of the interlocutor.

2.2 Characteristics of the program for the development of communication with peers in older preschool children through play (formative experiment)

The analysis of the results of the ascertaining stage of the experiment made it possible to develop a program for the development of communication with peers in older preschool children through play.

The purpose of the developmental program is to develop communication between older preschoolers and peers through play.

The goal of the program made it possible to formulate its main objectives:

1. To develop dialogical communication and communication skills of children: mastery of speech patterns to establish contact, ease of contact, the ability to answer questions, the ability to ask questions during a dialogue, the ability to listen to the interlocutor, the ability to enter into a dialogue in a timely manner, the ability to end a conversation.

2. To develop the speech skills of children: enrichment of vocabulary, its diversity; the development of statements; use of forms of speech etiquette; culture of behavior during speech communication.

3. To develop empathic forms of communication and emotional attitude towards a peer; learning the ability to outwardly express their emotional manifestations and correctly understand the emotional state of the interlocutor.

4. To create a positive microclimate in the group, to increase cohesion in the group, to form a sense of belonging to the group, to develop a benevolent attitude towards each other.

On the basis of the goal and the tasks identified by us, the structure of the program for the development of communication between older preschoolers and peers through play was determined. This program consists of three blocks aimed at:

1. Increasing cohesion in the group, creating a positive microclimate in the group. This block includes 10 games, the purpose of which is: bringing children closer to each other; creating a positive microclimate in the group; increasing group cohesion; forming a sense of belonging to a group; developing a friendly attitude towards each other.

2. Development of empathic forms of communication and emotional attitude towards people. This block consists of 17 games aimed at: encouraging children to empathize and empathize with loved ones, friends, peers; the ability to understand the emotional states of people and take them into account; training in the ability to outwardly express their emotional manifestations; expanding and deepening children's ideas about a benevolent attitude towards other people; development of an emotional relationship to a peer; the formation of value attitudes towards the people around them; encouraging children to show attention and care to their peers; teaching the ability to notice the experiences and expectations of peers and loved ones.

3. Development of dialogical communication and communication skills. This block consists of 28 games, the purpose of which is: teaching children to use speech patterns to establish contact, ease of contact; the ability to answer questions, ask questions during a dialogue, listen and understand the interlocutor; training in the ability to enter into a dialogue in a timely manner and end a conversation; development of a culture of communication: the ability to communicate politely with a peer, show attention to a peer, address by name, use a benevolent tone and forms of speech etiquette in addressing a peer, the ability to negotiate with each other; enrichment of vocabulary, its diversity.

In the developed and implemented by us program for the development of communication with peers in senior preschool age through play, the main and main direction is the development of dialogical communication and communication skills (block 3). The other two blocks - the development of empathic forms of communication and emotional attitude towards people, and increasing cohesion in the group, creating a positive microclimate in the group - are propedeutic, i.e. additional to the main block.

Each block contains a certain number of games and game exercises, united by a common target orientation within the block. The program contains 55 games in total. The game material was implemented in a complex manner, with the leading value of the third block. A prerequisite was holding a game from the main block and adding games to it from the first or second propedeutic blocks, or playing games from all three blocks. The developmental program includes a set of games that were held at ICG # 4 in Tula in the course of preparing children for school 2 times a week for 5 months. Games were included in classes on the development of speech, reading, eidetics, partly carried out between classes and during walks. For a more effective development of communication among older preschoolers with peers through play, the following psychological and pedagogical conditions were created:

Creating a positive emotional background in the group during the lesson;

Supporting the interest of children during the games;

Consistent introduction of game material, starting with the ability to listen to the interlocutor, answer questions, make contact, and ending with the ability to master speech patterns to establish contact, the ability to ask questions, to enter into a dialogue in a timely manner, to end a conversation;

Provide mutual understanding, trusting relationships "teacher-children", "child-children", "child-child";

To enrich children's ideas about empathic forms of behavior, culture of verbal communication;

Create an emotional nature of communication between the teacher and children, as well as children with each other;

Take care of the emotional well-being of every child.

