Marital crisis. Relationship crisis. Stages of a crisis in a relationship. How to get over a relationship crisis? Ways to solve difficult situations

Every married couple has moments when the relationship is approaching its collapse. This is called a crisis of family relations, and if they cannot be experienced, the union comes to an end. Moreover, it is not only those who have lost interest in each other that leave, but also the husband and wife who love each other. And this is very sad. After all, all that had to be done was to gain patience, wisdom and prepare in advance for the crisis moments in life together. To reduce the number of divorces, psychologists recommend that you familiarize yourself with the causes and manifestations of crises in relationships over the years.

The main types of family crises

It is important to understand that there are various problem situations that also need to be dealt with.

• Economic - the family has a budget problem. The husband earns poorly, there are a lot of expenses, there is no way to carry out a normal household, buy clothes, food.

In this case, it should not be confused with the desire of one of the halves or both to waste money on extra clothes and too expensive food. As the saying goes - "He stretches his legs over the clothes!" Of course, one cannot also say that the family should survive for a penny.

• Moral, spiritual. Here, too, a lack of funds, as well as psychological problems, can have an impact. The husband and wife have grown cold to each other, or one of them no longer experiences the same love and attraction for the other half as before.

But no matter what type the accumulated family troubles belong to, in each case it is necessary to understand carefully and be prepared for them.

Relationship crises in marriage

The science of psychology studies the issue of relationships between people. Family relationship crises are one of the most important sections. If the specialist does not take professional skills and measures, then the number of disintegrated unions will tend to a high mark. Moreover, in recent years the problem has acquired a large-scale character. If in the old days about divorces in our country they wrote on the last page of the newspaper, and it was out of the ordinary news, today the statistics are simply terrifying. Of 10 marriages entered into, one third breaks down in the first months of life, the second third during the first few years. Plus - within 10 years of marriage, the union of a few more percent disintegrates. And what is the result?

Expert opinion

Anna Zvyagintseva

Doctor psychologist

The attitude towards the family has become superficial, some do not even hide the fact that after getting married or getting married, they will continue to look closely at each other. That is, people already understand that parting is possible and are not in the mood for a long, happy life together.

According to psychologists, there are two main types of problems - developmental crisis and situational.

• The first can be observed throughout life together. After all, marriage is the birth of children, their marriage, marriage, physiological changes in the body, aging, etc. Translated into simple language, people cease to understand each other, faced with changes, they lose harmony and interconnection. There comes a time when strength and patience run out, and you don't want to work on a relationship. And here it should be noted - such moments are found in all families, without exception.
• The second is a situational crisis. He accompanies from the moment of marriage, then comes the period of finding a common language, establishing communication with a vis-a-vis. The process is influenced by such factors as the birth of children, their growing up, parting with loved ones.

Stages of family life

The family is a living organism. It is cyclical, there are such stages as birth, development, maturation and withering. The transition from state to state without fail leads to some failures, disorders. It's like with the human body. When turning points come, there is a misunderstanding, a desire to break off relations, not listen to anyone, deny criticism, go against it. And what adult wise people do - they treat everything with understanding. It's the same in marriage - prepare and look at situations from the perspective of a wise person. Yes, there will be fears, panic, feelings of confusion. It doesn’t matter, on the contrary, it’s normal! The main thing is to pull yourself together and resist the trials of fate.

Did you have a relationship crisis in your family?

Yes unfortunatelyNo, and I hope not

The main problematic points

You should immediately make a reservation - problem situations can arise both often and occasionally. It all depends on the temperament and character of the spouses. Therefore, it is necessary to study in a crisis of relationships the periods noted by almost all family psychologists.

Relationship crisis - 1 year

We had a loud and rich wedding. It would seem to live and live. But no, the newlyweds, after several weeks of selfless rest in bed and honeymoon, begin to quarrel. And on trifles. The reasons are banal and well-known to all - "Your mom advises too much, but yours creeps into everything!" The young husband now and then reaches out to his friends, wants to visit a nightclub out of habit, she continues to chat for hours on her mobile, etc. In short - everything is as old as the world!

What to do

Sit down and talk about what a family crisis is, how to improve relationships. There is no need to swear on every occasion. If you want to go to relax in a bar - go together. But visits to places of entertainment should be gradually reduced to a minimum. Believe me, frequent entertainment will not lead to good. After all, marriage is not only a pleasure, but an obligation given to the other half to be together always and everywhere, in any situations. And sitting with friends is more than just two people, isn't it?

