What to do if a child is lying: reasons, methods of education, advice from psychologists. Why does a child lie and what to do? Effective advice from a psychologist Why children lie 10 12 years old

At the age of 10 - 11 years, significant physiological and psychological changes begin in the child's body, which must be taken into account when communicating with the child and parents and teachers.
The vigorous work of the endocrine glands causes the processes of puberty, which affects the work of the whole organism.
The growth of bones and blood vessels does not always correspond to the growth of the heart muscles, therefore, at this age, doctors often record murmurs in the heart of a child. Hormonal restructuring of the body affects the decrease in memory, intellectual abilities of the child. The work of the endocrine glands increases the excitability of the nervous system: the processes of excitation prevail over the processes of inhibition. Adults record increased irritability, irascibility, excessive resentment, harshness in the manifestation of emotions in children of this age.
Negative emotional manifestations in the domestic behavior of children aged 10-12, especially 11 years old, are sharply increasing. The peak of emotional instability falls on the 11th year of life. The behavior seems to be falling apart. In relation to parents, especially to the mother, the child behaves rudely and defiantly. In the expression of emotions, eleven-year-olds go to extremes. The anxieties and fears of these seemingly impudent boys and girls are quite strong and can become a source of internal feelings of unhappiness.

Outside the family, especially in the families of their friends, these children may look very different - friendly, well-mannered and cheerful. At school, there is the greatest unevenness in diligence and success, the lowest level of attentiveness, extreme restlessness, distractibility, forgetfulness, explosiveness and withdrawal into fantasies, “waking dreams”. It is no coincidence that teachers working with this age group often feel like tamers or servants of the menagerie.

A child at this age experiences a carefully hidden from adults, but a very strong need for approval and support. At this age, psychologists note the lowest self-esteem of children, the frequent rejection of themselves, the low value of themselves for themselves.

If in elementary school the leading activity for the child was teaching, and everything related to school affairs was in the center of the child's interests, now the situation is gradually changing. Until this age, the child associated self-assessment with his studies. Studying well means being good. His classmates also judged him by his progress in learning.

Now everything will depend not on how he studies, but on how he will be able to establish himself among his peers. The child begins to fight for his personal status in the classroom, in the yard. Communication becomes the leading activity. Therefore, after school, he has some business with friends, in the evening he cannot be driven home. He calls someone, disappears somewhere and does not consider it necessary to inform his parents about his affairs. "How are you at school" - "Good", "Where are you going?" - "Mom, leave me alone, I'm with the guys."

The child begins to test the boundaries of what is permitted. And sometimes these boundaries are extended to the articles of the criminal code. Therefore, "leave me alone, mother" should be analyzed by parents. And do not be complacent that your son or daughter is friends with "good" guys who will not teach bad things.

The fact is that adults quickly stop paying attention to children who behave well and study diligently, having learned the science of conformity early. What is in his soul? What values ​​does he choose, what beliefs does he appropriate? Under the influence of what emotional experiences do cultural values ​​become facts of consciousness? All this is hidden from the view of adults. Therefore, they sincerely wonder how it was that well-to-do girls from good families brutally beat their classmate?

Those guys who are good at learning "nerds" no longer enjoy the respect of their peers. There is a redistribution of roles: "leader", "neither this nor that", "scapegoat". Everyone has to reinvent themselves.

The main psychological contradiction of this age is the simultaneous desire to be like everyone else, to have what others have, to wear what peers wear, and the need to stand out, be noticed, recognized. The opinion of other guys about him is a motive for working on himself. All this is accompanied by an unformed sense of taste and proportion. Boys assert themselves through friendship with older guys, jargon, smoking, defiant appearance, rudeness or clowning, foolishness, obliging the stronger.

Increased demands for normative behavior can lead to incidents. An adult is no longer an authority. The actions of an adult are analyzed from the point of view of the morality of the reference (significant) group for the child. Of all the values ​​previously imposed on the child by adults, he now begins to choose his own. And these, their own, albeit still vague values, the child begins to defend. He argues with adults, objects to parents, can start a senseless, from the point of view of an adult, argument. Children of this age are not particularly inclined to cooperate with adults.

The middle school meets the child with a variety of requirements, assessments, and labels. What one teacher praises may be criticized by another. And in general, the opinion of teachers and parents is gradually fading into the background. The child enters the "no man's land" (G. Zuckerman's term) in developmental psychology.

The period of self-affirmation is different for everyone. Stubbornness, insisting on one’s own, even if erroneous, opinion, committing actions that are directly opposite to the requirements of an adult - all this has one meaning: to feel one’s own existence, to experience one’s own independence, to know one’s capabilities, their strength and limits, to affirm one’s life authorship - subjectivity. From the variety of moral requirements and norms of society, a teenager chooses those that will later become the basis of his personality - a system of personal meanings.

Consideration should be given to the preparedness of the consciousness of modern children by watching television series and reading romance novels for the possibility of experiencing strong feelings in relation to the opposite sex. At the same time, the polar stratification of interests is observed in girls more strongly than in boys. Among children of this age, with the naked eye, you can see girls who still feel like children, and girls - girls whose interests have long been outside the scope of educational activities. The difference between physical and psychological age is huge. In grades 5-6, the gap in psychophysical age between girls with early sexual development and boys with late development often reaches 6 years. The image of peers as equals turns out to be untenable. Girls are looking for communication with older boys.

A person at this age is actively experimenting with himself. He tests his own abilities in various areas: in communication, in any activity. Tests his courage, attractiveness, willpower. This is a wild and very risky experiment. The child is preoccupied with constantly evaluating himself. For the first time, he begins to think about what qualities of his character help or hinder him in life, tries to correct himself, sometimes not having the necessary knowledge and skills for this.

He becomes interested in psychology. The personal structures of the child are crystallizing, and many social and personal characteristics give grounds for reliable forecasts for 4-6 years ahead.

The tasks of personality development during this period are successful socialization among peers, feeling like a full member of the reference group.
Successful upbringing can be considered that which will give the child the means of this socialization, will help to highlight the effective aspects of the growing personality for communication and will help to correct the shortcomings leading to interpersonal contradictions.

Otherwise, the child’s unsuccessful self-assertion will provoke the development of one of the following types of character:
cruel, strong, aggressive (asserted cruelty in response to cruelty: "all people are bastards!";
cruel, strong, cynical (asserted on the heartless use of human weaknesses: “people are garbage”, “fools carry water”);
weak, hypocritical, vile (asserted due to meanness, deceit, hypocrisy, intrigues: the line of behavior is built depending on the circumstances and the nature of the partner, inferior to the strong immediately, with the weak impudent and cruel);
weak, lost dignity ("six"). Forced to seek a patron and adapt to him. Capable of any crime, if only not to arouse the wrath of the "owner". Lost notions of moral and immoral.

At this age, the child's behavior is determined by two leading needs:
1. The need for communication, which manifests itself in non-business communication in the classroom, children do not disperse for a long time after school, write notes to each other, keep diaries of friends, fill out all kinds of questionnaires.
2. The need for self-affirmation, which manifests itself in the choice of clothes, jewelry, hairstyles, the presence of admirers among girls, video equipment, a computer, prestigious games among boys.

Therefore, it is very important for parents to be able at this age to rebuild their relationship from a relationship of authority - obedience, to a relationship of partnership with a child. Otherwise, the family is waiting for fights and an increase in hostility. Adults need sensitivity and caution in their actions.

Children of this age will feel most comfortable in those families where the child is spared from suffocating parental love, in relations between relatives there is warmth and understanding, combined with clear, jointly developed rules of conduct and fairly strict, but not dogmatic control over their implementation. Parents may reserve the right to control the choice of education and extracurricular activities of the child, but let peers determine the style of clothing and recreation, aesthetic preferences. Children whose parents are either overly authoritarian or overly indulgent show the greatest dependence on peer company.