The encouraging point in resolving the emotionally-rational dichotomy of human involvement in quality assurance is that progress in this direction can be made before the full emotional involvement of senior leaders of the enterprise occurs. To begin with, it is enough to get them to acknowledge the fact that focusing on quality is a wise and competent policy. The quick start of a comprehensive quality assurance process is very soon becoming an organic part of the business. Or, perhaps, thanks to such a rapid start, it turns into such. This process becomes effective even before it is perceived by all employees on an emotional level. But its implementation requires a critical mass of interested workers, and not always constituting the majority of the team. This critical mass arises when people begin to realize that their perceptions of quality are not up to date. It's easy to be bold in a crowd, but it's much harder to take the risk of being first.

It would be ideal to bring the CEO to the quality issue both emotionally and rationally. But the basis for an organization to choose the right path is the rational approach of most top managers. Having studied the positive experience of other organizations and realizing the benefits of quality assurance for improving the work of their enterprise, its leaders begin to understand CQP and provide its implementation with at least minimal, but obvious support to all. Their emotional involvement will come later. After all, from a pragmatic point of view, it is the behavior of the top leaders that matters, not their inner state.

It is not uncommon that, when it comes to senior leaders, rational involvement in CQP often precedes emotional involvement. But at the level of ordinary workers, it all starts with the latter. People suddenly realize that management intends to empower them to make decisions and significantly, sometimes even radically, expand their ability to exercise control over day-to-day work. This is extremely inspiring for the employees.

After a certain time, when the positive impact of efforts in the field of quality on the activities of companies in general and individual employees in particular becomes obvious, an increasing number of managers begin to feel their own emotional involvement in this process. Leaders feel gratified by the positive impact that quality improvement has on the morale of their subordinates. They take pride in running a competitive organization that always delivers on its commitments. In addition, they are pleased that they are becoming an integral part of the process, which includes many festive events, during which they thank and reward those who have distinguished themselves.

At the same time, the intellectual commitment to CQP on the part of the grassroots employees is growing. They begin to reason like this: “This is all great, but how does it affect the market value of a company's stock? Are we really listening to our consumers' needs? What is the next step required for the evolutionary development of this process? "

Once both emotional and rational commitment to the overall vision (the easy part) and the implementation mechanism (the hard part) of the CQP of employees at all levels are achieved, the pursuit of continuous improvement will become an indispensable part of the corporate culture and an organic part of the organization's mission.

CONSEQUENCES OF CONFIDENCE TO EMPLOYEES

Keeping in mind such popular slogans as “truthful advertising” or “complete openness of organizations”, it should not be forgotten that the ability of management to rely on the ability and goodwill of employees is the most important condition for the implementation of CQP.

If the company managed to involve the entire workforce in efforts to comprehensively improve its activities, then it will simultaneously carry out numerous activities in this direction. In this case, it is almost impossible to manage from above the implementation of many ideas put forward by employees. The trust of managers in subordinates from an act of goodwill that requires a certain amount of courage is gradually turning into an urgent need. The intelligent agreement of leaders to implement CQP opens the gateway to a stream of action that sweeps away managerial uncertainty and hesitation.

During a seminar held by the authors of the book at Baby Bell in 1990, its president stated, "We cannot trust our people." The tense silence in the hall indicated that not everyone agrees with this statement, but the remaining time was devoted to discussing ways to turn staff into trustworthy people. At the same time, with such an attitude towards subordinates, it should not be surprising that the organization was agitated by ethical problems. It became obvious that adjusting the views of the president of the company or replacing him is the main condition under which efforts in the field of quality can become a reality. Obviously, this kind of personality change is extremely difficult. It can be considered an axiom: the more significant the required changes, the more painful they are. It should be borne in mind: only a self-confident person is able to be a real leader. Doubting people can at best count on a managerial position.