• To mature! The fun is over, now everything needs to be taken seriously. Living together is a shared household.
• Work! No family will survive even a couple of years if both halves do not work on their character and strengthening ties.

Crisis 3 years in a relationship

As a rule, after the wedding, young people see only positive qualities in each other. “She is a beauty for me, he is my hero,” and so on. But with the passage of time, the veil from the eyes falls, and the first moments of misunderstanding arise. Young people begin to conflict, because problems and reservations have accumulated. In addition, most families have their first child. And this is worries, diapers, night feeding, lack of sleep. In short, the nerves are overworked. In addition, there are less and less holidays, more and more fuss, routine of monotony. This is the very dangerous crisis in relationships over the years in marriage, in which most of the divorces occur!

What to do

The main thing is to understand that family ties are two people and there should be no talk of any egoism, egocentrism! It is necessary to strictly follow the recommendations of psychologists and couples who have celebrated a silver, gold, or even a diamond wedding.

1. Clearly distribute and fulfill their obligations - the husband is the breadwinner, the wife is comfortable in the house.
2. The care of the child should come from both parents, the spouse needs to help the young mother take care of the baby.
3. Plan a vacation together, solve family problems, draft a budget.
4. Do not listen to strangers, especially friends. It is important to learn to hear each other.

Expert opinion

Anna Zvyagintseva

Doctor psychologist

The spouses should also have common interests, which will also have to be realized together, which will only strengthen the union.

Relationship crisis - 5 years

The romantic impulses ended, everything was overshadowed by everyday life and the pursuit of providing for the family, routine. The spouse no longer needs to be near the baby all the time, she no longer has the desire to constantly please her husband, everything is done automatically. Food is prepared on duty, the house is cleaned, the spouse, upon coming home, does not seek to quickly kiss his beloved on the cheek. In addition, she decided to go to work and this is outraged.

What to do

Stop and think - is it worth it to break off relations just because a person wants to realize himself in the labor field. And why there was coldness in a relationship, where there is romance - look for the reason in your laziness and "boredom". Remember your youth and bring bright colors to the relationship, change the monotonous passage of time and prepare a surprise. If it doesn't help, listen to the advice of experts and expand your social circle, make new acquaintances, and get carried away with new hobbies.

Important: you do not need to start conversations from family problems if they lead to even more aggression. Let go of the situation, let the idea take its course. All of the above applies to both Him and Her!

Crisis 7 years of relationship

It seems that everything is already there - an apartment, children are growing up, everyone has their own sphere of work, intimacy is like a clock. What else is needed, why are there any troubles? Mainly because of the claims of the fair half. There are no past caresses, the spouse pays little attention to family issues. Yes, if a man is trying, then women do not really respond to their impulses, which becomes a reason for betrayal, the spouse begins to look at outside beauties. During this period, most often there are novels on the "side" and with the threat of exposure, men easily tear them apart.

What to do

Remember that we are people, not creatures acting by instinct. Perhaps the woman is rightly unhappy with the situation. A man does not need to show signs of the same type, but to include imagination. Ladies do not stop taking care of themselves, take off their dressing gown, do their hair, if necessary - lose weight. That is, continue to attract a spouse, because men love with their eyes!

A strong union is also a break from each other. If your spouse wants to spend time with friends, let go. He must communicate, change the atmosphere. The same applies to wives - gatherings with friends, visiting a beauty salon, clubs will only embellish the monotony. And at the moments of connection, it is necessary to show maximum feelings and make it clear to the second half - love has not faded away, you just need to add a little logs.

Relationship crisis - 10 years

A considerable age for family relationships. The husband and wife, it would seem, have gone through a lot together. And then such a shame - strife, conflicts began and a divorce is about to come. This period is also very dangerous. Various factors can be the cause:

• middle age crisis;
• puberty of a child (children), etc.

That is, a lot of psychological and even physiological problems are piled on the family. Children have their own interests, they do not want to listen to their parents. Those, in turn, are in conflict over this.

Important! In addition, men begin to think about the meaning of life, they worry that half has passed, and they still have not had time to do anything. Everything is seen in dark colors, it seems that there will be no end of the black period.