ADVICE TO PARENTS:
If you want to remain friends with your children, not to lose their trust in this difficult period of their lives, follow the following commandments of family education:
1. Love is patient. How often do we say: "How long can I tolerate the bad temper of my child?" Answer: "Unlimited".
2. Come to the aid of children in difficult life situations for them. But when helping, do not scold the offenders, but help the child figure out why he was in this situation.
3. Do not envy those parents who, in your opinion, have better children than your child. Envy gives rise to aggression towards your child. God gave you such a child, accept this gift with gratitude.
4. Do not reproach the child with the fact that you do a lot for him. It's insulting. Often, when you remind them of their investment in a child, children will respond: “Who asked you to?”
5. Don't deprive your child of freedom of choice. Let him decide what to wear and with whom to be friends. Explain all the prohibitions, motivate the child to think not only about his desires, but also about yours.
6. Do not put yourself above your children. Avoid arrogance and swagger when communicating with your child!
7. The child has not only duties, but also rights. He has the right not to hear insults and humiliation from his parents, has the right to express his opinion and be heard.
8. Don't get irritated. Don't take your frustrations out on your child. When we lose our temper, we lose control of ourselves and lose everything. Irritability is the worst enemy of family education.
9. Know how to forgive and forget. Do not blame the child for the mistakes that he makes. Development is a drama, and our task is not to exacerbate this drama, but to help to survive with the least trauma to the psyche.

And remember the parable of unconditional love:
The mother rocks the baby in the cradle and sings: "I love you, my baby." A few years later, the child is naughty and naughty, and the mother repeats: "I love you, my baby." The son grew up, dyed his hair orange, started smoking, and his mother still tells him: “I love you, son.” And now an adult son at the bedside of a dying mother, shedding tears, whispers: “I love you mom. Only you knew how to love me in any way and always understood. How will I live without you, mother?

Psychologist, founder of the First Children's Academy and the School of Professional Parents, business coach and mother of four (for two with her husband) children, Marina Romanenko talks about the true causes of a baby's tantrum and how to stop a child's tantrum in 2 minutes at any age.

What is hysteria? Causes

I don't think you need to look in a reference book to understand the definition of a tantrum. All parents have experienced when their children start crying loudly, fall to the floor and do not hear a single reasonable argument, and this can be called hysteria, and it happens at very different ages: at a year, and at 2, and at 10 years. And the reasons for tantrums, as a rule, (now I’ll tell my parents what I don’t want to hear) is when we ignore them. And when the children once, perhaps, approached us, the second or third, they asked us something or looked, or pulled us, but we did not react to them, they choose the ways that we will have to respond and, as a rule, - it is crying, falling, something that we simply have to respond to.

At what age do tantrums start?

You may be faced with the fact that your child’s tantrum will even begin literally before the year, but the peak, if you take all the children in the world, is one and a half to two years. This is the moment when they do it often, with pleasure and effectively. And it is very important to understand how to respond to this correctly, so that in a matter of minutes it is easy to localize it and change the child’s behavior so that he does not have to resort to this all the time.

What to do to stop the tantrum?

There is a simple, universal algorithm that will work with any age that will allow you to stop your child's tantrum in less than 2 minutes. It consists of only five items.

1. "Respond" After you hear the baby crying, quickly turn your head to the side where he is crying. Talking is prohibited.
2. “Join” If he is right in front of your feet, then lower yourself to him or if he is a few steps away, approach him. Talking is prohibited.
3. "Situation Analysis" Look at the expression on your child's face. He may cry for various reasons. He can be angry, in despair that he can’t get through to you in any way, upset about something, you consider this emotion from his face and ask him - “Are you upset? You're angry? Did something go wrong for you?" And this will be such a “bridge” that will allow your child to either nod in response to you, or disagree with you, but you have already turned it on. And if you did, go to the next point - the fourth.
4. "Deep analysis of the situation" And here you need to understand the reason - what happened?! You may think one thing, but the child's mind may be completely different. Just ask, “What happened? Tell. I want to know, I want to help, or tell me what you want." And children begin to interact with you. It is very important here not to evaluate what they say, not to criticize and not to try to immediately give advice that they need to do something differently. Just listen. Just ask the next question - "Anything else?" When your child speaks out, go to step five.
5. “Answer the child” You may not agree that he asked you for a candy, a lollipop, I don’t know, an iPhone, because everyone in the class bought it. If you do not agree with him, tell them honestly - “I do not plan to do this to you, I understand you, but I do not plan to. That's why, that's why, that's why. I'm sorry." If you agree, then say - “My God, thank you for telling me, now I understand exactly what I should do. Come on, let's go, let's do it."

How to understand a child who cannot speak?

There is one very important point here. So, if the child is not talking yet and he is having a tantrum, try to offer him options for answers - “Do you want this?” Specifically show, do not ask, but point to some object, food or what he wants. "Either this, or this - show me." And even a small child of one year old will begin to show what he wants, and you will understand him more. As soon as you started, he responded to you, which means that you included him in the conversation. Our physiology is so arranged that the hysteria will subside as soon as you enter into a dialogue with your child.

How to prevent hysteria?

And you know, the last thing I want to say is how to prevent a child from becoming hysterical at all. There is only one way to prevent a child from having a tantrum, and that is to never ignore it. This does not mean that all of your time should be devoted to the child. It simply means that if you hear him and can react to him, react immediately, because you do not know how important THAT is to him, for him, inside, according to his scale of importance values, what he wants to address or say to you. If he doesn't hear back from you once, twice, or three times, he'll choose a way that you still have to respond to. Therefore, react from the very beginning, and tantrums, as such, will pass altogether. You will forget what it is.

Or maybe you just don't care?

Many books advise parents not to pay attention to the behavior of children when they fall into a tantrum or cry, with the idea that if you react, then this will continue. But let's be honest, let's just think logically: if you, an adult, really really want something, and you are ignored again and again, you will turn the world upside down to get what you want. And your kids do the same. So the only way is to start responding to them quickly and never ignore them.

Let me share my experience. Crying is the only opportunity for a newborn to tell his mother that he is ill. A healthy well-groomed baby will not cry if all possible causes of his discomfort are eliminated:

1) the desire to take the breast;

2) the desire to be shaken;

4) the need to empty the intestines or bladder, etc.

Go through all of the above. First of all, you should take the baby in your arms and give the breast. If the child does not calm down or refuses to take the breast, find out the reason for crying. If these measures are not

gave the result, then the baby is unwell and you need to call a doctor.

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The child has a tantrum: what to do?

Hysteria in a child: what should parents know and do?

In fact, every parent at least once in their life faced with a child's tantrum. It seems that the baby just smiled sweetly and was pleased with everything, and suddenly - a “cloud” rolled over his face, tears splashed from his eyes. All this is often accompanied by falling to the floor, screaming, squealing, and sometimes attempts to hit or bite others if they try to get close.

Of course, such a picture is unlikely to inspire anyone particularly. To be honest, in most cases, parents do not know and do not understand what happened to their baby and how they should behave. Yes, of course, your child is a personality, and his tantrums can be completely original, different from others. But trust me, you are not alone in your problem. And so many mothers and fathers managed to learn how to calm the tantrums of the child and again receive constant joyful emotions from parenthood! How? We will talk about this in this article.

Hysteria in a child: what do parents see and feel?

Before building an algorithm of behavior with your child, first let's look at our adult feelings. After all, looking at their baby lying on the floor and yelling at the whole store or bus, mom and dad are not so easy to be calm. On the contrary, they immediately begin to emotionally react, trying to take control of the situation. And this is easy to explain, because at such moments parents experience many different feelings. Let's look at the main phrases that arise in the head of parents under the influence of certain emotions:

• in front of people around - what will people say? Surely, they will begin to condemn, give stupid advice, etc., reminding me that I am not able to cope with my child;
• in front of a child - why is he behaving like that? Maybe I'm a bad mother and don't see his needs? Am I not able to give him my best?
• in front of me - I'm a terrible parent, because I don't know how to behave, and this is unbearable.