For unexplained reasons, we tend to trust strangers more than those we know well. Let us illustrate what has been said. In the morning, going to his office, the typical American executive gets into the car and always uses the brakes. At the same time, he is not at all interested in who assembled the brake system, what language the assemblers spoke. Every time, passing a green traffic light, he is calm, because he is absolutely sure that pedestrians will let it through, since they have to stop when the red light is on for them. When he arrives at the building where his office is located, he parks the car in the executive parking lot and calmly takes the elevator to the same floor where the executive offices are located. He does not even have a thought to find out who and when checked the serviceability of the elevator. Thus, all the way from home to his workplace, this leader trusted his life to dozens, if not hundreds of complete strangers. But, finding himself in completely safe conditions at his own desk, the boss begins to agonizingly doubt whether it is worth delegating the NN employee the right to independently dispose of $ 25, although he has worked for the company for twenty-seven years!

Here's another example from the field of traffic. Imagine that you are driving a car, and there are 12-14 more cars in front of the intersection with a red traffic light. You can see the traffic light from where you are, but when the green light comes on on it, you don't move. Why? Obviously, everyone wants to quickly pass the intersection while the traffic light is open. But nevertheless you are waiting, because the car in front of you has not started yet, waiting for the car in front of it to move, etc. In the end, the entire car queue starts moving. But the further you get from the intersection, the more you have to hurry to make up for lost time spent waiting. However, very few people manage to cross the intersection before the signal switches. Now let's say that all drivers in a similar situation know each other and trust the reactions of all road users. Then seeing

40 green light, you immediately take your foot off the brake pedal and step on the gas. You will be absolutely sure that all the drivers in front of you will do the same. As a result, the entire car queue will jump out of place at the same time and a much larger number of drivers will be able to pass the intersection.

The question is, what does the last example have to do with the quality assurance process? The situation when you wait until a vehicle in front of you, whose driver is unfamiliar to you and whose intentions are unknown to you, does not move, serves as a model for so-called micromanagement. In this form of management, no action is taken until the team from the top management has passed through the entire chain of management. None of the subordinates will lift a finger, not knowing the intentions of their superiors, waiting until they realize the need to act. There is no trust in each other, no one wants to take risks and take responsibility. Only routine actions are performed. It seems that everything in the company is measured and orderly, but there is a high probability of being late and not using the temporarily opened opportunities (figuratively speaking, not having time to pass the intersection at a green traffic light). In the second case, each driver knows that everyone is united by a common goal - to ensure that the maximum number of cars crosses the intersection - and everyone plays according to the same rules (get under way at the green light). In this case, people can start acting simultaneously, but this requires trusting cooperation.

By trusting subordinates, managers actually risk nothing. Basically, employees are well aware of their responsibilities and will never consciously act to the detriment of the organization, because even in conversations at home or with friends, they say: “My company”. The sense of commitment that comes through in this expression is real and can be relied on. As shown by the research of specialists of the quality department, out of the first 25 thousand proposals put forward by employees of Pan Revere Insurance Group, only 11 were not implemented, and none of these ideas lay idle for more than two days. Any manager would appreciate the timely implementation of 24,989 proposals, while easily resigning themselves to 11 temporary setbacks. Likewise, in the first four years of the Quality First program at the Insurance Center, none of the 8,180 employee ideas were rejected.

In interpersonal relationships, I used such parameters as emotional involvement in the activities of another, emotional attitude towards him, i.e. the ability to participate, empathize with a peer, and prosocial behavior.
2.2.1. Emotional involvement in peer activities.

In our study, obtaining material on this parameter was made possible by such techniques as Mosaic, Drawing, Puzzle».

The following scale was used to assess the degree of emotional involvement:

0 points - complete lack of emotional attitude towards a peer, indifference;

1 point - a low degree of emotional involvement (short, fragmentary glances towards a peer);

2 points - the average degree of emotional involvement (the child is carried away by experiences, activities of a friend, but also pays a significant part of attention to his activities);

3 points - a high degree of emotional involvement (the child empathizes with the feelings of a peer, is more busy with his work, sometimes forgetting about his task).