What to do

Here you need to stop and look back. Are all those moments of happiness and joy really not worth it to be bolder, harder and to go through the troubles together? Should you let problems take over your desires, hopes, and even ambitions? Doesn't it seem that this is too expensive a price to pay for cowardice? All that is required is to remember that life is one and not everyone was led to appear in this world. It is necessary every day, step by step, to approach complete harmony, taking the hands of a loved one.

Expert opinion

Anna Zvyagintseva

Doctor psychologist

As for children, parents are obliged to have one opinion about upbringing. And before you scold your child - advise how to be, what to do in this situation. It is necessary to become a friend to the child, and not continue to act in the role of strict critics.

If you want to think about life, take the time for this. It would be nice to talk with a wise mentor, with the same spiritual father. A spouse should not create conflicts and swear; a crisis in relations with a husband who is going through a difficult period needs to be experienced together. Only a wise wife will understand that a man needs a solution to the psychological problems that have accumulated over the past years.

How to become wiser

The union between a man and a woman requires patience, compliance and even freedom. And there will be many moments from which a direct threat to family ties will come. And only weaklings who do not value their happiness, love will drop their hands and refuse to fight. And those who want to know how to survive a crisis in relations with a husband, wife and decide the issue, will be able to go through life hand in hand with the most dear person on Earth.! The main thing is to be an optimist and not for a second forget that someone or someone sent by Fate is nearby!

Even the most harmonious relationships come to a "dead end" at a certain stage. Then you start asking yourself, "Is there any more sense?" It is not right. Don't let temporary hardships irreparably damage your family relationship.

Family conflicts are natural.
Conflicts, quarrels and misunderstandings are completely natural and normal occurrences in any married couple. Differences are only in the time of the onset of the crisis and its details. With a long coexistence of two people, friction is inevitably created. Conflicts mainly arise on the basis of everyday life. A crisis in a relationship can be seen as the next stage in life together. As long as you have problems - there are solutions - that's okay. Of course, until fights become the dominant component in your relationship. After a crisis, relationships get a kind of second wind, a new round in relationships. It is, as it were, an emotional shake-up for people tired of everyday life, routine, boredom and the like, a thrill. Many couples endure the crisis quite easily, and many relationships end there. How to prevent a break in relations?

Do not withdraw into yourself.
Don't take all the blame on yourself, even if it makes your partner feel better. Crying is also not a way out of the situation. This is not a reason to think - why did you annoy him with your reproaches and the like. If you have problems, try not to talk about them in a raised voice, not to beat the dishes, not to yell at each other, but just calmly state them. Patience and willingness on both sides is essential in this situation.

Silence.
Often a crisis in family relations is caused by problems that the spouses were silent about. Some relational stereotypes can lead to the fact that spouses stop talking to each other, they have no common themes, or it is difficult for them to find a common language. If something bothers you, something does not suit you, bring it to your partner, explain it without insults and reproaches. Unsolved little things accumulate and at one moment can fall on your head like a snowball. Then the consequences will be dire.

Enjoy your marriage.
Marriage is like a flower - it must be nourished all the time, watered regularly. With a lack of care, the flower dies. Don't let this happen in your relationship. Adapt to the interests of your partner, show interest in his work, friends, make joint plans for the future. Stay lively in your relationship, do not show selfish character traits. Of course, it is always necessary to take into account the mood of the partner, the moments of solitude that each of us has.

Overcome indifference.
For women, a husband's indifference is the worst that can be. If you have problems and feel that your partner is indifferent to you, try to think about why. If you don't have a compelling argument as to why he has lost interest, he may be experiencing some problems himself that do not apply to you. Take care of yourself. The calmer you are, the easier it will be for you to communicate with your spouse. Try not to react sharply to the conflict, this will give rest and relaxation to your partner. It is very important to keep the positive energy in the relationship. Try to fight for his attention - at least you will try to overcome the current situation.

Divorce is the last resort.
If your marriage is peaceful and happy, except in times of crisis, fight for it. Difficult moments happen in every family. Divorce is the easiest decision, but not always the right one. It is necessary to try all the options before resorting to such a solution to the crisis. Remind yourself of the wonderful moments of your life together. If the spouses love each other, respect, appreciate, listen to the opinion of the other, then any conflict is just part of their joint desire for mutual understanding.

Happiness rarely falls on us like manna from heaven. Such a fragile substance loves the care and constant work of the soul. This can and should be learned!

It is possible to survive the crisis while remaining joyful and calm, psychologists say. Oleg Chaban, a professor of psychiatry, psychotherapist, tells how to improve your life in difficult times, to keep your family and work.