• I can't handle my role as a parent
• it will never stop
• i will do something wrong
• suddenly something happens to the child

• again, in front of other people - you (or rather, your child) violate public order, cause discomfort to someone (although, in fact, this is far from always the case);
• in front of the child that you did not give him what he needs or what he wants;
• in front of me - I am to blame for bringing the child to such a state, I am a useless mother, etc.

• this child is simply unbearable!
• I punished him a little
• I wish this would all be over!

• how dare he act like that?
• the child must be punished immediately!
• now I will stop all this with a belt (slap, scream, etc.)

• At times like this, I just hate him.
• I want to spank him immediately so that he calms down

• what should I do?
• how to behave?
• pick him up? Leave one? Shout? Hit? Give what he wants? Ask someone for help? Guard, what should I do.

These and hundreds of other thoughts rush through the head of the parents, whom the baby “pleases” with his tantrum. And the most difficult thing is to be aware of: “Yes, I really feel it. And I accept it as a fact. Try to remember exactly how you felt at those moments. Then it will be much easier to respond to tantrums, because when emotions are conscious, they become more controllable. Now you have the right to decide for yourself what to “leave” and what you can refuse. For example, how important is the opinion of others to you? Or is it worth repaying your anger on a baby who is already having a hard time right now? What are your most valuable emotions right now? Think about it.

Hysteria in a child: what does the baby feel?

And, of course, let's get acquainted with the world of emotions and feelings of a small person. After all, often a child behaves “wrongly” not because he is bad. He probably just doesn't know how to act like this. That is, how he can express his feelings.

A child who has fallen into hysterics in most cases feels:

1. Physical discomfort. Often the baby simply cannot express in words that he feels bad: he wants to eat, drink, or wet his pants. Therefore, he conveys to you information about his dissatisfaction in a way that is real in this case.

2. Fatigue. Even the most caring and sensitive parent can forget for a while that the possibilities of the crumbs are not unlimited, and he still gets tired pretty quickly. That is, if you have planned a weekend trip to the circus for your three-year-old, then to an amusement park, then to an ice cream parlor, and then to visit someone else, be prepared for a tantrum somewhere in the middle of the way. The kid is simply not able to withstand such a load. Yes, to be honest, not every adult can do it.

3. Overexcitation. An excess of emotions and bright stimuli can lead the baby to overexcitation of the nervous system. The child is unlikely to be able to explain this in words, but such a state is quite capable of bringing it to hysteria.

4. Resentment. Perhaps you refused the baby something in a rather rude way? Or promised him something, but did not keep the promise? The child will express his feelings as best he can.

5. Fear. What if my mother now leaves and leaves me alone? What if she doesn't need me anymore? What if she yells at me? What if someone crawls out from under the bed and grabs me? In such cases, the baby tries by all means to catch and hold your attention.

6. Anger. Yes, yes, this is a normal human feeling, and babies are also subject to it. I am outraged that they don’t give me a toy / they don’t leave me at home / they force me to eat / they take me to kindergarten! I'm mad at my mom for not wanting to just sit and play with me!

7. Lack of attention. The attention of parents is extremely important for a child, especially a small one. Therefore, its deficiency can provoke the baby to "extreme measures."

8. Difference of signals from significant adults. If the mother forbids eating sweets, and the grandmother allows it, it is not easy for the child to understand: what is the right thing to do? How should he act? This is where concerts come in.

9. Overprotective. Somewhere from the age of three, the baby begins to vigorously defend its independence. The favorite phrase for the baby is: “I myself!”, which encourages the mother to abandon the idea of ​​​​doing everything for her beloved child and just watch from the sidelines, rejoice at the success of the crumbs and help if necessary. But many mothers sin with hyper-custody and the desire to protect the child in every possible way from everything in the world that supposedly could threaten him. Such messages encourage the baby to resort to "heavy artillery".

10. Lack of love. The kid always feels that in fact adults give him. And, if he wants more love and participation, but they don’t come by themselves, the baby tries to attract them in any way. No one is ever saying that you don't love your child! It's just that perhaps he understands and feels love in his own way, not the way you do. And for him, caring is not equal to love, as you seem to take for granted. Therefore, do not forget to tell the child how much you love him, hug him more often, so you will have a very good prevention of tantrums.

Types of tantrums in a child

Of course, tantrums in babies can be very different. Just look how many reasons there are for them! But in general, experts tend to distinguish two main large groups of tantrums:

This is what we call "whims". With the help of such a form of behavior that is not difficult for a child, he learns to achieve “his own” - attention, a new toy, the fulfillment of other whims. If once everything worked out for the baby, and he got what he wanted, be prepared for the frequent repetition of such manipulations. After all, if it worked once, why not try again?

2. Uncontrollable tantrum

In such cases, the child himself is not happy with what is happening to him. In contrast to the manipulation tantrum, in this case the baby cannot stop on his own, even after receiving something “as a gift”. Such tantrums include night tantrums, when for various reasons children wake up in the middle of the night and cry. In such cases, experts recommend helping the baby stop the tantrum: take him in your arms, hug him, gently shake him, give him the opportunity to cry and calm down in your reliable and gentle embrace. If such cases become frequent in your home, and you can’t cope on your own, try consulting a child psychologist or neuropsychiatrist.

Children's hysteria: habitual forms of response

How do parents usually tend to react to a child's tantrum? Here are the most "standard" behaviors:

• Shouting, restrictions: "Get up immediately!", "Stop it now!", "You can't behave like that!", "You're behaving disgustingly!", "Quickly get up and stop crying!" and so on.
• Threats: “I’ll fix it for you now!”, “That’s it, no new toys until you learn to behave normally!”, And the worst thing is “If you don’t stop now, I’ll leave you here!” or "I won't love you."
• "Power" techniques: grab in your arms, carry away "away", spank.
• Attempts to please, concessions: “Here, take a candy, just stop crying!”, “Okay, let me buy you this toy already, just calm down, for God's sake!”.

And what comes out of all this? Let's try to analyze from the point of view of a small person. For some reason, mom screams loudly and is unhappy. So I'm bad. She demands to behave differently, but she doesn’t say how. I don't understand what she wants from me! New toys do not shine for me, and even my mother will now leave, and I will be left all alone. How scary! And she said she won't love me anymore! So, I'm still bad, since she stops loving me. How can I live alone, without my mother? They also beat me for some reason, and it is very unpleasant for me. But it’s impossible to go back - my mother doesn’t love me anyway ... Oh, thank God, at least they gave me candy, it’s still some kind of joy. Oh, and they bought a toy, the one that I wanted. It's great, it turns out, you can just cry - and you'll get everything!

And this is only a small part of everything that can rush through the bright head of your crumbs. Impressive, right?

What are the consequences of indulging a child's manipulations?

Experts say that manipulation hysteria is not as harmless as it might seem at first glance. In particular, parents who could not cope with the child's tantrums, failed to establish an emotional connection with him in the period from 3 flights, risk raising a completely unpleasant person who will harm both himself and others. In the future, such children may grow up to be hysterical individuals, unable to sincerely love, feel sympathy for the people around them, tend to emotionally blackmail others, cry for no reason and demand constant proof of love for themselves. It is unlikely that a parent will consciously choose such a future for their child, right?