The relationship of children in the experimental situation was assessed using this scale. The results are shown in Table 1.

Table 1.

The degree of manifestation of emotional involvement, in%.

The data obtained allow us to assert that a high degree of emotional involvement prevails in the relationship of first-graders, and in the second grade, the average degree of emotional attitude towards a peer is most pronounced.

During the experiment, it was noticed that children do not always show their attitude towards a peer in a positive way, there were cases of negative attitude towards him even with a high degree of emotional involvement in the activities of a friend. Therefore, such an indicator was singled out as a sign of emotional involvement: positive, neutral and negative manifestations of attention to another in different experimental situations.

We considered the support of another person, complicity, to be positive manifestations. Providing help, hints to a friend, etc. Such children defended their comrade ("Well, why, she can!"), Rejoiced at his successes ("Well, well done, I understood right away!"), Supported him ("Don't worry, I was also worried, and therefore I didn't succeed either." ).

To negative manifestations of emotional involvement, I attributed failure to provide help despite a direct request, frustration due to the success of another, discontent, irony (“Yes, my head is two ears!”), Praise of my successes (“Of course, I did better! "," I did it faster ", etc.), envy.

We considered neutral manifestations that were not of a pronounced character. Such children, as a rule, were passive, reacted weakly to the situation, or simply sat with a smile, but did not take part in what was happening. I separately calculated the number of positive, negative and neutral manifestations in the interactions of children.

These data are presented in Table 2.

Expression of emotional involvement,%.

Such results allow us to speak about an equally high indicator of a negative attitude in the first grade and a positive one in the second grade, i.e. 1st grade students were more often upset because of the success of another, agreed with a negative assessment of a friend's activities, sneered, laughed at his failures, boasted, compared, extolled themselves.

Second-graders, on the contrary, more often defended their comrade when censuring an adult, rejoiced at the success of another, supported him.

Methods reflecting the nature of the attitude to the actions of a peer - "Mosaic", "Drawing", "Puzzle".

To assess the nature of the relationship to a peer, we identified 2 types:

1 - the nature of the relationship of the type of complicity, empathy: this included adequate reactions to the praise and censure of a comrade (joy of luck and grief at the mistake of another, protection), an offer of my help (“I can give you a pencil if you want!”), Advice (“ You can paint orange instead of red "), as well as active positive participation in the activities of a friend, providing support (Yes, this is a difficult task! But don't worry, next time you will definitely succeed!");

2 - the nature of the relationship by the type of competitiveness: children with this type of attitude towards a peer gave inadequate reactions to the praise of another (upset) and to the censure of a peer (agreed with a negative assessment), ignored the difficulties of a friend, did not provide assistance to another who was in a difficult situation when performing tasks, even with a direct request for help, often out of fear that a friend will complete the task better, faster, because of the unwillingness to lose.

The results for these indicators are shown in Table 3.

The nature of the relationship to a peer, in%.

As can be seen from Table 3, both in the first and in the second grades, the competitive nature of the attitude towards the peer was equally high, which means that children more often showed inadequate reactions to the praise and censure of another, refusal to provide assistance, etc. Prosocial actions sometimes turned out to be out of fear that a friend would be more successful (he would collect faster, draw better).

2.2.3. Prosocial behavior of children.

This indicator of the interpersonal relations of children was revealed in the methods "Gifts", "Drawing", "Puzzle".

Prosociality of behavior is expressed in the child's ability to perform actions in favor of another. Such actions are aimed at a peer, which speaks of the priority of the comrade's interests, of the perception of his experiences as his own. Such a child either gives all his gifts to others, or shares his things, gives up a queue, pencils, etc. to his friend, takes proactive actions in difficult situations, provides assistance and support.