Each person perceives the world differently. And what is only an annoying little thing for one is a real disaster for another. Where do unhappy people come from? Where does love go, which seemed to be eternal? How to learn to cope with life's difficulties with dignity and is it possible to master the art of living with joy? We tried to understand these and other issues with the help of a professor of psychiatry, psychotherapist Oleg Chaban.

Why are there so few truly happy married couples in the world?

Recently, British and American scientists conducted a study on this topic, interviewing about 3,000 families with different lengths of life together. And they discovered an amazing thing. It turns out that they consider themselves to be truly happy. those families where the husband and wife fall asleep and wake up in the same bed. Other components are secondary! Everything is so simple and trite.

Without exception, it seems to all newlyweds that happiness will never end. But after a period of falling in love, marital relations will face a test of strength. The madness of love has subsided, and people become themselves. She suddenly discovers that he chomps while eating, snores, he has uncomfortable friends and hobbies, annoying relatives, an adored mother. He also sees a completely different woman in front of him: telephone conversations with girlfriends about nothing, shopping, a lot of other surprises. And mutual claims, misunderstandings and grievances begin.

How to avoid misunderstanding?

It's almost impossible because man and woman are very different in nature. He is dominated by the left hemisphere of the brain, while hers is the right one. He thinks rationally, and she thinks emotionally. Sometimes it is difficult for them to understand each other. But when the family becomes one brain, it will survive any trials. After all, love is not just a physical attraction, but also respect, acceptance of another person with all its pluses and minuses, character traits, habits. For example, she is an extrovert and he is an introvert. One likes to talk, while the other is silent.

And if none of this makes a tragedy and does not try to "remake" the partner for himself, everything will be fine: then we can talk about mutual understanding. It is important to decide in time what features of your chosen one you categorically do not accept, and only then create a family. After all, you will not be able to remake an adult!

What is the main thing for keeping a family?

The family rests only on mutual concessions, when two take steps towards each other.- starting with the simplest ones. For example, he cancels gatherings with friends for a walk with his son, and she postpones a bachelorette party in order to poison herself with her husband to his mother. At this stage - addiction - families either collapse, or move to a deeper level of relationships. If the spouses fail to reach compromises, such an alliance is doomed.

Learning to give in and create shared value, lovers are able to turn ardent short-term emotions into deep, lasting love, which only becomes stronger over the years. And then even the betrayal of one of the partners will not be able to destroy the family.

What is treason? Is she capable of destroying a family?

Cheating is always a test of feelings for strength. Life is multifaceted, it is replete with a lot of unforeseen situations, so cheating can also be very different. For example, adultery as a result of intoxication or a super-strong sudden hobby, which will burn out in a month or two and the person will remain at a broken trough. In such a situation, someone should be wiser if this relationship is really dear to him.

We must not forget that the world around is seductive enough, and everyday life has been and remains the enemy of love. The husband at home sees his wife as sleepy, no longer as attractive as before, and outside the family space he is intrigued by smiling, beautiful, well-groomed women. They do not burden them with their problems, do not complain about ailments, they smell good. It is easy to "buy" the prospect of happy changes, but this happiness is illusory: it can very quickly turn into a "communal apartment" with screams, quarrels ...

What dangers lie in wait for a prosperous family?

The third is very difficult. the phase of marriage, when mutual fatigue from each other sets in, the novelty is lost. After 10-15 years of marriage, women are often the victim of a relationship. A typical conversation between girlfriends about her husband's infidelity: “Everything was so good with us. I cook well, he enjoys it, we have a cozy house, wonderful children, I always look after myself. And what did he find in her? " She is sure that her husband still bears her invariably beautiful image in his heart. But you need to understand that the image, even the most perfect, is overwritten.

Why does the tyrant-victim situation arise?

Each family is a kind of psychotherapeutic "testing ground" and husband and wife are ideal psychotherapists for each other. In the sense that they can be discharged, because at work you need to earn money, play your role, obey hierarchically, not allow yourself to go beyond. But at home, everyone is looking for relaxation - and as a result, they break off on a partner.

They become a victim when they allow themselves to be treated in this way. But if the tyrant feels resistance, then he will think and subconsciously look for another object - a friend, a mistress, a bottle to drain the negative. When the victim cannot resist and cannot endure any longer, she is forced to break off the relationship in order to save herself.

How to deal with child cruelty?