There is also an opinion that by acting against the child, forbidding him something, parents suppress his personality, make him weak-willed. But after all, a strong-willed person is not one who does what he pleases, but one who can independently, easily and quickly solve all pressing difficulties. Restrictions are also important, but they must be clear, constant and understandable for the child. But if the baby is constantly indulged, obeyed in everything and unquestioningly fulfill all his whims, he is very likely to grow up as a completely weak-willed person. After all, you see, not everything in life can be obtained thanks to hysteria. Therefore, it is very important to teach the baby from a very early age patience, understanding, taking into account the desires of other people, sympathy and empathy.

Tantrums in a child: warning of a storm

So, we found out that simply indulging the whims of a child is not entirely correct, as well as yelling at him, forcibly trying to calm him down, etc. What to do? Experts recommend changing the model of their behavior in relation to children's tantrums.

First, a tantrum is easier to prevent than to stop. To do this, use these tips:

1. Take care of the timely satisfaction of the needs of the crumbs. If you are going somewhere together for a long time, bring food for the child, a change of clothes, make sure that the baby has somewhere to rest, and try not to overload him with impressions and events.

2. If possible, give the child the right to choose. Does your child want independence? Well, give it to him! But, instead of forbidding him to grab chips and chewing gum from the shelves of the supermarket, it is better to offer him to choose yogurt for the whole family on his own. You will allow him to make an independent choice (how, I am already such an adult!), And direct his energy in the right direction.

3. Loosen your grip on limitations. If you control every step of your child, and he is used to hearing from you only “You can’t” and “Don’t touch!”, This will not lead to anything good. Yes, it is important and necessary to teach a child and protect him from dangers, but let the restrictions be really justified. Explain to your child exactly what not to do and why, but in this small list of prohibitions, always be strict. This stability will help the baby feel more confident and calm.

4. Talk to your child about your desires. Let your baby know that you can't play with him right now because you want to finish cooking dinner or you have a headache. Tell him that the grandmother is tired and wants to sleep, and it hurts her to hear the loud fuss. Explain to the baby that you can simply ask your brother for a toy, and not immediately get into a fight and try to take it away by force.

5. Anticipate a tantrum. The biggest mistake parents make is to wait until the child's behavior becomes completely uncontrollable. The outbreak can and should be prevented. Look closely at your baby, watch for the characteristic "first signs" of tantrums, such as whimpering, anxiety, tension. As soon as you notice their appearance, try to immediately distract the child: “Look at this picture on the glass”, “If you want, get out of the stroller and take it with me.” You can hint to the baby that you noticed his bad mood: “Yes, I see you are tired. Let's take a little walk."

A small child cannot yet control his emotions. Therefore, parents need help in their adjustment. If you see that your baby is upset, try to calm him down. To do this, stay alone with him, talk, pat him on the back, hug him, sing his favorite song to help him relax. Speak in words the feelings of the crumbs: “Yes, it’s hard to wait. Especially when you want to go home right now.” The kid can calm down when he hears from you the words that he did not have enough to express his grief.

Try all these methods and find out which one works best for your little one. And remember: a storm can break in a matter of seconds!

Hysteria-manipulation: changing the algorithm of behavior

If, however, it was still not possible to prevent and prevent hysteria, let's try to at least reduce it to the possible minimum. There is a step-by-step algorithm for this:

1. Stay calm. It is better to just sit in the presence of a "raging" child. If you leave the baby alone in the room now, he may feel abandoned. It will be easier for him to know that you are with him, because he himself may be frightened by his own new emotions. Some psychologists recommend hugging a child if it is comfortable for him. Other experts advise ignoring such attacks, and not paying attention to the baby until he calms down. In this way, you allegedly will not encourage his bad behavior. Which option is right for you and your baby - you can determine for yourself by trial and error.

2. Don't immediately reverse your decisions. You should not immediately buy him the desired toy or chocolate in response to the hysteria of the crumbs. After all, this way he will understand that he can get everything from you without any problems, with the help of just tears.

3. Do not grab the baby forcibly in your arms. If the baby pushes you away, do not forcefully try to pick him up. Let her experience her emotions.

4. Do not try to immediately pick it up from the floor. However, such attempts are unlikely to lead you to the desired result - most likely, the baby will get even more angry, and the tantrum will last longer.

5. Watch your emotions. Least of all, now the baby needs your scream and anger. Remember - aggression breeds aggression, so keep your emotions under control.

6. Try to distract the baby, switch his attention. If possible, try to distract the child with something interesting for him - a favorite toy, a landscape outside the window.

7. Suggest a replacement. If the baby demands to buy him “this car”, and you understand that you don’t have money for it now, you can tell him: “Now we can’t buy this car, but you can choose this one or this one” (from a suitable price range). Or tell him: “Yes, today you can’t stay at home for the whole day, but after the kindergarten we will definitely take a walk in the yard.”

8. Leave "no grateful audience." Often, children quickly understand for whom it is best to arrange a “concert”. Perhaps the grandmother will quickly run to fulfill the whim of her beloved grandson. Or daddy will not stand such tears. Therefore, try to temporarily isolate the baby from grateful viewers.

9. Sit on the "capricious chair." Sit the little brawler on a chair and tell him: “If you want to be naughty, be naughty in this chair. When you get bored, come to play with us.

10. Be sure to make peace. When the baby calms down, be sure to conduct a reconciliation ritual with him.

11. After the tantrum, discuss the situation. Talk to your child about his feelings and emotions, tell about your own. Explain why this behavior is not good.

12. Be consistent in your rejection of tantrums. If you have already developed a specific strategy for dealing with tantrums, stick to it all the time. The kid should know that your reaction will remain unchanged, and he will not achieve his desires with the help of whims.

13. If you see that you can’t cope on your own, contact a specialist. If your toddler is over 3 years old and is still making scenes on a daily basis, check with your doctor. He will check if the child has serious physical or psychological disorders and advise on how to deal with his seizures.

14. Teach your little one the altruistic joys. Show your child that not only new things and gifts can bring pleasure, but also feeding birds in the park, playing with peers, helping grandmother around the house.

15. Teach your child acceptable ways to express displeasure. Explain to the baby that it’s okay to get upset, but it’s better to do it in a civilized way. Show him acceptable ways to express your feelings. Often the baby simply does not know them. Teach him words to describe feelings: sad, angry, angry, upset. Praise your baby when he talks to you about his grief.

Uncontrollable tantrum: what to do?

Recall that with uncontrolled hysteria, the baby himself is not able to cope with the emotions that suddenly flooded over him. To help him with this, use:

1. Tactile contact - hugs, strokes, kisses.
2. Words of love.
3. Explanations of what is happening to him now, pronouncing his feelings.
4. Listening if the baby is trying to tell you something.

Remember: there are no hopeless situations. Yes, of course, there is little pleasant in children's tantrums, but even they, with the right approach, can help the baby learn to express his grief, translate it into words, and express his needs.

“Listen to your child, love him and be happy!”

Anna Kutyavina for f-journal.ru

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You came to the store with your child, went for a walk, walk around the shopping center, stand in line at the clinic. And suddenly, suddenly, something rolls over the child, he begins to scream heart-rendingly, demand something, he can fall to the floor and kick with his feet ... You want to sink into the ground from shame. "Letidor" finds out from the psychologist Anna Khidiryan what to do in such a situation?

You came to the store with your child, went for a walk, walk around the shopping center, stand in line at the clinic. The peaceful sun is shining overhead, and all is well. And suddenly, unexpectedly, something rolls over the child, he begins to scream heart-rendingly, demand something, he can fall to the floor and kick him ... The woman feels that passers-by look at her and condemn: you are a bad mother, and the child is ill-mannered. I want to sink into the ground in shame. Meanwhile, the child is screaming… “Letidor” finds out from the psychologist Anna Khidiryan what to do in such a situation?