When a child does not know how to act in favor of another, when he does not want to share and leaves all the gifts for himself, does not give in at all or gives in, but only for his own benefit, does not help and does not pay attention to the helplessness of a friend, when he is concentrated only on his task - this is may indicate the priority of one's own experiences and the focus of actions on oneself.

Thus, in the parameter of prosociality of behavior, 2 indicators stand out:

The results obtained for two types of directivity are presented in Table 4.

Table 4.

Prosocial behavior of children, in%.

Thus, in the first grade, we have a greater severity of the number of actions directed toward oneself, while in the third grade, an increase is observed in terms of the direction of actions toward a peer. This may indicate that for first graders, their own activities and experiences are more significant, and for third graders, the activities and experiences of a friend.

In the first and second grades, there was some instability in the decision on the disposal of gifts and exposure to external influences of the fact of decision-making. At the beginning, such children said: “I really need erasers!”, “I will definitely eat sweets, they are delicious!”, But after a certain amount of time, due to some reason, they changed their mind: “Well, in general, I can to give one ”,“ Maybe I’ll give it to my brother / sister ”,“ If they ask, I will, of course, give it back ”. As a result, socially approved actions were performed in these and some other situations.
2.2.4. Relationship types.

1. Competitive type of relationship.

A characteristic feature of the behavior of such children is that they solve most of the problem situations in their favor. There is a demonstration of their advantages (“Look how beautiful I am!”), Comparison with self-exaltation (“I think I did better!”), Irony about the abilities of a peer (“Yes, my head is two ears!”). Actions are mostly

directed at themselves, in rare cases - at a friend. At the same time, interest in him is mostly weakly expressed, and emotional involvement is predominantly negative.

Often, the reaction to the praise and censure of another is inadequate - the child supports the experimenter in a negative assessment ("Indeed, he does not succeed at all"), does not agree ("It seems to me that he is doing badly and very slowly") or demonstratively does not pay attention to the praise of a peer, turns his head away. Actions in favor of a friend are sometimes performed for their own benefit (“I’ll give you a pencil, but you give me a green one, I’ll need it”). Such children may not pay attention to requests for help.

They are happy to play the role of a checker, they scrupulously check each element of a friend's drawing with a sample and make a lot of comments on this (“Something is crooked. the side turns. You have a completely different drawing and not very neat "). The introduction of a competitive motive in solving tasks sharpens the desire to compete. When the children were told that the task was being completed temporarily, they tried their best to make it faster and better, which they tried to emphasize (having completed the task somewhat more successfully than his friend, Anton jumped for a long time and shouted: "Hurray! I won! I am faster!").

2. Compassionate type of attitude.

The main feature of the behavior of such children is the presence of a sufficiently high degree of emotional and practical involvement in the activities of another, which has a positive connotation. These children sympathize with their peers, emotionally support him (“Don’t worry when you worry - your hands are shaking, so you don’t succeed exactly, I did it too!”), Give advice (“Try to swap these parts, and you don’t rush , think carefully "), strive to help (" I have already assembled such a puzzle. You know how I trained. If you want, I will help you "). Action and interest in most cases is directed at a peer.

Such guys treat the censure and praise of their peers adequately, rejoice at his success (“Yes, well done, I told you that everything will work out”) and upset about mistakes (“You were a little unlucky, probably you were given little time”).

Sometimes they compare and evaluate the performance, but do not affect the personality of the peer. Participation in the competition of these children is of little interest; often, by the end of the task, they completely forget about the condition of time, as well as about the role of the inspector. Mostly they pay attention to what worries a friend, rather than whether the task was completed correctly and for how long.

3. Unstable type of relationship.

A distinctive characteristic of children with this type of relationship to a peer is that they do not have a specific strategy of behavior in the experiment. It constantly fluctuates - in some cases, the behavior is participatory, sympathetic, in others, it is competitive. There is a constant maneuvering and adjustment to the situation and the peer, as evidenced by the predominant number of actions aimed at a friend.