Cruelty is often the result of pedagogical neglect. Kindness is a quality that can be nurtured, just like culture. I believe that even forced cultural trips to the theater lead to effective results. The atmosphere itself, the subsequent discussion, clarification exerts its influence.
Encourage your child to feel kindness. Let him be responsible for the same hamster or parrot - this is how he learns emotional compassion.

Build a bird feeder with your son and explain to him that, for example, out of five tits, only two survive in winter, the rest die of hunger. And he can save them! Instead of watching TV, playing games and cruel films, invite your child to walk in nature together, to do a good deed. Let him help the old woman cross the road, feed the homeless animal.

It happens that parents pay off their child - he has a TV set, a computer in his own room, at the age of 10-12 he uses high-speed Internet.

While parents are at work or busy with their own affairs, the child receives lessons from other sources. This is not normal and you run the risk of automatically “losing” the baby. If the parents do not bring up the children, then friends, the street, do it. And then you shouldn't be surprised that a girl, for example, is perceived by your son not as a person who needs to be loved, protected, respected and sought after, but as an object of pornography.

Why does a person have addictions, is it possible to overcome them?

Addiction is always a substitution for something, a search for a non-existent ideal. If there is no way to satisfy vital needs - both physiological and psychological, then a person seeks to compensate for the shortfall. Alcohol, drugs, food, play, internet, sex, shopping, extreme sports and even work - these are the means that a person uses to escape depression and get the illusion of happiness or at least temporary satisfaction.

In most cases, such people need professional help. For treatment, medications, psychotherapeutic methods are used. Cases of self-relieving addiction are extremely rare. For example, this can happen as a result of a significant personal event: the loss of a friend, a tragedy in the family, when an instant reassessment of values ​​occurs.

Is there a formula for mental health?

To stay in balance, we must get seven positives for one negative every day, that is, seven positive emotions for one negative.

It doesn't matter how global the event is: you ate a delicious breakfast, successfully completed a task at work, someone smiled at you, gave you a compliment, you got a good haircut, you bought your favorite magazine or newspaper, saw a beautiful frosty drawing on the window. This is a positive that gives strength and awakens interest in life.

But subconsciously, a person behaves quite cautiously, more expecting failures and failures than happy events("I'd rather be prepared for trouble in advance"). And thus constantly programs itself for failure, catastrophe, as if attracting negativity to itself. Moreover, it is not necessary that the situations in which we find ourselves will turn out to be unpleasant - but they will be perceived by us that way.

For example, having received a comment from the boss in the morning, we constantly mentally replay what was said, everything falls out of our hands. Hanging on this episode, we wind ourselves up and lose the positive. But even if something bad happened, you should not constantly think about it.

If some doors close in front of you, then a hundred others will open. Do not mark time, move on!

But we are not always aware of this ... I teach my patients to get through trouble as they come. The mentioned conversation with the boss is not even a nuisance, but a working moment. Look at it easier. I want to quote Dale Carnegie: "Don't cut sawdust." Well, it happened. Don't dramatize the event, find the courage to accept it! You can, of course, nag, but be aware that in the long term it is fraught with ulcers, depression, insomnia. Is this what you really want?

But what if the advantages are not enough?

You need to learn to see them. And having collected the plus signs, you should inflate them. If you got a plus, do not hide it "in a drawer" - develop a positive program incrementally. For example, if you had a short pleasant telephone conversation with an old friend - make an appointment with him. Attracted by a corner of nature - plan to spend the whole day outside the city. Life constantly throws us various options - you just need to learn to notice them and skillfully use them!

Oleg Sozontovich uses the so-called sand therapy method in his practice. A person is offered to simulate the life situation in which he is at a given time using structures made of sand and stones of various sizes and shapes. Conditionally defining the place where he sees himself, the patient, together with the psychotherapist, tries to clearly define the scale of his problem and find the best ways to solve it.

In everyday life, it is important to learn how to fix attention on positive moments, to get rid of the so-called catastrophic thinking.

An existing or contrived problem will turn out to be not so significant and threatening when we are able to look at it calmly, without undue emotion. In a difficult situation, it is best to seek advice from a specialist, but communication with friends will also help relieve tension. people who understand you and sincerely wish you well.

A family crisis is a difficult situation in a relationship between spouses. Get out of the crisis in the most efficient and fastest way with the help of a specialist. Failure to do so builds up discord, and the result is that the family can break down. When getting married, many newlyweds hope that everything will be quiet and peaceful in their life together. However, dreams are broken about reality and everyday life, and in every family they inevitably arise, which psychologists call a crisis. If used correctly, a crisis situation can become a new stage in life together, strengthen marriage and feelings.