1. Stay calm

The child is hysterical, but you need to try not to “get infected” by what is happening. Keep calm. It's not about remaining an unflappable idol. Not at all. You need to try to restrain your irritation, not to lose your head, not to despair, and at the same time not to be indifferent and detached.

2. Support the child

Yes, support. It is difficult for you, you are irritated, but the child feels bad too. It is enough to look at a flushed, screaming two-year-old kid to understand that he does not control himself, he wants to scream, cry, get angry at the same time. It is not easy for you and it is not easy for the child. To support the child, you need to lean towards him, look eye to eye, you can take hands, hug, stroke.

3. Try to understand the meaning of the child's tantrum

This should happen in parallel with support. There is always a certain meaning in a child’s tantrum, and it is important for a mother to understand it. For example, you are in a store, the child asks for something that he is not allowed or that you do not want to buy for him. He starts yelling, demanding, hoping that you will still fulfill his desire. Another situation - it seems that everything is fine, but suddenly the child begins to hysteria, throwing toys, and it is difficult to understand what is happening. The child should be asked why he does this, what he wants. Usually older children can quite clearly answer what happened to them.

4. Negotiate with the child

How many situations, so many options for agreements. It is important to understand what will “work” with your child:

• Suggest an alternative. For example, a child wants an expensive toy that you don't want to buy. You can react in this way: “Today we will not buy this toy, but we can look for a new ball for you, you have been wanting for a long time.”

5. Do not punish the child when he is hysterical.

At the moment of hysteria, the child usually feels bad, he does not control his feelings, there is emotional chaos inside him. And if the parent does not calm the child, but on the contrary, gets angry and punishes, then what is happening becomes a double problem. The child feels that the parent has rejected his desires, that he can be punished for the manifestation of his will, that his feelings and desires are uncomfortable, undesirable, and a hindrance. In this state, the understanding of the situation by the child is almost disabled. And if the child lies and kicks, and the parent shouts back: “You are punished, no cartoons today,” then this cannot be considered a constructive solution to the situation.

Finally, it is worth saying that hysteria in children from 1.5 years old is an absolutely normal phenomenon. The child begins to realize himself, his boundaries, tries to insist on his desires, tests his parents for strength, can protest against discipline ... And the task of parents is to be able to be calm, strict, authoritative and at the same time give love to the child, show respect for his desires and feelings . And that means to endure the tantrums of the child.

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Behavioral problems of a ten-year-old child

A difficult period, both in terms of physical changes in the body and psychological characteristics

At the age of ten, a child goes through a new stage in development, but gradually from a baby, a foolish child, he passes into adolescents. This is a difficult period, both in terms of physical changes in the body and psychological characteristics.

Children are more and more actively declaring their own "I" and independence, often they may have difficulties with their parents, in communicating with their peers. This is how the crisis period is manifested, which is characteristic of 10 years, when the child again checks the boundaries of what is permitted for himself and tests the strength of parental nerves. At this time, different forms of behavior can appear, from tearfulness and whims, to aggression and dangerous, aggressive behavior.

Aggression in a child 10 years old what to do

Unlike the aggression of babies, which manifests itself at the physical level, at this age this is a manifestation of aggression at the level of behavior. Children change their behavior towards vindictiveness, intentionality of actions, they can enter into aggressive disputes and bickering, they can tease and insult younger ones, intimidate and even show cruelty and harm. At the same time, the child may not respond to random provocations of peers, but intentional provocations can result in attacks of aggression. At the same time, aggression can be expressed verbally in the form of name-calling, humiliation and ridicule, affective reactions with screams and fits of anger.

The reasons for such aggression, as well as for many other manifestations (tantrums, uncontrollability, disobedience) are the feeling that the child is not loved, he feels insignificant, feels disgusted with himself, feels useless by his parents and many other negative feelings. With the help of such behavior, the child subconsciously attracts the attention of others and parents, seeks support and understanding.

Tantrums in a child 10 years old what to do

At this age, tantrums are not uncommon, they arise for the same reasons as attacks of aggression. A child can express his dissatisfaction with screams, tears, emotional outbursts. Parents often worry why a 10-year-old child is constantly crying? Sometimes a child cannot understand why he behaves in such a way, and what is really happening to him. On the one hand, he strives for independence, for limiting many of the prohibitions. But, on the other hand, it is important for him to establish special relationships with his parents, to define new boundaries for the dangers of the world, for parental control. If tantrums arise, how to calm a child of 10 years old? First of all, you need to let the child throw out emotions, speak out and talk about problems. It is important not to shout, not to break loose, but to show care and participation. Even the most hysterical children need understanding, care and the feeling that they are ready to help at any moment.

Uncontrollable child 10 years old what to do

During the crisis period, a naughty child of 10 years old suddenly grows out of a calm and affectionate child, what to do in such a situation. As with tantrums and aggression, it is important to be patient, to develop a unified tactic for dealing with the behavior of the baby. You should not be led to tantrums and provocations, you need to remain calm, regardless of behavior. If there is no reaction he needs, psychos and tantrums lose their meaning. Set clear boundaries for what is permitted and strictly follow them without breaking your own words. In disputes and conflicts, do not press with authority, negotiate, look for a compromise, distract from whims.

10 year old child is very nervous what to do

Sometimes a child's nervousness can be the result of illness or internal problems. It is worth talking with him, devote more time. With constant nervousness, communication with a psychologist, frank conversations, and relaxation helps. In agreement with the doctor, light sedatives, herbal teas and sedatives can be used.

Why is a 10 year old lying

Often children's lies indicate deep psychological problems. First of all, children lie out of fear of being punished, especially if their parents use a harsh parenting system. Children try to delay punishment or avoid it at the expense of lies. Also, children at the expense of lies try to increase their self-esteem, exposing themselves as a hero in the eyes of others. Lying can be a way to protest against the actions of parents, an attempt to establish personal boundaries, or constant lying indicates problems in the family. It is especially bad if the lies are also combined with attempts to steal - this is a child's cry for help.

10 year old kid stealing

Almost all children go through this stage in the period of seven years and years. This happens with a lack of attention on the part of parents to the needs of the child, with the need to assert themselves, the desire to be no worse than others. It also adds awareness of the impunity of the act, as well as incitement to theft due to extortion of the elders in the school.

It is important to find out the reasons and understand what happened, screaming, dishonoring the child and threatening him with a criminal future is unproductive. It is necessary to solve the problem in the family.

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Young children, communicating with their peers and adults, are very fond of telling fictional stories that they pass off as reality. Thus, a person at an early age develops imagination, fantasy. But sometimes such stories disturb parents, because over time, adults begin to understand that the innocent inventions of their children are gradually becoming something more, growing into ordinary lies.

Of course, few parents will look at such a phenomenon calmly. In order for their child not to turn into a pathological liar, adults are trying to wean him from such a habit. What to do for this? Find out the reasons for deception and change your own approach to education.

Are baby lies okay?

Psychologists are convinced that to some extent the tendency to deceive is a normal stage in the development of the child. Everything that the baby feels, hears and sees in the very first years of his life is incomprehensible and new for him. The kid is forced to process large amounts of information and use it every day. And if an adult understands what is true and what is fiction, then the child has yet to learn how to do it.

The logical thinking of the crumbs is just being formed. That is why he sincerely believes in those fairy tales that adults tell him. If something becomes incomprehensible to the baby, then he begins to connect the imagination. At some point, fantasy and reality begin to intertwine. This is the main reason that parents hear lies from their child. However, at the same time, the child is sincerely convinced that he is telling only the truth.

But sometimes children begin to lie consciously. This happens, as a rule, in cases where parents forbid them something. In this case, the baby begins to look for ways to achieve what he wants. The most obvious way to do this is his cunning. That is why children begin to lie consciously, while manipulating adults.

Sometimes the origins of such behavior are hidden in self-doubt or in an effort to increase their own self-esteem. Sometimes lying allows you to avoid punishment, and the child, realizing this, continues to lie for any reason.