For example, often such children, when they censure the actions of a peer to adults, agree with a negative assessment, but after praise or the success of a friend, they rejoice for him.

These children observe their peers with interest, but they never forget about their own task, they have a tendency to think over a solution. They are in no hurry to express or emotionally color their attitude towards another (they shrug their shoulders in response, pretend to be insecure), the involvement here has an unstable expression.

Perhaps this type of relationship to a peer for some part of children would be more correct to call labile, because their behavior was often dictated not so much by uncertainty as to how to act, as by caution and sensitivity, which allowed them to restructure their behavior in accordance with

the requirements of the situation.

So, for example, these children share and offer their help to a friend, while counting on the fact that a peer in a similar situation will act in relation to him in the same way.

4. Normative type of relationship.

The main feature of this type of relationship is an orientation towards observing various rules and norms (educational, behavioral, friendly - how you can and cannot do). These guys evaluate the results of a friend's activity in terms of educational criteria ("You drew something crookedly. You need to draw in the middle of the sheet, and not so high. Do you remember how the teacher told us?"). They are characterized by referring to a sample and comparing it with it ("It is not drawn like that at all in the sample!"), Clarifying from an adult how to make it "more correct", which should not be allowed ("And the drawing should be made exactly the same size or can I draw a larger one?" ). In other words, they feel, as it were, the boundaries within which they are allowed to act. From the same point of view, they also evaluate the activity of a peer, see how carefully he fulfills various requirements.

As a rule, students with this type of attitude are emotionally strongly involved in the activities of another, the severity of such interest is predominantly positive. But the direction of actions and the nature of the attitude towards the peer are unstable and change depending on how the peer acts, how "right".

They can evaluate an act from the point of view of morality, which is often realized in prosocial behavior (they will support a friend in difficult times, help him).

So, Alina, when asked how she should dispose of sweets - eat them herself or will share with someone, answered: “It's not good - being greedy, of course I will share, I can give them all - it's better than being greedy and leave everything to yourself. Then sweets will not bring any joy. "

Age dynamics of individual types of relationship.

Above, 4 types of individual attitudes towards a peer are described, identified on the basis of the material of the experiment. Let us refer to the comparative table expressing the quantitative ratio of individual types in grades 1 and 2.

age groups, in%

As can be seen from the table, at the initial stage of education in the lower grades, the number of children with a competitive type of attitude towards their peers prevails.

The unstable type has the least expression here, the number of students with the sympathetic and the normative type is about the same.

At the end of primary school, the predominant type of relationship is also competitive, but the number of children here decreases somewhat due to the increase in sympathetic and unstable types, the latter at this age are equally common. There are practically no indicators of the normative type.

Thus, the number of children with different types of attitudes towards their peers generally corresponds to the age dynamics described above.

Conclusions on the second chapter.

1. A high degree of emotional involvement prevails in the relationship of first-graders in the experimental situation; in the relationship of third-graders, the most pronounced is the average degree of emotional attitude to a peer.

2. In the first grade, emotional involvement is predominantly negative; more often grieving over the success of another, support of an adult in a negative assessment of a friend's activities, boasting, comparison with self-exaltation. In the second grade, on the contrary, a positive expression of emotional attitude is more often found, i.e. children protect a friend, rejoice at his success, emotionally support, give positive assessments.

3. Both in the first and in the second grades, the competitive nature of the attitude towards a peer was equally high, which means that children more often show inadequate reactions to the praise and censure of another, refusal to provide assistance, etc.

4. In the first grade, the most pronounced indicator of the prosociality of behavior was the focus of actions on oneself, while in the second grade, on the contrary, more actions are performed aimed at a peer. This may indicate that for first-graders, their own activities and interests are more important, and for second-graders, the activities and experiences of a friend are more important.

Conclusion.

The main task of our work was to identify and study the features of interpersonal relationships and communication of primary schoolchildren and the dynamics of these features during the period of primary education.