How the crisis develops in the relationship of spouses

Psychologists associate marriage with a boat driven by two people. A family crisis occurs when each of the spouses determines their own course and follows in this direction.

In modern society, relations are developing more dynamically, the attitude towards many moral norms has become more loyal. At the same time, marriages are registered less often, since young people prefer to live in a civil marriage. As a result, incomplete families appear, children do not receive a full-fledged upbringing.

It is important! Iffamilyrelationship, trust has disappeared, most likely, we are talking about a crisis, which must be dealt with with the help of a psychologist. You should not ignore the difficult period, because it is he who can cause a ruined family.

Why there are crises

According to psychologists, the crisis of family relations is a natural phenomenon, regardless of the relationship between spouses. Every person is characterized by mood swings, which are important to learn to overcome. Experts identify several stages in the formation and development of a family, each characterized by certain crises and difficulties. Learning to cope with unpleasant moments can help strengthen your family.

From the point of view of psychology, there are two types of circumstances that negatively affect the relationship between spouses:

• the first - destroy the quiet life and lead to the complete collapse of the marriage;
• the second - strengthen the marriage, subject to competent permission.

It is important! Most often, the reasonfamily crisiscommonplace everyday trifles are becoming, but there are other factors that can cause a difficult situation.

Causes of problem situations in marriage

1. Difficulties associated with age. At a certain age period, a person experiences a reassessment of values, at this time there is a desire to change the family.
2. Difficulties associated with a certain stage of family development - childbirth, kindergarten, school.
3. difficulties. Often it is material difficulties that cause scandals and quarrels between spouses.
4. Bad with relatives. The situation is complicated when a young family has to live with their parents. As a result, a generational conflict arises.
5. A sharp change in financial position. Many men lose their sense of leadership if their wife starts earning more. This situation will inevitably lead to conflict.
6. Changing of the living place. Moving is a difficult one, which not everyone can handle.
7. Illness of a close relative or child. The situation in the family is complicated by the constant care of the patient. In such a situation, the most difficult family crisis develops.
8. Uneven distribution of responsibilities. If a woman constantly sits at home and brings up children, and a man spends a lot of time on, this will inevitably lead to mutual reproaches.
9. Lack of support. When spouses are unable to adequately perceive each other's experiences and support, most likely, this will lead to a crisis.
10. Lack of joint interests. When nothing unites a spouse, a crisis of family relations cannot be avoided.

It is important! According to statistics, the most common reason whyfamily relations are at an impasse, is an early marriage.

How to recognize a crisis situation in a timely manner

The main sign of the development of a difficult situation in the family is the lack of normal communication. As psychologists note, when spouses do not hear each other and cannot communicate normally, this is the first sign of a crisis. In addition, there are other signs by which one can determine that the family is going through a difficult period.

• The most common sign is the monotony and monotony of life.
• The desire for intimacy has disappeared. In this case, you will need the help of a specialist.
• on the smallest issues.
• There is no desire to make concessions, the actions of the spouse cause irritation.
• The desire to trust your spouse, to share your thoughts and feelings disappears.
• Monotony in the family or vice versa - constant scandals.
• When every conversation inevitably ends with a scream.
• When decisions are made exclusively by one spouse.
• There is no clear division of responsibilities in the family. This reason is more typical for newlyweds.

Periods of crises

Each family is a “living organism” that is in constant transformation. Qualitative changes are accompanied by certain crisis phenomena. It is important to be able to timely recognize a difficult situation and resolve it.

It is important! The stronger the feelings between spouses, the more serious and difficult the crises are. If the marriage is registered by calculation, difficult situations are inexpressive and do not require the help of a specialist.

Psychologists identify several periods when family relations are at an impasse and require professional help.