Children's deception can hide quite deep psychological problems. That is why parents should carefully understand each situation. Modern psychology has identified a number of prerequisites that encourage children to lie. Let's consider the main ones in more detail.

Fear

The child begins to constantly lie because of fear of punishment for his actions. Such behavior is typical for those families where parents are overly strict and make excessive demands on their children.

If the child is lying, what to do? To solve the problem, psychologists recommend parents to remain calm in relations with their child. Adults should punish liars not too severely and only for serious misconduct. If you shout at a child for the slightest offense, frighten him with spanking, constantly deprive him of watching TV and sweets, then he will begin to be afraid of his parents. Strictly and often punishing the baby, adults provoke in him the desire to avoid this in any way. Psychologists recommend making the right decision based on the current situation. So, if a child broke a cup, then let him remove the fragments; if he broke a toy, then let him try to fix it; if he got a bad grade at school, then let him work harder and fix it. Such conditions will be the most fair for a small person. They will not offend his dignity, because of which he will naturally no longer need to lie. Otherwise, as they grow older, children will constantly defend themselves by shifting the blame onto others. This will make it difficult for them to find friends and lead to communication problems with peers.

Increase self-esteem

Sometimes children begin to talk about the fact that they are endowed with superpowers in the form of incredible strength, dexterity, intelligence, endurance and courage, or they claim that they have an unusual and very expensive toy or an older brother - a famous athlete. Of course, for adults it is obvious that the child is wishful thinking.

If the child is lying, what to do? How to deal with such parents? Psychologists say that such deception is a wake-up call. Of course, if such stories can be heard rarely, then you should not worry. They can be considered a child's fantasy. However, in cases where incredible stories are repeated regularly, then most likely the child is gnawed by insecurity, and in this way he tries to gain authority among his peers. It is possible that in the children's team he feels bad.

Child lying to parents? What to do in this situation? Most likely, fictional stories are a way to interest loved ones. Consequently, the child lacks attention, affection, warmth, understanding and support of parents. What to do to get rid of constant deception? To do this, it is enough to make the baby feel that he is really loved, giving him more attention and striving to develop his abilities. Psychologists recommend that parents read children's encyclopedias and books with their child, communicate more and walk. It is worth taking your child to the sports section or to any circle. There, under the guidance of professionals, the child will begin to develop his abilities, gain self-confidence, and then be able to talk about real achievements.

Inconsistency with the aspirations of parents

This behavior is usually seen in schoolchildren. Once they reach adolescence, they tend to avoid parental pressure and control. For example, a mother wants her daughter to be a musician, and the girl likes to draw. Or a boy dreams of a radio club, and dad wants him to become a translator. At a time when their parents are not at home, such children design and draw, and then they say that they studied English or music. Sometimes a child with average abilities also lies, whose parents want to see him as an excellent student. Such a student constantly makes excuses, speaking about the bias of teachers.

What to do if the child is lying because he does not fulfill the wishes of his parents? Adults need to understand that they most likely dream of their children doing what they themselves once failed to do. Or maybe such expectations are contrary to the interests and inclinations of the child? In addition, you need to understand that a son or daughter will not be able to succeed in an unloved business. In order to remedy the situation, psychologists recommend giving children the opportunity to go their own way. In this case, deception in the family will be much less.

self-justification

All people sometimes make mistakes. But if the child acted badly and at the same time tries to justify himself, finding thousands of reasons and blaming others, then parents should seriously understand the situation.

What to do if the child is lying? According to the advice of a psychologist, with a similar problem, parents need to support their child. In order to eradicate children's lies uttered as self-justification, you will need to constantly discuss with the baby everything that happens to him in life. If the child, out of pride, does not want to admit his guilt, then you will need to talk to him, and do it in a friendly and gentle way. Parents should explain to their child that they will not stop loving him, even if he was the first to get into a fight or take a toy from a peer. Seeing that adults support him in any situation, the child will begin to trust them more.

Setting personal boundaries

During adolescence, some children feel that their parents do not need to know much about their lives. That is why they do not seek to talk about their friends and deeds. The teenager is silent about who he communicates with, as well as where he walks. Often, parents justify such behavior when their child is rude, secretive and gradually moves away from the family, a transitional age.

If a child begins to lie, what should parents do in this case? In order to gain mutual understanding with a daughter or son, you will need to win their trust. At the same time, adults should not overprotect their child or seek to influence him in an aggressive way. In this case, the teenager will have an even stronger desire to gain independence and get out of control.

Lies and age

Psychologists note that the child uses the first skills of simple and easy deception starting from six months of his life. As a rule, it is laughter or crying used to attract the attention of adults.

With age, deception begins to take on more sophisticated forms. How can this be explained? The fact is that at each age certain difficulties arise in the formation of a child's character. This should be taken into account by parents who set out to wean their child from constant lies and deceit. The first step towards achieving this goal is, of course, the elimination of the causes that provoke lies. Further, it is recommended to use the advice of educational psychologists who offer upbringing methods in accordance with the age of the child.

Lies at 4 years old

Sometimes children at this age begin to come up with ridiculous excuses for their unseemly actions more and more often. If a four-year-old child lies in this way, what should I do? According to psychologists, parents should not punish the baby for this. First of all, your child needs to explain the following: what he says is absurd. The child should know that this is not good and stupid. But parents, constantly hearing new tales from him, should think about the fact that maybe the baby simply does not have enough adults?

What to do if a child constantly lies at the age of four? A fairly effective tool for children of this age will be reading bedtime stories. In addition, psychologists recommend that parents take their child to puppet shows.

Cheating at 5

At this age, the main reason for children's lies is the fear of cruel punishment. If a five-year-old child is lying, what should I do? Advice to parents of such children relates to the revision of their methods of education. It is quite possible that they should be changed to more friendly, loyal and democratic ones. Adults should relieve the preschooler of the fear of punishment. In this way, they will eliminate his very motive, provoking deception. Parents need to praise their child more often and less often put them in a corner as a punishment. When a child feels the love of his parents, he will trust them more.

Lies of first graders

At this age, children most of all begin to imitate adults. The first-grader already has about the behavior of the parents. If adults in the presence of a child deceive each other, then they should not be surprised later that their child is telling a lie.

If at 6-7 years old a child is lying, what should I do? To eliminate such a problem, parents should give their child their own example of behavior, where there are no omissions, lies, deceit and evasions. A child who lives in a sincere and trusting atmosphere will have no reason to lie.

Cheating at 8 years old

Children this age and older are capable of lying quite convincingly. Starting from the age of 8, the child has greater independence, he begins to strive for freedom. And if parents continue to overprotect their child, then he will begin to actively avoid control over his personal life.

Sometimes the reason for deception at this age is the child's fear that he will not live up to the ideal created by adults, that he will anger them with poor grades at school or with his behavior. If at 8 years old a child is lying, what should I do? In this case, psychologists recommend that parents pay attention to the atmosphere in the house. Most likely, their son or daughter feels uncomfortable among loved ones who are not interested in the opinion of a small person and do not trust him.

Psychologists say that children will not deceive their parents if they know that the family will take their side in any situation and support them, no matter what happens to them. If the child is sure that if they punish him, then only fairly, then he will have no reason to lie. To create a trusting atmosphere, parents should be interested in the affairs of their child and tell him about the events of their day.

What to do if the child is lying, despite all the attempts made? In this case, psychologists recommend telling him about the consequences that deception can bring with it. After all, a lie will only solve the problem for a while, and then it will be easily detected. It is also recommended that the liar be asked if he himself wants to be deceived. At the same time, adults should make it clear to the child that his constant lies will lead to a loss of authority among others.