For this, we used an observation, the results of which showed that:

1. Contacts of 1st grade children are often pointless and meaningless. The main task of these interactions is physical relaxation and rest. While in 2nd grade they have a subject, meaningful and stable.

2. There are few stable relations, friendly couples in the 1st grade, the border between the members of the educational team and other people is poorly differentiated. In the second grade, there are many friendly couples, children who sympathize with each other. There is a sense of community, integrity of the educational team. The children are aware of the place of each student in the class hierarchy.

3. The focus of actions and behavior of first-graders in most cases is dictated by the desire to attract the teacher's attention and focus on his opinion. We can say that grade 2 students in their actions are more oriented towards their peers, towards building relationships with them.

4. Despite a certain egocentricity and orientation of first-graders to a teacher, they can both offer their help to their peers and ask for it. But in such a situation, either a peer who has been praised by the teacher or a friend is preferable. Second-graders willingly help each other; in their desire to help, they may even violate the educational norm (for example, give advice).

5. First-graders to a greater extent show a tendency to carefully observe educational norms and rules, to focus on them in constructing their own behavior and assessing the behavior of others. In the second grade, children are not so rule-oriented. They can already assess the abilities and capabilities of the other by comparing themselves with him.

These facts may indicate a pronounced age-related dynamics of interpersonal relations throughout primary school age. In general terms, it can be viewed as a movement from pronounced competitiveness to cooperation and mutual assistance, from isolation and opposition to a peer to connection and community with him.

If in the first grade another child is an object of comparison and self-affirmation, then for a second grader a peer is a partner in communication and joint activities.

This trend is confirmed by the following facts.

1. A high degree of emotional involvement prevails in the relationship of first-graders in the experimental situation; in the relationship of second-graders, the most pronounced is the average degree of emotional attitude to a peer.

2. In the first grade, emotional involvement is predominantly negative; more often there was disappointment due to the success of another, support of an adult in a negative assessment of a friend's activities, boasting, etc. In the second grade, on the contrary, the positive expression of the emotional attitude is more common, i.e. children protect a friend, rejoice at his success, emotionally support, give positive assessments.

3. Both in the first and in the second grades, the competitive nature of the attitude towards the peer was equally high, which means that children more often show inadequate reactions to the praise and censure of another, refusal to provide assistance, etc. Prosocial actions sometimes turn out to be out of fear that a friend will be more successful (he will collect faster, draw better).

4. In the first grade, the most pronounced indicator of prosociality of behavior was the focus of actions on oneself, while in the second grade, on the contrary, more actions are performed aimed at a peer.

This may indicate that for first graders, their own activities and interests are more priority, and for second graders, the activities and experiences of a friend are more important.

Comparison of the facts allows us to draw analogies between the relationships and communication of children 4-6 and 6.5-8 years old and talk about some cyclicality in the development of relationships at these ages, which consists in the transition from a detached relationship to a partner to communication and community with him. This is where the development of awareness of the "self-image" is manifested. The movement proceeds from isolation, separation of oneself, from awareness of one's capabilities through opposition with others to community and unity, to friendship and connection, which is of great importance for self-realization.

1. A distinctive feature of communication and interactions among children of primary school age is their orientation towards the adoption of norms of behavior. At the beginning of primary school age, normative behavior is guided by the assessment of an adult; by the end of this age, it is internalized and becomes an internal regulator of behavior.

2. Throughout primary school age, interpersonal relationships have their own dynamics, which consists in moving from a competitive attitude towards a peer and focusing on oneself to community with a peer, to increasing selectivity and personal focus on a peer.

3. At each age stage of primary school age, individual variants of attitudes towards a peer are found. At the beginning of education in the lower grades of school, the most common type of attitude is competitive, towards the end - competitive, participatory, unstable types of attitude are presented approximately equally, the number of children with a normative type decreases, which is confirmed by the age dynamics described above.

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