1. The first year of family life, when the newlyweds are faced with everyday life.
2. The period between 3-5 years of family life. At this stage, there are those associated with the arrangement of their own apartment. Coldness and alienation appear in the relationship.
3. The third period is between 7-9 years of family life. Psychologists call it the most difficult, because there comes a moment of sobering up and understanding that nothing special will happen in life.
4. The next period comes after 17-20 years of family life and it is associated with the growing up of their own children and the understanding that everything has already been achieved. In this regard, the question arises - where to move next?
5. The fifth period begins at the age of 50. During this time, children start their own families, and parents feel lonely and forgotten.
6. The sixth period is a consequence of the fifth, when children create their own families and stay with their parents. This is a difficult, stressful situation, because you have to break the family foundations.
7. The seventh period comes when parents retire, there is a lot of free time that needs to be occupied with something. At this stage, it is important to find something to your liking.
8. The eighth period is associated with the death of one of the spouses, a person is not always able to accept the loss of a loved one and this is reflected in the emotional state.

It is important! It is necessary to understand that each difficult period is a normal situation, the main thing is to know what to do andhow to get out of the crisis.

Ways to solve difficult situations

There is no unequivocal answer to the question of how to get out of the crisis in marriage. An important condition for successfully overcoming the crisis is that the husband and wife must act together and in the same direction.

In order to prevent the collapse of family life, it is enough to follow simple recommendations.

• Do not harbor resentment in yourself. Allow yourself a small scandal, but always control the degree of intensity - do not allow insults.
• Forget about insults, don't get personal. Better tell about your feelings and experiences.
• Enter the rule - do not quarrel and do not sort things out in public. Everything needs to be decided in private.
• Try to put yourself in the shoes of your spouse and do not wish him what you would not want for yourself.
• Avoid conflicting topics so as not to provoke a quarrel.
• If you are often annoyed, writing down your feelings and emotions on paper will help reduce the intensity of passions.
• Each family member should have their own personal corner where you can retire and be alone.
• Try to trust each other, let your spouse and friends go on vacation.
• Find a hobby that will unite your family. A joint hobby brings together and creates a favorable climate between spouses.

It is important! According to psychologists, the answer to the question is -how to get out of the crisis inmarriage - is the ability to analyze problems and disassemble the reasons.

For information on how to survive a crisis in family relationships, see the video.

Always remember that the family is the main wealth and only the family is worth your worries.

The music stopped, the guests dispersed and the wedding dress found its place in the closet. Now family life begins. By creating a family, a man and a woman enter into marriage with their own ideas about life together, which to a large extent developed in childhood, in the parental family. Each spouse has his own habits, his own experience, foundations, customs, family traditions. Each of the spouses will strive to bring their own piece to their new family. It will take time for the newly minted husband and wife to learn to compromise, understand and accept each other, with merits and demerits.

If we speak metaphorically, family life resembles sea waves - crises occur at the peak, and periods of calm and adaptation to new changes during the recession. Crises in the relationship of spouses occur throughout life. And you should not be afraid of them, as spouses need them in order for the relationship to be "alive" and develop, helping to build the future, and cherish each other. So what is a crisis?

A crisis is an inevitable event in reaching a radically new level of development.

Are there ways out of the crisis?

Yes, absolutely. One of which: the transition to a new stage of development and the second - the breakdown of relations. There are also painful exits - in fact, not exits, but Leaving from solving real problems or delaying decision-making: this is treason, addiction, serious illness, etc.

Symptoms of the crisis for which it is necessary to sound the alarm:

• One or both partners deviate from intimacy. Sexologists believe that discord in sexual life is one of the first signs of, if not a crisis, then problems in a relationship.
• The so-called calm before the storm: when the spouses stop swearing altogether, but at the same time communicate and spend time together - everyone is on his own. This is dangerous because the spouses will simply lose interest in each other, and it will be better and more interesting for them to spend time with other people.
• Spouses no longer seek to please each other.
• All issues related to the upbringing of children provoke quarrels and mutual reproaches.
• Spouses do not have the same opinion about most of the issues that matter to them (relationships with family and friends, plans for the future, distribution of family income, etc.).
• One of the spouses "withdraws into himself", usually it is the husband. He ceases to participate in solving everyday problems and in the life of the family in general. Often he immerses himself in work, is constantly delayed, behaves distantly.
• The logical consequence of the previous one will be that the wife completely forgets about herself and goes headlong into solving family matters, completely devotes herself to the family and becomes like a draft horse. She works, drags the whole life on herself, takes care of her husband and children.
• Husband and wife have little or no understanding of each other's feelings.
• Almost all actions and words of a partner are irritating.
• One of the spouses believes that he is forced to give in to the desires and opinions of the other all the time.
• There is no need to share your problems and joys with your partner.

The first crisis, what is it?