Lies of nine year olds

All of the above reasons for cheating affect the behavior of children entering adolescence. However, in addition to this, such a child, until the beginning of adolescence, has another reason to hide the truth. It is from the age of 9 that children begin to create a personal territory, and they have a desire to go beyond the boundaries that adults have set for them. The consequence of this is a change in the behavior of adolescents. They become unruly and disobedient.

What should parents do in this case? The main thing that psychologists advise is to remain calm. And do not allow yourself to get annoyed with children, because it is also very difficult for them in this age period. Moms and dads are encouraged to spend as much time as possible with their child and trust them to do important things on their own. In order to improve children's behavior, it is advisable to ensure that the son or daughter observes the daily routine, family traditions and generally accepted rules of life.

Lies of a teenager 10-12 years old

What are the reasons why a child at this age deceives parents? Sometimes he is forced to tell a lie by the aggressive behavior of people close to him. So, in some families, physical punishment is applied to a child for any misconduct. Aggressive parents can give their child a slap or slap in the face for not taking out the garbage, an untimely made bed or an unassembled briefcase. It is the fear of reprisal that forces the student to hide the truth.

What to do? A child lies at 10 years old! Sometimes a teenager begins to lie because of the divorce of his parents. After all, parting with the father is the strongest trauma, which is primarily applied to children. And if at 2 years old the baby is not yet aware of what is happening, then a 10-year-old teenager is already experiencing a family drama. In addition, mothers often take out their evil on children, blaming them for what happened.

If a child lies at the age of 10, what should I do? Parents in this case should analyze their own behavior. It is possible that they want to see their child as the winner of sports competitions or olympiads. According to psychologists, children are afraid to disappoint their relatives and therefore begin to lie to them. If the deception is revealed, then the guilt is immediately shifted by the teenager to the neighbor on the desk.

If a child lies at the age of 11, what should I do? Parents should also reconsider their behavior. Indeed, often children deceive, seeing the lies of their family members.

If at 10-12 years old a child lies, what do to teach him to tell the truth? Sometimes this phenomenon is the result of overprotection. In this case, a lie is a means for the child to fight for his rights. Review your behavior - and the situation will be corrected.

money theft

A person is capable of an illegal act at any age. But when frank and friendly kids suddenly steal something, it upsets parents very much.

It often happens that a child steals money and lies. What to do in this case? Parents should have a conversation with their child in order to exclude material gain. As a rule, the child cannot explain his act. And if the offender is punished without finding out the reasons, then at the age of 13-14 the situation may worsen. The child will begin to steal money regularly. What should parents do to prevent this? First of all, think about your relationship with your child. Divorce, as well as coldness or hostility in the family, could also negatively affect the child. In order to eliminate the cause of stealing money, adults need to start with themselves - improve the atmosphere in the house, scream less and show as much love for their child as possible.

Children's lies. To us adults, she seems so simple and naive. But the reasons that a child begins to lie to parents cannot be called harmless or insignificant. Does your child fantasize and pass these fantasies off as reality? Or is he telling a lie, trying to hide some of his actions and deeds from your vigilant attention? How to wean a child to lie? Do not rush to expose the little one and punish. After all, if we approach the problem from the point of view of psychologists, then, rather, educational work should be carried out, first, with the parents themselves. So that they do not mistakenly start to fight the investigation, which, in essence, lies are. But we tried to understand the reasons that prompt children to resort to such an unpopular way out of situations that are uncomfortable for them.

Children lie to their parents because for some reason they feel uncomfortable in their world.

• It is a balm for spiritual wounds.
• This is an internal conflict that has found a way out.
• This is a lifeline in a seemingly hopeless situation.

And what is a child's lie for parents?

• This is a distress signal.
• This is a call for help.
• This is an indicator that in the world of your beloved baby, not everything is as good as it might seem at first glance.

No matter how sad it may sound to you, the fact that the baby began to lie to you speaks of a crisis of confidence in your relationship. And it is you, the parents, who need to look for ways out of this crisis, as more experienced, balanced, authoritative.

Children lie when they stop trusting their loved ones.

Do not rush to expose the baby in a lie and scold him for it. Try to understand why the crumbs had a need to tell you a lie. After all, often, the reasons for children's lies are not at all those that are visible to you on a superficial examination.

You will not find a single recipe for solving this problem. Everyone will have their own. Depending on the problems of mutual understanding that have arisen between you and your child.

A crisis of trust between parents and children occurs when the older generation chooses the wrong model of relationships and not quite the right tactics for raising their children.

The kid will not lie to you if his life flows calmly and measuredly, if everything is in order with him. And do not think that he allows himself to tell you a lie, because the little one does not love and respect you.

Try to understand what is really behind his lies. What kind of need is the baby trying to satisfy in this way. This will be the answer to the question: "How to wean a child from lying?".

Children lie when they are afraid of punishment and censure

Why do children tell lies?

Any parent tries to give his baby all the best, tries to pass on his experience and his life wisdom to him, puts a piece of his soul into his beloved “blood”. But something, for all that, moms and dads, nevertheless, do not do it right. I wonder what it could be?

What are the reasons why, sooner or later, our children begin to tell us lies?

1. Too strict. If you punish the little one for the offenses he has committed, then you should not be surprised that the baby is lying to you, trying to avoid another censure for what he has done.
2. A game of feelings. If you defiantly get upset, grab your heart, blame the child for your poor health after his pranks or bad grades, you yourself provoke him to hide his mistakes in every possible way so as not to upset you.
3. Lack of attention. If the kid invents and tells everyone who is ready to listen to him stories about a happy family, about how his parents love him, how attentive to him, then maybe it’s all that he really lacks. And he plays pranks and lies only in order to attract your attention, which he so lacks.
4. Inferiority complex. The baby may be dissatisfied with himself. This happens when parents often criticize him, thereby developing an inferiority complex in a small person. A lie in this case is an attempt to change, to embellish a not too rosy reality. Be worthy of respect and admiration in your own eyes and in the eyes of others.
5. Limitations in expressing emotions . The child is not a robot. He cannot always have the same, certainly good, mood. He can be sad and upset, he can be annoyed and even enraged. And if he is prevented from expressing these emotions and giving them an outlet, he will simply withdraw into himself and begin to lie. For the sake of those who wish to see him always as a cheerful and cheerful toddler to his parents.
6. Fantasy. Dreamers and dreamers are perhaps the cutest and most attractive of all little liars. And such a lie is, rather, a manifestation of creativity and too much. The lies of visionaries are quite harmless if they are understood and directed in the right direction in time. Maybe you have a modern Jules Verne growing in your family or your own, native Jacques Yves Cousteau? ..

Or maybe your baby is not lying, but just fantasizing? Then you need to direct this feature of him in the right direction.

Well, how did you manage to determine its main causes by the nature of the child’s lie? If yes, then you have already gone halfway to eradicating this habit from your baby.

Now the main thing is to draw the right conclusions and diligently work on your own mistakes in.

How to wean a 4-5 year old kid from lying to parents?

It often happens that the child is still quite small, but he has already managed to face your disapproval.

And, afraid to once again see him in your eyes, afraid to lose your love, he, having done something that, as the baby is sure, will entail this very disapproval, uses lies as salvation, as protection. How to prevent lies, whatever their reasons, from becoming a habit, not becoming the norm for a baby?

If the child believes in your kind attitude towards him, he will not be afraid to confess his wrongdoing to you.

What should parents do in such circumstances?

1. Sit next to the baby so that your eyes are at the same level.
2. Calmly tell him that you know that the little one lied to you.
3. Ask the baby to tell you the truth, assuring him first that you will not be angry with him, as well as punish him.
4. Be sure to emphasize how much you love the baby. And no matter what he does, you will not love him less.
5. When the child gains confidence in you and tells you the truth, keep your word - do not blame him.
6. Help your little one deal with the situation. Explain what the child did wrong. And be sure to tell us how you should have acted in this situation.
7. Finish the conversation with another assurance that you love him, and are always ready to help the baby in any situation.