The first, which psychologists dubbed the crisis of the first year, is associated with the period of mutual "grinding" of the newlyweds. The transition from the candy-bouquet period to living together. According to statistics, about half of all married marriages break up after the first year of marriage. Newly made spouses do not stand the test of "everyday life". Disagreements may relate to the distribution of responsibilities, the unwillingness of partners to change their habits. Inability or unwillingness to establish contact with the partner's parents.

The crisis at the birth of the first child entails the emergence of new roles: now not only husband and wife, but also dad and mom. This difficult period is also known as a crisis of 3 years in a relationship, as after 3 years a child often appears in the family.

The period of 7 years is a "new" round of monotony and routine associated with such a phenomenon as addiction. If the routine of the crisis of 3 years of relations was dispelled by the rallying of spouses in front of new long-term strategic tasks, then by the age of 7 all these questions no longer attract newness and instead of excitement cause melancholy and disgust. It is not uncommon for spouses to feel disappointed when comparing reality with what it was imagined in dreams a few years ago. Spouses begin to think that now all their lives will be the same, they want something new, unusual, fresh sensations. The children have already grown up. By the 7-year term, a family is already a large household and a complex organism: the more people in the family, the more different interweaving, conflicting needs, and clashes of interests. A crisis always makes things worse. Therefore, the better the relationship is built, the more firmly you managed to build emotional closeness and learn to negotiate in times of past disagreements, the easier it is to overcome the crisis, and vice versa.

15-20 years pass, the spouses, having gone through the previous difficulties, live enjoying family life floating with the flow and here again a new everyday reef. Which can often be exacerbated by a midlife crisis in one of the spouses. There is a frightening feeling that everything has already been achieved, everything has happened, both in the personal and professional spheres, there is a fear of aging ... The next crisis can be conventionally called the "empty nest crisis", this is an important period in the life of a family: when adult children leave it. Spouses are deprived of their main "leading" activity - raising children. They must learn to live together again, to pay attention to each other. And women, who were engaged exclusively in children and at home, need to acquire new life tasks and goals. It is not uncommon during this period that husbands leave for young mistresses.

How to overcome the crisis of living together?

If a close relationship has developed between the spouses, if they love each other, that is, respect, value, listen to the opinion of the other, then any conflict is just part of their joint desire for mutual understanding. Don't panic about the crisis. Many families pass them without thinking or suspecting what it is. They simply overcome the difficulties that have arisen. Successful resolution of the crisis is the key to the further development of the family and a necessary factor in the effective living of subsequent stages.

Each crisis is a leap forward, going beyond old relationships. A crisis in a relationship helps spouses see not only the negative, but also the valuable that unites and binds them. Meanwhile, parting is more likely a consequence of a mishandled crisis.

In order to overcome this critical moment in family life, you will need the willingness of both spouses, mutual desire and, as usual, patience and support.

If one of the spouses considers divorce as a way out, and the other does not agree with this, it is necessary to take a "time-out". Perhaps the spouses should leave for a while, rest and think (3-4 days, a week) in order to understand themselves, their feelings, desires and aspirations. Think, is everything really so bad, can it really be that all the good things that happened between you can be so easily crossed out? Try to refresh feelings, emotions, diversify relationships, down with dullness and routine. Think about romance, change your hairstyle, style or interior in the apartment, find a new hobby for both of you and do not forget about joint leisure and relaxation. You will always have time to get a divorce, but it is still worth trying to reunite the family.

Another way to deal with a crisis is to see a family counselor. Many people think that having a heart-to-heart conversation with friends in the kitchen will help find a solution, but remember that friends will provide emotional support, but not a way to solve the problem, since their advice comes through the prism of their own life experiences.

Golden rules to help you get through crises in family relationships more easily:

• Learn to talk about the difficulties and problems that have arisen. It is very important to start a conversation on time, not to turn away from the troubles that have arisen, not to accumulate them, not to remain silent.
• Do not generalize, even if you speak in anger, do not cross the line, which you will later regret.
• Talk about your feelings, experiences, do not make claims (instead of "you always ...", "you are to blame ...", say "I feel ...", "it upsets me when you ...").
• If at least one person is scared or is in strong emotional excitement, the situation may get out of control, in such cases, you should not aggravate the situation, wait it out, or you need to contact specialists (family psychologists).

You should not be afraid of a crisis, because this is an indicator of the normal development of relations. And all this information will be useful to those who have already entered into a marriage bond or are just planning. Think about it and take care of your loved ones!