Of course, one such conversation is not always enough to fully restore trust.

Growing up, the child tries to protect his personal space from strangers. And he should be allowed to do so. Within reason, of course

What to do if a teenager (7-9 years and older) is cheating?

When children reach adolescence, very often the reason for their lies lies in the desire to create a personal space for themselves, a territory independent of adults, where only the child himself will be the owner.

And your task is to provide this territory to your teenager. Within reason, of course. But to give the child a real feel that he has moved to a new stage of growing up.

Mom and dad understand this. And we are ready to build relationships with him on a new level. But greater independence is not a synonym for permissiveness. Therefore, it is important here to clearly outline the framework of the independence of a teenager at this age stage.

And it is even more important that the child himself agrees with these frameworks. Discuss and be prepared to compromise. You can even sign a contract in writing. An agreement between two parties, when tangible, has great power.

If a teenager is sure that his parents love him, that they act only in the interests of his well-being, that they are always ready to listen, understand and forgive, he will not lie even if some agreements are violated.

Mom and dad, create trusting relationships in the family, become not only mentors, but friends for your child, and he will simply have no reason to tell you a lie!

A child can be honest with his parents

• When he is not afraid of punishment, anger and loss of love of the closest people.
• When he is sure that he will not be humiliated, no matter what happens.
• When he knows that his parents will support him in any situation.
• When you do not skimp on praise and encouragement.
• When there is trust and mutual understanding between you and the child.

And never forget about personal example. How sincere, honest and open you yourself are, so your children will take these qualities from you. Create an atmosphere of harmony and harmony in your family. And then its small members will not seek salvation from adversity and loneliness in a lie ...

Video "How to wean a child to lie?"

Parents are alarmed and frightened by the lies of their children. What kind of punishment can be applied by relatives, what exactly is so frightening and why does a child lie at 10 years old? For advice about childhood lies, most people turn to psychologists. It's one thing when a kid is deceiving, another thing is if it's an offspring at the age of ten. Here it is necessary to understand the reasons that prompted this. Child psychologists believe that mostly lies are due to.

Aggressive behavior of parents is one of the main reasons that cause a feeling of fear in a student. Leaves its mark and the environment in which the parents of the child grew up. In some families, it is taken for some kind of misconduct, whether it is an untimely made bed, a briefcase is not collected, a full bucket of garbage, homework is not done, for which the child may receive a slap in the face or a slap in the face. The worst thing in such families is if a child brings an unsatisfactory grade or a diary entry about bad behavior and the need for parents to come to school. Fear of reprisals forces the student to hide everything from his parents, tear out a sheet in his diary and think that everything will somehow be forgotten and get better. Thus, children are drawn into a vicious circle. After all, if a lie is discovered at a parent meeting, then retribution will be inevitable. For a student, this is fraught not only with physical reprisals, but also with punishment in the form of being locked in a room, a ban on watching TV, using a computer, etc.

And if the reason is the divorce of the parents?

The imbalance of the psyche after a divorce in women is a common reason that a child is lying. When, the strongest trauma is inflicted primarily on children who cannot understand why dad left them. Sometimes such traumas remain for life, because when the baby is 2 years old, he does not understand that the father has left the family, but when the son or daughter is already 10 years old, divorce hurts the children. In providing for the family, caring for its members, but not all women cope with such a fate.

Very often, weak women experience a mental breakdown, and they begin to blame the children for the fact that their husband left them. The worst thing is when such mothers “tear off evil” on children, blaming schoolchildren for everything. Often such mothers use comparison methods not in favor of their children, emphasizing the superiority of their peers, as smarter, fitter. In response to such criticism, a ten-year-old man begins to deceive, because he wants to be praised. A common mistake divorced women make is that they try to make little soldiers out of their children, giving them orders and demanding unquestioning obedience.

Such a mother screams at the top of her voice in the morning - get up! The natural reaction of the child will be a lie that he is ill and cannot go to school, or there are no first lessons. Things are even worse in such a family with checking homework. A woman will not have enough time to work with children, because now she is preoccupied with finding additional income and a new spouse. Such children, as a rule, remain in the second year of school, and the mother may not know about it until next fall.

parental vanity

Parental vanity serves as a pretext for lying among children as young as 10 years old. Some mothers see their children as winners of various olympiads and sports competitions, although the abilities of offspring leave much to be desired. In this case, the children will lie, starting with their academic performance and ending with non-existent victories in various competitions. Psychologists assure that children are afraid to disappoint their parents, who so much want to see their daughter or son an excellent student. Children want to be leaders, the best in the class, and they brag about what they don't have - good grades, exemplary behavior - this is not a complete list of imaginary successes.

In the case of a lie being exposed, all the blame falls on the neighbor in the desk, that he prevented him from completing the control work, distracted him with questions. The opinion of psychologists is that boastful children are those who did not have enough love, and teenagers want so much to be loved by their parents for good studies or winning the Olympics. In order not to upset their father or mother, some sons invent victories in sports.

Role of own example

Lies of parents provoke systematic, which copy their actions. Some parents themselves are not a model of honesty. When talking on the phone or when calling the apartment, unwanted people ask the child to say that no one is at home. Sometimes a mother asks her child to tell her grandmother that they are leaving so as not to invite her mother-in-law to the New Year. The child learns that lying is good, and he begins to lie when it becomes profitable. In the future, he will lie to teachers at school and his classmates, and this will become a habit.

Reminders from adults about lying are often the reason that reinforces the reputation of a liar for a child. Sometimes parents themselves lose money or valuable gold items, not realizing that they have shifted everything to another place, they begin to accuse their child of stealing and lying, remembering that he was previously caught in a lie. No matter how the child justifies himself, they do not believe him. So adults do not blame themselves for absent-mindedness and lack of order in the apartment, but shift the blame onto the minor, offending him with their distrust. Often, then adults apologize to children, but the subconscious of children has already remembered that they are considered liars, thieves, and they, without noticing, begin to deceive adults. Often scolding your children means that they will lie, dodge, because they have already completely lost the trust of adults.

The tendency of parents to overprotectiveness is a provocation of children's lies in order to fight for their rights.

In many families, they take care of their children very much, forgetting that they have already grown up and have their own opinion, their own point of view. Trying to defend their rights and not be ridiculed by classmates, children resort to lies to assert priorities.

In the case when the spouse has not yet left, but the conflict is brewing and divorce cannot be avoided, with a nervous breakdown of the mother, minors can begin to lead an immoral lifestyle associated with peers, endless lies, and animals. This is the last chance to stop the breakup of the family. This is the “cry of the soul” of the child to his parents, a call to change their minds and save the family. It happens that such behavior is noted when the mother marries a second time and a new member of the family is born, to whom all attention is directed, and the eldest child expresses his protest in this way.

How to prevent lies?

Measures to prevent lying in children:

• do not lie yourself;
• do not promise what you cannot deliver;
• do not allow aggression, assault, do not raise your voice during a conversation and do not break into a scream;
• establish a trusting relationship with the child;
• do not compare your son or daughter with more successful peers;
• reckon with his opinion, but do not patronize excessively;
• participate in solving your child's problems so that he does not have a feeling of loneliness.

Parents should remember that children are the closest and dearest to you, say as often as possible how you love and worry about them. Show concern for all family members, including grandparents. Do not ignore the comments of elders in the presence of children, otherwise the opinion will be formed that such behavior is the norm. If a son or daughter has committed a fault, then one should not remember this for a long time, recalling the incident in convenient cases. After all, even criminals in prison have the right to amnesty. It is necessary to reprimand for the misconduct, but not to go over to the personality of the child.